Seems like lots of people a little to say, but nobody
seems to be doing a full C&C.  So I will.  As always,
take what you find useful and leave the rest.

She stood waiting under a halogen lamp, wearing a

The first time through (starting with this chapter) I
had no idea who was dreaming this or what was going on.
Second time the "who" seems clear enough.  You might
consider a reminder of some sort here, perhaps a bit
of description suggesting Cho.

"Oy. Up and at 'em, mate."

This line, attributed to Ron, seems vaguely Cockney to
me.  I don't remember Ron's dialog in the books being
Cockney.  Elsewhere you seem (to me) to actually shade
from Cockney into Australian.  You may want to look
over Ron's dialog herein a bit.

"Keroberos," Dumbledore interrupted, "are you saying
you'd want to be around to see what happens when a
young, untrained witch tries to learn basic spells
using Clow Reed's Key?"

"...Sakura-chan, you'll need a wand," Keroberos
decided.

Heh.  Rather nice way to rank the Key for us.

lady is going to attend Hogwarts this term, and
she'll require a custom wand."

This, OTOH, stretched my disbelief quite a bit.  He
had one on the shelf for Harry, after all.  I thought
maybe just having Ollivander rummage through his
rarer wands a bit would do.  But maybe you have a
reason the core needs to be a hair from Kero-chan.

"Polywood, brassroot, lasomorph resin...Merlin's
beard, this has FOUR magical cores!" He glanced up at
Dumbledore sharply. "Albus, what in God's
name is a child her age doing with such a thing?"

Again, nice way to give us an HP-verse ranking for the
Key.

photograph of Lily Potter with her arms wrapped
around the neck of a great stag.

Harry laughed. "That's my dad," he said.

This, too, was a nice touch, I thought.

Sakura tried not to look too nervous about that
comment; Tomoyo was a dear friend, but sometimes...

My own opinion, for what it's worth, is that you've
overdone Sakura's nervousness vis-a-vis Tomoyo just
the slightest bit.  I think I'd recommend stopping at
the semi-colon, for instance.

Overall, very entertaining reading.  You seem to keep
the HP characters IC; Ron's dialog was the only thing
I noticed at all.  Ditto the Sakura characters.

The HP-verse herein seems to me not quite in tune with
JK's presentation.  For one thing, there's little trace
of her wit in naming things.  Nothing in this chapter,
and I can remember only one clever name in the others.
I did like using magic items for translation; I don't
remember her doing that, but it seems logical enough.
OTOH, if such items were that common, we wouldn't have
that moment of embarrassment for one of the Ministers
early in book 4.

Again, nice work.

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