<nausicaa@attbi.com> writes:
I'm not sure if I'm happy with it yet, but I managed to finish this one last night so here it is.
Nothing fancy, really. Just a silly Ranma 1/2 story. Enjoy.
Amusing, although I was so busy preparing myself for the twists I
expected that I didn't enjoy it as much as I should have.
All characters created copyrighted and owned by Rumiko Takahashi. Used without permission.
I think that should be 'created, copyrighted, and owned by' (ignoring the
terminal serial comma issue), unless you're affirming the Berne
convention that at the moment of creation, a creative work (or
character) is copyrighted.
Bonk On The Head
M A Davis / Miko
"Come on, Ranma! Fight me for real!"
Akane Tendo skipped backwards to the edge of the roof. She planted her
feet. The wind tugged at her yellow gi, and her eyes flashed with determination
as she assumed a defensive crouch. It was a sunny Sunday afternoon, and for
once Ranma had agreed to spar with his fiancee. But she still wasn't satisfied.
Why would they be sparring on the roof?
Ranma cried out. He made a desperate leap forward to try and save her,
but it was too late. Her head hit the rocks ringing the pool with a sickening
crunch, and she collapsed like a rag doll.
I'm not sure 'collapsed' is the best term, since she's already
horizontal and in the water, presumably.
He didn't notice Nabiki still standing nearby, in the shadows of a tree that
bordered the property. She watched as Ranma walked away. She raised an
eyebrow.
"Anything?" she repeated.
This scene suggested Nabiki is in a conspiracy of sorts. (If she had
been smoking a cigarette in the shadows... :-) I honestly thought for
most of the story that Nabiki was behind the bodyswap, somehow. If this
isn't an intentional red herring, you may want to reconsider the
scene.
When he awoke, his head was pounding like an unbalanced washing
machine. He groaned, sat up, and waited for the room to stop spinning about.
Slowly everything came into focus. He blinked. He looked around.
Although the room was dark, he could see enough to know that something was
wrong.
What was he doing in Akane's room?
[...]
Frowning, he ran across the roof, flipped through the window into the room
he shared with his father, and quickly stripped. Seconds later, dressed in his own
familiar boxer shorts, silk shirt and pants, he slipped down the hallway and
carefully placed Akane's clothing back in her room.
Having only this one scene be from Akane's perspective made me expect
another twist (that Akane, who thinks she is Ranma, ends up pretending
to be Akane, because she believes that Ranma is actually Akane and is
undergoing a delusion that he is Ranma).
Soun turned on Ranma. "Ranma! This is all your fault!"
Akane was looking more and more confused. "Um.. can someone tell me
what's going on?"
should be 'Um...'
"Well," the Doctor said, "I�m not a psychologist or an expert on how the
This single-quote comes across as a funny character on my system
"Really, Dr. Tofu," Nabiki said, "this isn't exactly an episode of Gilligan's
Island. Maybe Akane needs to see a psychiatrist...."
Yay! Nabiki voices what everybody should be thinking. I mean, it's not
like Dr. Tofu has any psychological issues of his own... But of
course, a neurologist would be at least as important, in case there's
physical damage to the brain.
"No," Soun Tendo said. "What Dr. Tofu says makes sense." He turned to
glare at Ranma. "If you love my daughter, son, then you will do this. It's only
for a short time... isn't that right, Dr. Tofu?"
Of course, as we all know, Nabiki is a traditional obedient daughter,
so will meekly accept what her father decides.
"The Full Body Cat Tongue, to be exact." Dr. Tofu splashed Ranma with
the contents of his cup. Instantly, Ranma was female. "You remember that one,
don't you?" Tofu said. "It makes your body as sensitive as a cat tongue. Even
lukewarm water will seem boiling hot to you, and you will therefore find it
impossible to transform. After all," the doctor added, "we certainly don't want
you transforming in front of Akane. That could be catastrophic."
I suppose it'd make sense that Tofu'd remember its location, although
he never struck me as being quite skilled enough to apply
it. However, this gets into the whole nature of the Phoenix Pill
cure. Did the Phoenix Pill simply make it so he could stand the
apparent temperatures of water under the cat's tongue, or did it
entirely remove the effects of the cat's tongue?
But those are irrelevant. From a story perspective, shouldn't somebody
have contacted Cologne to see if she could create another Phoenix
Pill? And, more importantly, what would be in it for her to do so?
