James Lee wrote Date: Saturday, June 21, 2003 6:10 PM

I started working on some new crossover. I should have some others out soon.
Please send C&C to JLee100441@aol.com.

Red String of Fate

By: James Lee

Part one
    "Yes, this plan can not fail."
[can not -> cannot] Also, who is speaking?  Is that mystery important to the
story?

    "I-I don't know, it just seems..."
[... -> . . .  (I know it's nitpicking, but . . . )]
    "All you have to do is give the string to Ranma and make sure he hand's
it to Akane. They'll want to wed by the end of the day."
[he hand's it -> he hands it
probably correct: to wed  ->  to be wed   might be better]

    "But if Ranma finds out..." Kasumi was very unsure.
[... -> . . . ]

    "Umm ok...I'll do it." Said Kasumi, still rather unsure.
[... -> . . . ]
[ok...I'll do it." Said Kasumi -> okay or O.K.   I'll do it," said Kasumi]

    "Ok, see ya," said Ranma walking outside to where Akane was. The
youngest Tendo wasn't having much luck knitting. She was trying to knit a
sweater, however much like her cooking it was looking like anything but a
sweater.
[however much like her cooking it  ->  however, much like her cooking, it]
these are parenthetical statements

    "Jeez Akane, what are you tearing apart now?" Ranma couldn't see what
girl's saw in this sort of stuff.
[girl's -> girls]

He had done sowing himself, mostly fixing his cloths.
[sowing -> sewing   cloths -> clothes]

 Ranma had learned that sowing anything by hand was long, boring, and
tedious work.
[sowing -> sewing]

    "Shut up Ranma. I don't need your help," growled Akane.
[Shut up Ranma.  ->  Shut up, Ranma.]
Knowing Ranma he probably thought he was better at this than she was.
[Knowing Ranma he probably  ->  Knowing Ranma, he probably] another
parenthetical statement

 Akane's anger started to boil. Ranma always acted as it he was better than
her in everything.
    "What's with you?" asked Ranma as he held the red string out. "Here.
Kas..."
[... -> . . . ]

    "I said I don't need your help!" yelled Akane as she pulled out her
mallet and hit Ranma in the face.
[Akane as she pulled out her mallet and hit  ->  Akane, as she pulled out
her mallet and hit (you might need another comma:  mallet, and hit)]

 As she entered the living room she didn't noticed the worried look on her
sister's face.
[the living room she didn't noticed the  ->  the living room, she didn't
notice the]

Three months later...
 She hoped that Keiichi was all right. Belldandy and both her sisters had
been called away for a debugging job and it had taken more time than
expected.
[debugging job and it  ->  debugging job, and it]

 Stepping into the living room, the goddess stopped. Both Skuld and Urd were
there looking at the mess.
[were there looking  ->  were there, looking]

 All around there was empty instant food containers, dirty laundry, and
newspapers.
[around there -> around, there]

 Suddenly Keiichi burst into the room.
    "Oh thank God." Cried K1 as he rushed over and hugged Belldandy.
[God." Cried K1 as he -> God," cried K1, as he]

 Belldandy was a bit surprised when he started crying.  "You're finally
back."
[crying.  "You're   two separate paragraphs:  crying.
     "You're]

    Skuld glared at the college student. How dare he leave such a mess for
her oniichan to clean up? Urd just shook her head. {You just can't live
without her, can you?}
[Why the difference in the presentation of thought?]

    A short while later, all four were sitting at the table drinking some
tea Belldandy had quickly made.
[the table drinking some -> the table, drinking some]

 Keiichi had calmed down somewhat and was relating what had been going on
since the goddesses had left.
[going on since the -> going on, since the]

    "You think I don't know that!" yelled Keiichi. He then calmed down. "I'm
sorry. Its just that..."
[Its just that...-> It's just that . . . ]

    "At first I thought she went somewhere for spring break.
[At first I thought -> At first, I thought]

 But then a week after spring break her teachers started to call and said
she hadn't reported back for class."
[spring break her teachers -> spring break, her teachers]

    "Where was the money mailed from?" asked Skuld as she typed on her
laptop.
[Skuld as she typed -> Skuld, as she typed]

 A few others and me all ready went down there, but we didn't find anything.
[A few others and me all ready went down there,  ->  A few others and me
already went down there,

 Although she's the usual suspect on stuff like this; if she wanted to take
advantage of us not being here she would have taken you.
[here she would have -> here, she would have]

    "Guardian Angel-19," explained Belldandy. "Its one of heaven's
surveillance satellites that we use to monitor Midgard. This definitely
rules out Mara."
[Its one of heaven's  ->  It's one of Heaven's]

 Mara wouldn't let on of these satellites track her."
[on of these -> one of these]

    "So where is he Skuld?" asked Belldandy.
[he Skuld -> she, Skuld]

    "According to this, Guam." Answered the norn of the future.
[Guam." Answered the norn of the future -> Guam," answered the Norn of the
future]

 Nor was there anyone to see Belldandy come out of a mirror in the bathroom
or Skuld pop out of an ice bucket.
[bathroom or Skuld -> bathroom, or Skuld]

    Sure enough, there on the beach in a one piece swimsuit was Keiichi's
sister.
[beach in a one piece swimsuit was  ->  beach, in a one piece swimsuit, was]

 She was not tied down like some had expected and in fact looked quit
relaxed.
[quit relaxed.  ->  quite relaxed.]

    "Oh I've been swimming, racing," Megumi then blushed. "and doing other
things."
[Oh I've -> Oh, I've     blushed. "and   can be   blushed. "And   or
blushed, "and]

    Keiichi and the others just stared at her until they heard a voice from
the side.
[at her until -> at her, until]

    Keiichi and the goddesses turned to see a boy holding two ice cream
cones and looking at them warily.
[cones and looking -> cones, and looking]

 The boy looked to be Megumi's age maybe a bit younger and was very well
built.
[age maybe -> age, maybe]

 It wasn't good for the goddesses to use their powers in such a public place
and he didn't know if he could handle this guy.
[place and he -> place, and he]

    "Oh thank you dear," said Megumi as she rushed up and grabbed one of the
cones.
["Oh thank you dear," -> "Oh, thank you, dear,"]

 Honey, this is my big brother Keiichi, his girlfriend Belldandy, and her
sisters Urd and Skuld.
[Skuld.  -> Skuld."


To be continued?
[Yes please.]
     [A word of advise to Ranma and Megumi, if the Tendos and the fianc�
brigade haven't found you in three months, stay on Guam!  On maybe they
have, and are under lock and key.]



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