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* Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction * Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction * Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction *
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 Switch: Herbs and Spices (Part 12 of 12) by Nikholas "Switch" F. Toledo
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Please do remember that Ranma 1/2 is a trademark and a copyright of and
by some big name people and companies I am not even worthy to introduce.
Anybody who says that I took any of their stuff better not find me
hiding.  Also, great thanks to whoever reads this and likes it, good
thanks to whoever reads it anyhow, and teeny-weeny thanks to whoever else
even saw this.  http://nftzu.anifics.com/switch1.html then.  Almost home.
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                             Wheel of Fortune



      Kasumi and Nabiki went out of the kitchen door, arms laden with
lunch and heads full of each other's marriage.  Whereas Kasumi was
insistent that Nabiki would do well to decide between Kuno and Dr. Tofu,
who she figured was better off with the middle Tendo daughter, Nabiki was
wondering if Kasumi was going to decide to suddenly take Ranma away from
Akane, or if Dr. Tofu was going to make her change her mind.  Of course,
they weren't able to say as much in so much detail, so when they entered
the reception room, whatever they had wanted to say evaporated.
      Kuno raised his head the moment just before the door slid open, and
wanted so desperately to catch Nabiki's eye.  So many things running
through his mind, as though the freeways were suddenly opened all
throughout his left hemisphere and everyone needed to get to work.  Her
kissing him, Ranma being the pigtailed girl, Akane and Ranma getting
married, Nabiki kissing him, him now cursed with the same gender-bending
that Ranma had, Nabiki kissing him, the buzzing in his head, and how he
could tell that Nabiki so wanted to forget about him.  Why would he know
that she wanted to forget the way that his lips felt?  And why was he so
sure that if he gave up now, she'd never talk to him again?  He went to
the center table to try his luck.
      The Shinto priest couldn't believe his luck.  Just when he was
about to make his move, the ceremony was going to begin.  Then again,
this was the first time in a long while since he had performed a wedding.
And it had been a long time since he'd been in this house, and the last
time was pretty exciting as well.  He'd been here before - didn't he
think about that before?  That time with the dangerous demon trapped in a
box.  Then he thought about that nice girl who was always smiling and
remembered that she always made tea.  That made him smile.
      Cologne smiled.  The Jumping Buddha Wall was a well-kept secret
among Chinese cooks.  In fact, it is said that the God of Cookery himself
was the only one who could make a meal that can best the Jumping Buddha
Wall.  She sniffed the air:  there it was, the nine distinct meats that
made up the Jumping Buddha Wall, each individual flavor seeping into each
other, making eighty-one distinct flavors.  No doubt, Shampoo was able to
use her Internal Skills to make the cooking time shorten from the
required forty-nine hours to around two minutes, or else, she must have
used a typical gas stove and an assortment of instant bullions and a
pinch of the essence of flavor, cooking for at least the twenty minutes
that it took them to cook.  She nodded and marvelled at how modern
technology and ancient techniques were perfectly harmonious.
      Hiroshi was suddenly at ease in the tense atmosphere.  He knew
exactly what was going on:  there was going to be a fight, and he wasn't
part of it.  He pulled on Sayuri's wrist and pulled her about as far as
they could get from the groom/judge before the sparks started to fly.
      The moment that Akane revealed the contents of the bowl, Ranma's
worst fears were realized.  It all made sense:  the clothes she wore last
night, catching wind of a heated conversation at the Ucchan's, the fact
that Ukyo herself was not here, this - this bowl of "Vengeful Pork"
before him.  Somehow, Akane had pieced the truth from Ukyo, and the both
of them had done in the li'l porker.  He screamed and jumped away from
Akane's entr�e.
      Akane did not understand why Ranma was so upset.  So it wasn't as
fancy as Shampoo's Dancing Buddhist Bowl, or whatever, but this was her
best, her finest meal to date.  For one, it looked right.  What did
Kasumi tell her?  Work with what you're good at?  Put your feelings into
your food?  If you put your heart into your cooking, it will taste as
good as you want it to taste?  What was it that made Ranma jump out of
his skin?
      Cologne took this interruption to make her move.  She bounded over
the table using the cane and pulled out her secret weapon from her pocket
and shoved it in Ranma's gaping mouth.  Only she was a few feet short,
and someone else's gaping mouth was in the way.
      When her instincts came into play, at Ranma's scream, Hinako jumped
up with a five-yen piece in-between two fingers, her back to protect the
screamer.  When she started to ask what was going on, someone stuffed her
mouth with something soft yet crunchy - and so she bit and swallowed the
mushroom that was in her mouth.
      When Hinako swallowed the fungus, she stopped to look at everyone.
She looked like she wanted to say something, but immediately Cologne's
finger was at her lips.
      Ranma's eyes caught the interplay, and opened wide.
      Akane turned to look at them, but not before someone said a verb.
      All eyes were on Sayuri.  Before Hiroshi could stop her, she
pointed at their teacher and repeated what she had just said.
      "She's gonna drain us!"
      Hinako finally registered the action and the very faint sound of
pointing as her trigger for her hypnosis, and started to oblige her
student by initiating the Happy 5-Yen Good-Girl-Get-Well Technique.
      Nabiki pushed Kasumi to the floor, just to glance at Kuno, who
covered the two of them in turn.  If she could have, she would have given
him a look that would thank him, only if he kept his body parts to
himself.  She also noticed that only the Furinkan folks knew well enough
to jump out of the way.
      Case in point:  Yuka and Daisuke dove to get their non-combatant
classmates out of the way.  And, since Daisuke didn't realize until he
knew better, Hiroshi was now wondering about who of their classmates wore
boxers.  Plain white boxers, too, not even cutesy frilly pink boxers, or
ones with ducks or whatnot, or say "Boy".
      Shampoo's reaction was way too slow, since on the week that Hinako
first came to school, she had been on a training trip with Cologne.  In
any case, Cologne should have been fast enough to avoid any attack, so
she just braced herself.
      Since no one else was in the cone of absorption, Cologne found
herself alone being reduced to a prunish state symptomatic of being
victimized by Hinako's ki-draining technique, as though this would
actually be noticeable.
      This also left Hinako with quite a devastating figure, naturally
bursting at the seams of her outfit.  She quite gave Yuka and Daisuke's
Mousse-sponsored ensemble a run for the money.  She also seemed a little
confused as to what had just happened.
      To her credit, and much to everyone's surprise, Cologne was still
standing, albeit woozily.  She seemed to be trying to prop herself up
with the staff on one hand, while the other was fishing for something
within her cloak.  She was mumbling something in Chinese, way too low for
any human to hear.
      But they do say that being cursed by the springs of Jusenkyo leaves
something in the cursed even when she's human.  So Shampoo's eyes grew
large as she nodded imperceptibly, and she rushed her elder.
      As Shampoo streaked across the room, she set her mind at the goals
she had at hand.  If she wanted to move about freely, she couldn't afford
to let them be able to follow her.  And, if her grandmother's inventory
of what Mousse had brought with him here was accurate, she would have
enough ammunition for the contest.  But first, she needed a patsy.
      Hiroshi was sitting up, because he knew damn well that if something
was going down, or going out, trying and straining against something to
go out, he needed to see it, even at the price of life, limb or
(hopefully) nosebleed.  Imagine his surprise when he sat up to a quite
explicit close-up of the only hidden piece of Shampoo's currently worn
clothing, which made Hiroshi think that red really was a lucky color in
China.
      Shampoo glanced back and, sure enough, pulling up the bottom of her
dress in that instant left a suitable reaction in a receptive male.  She
flicked a hypnosis mushroom in the direction of Hiroshi's openly gaping
mouth.
      "Point at," Shampoo pulled down the neckline of her dress to make
sure that Hiroshi was not going to miss her point, or the faint jelly
sound that they made.
      Obediently, Hiroshi obediently lifted his arm and started to point,
as Shampoo jumped toward the pond, glancing back to see if her elder was
in any danger lying prone near the table, then smiled as she saw the lady
in the yellow dress pull out another coin.
      Ranma rushed his teacher from the back, arms poised oddly, as she
readied to drain his classmates once more.  He intended to use the
pressure points that the old master had taught him, and actually tried to
use on Hinako for thirty consecutive days, until the weekend, when she
was completely nowhere to be seen.  He pressed the two points on her
back, and had his left hand feeling along her left breast when he and the
English teacher were steamrolled.
      Akane wanted to kill the bastard, and that slutty teacher that, not
only wanting to seduce her father, had her husband-to-be want to jump her
and squeeze her breast!  THE BITCH!
      The three of them flew through the sliding door, and landed roughly
just right of the largish stones ringing the pond.  Ranma did the smart
thing by letting go of the older woman as soon as he was sure she was
uninjured and held Akane's wrists.  So he definitely wasn't ready when
Akane headbutted him back to the house.
      Mousse stood up just as the sliding door toward the pool exploded
inward in a hail of splinters and door-paper.  The bespectacled Amazon
shielded the Saotome matron from the debris, and was in good position to
shield her from the sight of Ranma's crumpled form, who seemed more
genuinely shocked at the nasty red welt on his forehead than any actual
damage.
      Akane seemed inclined to do much more damage to the teacher.  Her
wild blood-red aura seemed to burst around her, whipping her hair and the
folds of her wedding kimono about, and she raised her fist, quite willing
to make the jump on the teacher before she could even raise the coin.
      Dr. Tofu held Akane's wrist and quickly pressed three points on
Akane's back and neck, before he pressed another pressure point, so her
now limp body jerked spasmodically, releasing the built-up ki.  He
carried the dazed Akane in his arms, while he knelt down to check on Miss
Hinako.
      The disciplinarian teacher was astounded by the speed that events
were unfurling, mostly because of the hypnotism.  When her head cleared,
she was laying down outside the house, and a quietly handsome face
floated above her.  She'd noticed him earlier fleetingly, but in this
proximity, she was beginning to register some details that were
immediately intriguing, like how he had the air of a doctor - the way he
