Doing a comprehensive MST/commentary for this one chapter took much

longer than it should have.  But >still and all, I enjoyed the doing and I
hope you do too.

I am very grateful, although this would have been more useful before I
went on to work my way into Book 2.  ^^;;;

Still, your commentary is very comprehensive, and I am very grateful for
the amount of work this must have taken.

UKYO: You better believe that, bucko!  I am incredibly
pissed off!  Me, forced into the role of best friend

>from childhood!  Me!  And who's to be *my* romantic

interest in this series?  Nuriko!  I've had enough
cross-dresssers in my life, thank you very much!

CHERRY: [claps his hands]  It is Fate!

AMI: And I appear to be entirely relegated to a most
minor role, Biles-san.

JOHN:  And your role in SMZ21 was a starring role; that episode alone is
nearly twice the length of the Wizard of Oz.  You win some and you lose
some in Hollywood...

MURMUR: Okay, on to the fic!  But first, a few comments.
I have noticed a trend in the past few chapters in
regards to names.  At times, Emond's Field is used, then
Nerima.  And you seem to be confused as to whether it is
Manetherin or not.  And so on.  And, by the way, I
wonder if you should either change the name of the

Been trying to fix this.

UKYO: At least the "Rand" character is speaking halfway
like a human being instead of robot.  So there's some
tradeoff.]

Well, Rand was pretty normal until he apparently had his brain removed
off-screen between books 5 and 6 or so...

[MURMUR: You know, I wonder if Kurz is going to
demonstrate his sharpshooting ability in this fic.]

When he goes to the Tower in Book 2, yes, as he gets to show off his
archery skills.

(IE, in the parts I haven't publically released yet...)

[MURMUR: Is the semi-colon needed there?  Hey, first
nit-pick of the fic!  And, once again, very sparse on
the exposition.
AMI: I suppose Biles-san assumes that we'd be familiar
with the setting itself and decided to go on with the
story.  Or at least the dialogue.]

Jordan has described the Caemlyn palace with enough words to match some
novels, just from the descriptions :)



"My siblings are in a good mood," Sousuke said. "I'm not sure
why. Fatora Sedai, on the other hand, has been storming around angrily.
I don't know what you did to anger her, but it would be wisest to
apologize."

[MURMUR: And here Sousuke shows a rather cruel streak by
not saying that Nuriko is a man.  Male, anyway.  And I
think that Fatora has gotten a rather raw deal in this
fic.  She may be petty, somewhat cruel, and wrongheaded >. . . but she's

not a bad person, per se.

Sousuke is used to people knowing.

Fatora has exactly the right combination of arrogance and stupidity to
play the role of Elaida.

[MURMUR: I wonder what being a glorified librarian has
to do with flowers.

Much easier to do fancy things with plants if you actually understand
them; the Browns are all about knowledge.

"Sousuke, are you threatening our guests with death
again?" Usagi asked, rising from the bench she sat on.

[AMI: Usagi-chan is very blase about that.  I suppose
being raised as a princess really does make a
difference.

Note the 'again'.  This happens a lot, but they never end up dead.

MURMUR: It's probably his WOT blend kicking in.  He is
supposed to be a bad guy.

Galad is not a bad guy.  He's so Lawful Neutral that only Judge Dredd is
as far out on the alignment chart as he is.

MURMUR: You know, I'm not sure why Mr. Biles didn't use
Mendou as the Gareth Byrne character.  Sure, Megane has
the stormtroopers but Mendou is the one that usually
sends out the tanks and planes and what-not.  Megane
would have been better as the . . . oh, what's his face,
the one that Elayne put out was the father of her twins
and is a darkfriend.

Used Megane, because later, Bryne basically loses everything and is
reduced to just a tiny band of retainers (who will be played by the rest
of the Gang of Four...)

"I will go and tell First Prince Megane at once,"
Sousuke said, saluting. "I will see you later, Mother."

[UKYO: First Prince?  Is Megane married to Lum?
AMI: I have no idea.]

JOHN:  He's First Prince of the Sword, ie, head general of the military.

[MURMUR: Do you really need the third "party" in "Semi-
private party, anyway"?
AMI: Why would Umino know even half of Kitsune's
friends?]

JOHN:  Because he's been at the inn a while and observing everything.

MURMUR: Say, why is Lan still Soun here?  Isn't that a
bit of a character stretch, especially given that Mr.
Biles is no longer staying exclusively with Ranma?
UKYO: It's the whole Hinako-Mr. Tendo angle.

Bingo.

"I'll bring him around," Nuriko said confidently. "How
did Ranma-chan take it in the morning?"

[UKYO: Does this mean he won't be my romantic interest?
Oh, huzzah!  I get Ranma, I get Ranma!

JOHN:  That, as they say, would be telling.

AMI: How did Ranma take what in the morning?]

"I'm not sure yet," Usagi said.

[AMI: Is this deliberately obscure?]

JOHN:  Yes.

[MURMUR: What about the ceiling of her room?  Is there
something strange about it?
AMI: Possibly something left off in an edit but kept
here.]

She burned the Sign of the Ronin into it in a fit of power use in the
previous chapter.

"Sure," Kurz said, taking it off and handing it to her.

[MURMUR: Mighty trusting, isn't he?]

John:  The anti-AS paranoia comes later on :)


Ryouga shook his head. "I think I wandered into one of Fatora
Sedai's dreams, but I haven't seen him."

[MURMUR: Now how the hell would he know that?  Did he
meet Fatora Sedai?  Would he be able to tell if he had?]

It was probably the way she was an Aes Sedai in her dream and everyone
called her Fatora.

Merely a theory, mind you.

Setsuna's head turned about. "I said, no channeling without >me

supervising you." She snuffed the flame with but a >thought. "If you're
that eager, you can come walk with me

and do some practice exercises, Ukyou."

[MURMUR: Should Setsuna be able to do that?  I mean,
wouldn't that burn her or something?
AMI: Perhaps she used Air.
UKYO: Moo hoo ha ha!]

It's a channeled flame, not a natural one, so she just needs to slice the
weave and it goes out.

Umino got the gate open, and they dashed out into the >waiting building.

He carefully sealed the gate behind them

even as the Machin Shaft got up the guts to try again.

[MURMUR: "Them" including Hinako?]

JOHN:  Yes.


Thanks for the commentary!





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