(it'd be the height of something if after all this Ranma was stuck as
a girl, or ended up being carted off to the Amazons, when carrying
around a thermos of cold water would do almost as well).
"Indeed," the doctor said. "It's quite serious. In fact, I think you should
avoid hot water for a while."
"Avoid hot water?" Akane stared at Doctor Tofu as if he'd just told her she
had ten days to live. "I can't do that, Doc! I'd be stuck as a girl!"
"Yes," Dr. Tofu replied, "but it's best that you don't transform for now.
Transformations could aggravate your head injury. Because of this, I've given
you a special moxibustion, to prevent you from transforming...."
So why would Akane avoid hot water, if the moxibustion prevents her
from transforming?
"If you're going to imitate Akane, then it's best to dress in her clothes,"
Kasumi said. "Hmm, a white blouse would work, but...."
";Look," Ranma said, "I never agreed to this harebrained scheme of
Tofu's...."
"Look,"
"Yes," Kasumi said, "or a white cotton bra and the yellow-striped panties
would work just as well...."
"No!" Ranma blurted out. "Are you two even listening to me? I ain't doing
it! No way, no how!"
"Ranma," Nabiki said, arms folded across her chest. "Have you forgotten
the promise you made to my sister?"
"Promise? What promise?"
"After you hit her and knocked her out. You promised to do anything in
your power to make it up to her. I believe you even said, 'Whatever it takes.'"
Here's where the motivation becomes a little hard to believe. Ranma
takes his promises more seriously than he does making sure Akane's all
right? (Ranma doesn't seem to respect Tofu especially in this fic, but
so far 100% of the consulted medical authorities have said he needs to
do this, for her health.
So yes, I can see Ranma doing it, but it feels like he's doing it
because of his promise, which I don't buy.
"Mr. Tendo?" Ranma asked. "Where's Akane?"
"Now, now," Nabiki said as she came down the stairs behind Ranma.
"Remember your training. You are Akane. Your fiancee is Ranma."
fiance
(fiance is for the male one, fiancee is the female one in an engagement)
"Ah... sure thing, Mr... I mean, Daddy." She'd been coached by Nabiki and
Kasumi.
"Wah!" Tears began flowing down Soun Tendo's cheeks, and he wrapped
his newly-christened daughter in a tight hug. "You called me 'daddy'!"
"Whoa!" Ranma exclaimed. "Mr. Tendo, take it easy...."
"No, no, no!" Soun pulled back, grasping Ranma by the shoulders. "Call
me father. Please!"
But she's calling him 'Daddy', not 'father'. Perhaps 'Consider me your
father. Please!' ?
"Yes, father," Ranma replied.
"Oh, my sweet daughter Akane!" Soun exclaimed, wrapping Ranma in
another tight embrace.
"Mr. Ten.. I mean, Dad..." Ranma began.
"I promise to be the best father you've ever had!" Soun cried.
"Well, that won't be hard," Nabiki said with a smirk.
Heh.
"Never-the-less, you're suppose to play the role of Akane. If you don't do
what Akane would do, then my sister might have a relapse. We don't want that,
do we?"
A relapse into what?
[snip the rest]
Well, as I said, I thought it was amusing. Most of my objections to
events you brought up in the story and had people address them, which
I think is the best tactic overall for dealing with them; but in the
end, I had a really hard time buying that Akane would be able to
duplicate Ranma's moves quite so easily (without the conditioning that
Ranma went through; we know from, e.g., Mt. Terror that some of
Ranma's speed is quite taxing, even after he had been doing the
chestnut fist for a while). So I give plenty of points to you
confronting the issues, I just wasn't convinced. I could certainly
see her winning battles by luck, or by merging her style with Ranma's,
or by having the entire family running around in the background trying
to support her delusion... or a combination of same.
As for the neko-ken, since Akane is under a delusion anyway, why
wouldn't she have run away for a while, and then pretended she was a
cat? She may not have been able to shred anything, but she could
certainly act like a cat for a while...
I thought the middle sagged a little bit; some of the Mousse issues
were amusing (Akane fondling Shampoo, and Shampoo trying to foist
Mousse off on Akane springs to mind), but it started getting a little
long; Akane was such an effective replacement for Ranma that the
events didn't seem particularly novel. Incidentally, Akane's skill at
replacing Ranma was getting stressed so much that I started bracing
myself for everybody deciding to keep it like it was (and there were
more red herrings for that strewn through the fic).
But all in all, good story!