looked at her with the air of detachment and analysis, so unlike the
stares of the young men of her daily school life.  Even the way he seemed
to be intently scrutinizing her left breast with a clinical eye was
making her tingly all over.  She leapt at him, arms to latch onto his
neck.
      Soun was watching with a lot of worry spread across the landscape,
but Tofu seemed to be on top of the situation.  Nonetheless, he wanted to
make sure of her safety, so he was already behind the younger man when
the busty woman jumped at the doctor.  He watched the moxibustionist
maintain his ground, and even straighten up.  When Tofu had turned to
him, Soun offered to carry his daughter back.
      Nabiki was watching the four near the pond from her vantage point,
helping Kasumi pick up some of the mess made by spilled soup and upended
rice bowls.  She also noted her sister's reactions to what was going on,
and had to smirk when Kasumi's back straightened noticeably when Tofu
suddenly found himself at the attentions of the truant officer.
      Ever nonchalant, the Shinto priest was sipping miso from a soup
ladle and watching the event with some amusement.  So this was what an
Anything-Goes Wedding was all about - screaming, crashing through doors,
and quite a bit of sexual tension.  It was barely though the soup, yet.
He took the bowl that Kasumi offered him, and passed it to the person
nearest to him.
      Uninterested, Kuno waved off the appetizer, and stood up.  He
wanted to talk to Nabiki but she kept herself busy, and something was
buzzing in his mind, telling him that locating Shampoo was of utmost
importance, but she was too fast, and it would somehow make Nabiki SOOO
so much happier if SOMEONE would look for her.  He stepped to the door,
left open by the freshmen who fled the room after the rumble earlier,
without wondering how exactly he knew what Nabiki would feel, and that it
would probably be best to start in the guestroom, since Shampoo last saw
Mousse there.  Who was Mousse?
      Apparently, looking for Shampoo was also on the agenda of the four
freshmen, with Hiroshi and Daisuke leading the way up the stairs just
ahead of Kuno.  They both figured that where Shampoo was going to be was
where something interesting was going to happen, although after Hiroshi
stopped several times to point at Daisuke's and Yuka's d�colletages, they
had him doing rear guard duty, and with Sayuri to keep watch on him.
      The foursome rounded the corner at the top of the stairs and
Hiroshi slid the door to the upstairs guestroom, immediately noting the
chaos left by the earlier trysts there.  Daisuke checked the view from
the window, but since the people near the pond had gone back to the
receiving room, there was nothing to see.  Also, the tree was obscuring
quite a bit of the field of vision, but he could see someone approaching
the house through the gap in the wall.
      Gosunkugi panted, partly out of breath, partly out of elation.
Here, he was going to show Saotome the true might of the changeform.
Here, he was going to show everyone how he was going to harness and to
utilize the power of transforming into a girl!  He was going to show them
what being a girl was all about!  He rang the doorbell and patiently
waited for someone to come to the door.
      At the sound of the doorbell, Nodoka stood up, assured that, if she
was not going to be able to do anything until the wedding began, and she
needed to do something to be useful.  Of course, Mousse went with her,
because it was his job for the next half-hour or so.
      Shampoo finally found the room where she last found Mousse, but
there was no one there.  Damn!  Where was he?  She really should've
waited until much much later to return Akane's uniform, which her rival
loaned her two days ago.  Why did she feel that she had to tie up her
loose ends right now?  She jumped into the room through the broken door.
      The door to the downstairs guestroom opened once more, and Kuno
just wanted to make sure.  He already passed by it to see two women there
(neither of which was Shampoo), and went to check the toilet, the bath,
the kitchen and the back door, but something insisted that the guestroom
would be where to check.  So, lo and behold, the Amazon was right there.
Now what?
      Since neither of them had noticed, Nabiki was able to stumble into
the room from the wooden walk around the rooms without either one able to
take advantage of the distraction she presented.  She made it a point to
be looking down, but when she noticed bare legs, she looked up.  It only
took seconds for her to register Shampoo, then Kuno.  She looked at the
two of them, then raised her hand to shakily point roughly at the two of
them.
      "You...!"  This Nabiki said to Shampoo.  "You...!"  This time, her
finger pointed to Kuno.  "I... I..."  She was fairly flustered, her eyes
huge, and her mouth long and narrow, as though her cheeks were billowing
slightly inward.  "I HATE YOU!"  Again, Nabiki was pointing at Shampoo,
but more in her face. "And I HATE YOU!  Too!"  She was actually smiling a
bit, and looked much more manic.
      Shampoo smiled.  "You eat fish from Jumping Buddha Wall, yes?"
      Nabiki stepped up right to Shampoo, who had already turned to the
short-haired girl.  "And I REALLY hated it!"  And she swung her arm
around viciously to Shampoo's head.
      Tatewaki watched the Amazon barely avoid the hit, put off-balance
by the reckless punch.  He felt quite a bit of a shiver as Nabiki stepped
closer.  Her finger pointing at him, she said, "And you... I REALLY
*DON'T* hate YOU."  He felt her peck his cheek, electricity, as she
skipped out of the room through the door he came in through.
      Hiroshi, who opted to go downstairs first, noticed Nabiki traipsing
along the hallway as though it was full of freshly harvested sakura
petals and she was sniffing something entirely illegal and probably
expensive.  As she entered the receiving room, he saw Hikaru Gosunkugi
enter the front door after a fairly pretty yet haunted-looking
middle-aged woman and Mousse.  He also noted that Gosunkugi's pants
looked a little damp, and that he had water pistols in his hands.  That's
good ol' Gos' for you, picking up the worst thing to use in a fight.  He
tailed them to the reception room;  he was getting quite famished.
      Much as he wanted to come out with guns dousing, Gosunkugi thought
better of it and waited for the right moment before he let his feminine
side show.  That was why he was able to appreciate fully how completely
unstable the situation before him was:  Akane and Ranma were screaming at
the tops of each other's throats over this barbecued-pork rice bowl;  the
Shinto priest was telling Akane's father a story about this monk who
turns into a monkey, interrupting himself often, while Akane's father was
just staring at this young ponytailed girl in a brown jumper-dress;  the
aforementioned girl fixing plates and bowls, occasionally offering food
to the others in the room and talking to Akane's egregious sister,
Nabiki, who seemed a little too chipper;  that chiropractor, Dr. Tofu,
squatting a few feet away from a blindfolded and fully-formed Miss
Hinako, who was giggling and squirming quite a bit, in the far corner of
the room.  The last made Hikaru feel a little soft-kneed, but he steeled
himself, fingers on triggers.
      Hiroshi clapped the smaller student on the shoulder, surprising
Gosunkugi, but not enough to either get himself wet or scream aloud.  He
called to the three upstairs, telling them that another of their number
was there, and it was probably time to eat, right?  Shampoo'll just pop
up.  He thought of what he had been seeing pop out, and he smiled.
      Shampoo popped out from the kitchen, fully pleased with herself.
She found it all.  The only truly worrisome thing was that each of the
containers was half-full, although she wasn't sure if they had been used
before Mousse took them.  Did the Tendos use them while they were cooking
for lunch today?
      She took stock of what she fetched:  passion spice, nearly empty;
five longish aging mushrooms, which she recognized from one of their
fetch runs;  a large and really old ginseng root, completely uncut, and
would make quite a few gallons of really strong herbal tea;  three cloves
of attraction garlic, which is a revered Amazon weapon, used during the
early fights with the Cultists of the Muscle Sword, where they would be
attracted to the Amazon warrior's extra-strong pheromones and would come
close enough so that the Amazon's extra-strong garlic-breath would
incapacitate them;  and quite a bit of aromatic herbs of all sorts, none
of which seem to have been used to flavor the dishes - notably, a small
bit of chicken saffron, used by warrior mothers everywhere to honorably
discharge their overzealous little warriors for days on end, stamens of
the horribly reclusive lily-liver.
      That herb in particular was notable because that was flung in the
air as Daisuke was flung into her by a rampaging Sayuri.  As they were
both breathing heavily, both of them had inhaled the stringy, wispy herb
and were reflexively sneezing, to no avail.  Daisuke came to, and noticed
that the Amazon was below him, and reflexively threw both arms up, which
was why he was flung back as Shampoo also threw her hands up in the same
reflexive way.
      Still fuming, Sayuri dragged her freckled classmate to the hallway,
all the while glaring at Daisuke, who yelped and scrambled to his feet as
the pair came out.  "Keep your hands off of Hiroshi, you!"  She hugged
his right arm tighter and glared even harder, while the faux girl had
fled to the guestroom, sliding the door open and shut quickly.  Having
been escaped from, Sayuri set her sights on the other girl in the
hallway, who was hurriedly picking up her great-grandmother's foodstuffs.
When Shampoo turned to notice Sayuri's glare, the warrior-woman "eep!"ed
and ran to the guestroom as well.
      When Daisuke entered the room, Mousse thought that he had the
glimpse of someone in the hallway that he did not want to meet.  When the
door opened a second time, he stood up and greeted the newcomer with a
grimace of disgust.  His change of expression piqued the interest of
Nodoka, who sat with her back to the door, and was ignored by Kuno, who
was stretched out and cooled with a wet hand towel on his forehead.
      Shampoo slid the door closed and then turned - to see a glowering
Mousse.  She felt the blood draining from her face, from her arms, as the
shakers and packets fell to her feet, and from her legs, as her feet
pushed outward under her weight, and she fell to her knees.
      She watched with horror, wondering - dreading - what he was going
to do to her, catching her with his stolen goods.  She watched his face
unclench, contorting in mild confusion, but too quickly a sinister,
bright light sparked in his eyes, and his features twisted maliciously.
      Mousse viciously berated her, in terse Japanese, "That's just so
amazing, Shampoo.  What is it, the chicken saffron?  Feeling a little
scared of me?  Weak, stupid, Mousse?"  He made claws at her, and she
cringed.  "You so stupid, Shampoo."  He leered.  "Never had a plan
backfire on you this bad, huh?  Always thinking you could use your secret
herbs and spices to get your way, HUH?"
      He stepped forward, making her skitter back, but he saw her eyes
beginning to regain their steel, their ire.  "I guess you thought they'd
make everything right, right?  Look at ME."  He pointed at himself.
"Here I am, and you can't even hit me like you do EVERY TIME I told you
that I LOVED YOU."  He spat, and Daisuke crawled quickly out of his
corner of the room, and out toward the pond.  "Well, guess what?  I
