The Explanation
                                by Ken Arromdee

    Amnong all the little frustrations of being an Eva pilot and working for
Gendo, Shinji was concerned with one particular one.  Ayanami Rei.  That
strange pale girl who rarely showed emotion...  It had seemed like she was
coming along pretty well, and then suddenly one day, it was like she had
taken a huge step backwards.  She had been about to come to a true
understanding of human emotion, or so Shinji thought.  He had even gotten her
to smile once.  But it was all gone.

    "Rei, smile for me.  Just once more."

    The pale girl went through the motions, a forced-looking grin appearing
on her face for a second, but she couldn't hold it.

    "Rei, could you ever do that for real someday?"

    Rei thought a moment and answered "I am doing it for real."

    "No, I mean smile because you're happy."

    "Why would I smile because I'm happy?"

    "Because that's what people do.  Can you ever get happy?"

    "I don't know."

    It seemed useless.  The whole idea of really having emotions was something
foreign to her.  Something bad must have happened to Rei that she wouldn't or
couldn't talk about, and he had absolutely no idea what.  Could he possibly
help?

    There was one person who might know, Shinji's own father.  But the man was
such a stranger, and such a bossy person, that Shinji would never visit him
just to get some information.  Still, he was the only choice.  And there was
always a first time for anything.  Shinji had gotten used to NERV, even
deciding at the very start not to run away, he had learned to get along with
Asuka, at least a little, and he had even started making friends among his
classmates.  He may have been afraid of Gendo, but it was time to conquer his
fear for the sake of his friend, and pay him a visit anyway.

                                *   *   *   *   *

    "I must admit I hadn't expected you to come to me for something like this",
said Gendo.

    "Are you really going to tell me?" wondered Shinji.

    "I'm going to show you" replied his father.  "Do you really want to see
it?"  The boy nodded in response.  "Very well, Shinji.  Then follow me."

    Gendo led Shinji down a maze of NERV corridors, passing through several
high security sections full of uniformed personnel and bizarrely-named rooms
the like of which he'd never seen before.  One security guard tried to stop
them, but Gendo warned him away with a curt glance.

    Finally, they arrived at a room, buried deep within the complex.  When
Gendo opened the door, the light filtering in from the corridor showed only
the vague shape of some huge and unknown device.

    Gendo must have been familiar with this room, or at least with others like
it, for he was able to reach directly into the darkness and flick a switch on
with no hesitation as his fingers searched for it.  Suddenly the room was
filled with light.  Shinji could see the piece of equipment clearly; it was
really a tank, and it was full of people.  No...  not just people.  There must
have been at least two dozen bodies in that tank, and they all had a very
familiar face, hair, and eyes.  "Rei!" yelled Shinji.  "Rei is...."

    "No", replied his father.  "Rei has only one soul.  These are not Rei;
these are just bodies.  Spare parts."

    "You mean that Rei dies, and she gets another body?  How does that
explain...?"

    "You see, Shinji, whenever Rei gets a new body, there's only so much she
can remember.  Her essence carries over, but not all of her emotional
development.  I told you that the body is just a spare part for the soul.
Well, sometimes a spare part doesn't fit so well.  In fact it would be bad if
it fit too well.  In order to pilot an Eva, you have to have emotional
problems.  If Rei's too human, she's not going to synchronize very well.  So
we make her get a new body once in a while."

    "What are you saying?"

    "Would you like me to explain it again?"

    "No, I just wanted to be sure.  This is all wrong!  Wrong as in a bad
thing to do!  You're telling me that Rei has to be an emotional basket case
because that's what all the Eva pilots have to be?"

    "For a pilot to be an, as you call it, emotional basket case is the only
way we can finish the project.  Before those madmen at SEELE use it to..."

    "I can't stand this!  What kind of a man are you, my own father?  How
could you do something like this to people?  Especially my friends?!"  Shinji
turned and fled towards the exit.  He never should have asked Gendo... he
should have known that whenever his father was involved, he'd hate what
happens next.

    Right outside the room was a guard.  Holding a gun directly aimed at
Shinji's face.  "Thank you" said Gendo--to the guard.  "And Shinji...  you're
not going to run."

    "Why?  What are you talking about?"

    "Shinji, as I've explained, in order to be a pilot, you have to have
emotional problems."

    Shinji nodded.

    "But you've been adjusting awfully well lately, Shinji."  Gendo flicked a
second switch, right next to the first.

    The contents of the second tank, suddenly illuminated, left Shinji
horrorstruck.  This one wasn't full of Reis, it was full of male bodies...
looking just like Shinji himself.  One of them opened its eyes and stared at
him blankly.

    "Don't worry, Shinji.  You won't remember any of this.  And your soul
will still be there, even though everyone at NERV will wonder why you're
suddenly saying 'I mustn't run away' again and refusing to deal with life."
Gendo motioned towards the guard, and the last thing Shinji felt was a sharp
stab of pain as the bullet smashed through his skull, followed by nothingness.

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