Just back from vacation, and... comments! Yay!

Denise Cameron <denisecameron@eastlink.ca> wrote:

For the most part, I liked your prequels. In the Kodachi one, I liked a
certain reference you made to Flatlanders. It reminded me of a book I read
several years ago, about all the different dimensions in a world and a
young, outcast boy who was assigned to guard the 2 dimension. Kodachi was
the 3D girl, looking at the 2D people, and it fit wonderfully.

Probably not the same one I read, but that's neither here nor there.

In the Ryoga one...okay, I know it's Akari. And I KNOW she likes pigs...but
the pig jokes are laid on a little thick in that particular part. But it's

You're probably right. These things just come to mind, and I have a hard
time resisting the urge to put them into the story.

still good, none-the-less, and I like the bandanna idea. I hate how most
writers always want to solve the problems of the characters, and giving only
a partial solution here was fitting.

I agree with your general point here, and I'm glad to know my own
partial solution worked for you. It's tempting for those of us who like
the characters to want to solve their problems for them, but that only
makes them less interesting to read about.

The Akane part was good, and I liked how the wedding happened. The thing
with her ex was odd, though....it feels thrown in. I understand why you did
it, though. The part near the end where Shampoo kisses Mousse had me very
confused, until I realized it was so Shampoo could distract him long enough
to get by.

Actually, the kiss was simply a fantasy on Mousse's part. Around the
time I was writing the preludes, there had been several fics in which
Mousse suddenly finds the courage to stand up to Shampoo, and this
impresses her enough that they end up together. I thought the idea of
that a bit silly, especially considering how precipitous the changes in
both characters' behavior generally were, and this bit was my attempt to
parody it by having it happen in Mousse's imagination and (later in the
chapter) showing how close he could really come.

Mousse and Asuza, however...I have a hard time getting my head around that
one. Isn't there a large age difference, there? But maybe not. ^-^ You are
portraying Mousse well, and this was generally good.

As has been hinted at already in the main series, Mousse and Azusa's
relationship is more along the lines of father and daughter. Whether
it'll continue along those lines remains to be seen.

Gosunkugi seemed fitting, as well as Kasumi and Nabiki. I love how Kasumi is
a priestess, and I'm eager to learn more about what it is she can do.

You'll see more of it in the main series, but not too much more. Gotta
keep her somewhat mysterious. :)

For Ranma's...I'm glad you mentioned that quote from Takahashi, about how
she didn't want to imagine a pregnant Ranma, and neither should you ^-^ But
pregnant Ranma worked quite well, I found.

At the time I wrote that chapter, it had become fairly common for that
quote to appear in "pregnant Ranma" fics, hence my slightly altered
version of it. :)

Okay, that's it for the prequels. Now, the actual fic...to be honest, this
so far is just a war story with the Ranma characters. Which can work,
really, but by the time you get to the 3rd part, I feel as though I know
what's going on in the hearts and minds of the characters you created rather
then our beloved Ranma crew. I know this is supposed to be The Amazons
against their oppressors, but it's obvious you're still wanting character
development between our heroes and heroines.

The new characters took a disportionate share of the spotlight in the
first couple parts, as our heroes were still en route to where they
could do anything relevant. This is very much a Ranma story, not one of
those ones where the Ranma characters are just thrown in, and while the
new characters will still have important roles to play, the regular cast
will be the center of most of the action from here on.

You've handled Ryoga and his curse, and Akane's reactions, beautifully.
You've handled Akane very well too, and Shampoo. And Kodachi...until she
died. I had a feeling that she was just being chucked out. No one seemed to
care very much, and I was surprised that Mousse didn't lash out while Ranma
was pretending to be Kodachi in female form (or at least, trying to). I know
they didn't love Kodachi, but it felt too...fast. A writer I know once told
me that, in writing, there should be no meaningless deaths. Any death of an
important character needs to happen for a reason. What is the reason for
Kodachi to die? Will we find out this reason? I saw the reason in Cologne's
death, and you handled that wonderfully. But with Kodachi...

The truth behind Kodachi's death remains to be seen. A fair number of
readers seem to think she's not actually dead. But all of her secrets
will be revealed in part seven.

There needs to be more here about her, and hopefully there's more in the
next part. Plus where are the reactions from Kuno? Her brother? I know they
don't love each other, but they're siblings. And reactions from Kasumi, too.
You've let us know that she saw something; I'm sure you'll let us know what
that something was, right?

Yup, in part seven. As for Tatewaki, I think you're right that there
should've been some reaction from him. I'll add this when I do a
revision on part five.

I like what's going on with Ukyo, back in Nerima. Things there are
interesting, and I'm curious to see what you're turning her and Mekido into.

Hm. I'd better not make the obvious quip here. ^_^;;;

HIROSHI: It's an in-joke on an old fic. Who's going to get the
reference?

DAISUKE: Just us.

Plus kudos for getting her a cat, the poor girl needs one.

Er... we can make no comment at this time. [hides the ending to part 6]

Thanks very much for the thoughtful commentary!


Gary Kleppe
http://www.garykleppe.org/comics.html

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