*HATE* YOU.  I HATE YOU *MORE* than you *EVER* hated ME."
      "Shampoo hate stupid Mousse," Shampoo whispered, hoarse.  She
couldn't stop her eyes from watering.  "SHAMPOO HATE MOUSSE!"  she
shrieked, shielding herself.
      "Now, there."  Nodoka wasn't sure what this was about, but it was
going too far already.  "I think you've both said your piece."
      Mousse didn't turn to Nodoka.  "Well, I haven't."  He took a deep,
hot breath.  "Every time you hit me, every time you said you HATED me,
EVERY SINGLE TIME you HURT me, I NEVER thought to pay you BACK for your
VERY GENEROUS feelings."  He clenched his fists, and grit his teeth.  "I
must have been REALLY stupid. You AREN'T WORTH all that SHIT."
      He saw her swallow her breath, eyes huge.  "So WHAT, if you're
PRETTY, well-BUILT, or SUCH a GOOD fighter.  You were a BITCH!  You were
NEVER nice and you ALWAYS had to show EVERYONE how PERFECT you are!"
      "THAT NOT TRUE!"  Shampoo shook her head violently.
"Great-great-grandmama-"
      "I took abuse from HER because she TRAINED me, and she was FAIR.
But YOU ALWAYS - *ALWAYS* - had to make SURE that I would SUFFER.  And
WHAT did I get from YOU?"
      Shampoo sniffled, rubbing the tears from her eyes.  "F-F-Frien-"
      "NOTHING!"  Mousse spat out.  "I was NOTHING to you, but YOUR
LITTLE *whipping boy*."
      "Enough!"  Nodoka physically interposed herself.  "What kind of man
are you?  You can't hurt a woman the way that you just did to her, no
matter what she did to you."  She knelt down to comfort the Amazon, who
was mumbling to herself in Chinese.
      Mousse's arms fell to his sides, and he swayed, as though nodding
to whatever Shampoo was saying.  After a moment, he straightened himself,
and breathed out, a long dragged breath.  "Sorry, madam."  He dropped
down, squatting.  "I'm sorry, too, Shampoo."
      Shampoo stopped in mid-snort.  "M-Mousse...?"  She rubbed her eyes,
which were puffy by now.  "M-Mousse... no hate Shampoo?  No hate Shampoo
no more?"
      Mousse smiled, an easy, even warm smile.  "No, Shampoo. I don't
hate you."  He stood up, and offered an arm to the two ladies.  While
Mrs. Saotome took his assistance, Shampoo seemed even more teary-eyed.
      When she rubbed the fresh tears out, Shampoo leapt at Mousse,
hugging him fiercely along the neck.  She clamped down on her mouth, not
daring to say anything.  For a couple of seconds, they stayed like this,
then Mousse gently pushed her off.
      Nodoka watched her guard kneel down to pick up the assorted
condiments and food additives on the ground, while the Chinese girl, who
she remembered from the grocery a few days ago, stood still, confused.
      Mousse hid the items in his sleeves, then turned to Shampoo.  "You
guys can't be finished deciding who Ranma's going to marry, so you go
back there, now.  Go on, now."
      Kuno finally came to, at the sound of the door sliding closed.  He
sat up, watching the bespectacled man with long hair (Mousse) sitting
down.  The lady (mother?) sat herself back down facing him.  He returned
the towelette to her and bowed in gratitude.  That was when he heard
something made of plastic smash itself open wetly.
      Happosai chuckled to himself, peering into the hole in the roof
where he had let his payload fall down onto the unsuspecting man's head.
Now, though, he only had one water pistol left, and this one had HIS name
on it.  He had to expose the traitor to everyone at this farce.  But
where was he?  He jumped down next to the pond and saw the chaos in the
receiving room.
      Kodachi had just entered the room, but she saw him fall from the
sky outside the room.  "There you are, lover!"  she screamed, and almost
intentionally crashed into the center table.  She skipped along the mess
and jumped to the pond, except that she was caught in mid-air.
      Nabiki grinned from ear to ear as she pulled down the Kuno.  Not
only did he get himself dirty and covered with paint, he also changed
into a girl again.  What a silly, silly boy!  Strange how he looks a bit
like his sister - what was her name again?  Good thing she had a kettle
ready under the table, kept smoking by the foot-warming heater.  Nabiki
upended the steaming water on the hapless girl struggling ferally in her
grip.  Now why wasn't he changing?  Then she noticed that Kodachi had a
ponytail, while Tatewaki had short hair in either gender.
      From the street, Tsubasa heard her scream from just outside the
ruined wall, and jumped into the far corner of the yard of the Tendo
estate.  In the distance, he saw her rushing out of the house, wearing a
long white tunic.  She seems a little disoriented, he thought, sure that
the person he saw was indeed Kodachi, with her telltale tuft of curly
hair, and her ponytail.  He rushed over to her side.
      Hinako had to remove the blindfold, even though the nice doctor
with glasses said that she should.  Too bad, he wasn't around to tell her
to put the blindfold back in place.  Soun wasn't around either.  Phooey.
Who just screamed, then?  She looked out, and saw a girl covered in
different colors of paints wearing only shorts.  She, obviously, was a
delinquent, and needed to be dealt with.  Since her dress was now loose
again, she dug around her pockets for a coin.
      Unfortunately for him, Hiroshi woke up at that point, smarting a
bit from the shiner Sayuri gave him for overindulging in his position and
her passion-addled gestures.  He, too, noticed that Tsubasa was
definitely not going to set any fashion trends wearing a paint-and-boxers
ensemble to a wedding, but the fact that he now sported a complete
transvestite outfit, with added bounce.  He pointed to Tsubasa's
cleavage, and soon found himself flitting about in the slight breeze,
along with a leotard-clad Kodachi, who did not know any better.
      Daisuke chuckled a bit, knowing that whether or not Shampoo used a
hypnotic mushroom, his friend would still point at anyone's cleavage, as
long as it was as easy to view as Tsubasa's was.  So, apparently,
including himself, there were three of them that were now also changing
into girls, and he knew that the total count was much higher.  He also
assumed that the culprit was the perverted master of Anything-Goes
Martial Arts, Happosai.  Somehow, the old pervert must have found a way
to curse people to change into girls with water.  And why not?  He was
making Nerima a sm�rg�sbord of female flesh.  Now if he could also figure
out why the food was making people act so strangely.
      Yuka was halfway done braiding her friend's hair, and wouldn't be
finishing anytime soon.  She got the idea from watching Akane's sister,
Kasumi, braid her father's hair when he started to pick a fight with Dr.
Tofu.  She even borrowed a set of ear muffs, which she figured was very
handy in a house full of martial artists if you needed to mend some
clothing.
      Kasumi was sitting next to a completely silent Shampoo.  Though
they were both watching Ranma and Akane shout and scream at each other,
she could tell that the purple-haired girl was no longer concerned with
the outcome of their argument.  She didn't even seem to make a move to
slip anything into his rice bowl.
      The now-youngest Tendo had tried to revive Cologne by finding some
miso soup to feed her, since that seemed to get everyone spirited, but
she seemed to have run out.  So she had Dr. Tofu heat the pot of soup
that Nabiki made her earlier.  She also told him to have some himself, if
he wanted to try it.  Since she told him to do that almost a full ten
minutes ago, she just assumed that he did have some, so she asked her
father to bring it in.  Of course, she insisted that he not have any.
      Case in point, Soun entered the room with a soup bowl, and a ladle.
Since no one complained about it, Soun did not notice that the two-tail
braids did not match his mustache at all.  He set the bowl on the low
table.
      The stretch-edition Hinako had already chased the obscenely-dressed
girl and her strangely-dressed companion full-way round the house, but
now had lost track of her.  But now she found Soun, and gladly made her
way back to the room to sidle up next to him, much like a large female
cat on the prowl.
      Intent on ignoring them, Kasumi quarter-turned, and went to dumping
the entire bowl's contents into Cologne's mouth.  Then she stood up to
return the bowl to the kitchen.
      The Amazon matron's eyes bugged out as the warm gruel took a short
dive into her stomach, and then she proceeded to shake, shudder, spasm,
sputter, splash and splat back down to the tatami.  Her direct-line
descendant gave her a lazy eye, and turned back to watching the couple at
the head.
      Ranma was, after quite a bit of circular argument and tangential
interrogation, sure that Akane had not seen Ukyo since they came from the
Ucchan's two days ago, and so he was sure that the meal before him was
not Ryoga's last stand.  He had been dodging blows and Akane's
accusations that he had seeing Miss Hinako, Yuka, Shampoo as a cat and
that old lady that splashes water behind her back last night, even though
it was chronologically impossible, since he was with her.  He was already
worried that he wasn't going to be able to get it through her thick head
that he WANTED to marry her, dammit!
      "Quit it, will ya, Akane?  You want proof?"  He picked up the bowl
of "Vengeful Pork".  "Hey, everybody!  Look here!"  Without giving
everyone enough time to turn and look, he opened his mouth and stuffed it
with the entirety of Akane's heartfelt meal.
      Everyone stopped, and waited for Ranma to swallow the enormous
serving.  Swallow he did - and his eyes flew open wide.
      He opened his mouth - and belched loudly.
      Ranma bowed to the assembled applause, thanking everyone heartily.
Even Akane seemed pleased by Ranma's reaction, if not relieved that he
ate it all.
      Having finally wiped herself clean of paint that had dripped on
her, Nabiki stood up, and went to fetch Nodoka and whoever was in the
master guestroom to the receiving room to pass judgment, and to find tea
for the priest.
      As the world-wise Tendo sister passed by the door on her way to the
guestroom, Kasumi and a sleepy teenaged Tofu exited the kitchen, missing
her by seconds.  At the guestroom, she told Nodoka that the time was here
and told Kuno that his sister was here.  She still had to look for
Mousse, so she took a right to the back of the house, where the bath and
the path to the dojo was.
      From the bath, Mousse emerged, fully male again.  He was surprised,
well-aware that somehow he had come into contact with Jusenkyo water once
more.  He always assumed that if he did, hypothetically, fall into the
Spring of Drowned Young Girl, that he would just turn into a young female
duck, but apparently this wasn't the case.  Seeing Nodoka and Kuno exit
the guestroom, he beckoned to his companion to follow.
      Tsubasa learned the basics of the Jusenkyo curse from Mousse, which
made him feel better about things.  He had a random thought that maybe
because he was cross-dressing so often that he ended up growing boobs.
Nice firm and round ones, too.  Just like Ukyo's... err...  Anyways,
Mousse was nice enough to loan him another tunic (but no extra pants,
since Mousse was wearing his Wear-Anywhere Blast-Proof Extra-Durable
Dockers with Stain-Guard, and he didn't need a spare), he wanted
something extra to keep him from being recognized, so Mousse loaned him
The Man from Ganymede.
      Nabiki thought that she had finally caught up to Mousse, but when
the person she caught turned, Tsubasa was wearing a gaudy plastic facial
mask.  The Tendo girl let him go, breathing heavily, and went to the
kitchen to fix up some tea.

