Chris Angel wrote:

Some general tidbits...oddly enough I was waiting for something like this.
Based on the first VHD movie it seemed to fit naturally with this.

Yep. Thought it was obvious too.

 Now

all we need is some Castlevania or Miyu references.

Don't know the former and haven't finished the latter.

Generally, I enjoyed this, DB.  A good work overall, if rather predictable
from my viewpoint.

I know the feeling. I know the punchline to some jokes too and they aren't
as funny as when I don't see them coming.

Nits:
1) You've got some odd punctuation scheme happening here.  Was this pulled
off of a web page?  The most glaring (and oddly enough, annoying) was the
use of a single space after periods.

I always use singles spaces after periods. Don't know about any other off
punscutations.

2)

Anger overwhelmed her relief at seeing him The bastard had tricked her.

Missed a period there, and there's an odd flow.

Having no period will cause that. ^_^

3) Actually, overall the flow of this work was odd.  Somewhat stilted, in
fact...unpolished.  I'm not sure if that's more because of the
first-person external viewpoint you're using or what.  It just bothered
me.

Didn't feel that way to me so much. The viewpoint i'm using might have
caused it. Not sure what else I would do.

Thanks for the comments. Glad you liked it overall.

DB Sommer



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