Donny Cheng <donnyc@osb.att.ne.jp> writes:
Stop moving around, youre making me nervous now, Serenity
chided as the maids opened to doors for her. She almost giggled as
Endymions jaw dropped at her appearance. I take it that this is to
his Majestys liking?
Throughout the fic, quotation marks (both single and double) come
across as odd characters.
Serenity had the decency to blush as she remembered her maids
were still in the room. They were looking at their feet as long
suffering employees accustomed to their employers carelessness were
wont to do. Okay, lets go. Loosen up, Endy-chan. Were going to a
masquerade, not a battle. Nobody will know who we are so we can mingle
freely.
I don't know that 'employees' goes well with maids. Seems
too... egalitarian for a society with a deeply stratified social
layer. But I may be projecting. I'd suggest '...as long-suffering
servants accustomed...'
Rei stood in the middle of a throng of men that hung on her every
word. Out of uniform, she was not the respected and out of reach
Senshi. She was simply another woman. A very beautiful woman. She
wore a strapless black evening gown that sparkled with priceless
jewels, but they paled compared to her own brilliance&. Endymion
coughed. Or at least that was what he heard the other men whisper.
Everybody else is referred to by their planet (Venus, Jupiter, so
on). Why is Rei different?
Endymion slept soundly, his mission accomplished for yet another
day. He had held his ground.
Did he really, though? ;-)
At any rate, an amusing story, although I can't say anything about the
characterizations (almost all of my SM knowledge comes from Ranma/SM
crossovers, so is suspect).