      The Shinto priest, who was much calmed down with his mint tea,
coughed a bit, to address the congregation, and coughed a bit louder to
cue the groom and his prospective bride to keep quiet.
      "Well, then, we've gathered here to test the marriage between these
two members of the Anything-Goes School of Martial Arts.  As members of
this School, they are enjoined to learn and to challenge every and all
that they meet, and to join in matrimony means not only that they must
learn from and challenge each other daily, but also that they have,
indeed, found sparring partners for the rest of their lives.
      "As they have presented themselves to the world at large to test
the strength of their resolve in this union, so the world is saddled with
the burden of proving this coupling unfit."  He smiled, since the next
words were much more familiar.  "Whosoever has any reservations with the
marriage of this man and this woman, speak now, or concede your defeat."
      It took a full five seconds before he spoke, "I have something to
say."
      Everyone turned to the pond to look at Happosai.  Luckily, Kodachi
was still groggy and was much easier to restrain, from jumping up, or
from throttling herself.
      "Speak," the priest intoned.
      "I have a question for the father of the bride."
      Soun straightened his gi-top and approached his mentor.  "I-Is
anything wrong, m-master?"  He only hoped that the master was not looking
for revenge for yesterday.
      "Soun, m'boy, how can you let them get married?"
      The Tendo patriarch looked confused.  "What do you mean, master?
Ranma is a suitable husband for Akane."
      "You fool!"  Happosai spat, jumping toward him.
      Hinako used the height of her more adult body to push Soun away, so
it was that both of them were doused.
      "How could you let your daughter marry your SON?!"
      Ranma stood up from his seat, but his statement died in his throat,
as he saw Soun Tendo stand up, a wet twin-pigtailed twentyish woman with
a full head of red hair.



