--- JLee100441@aol.com wrote:

Red String of Fate

By: James Lee

    "Yes, this plan can not fail."
    "I-I don't know, it just seems..."
    "All you have to do is give the string to Ranma and make sure
he hand's 

hands

it to Akane. They'll want to wed by the end of the day."
    "But if Ranma finds out..." Kasumi was very unsure. The whole
plan seemed 
kind of underhanded. The eldest Tendo girl knew she was one of the
few people 
Ranma trusted and she didn't know what would happen if he found out
that she 
had set him up.
    "Don't worry he won't. Not at least until after. By then he'll

Don't worry, he won't. (need a comma)

The youngest 
Tendo wasn't having much luck knitting. She was trying to knit a
sweater, 
however much like her cooking it was looking like anything but a
sweater. Akane 
was steadily getting more frustrated as things weren't going her
way. This in 
turn was making her angry.
    "Jeez Akane, what are you tearing apart now?" Ranma couldn't
see what 
girl's saw in this sort of stuff. He had done sowing himself,

girls
sewing

mostly fixing his 
cloths. Ranma had learned that sowing anything by hand was long,

clothes
sewing

boring, and 
tedious work.
    "Shut up Ranma. I don't need your help," growled Akane. Knowing
Ranma he 
probably thought he was better at this than she was. Akane's anger
started to 
boil. Ranma always acted as it he was better than her in

as if 

    "Oh thank God." Cried K1 as he rushed over and hugged
Belldandy. 
Belldandy was a bit surprised when he started crying.  "You're
finally back."
    Skuld glared at the college student. How dare he leave such a
mess for 
her oniichan to clean up? Urd just shook her head. {You just can't

oneesama

Oniichan is a term for older brother. Skuld always uses -sama when
referring to Belldandy.

live without 
her, can you?}
    "Keiichi?" Belldandy blinked when he looked up at her. His
frantic face 
was looked full of worry.

was full of worry 
-or-
looked full of worry
-The first is probably preferrable.

    "Wait a minute," said Urd. "That was three months ago!"
    "You think I don't know that!" yelled Keiichi. He then calmed

You need a question mark instead (or in addition to - depends on how
nit-picking you are on grammar) of the exclamation mark.

down. "I'm 
sorry. Its just that..."
    "I know," said Urd. Megumi was a constant source of tension and
was 
sometimes considered a nuisance, but Keiichi loved his sister and
was now truly worried about her.

I wouldn't call her a constant source of tension. Maybe an occasional
source of tension. 

    "At first I thought she went somewhere for spring break. But
then a week 
after spring break her teachers started to call and said she hadn't
reported 
back for class."
    "Did you check her apartment?"
    Keiichi nodded, "The only thing I found out was that someone
had mailed a 
large amount of money to the landlady. Enough to pay the rent for
several months."

She has a landlord. 

    "Where was the money mailed from?" asked Skuld as she typed on
her 
laptop.
    "From Osaka. A few others and me all ready went down there, but
we didn't 
find anything. Do you think Mara..."
    Urd shook her head. "I don't think so. Although she's the usual
suspect 
on stuff like this; if she wanted to take advantage of us not being
here she 
would have taken you. Besides, even if she did kidnap your sister,
why would she 
go through the trouble of paying Megumi's rent?"
    "I found her!" yelled Skuld, who was quickly surrounded by the
others.
    "How did you find her?" asked Keiichi.
    "I used GA-19."
    "GA-19?"
    "Guardian Angel-19," explained Belldandy. "Its one of heaven's 
surveillance satellites that we use to monitor Midgard. This
definitely rules out Mara."
    "Why's that?"
    "Because," Urd continued for her sister. "Demon Central knows
about these 
satellites and can jam or hid from them. Mara wouldn't let on of

jam or hide
let one of

    Urd popped out of the TV set carrying K1. Fortunately no one
was around 
to see this. Nor was there anyone to see Belldandy come out of a
mirror in the 
bathroom or Skuld pop out of an ice bucket.
    "C-C-Cold!"
    "Let's get out of here." Said the goddess of the past. Quickly

out of here," said the goddess

    Much to Keiichi's relief, the boy seemed to relax some. Megumi
then continued, "Guys this is Ranma, my husband."

"Guys, this is

-Need a comma, there.

Oddly enough, Ranma and Megumi would probably be very compatible. She
likes sports and probably wouldn't object to a martial artist
husband. As for Ranma, Megumi would be a haven of sanity and
level-headedness in his chaotic life. She can also take care of
herself, and he would appreciate her low maintenance qualities.
Assuming the fiance situation could be dealt with, they should be
happy together. 

Brian Welch

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