On Sat, 26 Jul 2003 21:02:42 -0700 Brian Randall <brian@azurite.org>
writes:

    Right. I haven't posted anything since before February 26th, as 
until quite recently, I'd lost my internet connection. However, I 
still 
spent a good deal of all that time away from the net writing, 
working on 
stories such as this one -- indeed, this chapter and the next one 
(or 
two) were with pre-readers before I lost my connection. 
Unfortunately, 
at about the same time my connection was restored, Tradgedy Struck 
(tm) 
in the form of a failed backup, and pretty much everything I've ever 
written... ever... was erased.

Ow.  I've been lucky so far with that kind of thing *knock on wood*, as
the one time I lost stuff I'd made a backup the week before and so lost
only a couple of scenes from Shades of Gray Chapter 5 and some outlines
and such for never-written fics.

    Shortly after this (within 24 hours, actually), my website was 
accidentally deleted by a similar fluke. Among the lost files were 
ALSO 
the e-mails I'd managed to download after those six months had 
passed, 
including a good deal of fanfictions in my backlog, and the C&C I 
had 
written (offline) for them.

...double ow.

    This is, in a word, quite frustrating.

I can imagine.  I certainly wish you luck on any/all attempts at data
recovery.

    However, before the failed backup, Ginrai requested copies of my 
latest stories, out of what he insists is not the ability to see the 
future, and instead was simple curiosity. So because of that, he was 
able to send most of my own writing, at least, back to me after 
Tradgedy Struck (tm). 

Well, at least it isn't as bad as it could have been, then.

    For the handful of people who asked about a sequel to PoE, 
well... 
some of it was salvaged (thanks, again, to Ginrai!) so yes, I am 
working 
on it. ;)

Well, I don't believe I ever actually asked about a sequel... but I'll
still take that as good news. ;)

    And now for the story: [/update]

And, given that a couple months back I  _finally_ got around to reading
what was up of this story, now for the hopefully funny and/or useful C&C.
 As always, this C&C represents only my occasionally humble opinion and
occasionally accurate grammar and spelling skillz, and should be treated
as such.

Bear in mind that my entire knowledge of Goldenboy and Love Hina comes
from... well, Process of Elimination and this fanfic.  So don't expect
very helpful commentary on that end. ;)

    "So, how exactly does ki move through a body?" Mutsumi asked 
curiously, looking between Ranma and Motoko.

Ranma smiled knowingly.  "The RFC does not specify that, but most vendor
implementations use TCP/IP."

    --------------------------------------
    Diamonds in the Rough -- Chapter Eight -- Trials, Testing, and 
Temporary Employment

    Disclaimer: Paints in this story are from Takahashi, Viz (Ranma 
1/2), TV Tokyo and Ken Akamatsu (Love Hina), and Tatsuya Egawa 
(Goldenboy). The easel is mine. That's all.

Who owns the brush then?  Huh?  Huh?

    Notes: Divergences should become apparent as relevant.
    --------------------------------------

    Keitaro's eyes widened, and the deadness about him lessened as 
he 
returned to his normal state, if his nose was bleeding. 

For some reason this sentence jut doesn't parse properly for me.

    "You're a big fan of clear weather?" Keitaro asked, raising an 
eyebrow.

    "For obvious reasons," Naru added, whacking Keitaro playfully 
upside 
the head. "Did you forget so easily?"

I seem to recall you used almost exactly the same joke in the last
chapter.  Now, this might be/probably is on purpose, but I find it a bit
bleh.

    "Myu!" the turtle chirped worriedly.

    "What?" Ranma snapped, standing at attention and peering at 
Tamago. 
"Mutsumi's fallen in a well?"

Heh.

    Mutsumi merely nodded happily, and pushed a large box at the 
side of 
the stairs away from the wall, revealing a low tunnel leading deeper 
into the inn.

    "How could we have missed this?" Keitaro asked, surprise in his 
voice.

    "Yeah," Naru managed, speechless at the sight. "And... we never 
found one once when we... er... made holes in the walls on 
accident."

    "I'm kind of wondering how we managed to fix up the place 
without 
noticing something like this," Ranma added, frowning.

Subspace: the universal Answer.

    The walls were all bare, save the scrolls that had come with the 
room -- scrolls that probably concealed more hidden passageways -- 
and a 
single framed image of a girl with purple hair sitting on the shelf 
in 
the corner. 

Shampoo?  Interesting.

    "You learn quickly," she said, smiling again. "Ranma... the sun 
is 
setting, and this is... the time that it should be done. I want to 
give 
you this." She produced a pair of glittering metallic bracers from 
her 
pack, and sighed. "These... are dragon-hide armor. My 
great-grandmother 
said that she got them from another village in China, and this... is 
the 
most important piece of my... dowry. I want to give it to you now."

Hrm.  Has it been stated exactly where this series diiverges from Ranma
yet?  I seem to recall some Herb-ish foreshadowing earlier...

    "Yeah, well, I figured I was going to have to explain it 
eventually 
anyway, ever since Kitsune tried to sneak my photo album out of my 
room 
to look through it herself," he replied, smirking at the woman in 
question.

Kitsune?  Is that someone's last name, or a typo on Mitsune?

    Shinobu blushed just as darkly and quickly asked, "Could you 
help me 
up into the passageway again, instead?"

Blushed darkly?  That phrasing seems odd to me - I'd consider a strong
blush blushing brightly.

    "Oh, well, I was going to use my computer for something... but 
then 
I got distracted by a game of Super Tetris vs. Columns IV: Mega 
Death 
Championship Tournament Edition Turbo -- Online," Suu explained. 

Are you sure it wasn't Super Tetris vs. Columns IV _Two_: Mega Death
Championship Tournament Edition Turbo Online?  I don't think the first
one got an online version... 

    "Ooh!" Suu cooed, wide-eyed. "Ranmas need to be exposed to 
alcohol 
more often!"

Heh.

    "Ack!" Naru whispered into the darkness, one hand pressing 
against 
her chest.

    She waited until she heard their footsteps approach, and sneaked 
around the tree, slipping into the inn once the sounds of their 
conversation were lost to darkness. So that's how it was, after all, 
she 
realized sadly.

Didn't we have this plotline already, only with Ranma?

    She'd had her chance, and lost it... and was given it back, when 
Keitaro turned out not to be gay. 

Yeah, that was it.

Apologies for the paucity of comments, but I haven't been able to give
decent C&C in... well, forever, it seems.

Overall, I like this story, though I find it hard to keep track of all
the Love Hina characters - though that's more my own unfamiliarity with
the source material than any fault of the story's.

My only real concern right now is that, at least in this and the
previouss chapter, the story seems to pretty much be treading water.  The
plot could definitely use some shaking up in the (near) future - and no,
the latest round of comedic/angstful romantic misunderstandings doesn't
count, at least not for me. ;)

In any case, it's certainly good to hear/see something from you again,
and I'm of course looking forwward to seeing more. :)


           Aaron Nowack
"Never let reality get in the way of a good hypothesis."
http://www.geocities.com/anowack/

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