                                Epilogue:
                    Twenty-Two Secret Herbs and Spices



      The end was near.
      Ryoga sat up on her bed, and stared at the window.  It was a
beautiful day, with the sun dipping from its noontime throne.  Unlike the
real summer, it was already at its peak a bit away from the ceiling of
the sky.  The only clouds in the air were wispy, cottony effects drawn
in, spreading the blue evenly along the rest of the heavens.
      He tried to stand up, but her arm stopped him.  It was actually his
idea, the bandanna tying their wrists together.  The last time he did
this, it was in a fight with Ranma.  "Now, you can't run away."
      He didn't want to leave Ukyo.  He didn't want to walk away from
her.  He just wanted to relieve himself.
      From the looks of things, he was already keeping it in for a good
half-hour or so, when he woke up sneezing.  Sweat was already making his
shirt wet and anything wet was making him antsier by the second.
      He didn't want to look at Ukyo, contenting himself with the fact
that she was sleeping soundly, not hiccuping, not crying, sounding as
satisfied with the world at large as anyone asleep would.  He knew �
knew! - that, once again, under that wraparound she was au naturel waist
up, and much as she was not flaunting it, he'd had enough experience to
know that if he turned now, he'd probably have more of a look than any
peeper would have the amazing fortune to have.
      It was the first time that he slept with someone in his arms.
Well, she was the first person that he had slept with (just sleep) that
he felt completely, utterly at peace sleeping with, this their second
time, apparently.  With Akane, he was fully and utterly embraced (when
she wasn't in deep sleep � otherwise, he was pretty much a stressball),
but he never got to hug her back, and that was (he would never tell
anyone) the most horrible thing to feel.
      If there was something that Ukyo seemed to love doing in her sleep,
it was hugging someone tightly and rolling around with them.  When she
did that hours earlier, he could do nothing but hug her tightly back �
and was immediately reminded why he didn't want to do so.  Much as Ukyo's
torso was enviably muscled, lean yet meaty, there was quite a bit of less
tight, much softer flesh that tended to bounce instead of resist, and
cushioned well on his chest and along the sides of his arms as they
tumbled.
      Funny thing was that it must've been the second time he was wrapped
as tightly as that with someone was with this kid way way back.  This
ninja kid.  He wrinkled his nose.  They got tied up in his rhythmic gym
ribbon.  He just made sure to cut themselves out of it when the ninja kid
fell asleep.  Instead of discarding the ribbon, Ryoga used to wear it as
a headband, before he got the bandanna on his trip to China.
      Why would he be so sentimental about a ribbon anyway?  Because that
ninja kid was the first girl he'd slept with?  Feh.  She even wore a bow
tie in her hair.
      Bow tie?
      He made the mistake that he'd made often enough and confirmed that
Ukyo had nice soft flesh beckoning under her bow tie.  Now he had to
untie himself to dispose of the nosebled-bandanna in the waste basket.
      Then he smelled it � perfume.

