----- Original Message -----
From: "DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net>
To: <ffml@anifics.com>
Sent: Thursday, June 12, 2003 11:56 AM
Subject: [FFML] [fanfic][xover][A!MG/?] Inside the System

Only looked over this twice, so there's plenty to work with, I'm certain.


Inside the System

An Ah! My Goddess crossover fic.

**My comments: **

Keiichi couldn't help smiling. They sounded just like a married couple.
Maybe someday it would become a reality. He had long ago accepted he and
Belldandy were meant to spend a lifetime together --after all they had

been

through, only a fool would have thought otherwise-- it was just a matter

of

graduating and acquiring a job he could make a living at before they could
take that step. Curiously, he felt no rush or panic at proposing. A touch

of

anxiousness, perhaps, but that was it. All would happen in good time.

Their

relationship had been like that from the beginning. It was like a seed,

one

that had grown slowly, but its roots ran deep, and would one day bear the
sweetest of fruits. There was no need to hurry. They had all the time in

the

world.

<snip>

Having to focus his attention on the road took the edge off his concerns

to

the point of which he was left wondering if he had imagined the whole

thing.

Generally, Belldandy was so carefree one could mistake her not being as
cheery as usual as worry. And if he was correct, if there was some problem
she felt reluctant to share with him, they would deal with it together,

like

they always did. They had fended off everything, from Mara's shenanigans,

to

The Lord of Nightmares, to Celestine's Apocalyptic designs. When one had

to

deal with problems of that magnitude, others tended to seem small and
unimportant by comparison.

**Couple of minor points- that should be "Lord of _Terror_" nor _nightmares.
Also, if this story includes the events of the movie, Keiichi's already
more-or-less graduated and working pretty much full-time with Chihiro Fujimi
over at Whirlwind Garage; So, this blip can be solved a couple of ways:
either just delete the Celestine references, or make it that K1's on his way
to work, instead, perhaps to make some important presentation with Chihiro
for a new client. This might actually work *better*, since that way you can
do that little bit of character business with "Tomo" using Chihiro instead,
and K1 would be definitely certain that Bell wouldn't mind having her over
for dinner. He still hangs around the Motor Club house, too, if that setting
is a concern.


<snip>

The man bowed slightly. "I'm sorry. Where are my manners? My name is Neo,
and I've come to help you."

**Oh you bastard. You bastard. The scary thing is, they fit together nicely.


<snip>

"This world around you, the skies, the ground, the animals, the plants,
everything you eat, everything you breathe, everything you can see, and I

do

mean everything, isn't what you think it is. It isn't real. All of this,"

he

waved his hand through the air. "Is an illusion. It's the most complex
computer program ever developed."

Keiichi laughed. "Oh, heck. I already know about all that."

Neo came to a dead stop, and for the first time since Keiichi had seen,

was

gaping in open shock. "You... know? You know it's all a program?"

"Yeah. It was explained to me a while ago," Keiichi confirmed.

**LOL! That's perfect! That'd stop him dead in his tracks, alright.

Neo: "Whaddya mean, you _knew_! Geez, was I, like, the *only* person who
didn't?"

It was Neo's turn to think. "I'm not sure I'm familiar with any Belldandy.
It's a pretty distinctive name. I'm sure I'd remember it from the

personnel

lists." Neo shook his head, as though clearing it of the distraction. "So
she told you the truth and offered to free you from the system?"

The question caught Keiichi off-guard. "Free me? From Yggdrasil? Ah, no."

**Yeah, to Keiichi's PoV, that'd be bad, leaving aside the whole Bell issue,
that'd still be bad.


<snip>

Good ending, and the fight between Bell and Neo was well-orchestrated, and
gripping. I *do* think the piece as a whole would be strengthened by
removing the final explanation by the Architect- it kinda lays everything
out a bit too pat. Leaving that out still gives you a bit of closure, while
leaving the possibilities more nebulous, and making the Goddesses' motives
more ambivalent to the reader. Still, it's a damn clever idea. Well done.

Dave Menard
"Cthulhu, I Choose You!"
Scribblings and Brain Droppings @
http://members.rogers.com/spghome/index.html



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