      Mousse couldn't believe his eyes.  Which was okay, because that
usually got him into trouble, anyway.
      What was so unbelievable was that the fifteen-year-old girl in
front of him now was his master and mentor for the last fourteen years.
      Cologne finally finished combing her luxurious black hair, which
stretched down below the hem of her dress, which now clung to her bottom.
He could not bring himself to ogle her, although she was pretty much ogle
material.  He tried to convince himself by reasoning that the last time
Cologne looked like this, the world had not even seen a camera then.
      The way that the Amazon matron was eyeing herself was not helping
his composure one bit.  At least she stopped at trying to gauge what bra
size she'd be needing to purchase.
      "Not bad," she said.  And then she fixed her eyes on the seated
Mousse.  Then, slowly, she bent her knees forward.  And then some more.
And then she leaned back too far and fell back, legs in the air.
      She cackled, which now sounded like a throaty delighted laugh.
"Haven't done that in a while."  She arranged herself, and leaned her
knees on the ground first, seating herself the same way Mousse was
seated.
      She closed her eyes, and Mousse followed suit.  The next few
moments were not going to be easy, and they both wanted to be able to
still the emotions that were going to make it worse than it needed to be.
      He breathed out deeply.  She did so, as well.
      "Mousse of the Joketsuzuko (Amazon) tribe," she started in a
stately tone, enunciating the parenthesized word rather obliquely, "you
have stolen an assortment of secret herbs and spices from the stores of
the Cat Cafe, a local outpost and embassy of the Joketsuzuko (Amazon)
tribe.  In this list," she turned the list around, so Mousse can read it
normally, "are the items that have been found missing.  Do you deny this
charge?"
      Mousse gave the list a once-over.  "No, Elder."
      "These herbs and spices were also found to be used by unauthorized
parties, identified as Kasumi and Akane Tendo, in a competition against a
member of the Joketsuzuko (Amazon) tribe, Shampoo."  She noticed the
variety in expression that fleetingly happened upon Mousse's face.  "As
you were the last authorized handler of these properties, you are
responsible and liable for any misuse.  Do you deny this charge?"
      "No, Elder."  He sat unmoved.
      "Finally, you had interfered with Shampoo's participation in the
challenge to the marriage of Akane Tendo to Ranma Saotome, which is an
official action of the Joketsuzuko (Amazon) tribe, sanctioned and
monitored by an Amazon Elder."  She sighed.  "Do you know what would've
happened if Akane had eventually married son-in-law?"
      Mousse ventured, "Shampoo would have given Akane the kiss of death
and would've killed her or else be killed?"
      She shook her head.  "In the case of official action not hosted by
the tribe, Shampoo would have forfeited all rights to marrying son-in-law
as a secondary wife."  She didn't add that Shampoo might have had to
carry the stigma of defeat by an outsider woman for the rest of her life,
as long or as short as that would have been.
      "As though being anyone's second fiddle would have suited her."
Mousse snorted in derision.
      "By then, I would have told her to consider marrying you, child."
This Cologne said softly, calmingly.  It seemed to work, because Mousse
did not react in the slightest.  "You are still the tribe's undisputed
Master of Hidden Weapons, as your mother was before you."
      That, however, made him cringe a bit.  "I know that she was Mousse
before me.  She will be Mousse once more."  He knew what to expect, and
was ready, or he was hoping that he was ready.
      Again, Cologne's raven tresses shook side-to-side.  "Not quite."
Here she looked Mousse in the eyes.  "As you are a member of the
Joketsuzuko (Amazon) tribe, the law should exact its entire weight upon
you for your actions.  However, as a man, and to be born of an outsider,
there are leeways that are taken into account."  She smiled, a tug of
bitterness in the corners.  "Men were not made to live in a world run by
women - just as women aren't made to live in a world run by men.  I, as
Joketsuzuko Elder and Ambassador of the Chinese Amazons, hereby strip you
of your rank of Mousse, Master of Hidden Weapons, and revoke your
affiliation with the Joketsuzuko (Amazon) tribe.  Your possessions you
may keep, including everything you have packed in there."  She pointed to
his robe.  "You have earned it, through service, son.  Including whatever
you chose to take in spite, so including all the herbs and spices that
started this inquiry."
      "You'll just let me take them?"  Ex-Mousse was incredulous.  "I
thought you'd -"
      "- have you executed?  Over leaves, twigs, roots and fragrant
flowers?  You do know that we grow those by the acre back in China.  They
are not important.  What IS important, Mousse," she intoned, "is why
you're HERE."
      "Why am *I* here?  At the Tendo's house?  Kasumi brought me home."
Even to himself, the half-Amazon sounded smug.
      "Not here, now.  Why are you in Japan, Mousse?"
      He stopped in mid-smirk, then started to darken his expression.
      "That's right.  You went here after Shampoo.  And I let you stay
because of that.  And you were always free to leave.  But, didn't you
have a conversation with your mother before you left the village?"
      The nearly-blind man wondered why this was important right now, but
he tried to comply anyway.  He tried to remember, and it was hard because
he couldn't see clearly, and he did have on his glasses.
      "We... had a fight."  He seemed hesitant to continue, but he did
that.  "A long, drawn-out fight.  She didn't want me to leave the
village, to leave her...," realization was dawning on his features
slowly, "... until I mentioned that I was going here, to Japan, to Tokyo,
to Nerima."
      "Exactly," Cologne demurred.  "In fact, by that time, she was
whole-hearted in her support of your trip."
      "She *wanted* me to be in Nerima," he stated the obvious, then
asked the default follow-up.  "But, why?"
      "Why, Mousse, did I laboriously teach you and your mother Japanese?
Why would I bother to teach an Amazon who spend his entire life in the
village the language of an *outsider*?"
      His eyes widened suddenly, and he was bowled over with the
knowledge.  "My... father?  Is he... in Tokyo?"  Cologne's encouraging
eyes gave him a logical push.  "Is he... in Nerima?"
      Cologne finally smiled, something radiant.  "That he is, son.  But
not right now.  But your siblings are here."
      "My siblings?  My... brother?  Twin brother?  And little sister?"
      "Yes, yes, and you just met them again today."  There was a wicked
gleam in her eyes.  "And I think your little sister Kodachi will make for
a fine Mousse, don't you, my dear Kara-tachi Kuno?"

      He was on the roof again, of course.
      He did not want to leave - could not leave - not now, not ever, not
ever, ever again.
      He could not leave her.
      "Akane..."  He did not think that she could hear his step,
imperceptibly loud on the shingles, but she did - she knew it all along.
That was why she finally came out, on the roof.
      "Akane," he repeated, "everybody's been worried sick about you... I
mean, you left so fast."
      "Who..." she finally said, stretching the vowel to its faint loss.
"Who... did you marry...?"
      "No one..." Ranma quickly said, stopped where he was by her pointed
and mildly rhetoric question.  "Shampoo didn't come back, and the
Kodachis didn't try nothing."
      "Happosai..." she said, biting off the name of the lech as though
he was passed away, wistfully.  "He... he said..."
      Ranma traced downward slides along her cheeks.  "You've been
crying..."
      "No..."  She tried to summon more strength, but her voice lacked
the backbone, the solid earth, the very reality to it - its very core,
weak.  "Yes.  Yes - Ranma..."
      "I'm here."
      It was the first time that he had not pulled away, the first time
that he had taken her hand, held her shoulder, cared for her, CARED FOR
HER, DAMMIT, given her the brass ring...
      She sobbed into his shoulder, tears that were warm and full of love
and life and what-ifs, tears that would have changed him, changed him
from the boy she had never thought he'd be, back into the man she had
always known to be her love, her one.
      "W-Wicked..." she muttered, "F-F-Fate..."

      He held her head, gingerly rubbing the strands of her hair,
smelling her thoughts, knowing her soul, wishing he could do something,
anything...
      But there was no monster, no kidnapping, no technique, no grabby
female, nothing but past catching up to them.  He loved her - HE LOVED
HER - the only truth that mattered at this point - did not matter at all.
      His whole truth, his whole life, was a lie.
      The man he knew as his father was a complete stranger.
      And the woman he would risk life and limb for, the woman that had
already done so, just to know if she had loved him, too (and she did),
would be taken away from him - never to return, yet never to leave his
side.

      Akane never thought she would ever see him cry.
      She did not see it, no, but he was crying, sobbing into her hair,
burying himself.  She sniffed, as well, but knew that he was hurting much
worse than she herself had ever hurt.
      She ran her hand along his back, feeling the unevenness of his
breathing.  Her own sobs were trailing now, and a last sniffle, before
she awkwardly tried to reach up and put a hand to the back of his head.
      He didn't notice, and he just continued to shed the tears that ran
down beneath the bridge of their intimacy, troubled water.  He sobbed
carelessly, fully, and at one point Akane just wanted to sit upright and
hold him in her arms until he would stop crying, but she knew that he
would never want her to see his tears, never want her to hear him say
those words...
      "I love you," he whispered, and she knew, knew, too late... as if
having heard them would change the wrongness, the mockery, the
hypocrisy...
      I love you, too, Ranma, she mouthed into his shoulder.  I love you,
I love you, I love you... maybe if she said them often enough, they would
be true, truer than true, enough to wash away the last hour, the last
year, the time when her father had given him life... and he wouldn't be
here.  Neither would she, on the roof, so terribly, terribly in love with
the man whose words and actions hurt her most, but whose eyes she would
have forever stared at, whose arms she would have never left, if they
would just take her away...
      Her lips found his, softly, pleadingly, embracing him as deeply as
she could, only a hint of never in her kiss.  It met a tear as it crossed
the point of his mouth, like a handkerchief when she herself had none
left dry.  But his sadness, his soft bitterness, the cold that he felt at
the pit of his stomach - she wanted it, she wanted to swallow it and show
him her own.  She caressed the edge of his mouth, opened her lips a
little more, then a little more, trailing along his thinning lips, hoping
that he wouldn't shut her out now.
      She felt light, knowing that she was falling over the edge, his
hand slipping from hers, and the tears came back, and she shook in a low,
terrible shudder, as her kisses couldn't touch him...
      He caught her in a strong, deep, simple kiss.  Akane felt his arms
tighten around her fiercely, and he was shaking, too, lost, afraid, but
his only safety was in her arms, in her eyes, in her loving kiss.  Almost
apologetically, he kept their mouths locked seconds longer than they both
wanted, but in a shared warm breath, they kissed again, softer, feverish,
rubbing against and along each other...

      "You CANNOT be serious."
      The reception room now looked as pristine as it usually did when
there was no threat to the sanctity or the sanity of the Tendo household.
This was one of those crises that kept it messiness outside the realm of
simple housecleaning.
      "It is NOT fair that you two will NOT just clear things UP so that
the two little LOVEbirds can get married."
      Nodoka just supped her tea, and turned her head to look at Soun.
The Tendo head was back to his old hairstyle and his old gender, looked
about as grim as he could look.  "Listen now, Nabiki."
      His daughter shrugged back and crossed her arms across her chest.
"Unless you are going to tell me that you are going to get that Shinto
priest back here to finish the wedding ceremony, I am not interested."
She sat back, and waited for her father to continue his statement, but he
trailed off.
      Nabiki sighed loudly, and leaned forward.  "Look, I understand that
you guys wouldn't want to see them get married so soon, what with what
they were doing in the dojo in the wee hours of the morning, but we had
that whole 'come one, come all' competition, and it would just NOT do any
good if the others thought that EVERYTHING was back to status quo here.
And they WANT to tie the knot, guys."  She shifted to negotiator.  "If
you guys are concerned that they'd just be at each other like minks in
heat, we'll just have them keep sleeping in separate rooms and keep the
wedding hush-hush until they graduate."  She waited for a reaction, but
none was forthcoming.  "Oh, come on, guys!  You can't SERIOUSLY be
suggesting -!"
      Mr. Tendo was terse.  "You know full well, Nabiki, that I would be
the last person to keep Ranma and Akane from getting married, thus
ensuring the future of the Tendo School of Anything-Goes Martial Arts.
The master himself seems assured that Ranma must, in fact, be my son, and
correctly surmised that if I was doused with the same cursed spring water
that has plagued Ranma, that my hair would turn a damning crimson."  He
lit a cigarette, and puffed on it thoughtfully.  "As this by itself was
circumstantial evidence at best, and if it was entirely impossible for
such a feat to have happened, I would be quick to dissuade everyone."  He
turned to Nodoka.
      Nabiki's eyes widened considerably.  "IF it was impossible?"  She
looked at the two adults, and covered her agape mouth.  "You... you
two... had...?"
      "It IS ironic, really," Nodoka said.  "The first Anything-Goes
Martial Arts Marriage Challenge was *my* wedding.  And I was supposed to
marry my sweetheart."  Then she turned to Soun once more.
      "OH ... MY ... *GOD* ..."  Nabiki uncovered her mouth, the smile
completely candid.  "Dad, Auntie - I never knew!"  She pulled out a small
black book and started scribbling.  "My family is SO entertaining!"

      "Your family is SO entertaining, Miss Tendo!"
      Kasumi eyed the other twelvish(-looking) girl with a fair amount of
sharpness.  It didn't help that she was trying to interpose herself
between the teacher and the now mid-teen Tofu, who had his glasses tucked
away with his gi, all of which was now in a plastic bag he was carrying.
She had to admit, Ranma's ignored school uniform fit him well.
      The four students, who they were accompanying, were hanging behind,
and Daisuke was nattering about how the three brown-haired people in
front of them were all older than they themselves were, and how one could
easily mistake them for siblings, if not close relations.  Hiroshi was
still a little drained, and was draped in-between them, and Yuka was
still very much affected by the day's proceedings.  Hikaru, of course,
was lagging further behind, but Daisuke did not feel up to bringing his
oft-time arcade partner into the circle.
      He felt feverish, he felt giddy, he felt sick to the pit of his
stomach.  He wanted to get out of this damned dress, because it was
starting to leave a crease line along the tops of his thighs, and how did
they get so big?  And he hated how he seemed to be pulling it down every
ten steps, how drafty it felt, and how uncomfortable it felt while he
walked.  He had newfound respect for Shampoo and anyone who's ever had to
wear a dress for which he'd so often thanked the God of Designers.  He
had added respect for Ranma � the guy could roll with the punches, and
this kind of sucker punch could leave any guy crying "low blow".
      But the three in front of them, he thought, they've all had their
bodies mucked with as well.  Who, as Hiroshi would no doubt put it, was
at a greater advantage:  he, who could (theoretically) explore the
greatest and most wondrous final frontier;  or, they, who could relive
the days of their youth with the view of mature adults?  Not that he
would, y'know, explore his feminine side, because Yuka would definitely
not approve.  It wouldn't be fair, is all.  And not because he could do
it, while she couldn't, it... it would just be wrong.  So why was he so
bothered by the fact that Hiroshi would quite eagerly and handily do the
exploring on himself, if he could?
      Daisuke wondered if his family would now need to get a bathtub.
God knows a trip to the public baths was now impossible.
      It would have surprised him to find out that Yuka was also thinking
about a trip to the public baths as well.

      The door slid open.
      "No!"  The door slid closed, and a body blocked the doorway.
      "Get out of the way, Ukyo."  He didn't want to sound so savage, but
he really was in a hurry.  "I can't BELIEVE you'd want to help Ranma get
married to Akane."
      "It's a CHALLENGE, Ryoga!"  She was too groggy, too damned groggy.
She leaned forward, and he caught her, easily, but she did not move more
than that.  "If Akane wins... I didn't want Akane to get hurt!"
      "You wouldn't have hurt her, Ukyo."  For a moment, his fingers
touched her neck-band, and he drew his fingers just as quickly.  "But
what if Ranma... or Mr. Tendo, or Ranma's father... what if, what if -?"
      "What IF, Ryoga!"  Ukyo pushed him back, onto the counter around
her grill.  "What if we just let things HAPPEN?"  She held his shoulders.
"What if we let today pass BY, and THEN find out?"  He saw her eyes go
wild, darting along his face, hopeful.  "WHAT if, what IF, what if..."
Her hands flew to his neck, his nape, manic, trailing, and she buried her
face in his hair.
      Again, a moment, his eyes were on her bow, on her lovely neck, and
for all the world he wanted to take her in his arms, to kiss her and to
make her promises to make her happy, to start and to end in a lie.  He
stood up straight, and pushed her to a side.
      "What if we stay together, Ukyo?"  He let her hair tangle in his
fingers, then drew them away.  "Is THAT why you threw the invitation in
the trash, Ukyo?  For," he pointed vaguely along a line connecting them,
"us?"  A pause.  "There IS no 'us', Ukyo.  We've always been after them,
all this time.  Even after this time."
      She had her head bowed.  "That, that's..."
      "Wrong?  Am I wrong, Ukyo?  Will you tell me you l- that you need
me more than you need Ranma?  Or that I, I can be happier with you than I
would be with Akane?  How would WE know?"
      He wanted to stop.  He wanted to stop her tears as they fell.  He
wanted to take his words back, but he knew they needed to be said.  He
wished she would slap him, or beat him up, or even curse at him, but she
was beyond that, she was in a world of tears and sorrow, and he wanted
her to come with him, he wanted her to assure him that it was right to do
what was right, and not be burned by her sobbing, her wailing, her short
shuddering breaths, her wordless tears that screamed at him to do what he
damn well pleased.
      So he ran out before she saw him cry for her.  He even got a block
away before he tripped himself, turning around in mid-stride.  He slipped
and rolled backward, curling into a ball until he crashed into a wall.
      I'm sorry, Ukyo, I'm sorry.  Ranma'd better appreciate you.  I'll
kill him if he makes you cry like that.  Then Ryoga head-butted the wall
as hard as he could.
      "WRERH?"
      "Eh?!"
      To Ryoga's surprise, a completely naked pale teenaged girl was
standing beyond the now-ruined wall.
      To Ryoga's additional surprise, the girl looked pleased to see him,
turned and jumped on him.
      It was only when she was rubbing his side with her naked belly that
he noticed that the right half of her body was completely dark-toned.
      "What in the world is going on?"  Then he promptly nose-bled and
lost consciousness.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------
      (Detach here)

      I don't buy everything I read
      I haven't even read everything I've bought
      I don't cry every time I bleed
      My eyes are dry but they're bloodshot

      I have faith in medication
      I believe in the Prozac nation
      You play doctor but I've lost patience

      This is where it ends
      Yeah, this is where it ends

      ~ Call the police and call the press
        But, please, dear God, don't tell my friends
        This is where it ends
        This is where it ends

      Where's my pride?  Where's my self-esteem?
      Does it show in the things I've bought?
      I don't hide every time I'm seen
      But I try not to get caught

      I make excuses for behavior
      Can my illness be my savior?
      Kept my heart while you still gave yours

      This is where it ends
      Yeah, this is where it ends ~

      She says she wants to live in a movie
      I say I want someone else
      To stand behind me and write it all down
      'Cause I can't be bothered doing it myself
      And I don't want the responsibility
      Of proving its importance

      I have learned; I have waited
      Been picked up and I've been sedated
      Mental health is overrated

      This is where it ends
      Yeah, this is where it ends ~

                        - "This is Where It Ends" by the Barenaked Ladies
                          from the album "Born on a Pirate Ship"

      Kara-tachi is probably the best sword-related term that I can glean
from Google, because being named Katana Kuno or Nodachi Kuno is just
plain kooky.  "Kara-tachi" is an early style of sword and means Chinese
sword.
      Well, no apologies, no regrets.  It was a fun ride, and I've always
wanted to relinquish the driver's seat halfway.  I do that at karaoke.
Hope whoever out there that is reading this is mad, because that's the
point.  It wasn't the point when I started, but you should never expect
the point to be the same, especially when essayed the way I have.
      Read, write, wonder why, and never forget to say thank you.
      (Detach here)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
       The Nikholas F. Toledo Zu @ WWW: http://nftzu.anifics.com/
------------------------------------------------------------------------- 



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