Field Trip
An Azumanga Daioh fanfic

Any and all C+C is appreciated. You can contact me at
sommer@3rdm.net

All of my fics are stored at the following:

Larry F's new address at:
http://www.rakhal.com/florestica/d_b_sommer/index.html

Or R+C books at:
http://dbsommer.rcbooks.org

And also Angcobra is now storing all of my fics, at
http://dbsommer.web1000.com/dbsommer.html

Standard Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any of the Azumanga Daioh
characters. They are owned by their Azuma Kiyohiko.

Writer's note: As in keeping with the series, this is a stand alone thing
that has no huge overall plot or is the least bit serious. It's just an
excuse to have some largely pointless fun.

'~ ~" indicate title markers to the scene, as many scenes in the anime had
their own individual titles.


Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

~Passing the Buck~

Yukari stood next to the door of the school bus, making certain her entire
homeroom had a clear view of her. Nearly yelling, she stated, "Class, I want
you to know that this field trip to the science museum is not for fun! You
are here to learn, learn, learn, and nothing but learn! And don't you dare
try to pull a fire alarm to evacuate the building so you can get out of
being bored to death, then sneak away in the confusion so you can laze
around and look through all the shops located down the street, especially
the ice cream parlor on Tenth, or the little boutique on Ninth."

Tomo was the first to ask, "Who would do something like that?"

"It definitely wasn't me when I had a field trip here during my high school
days," Yukari stated firmly, then ushered the others to, "Now, hop on
board."

The class herded themselves onto the bus in an orderly fashion.

"This is going to be fun." Chiyo was all but squirming in her seat in
anticipation, though she was careful not to bump Sakaki, who was seated next
to her.

Tomo, located in the seat directly in front of her, sat up and turned
around. "Have you been there before?"

Chiyo nodded. "My father used to take me there once a year. They have lots
of different things, and all of them are really neat. They even have a small
dinosaur exhibit"

Seated directly across from them, Osaka interjected herself into the
conversation, "My parents took me to a museum that had dinosaurs once. It
was on this island that you could only get to by flying. And it was all
outdoors, so you had to drive around, and you got to see all the different
dinosaurs penned up in their natural environments. Only someone sabotaged
the main power generator, and the dinosaurs got out and started eating
everyone. It was very scary."

"It was called 'Jurassic Park', and it was a movie, not a museum!" Yomi
snapped from her seat next to Tomo.

"Oh, that's right," Osaka said slowly, now remembering the event with
somewhat more clarity.

Conversation died once the entire class boarded. Yukari took a quick
headcount. Satisfied with the results, she looked at her watch and frowned.
She turned to the driver. "We're running a little late. I'm pretty good at
driving buses. Almost as good as I am at cars. Want me to take over?"

Chiyo's whole body began to quiver uncontrollably.

"We have to stop her," Yomi hissed.

"Tell her you're sick," Tomo suggested.

"But I'm not sick," Yomi pointed out.

Tomo punched Yomi in the solar plexus, instantly winding her and doubling
her over as she gasped for air.

Tomo shot to her feet and said, "Yukari-sensei! Yomi is out of breath! Could
you come over and help her?"

"What do I look like? A nurse?" Yukari grumbled, but moved towards the back
to see what she could do.

Feeling as though he had just avoided something terrible Fate had left in
store for him, the bus driver pulled out and drove off the school grounds
and into the city.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Here we are!" Yukari said merrily as she led the class through the glass
doors and into the interior of the museum. They were met by an older woman
who wore an official looking blue uniform and had a name tag that said,
'Tour Guide' attached to her lapel.

The tour guide gave a warm and pleasant smile to the group and bowed.
"Greetings, everyone. I'm Misao Sakamoto, and I'll be conducting today's
tour through the museum."

Everyone greeted her and bowed back.

"Why don't we skip the rest of the introductions and get started with the
tour?" Yukari insisted.

"My, you're certainly eager," the woman said happily. Her poise and demeanor
shifted to a somewhat more authoritative one. "Now if you'll step this way,
we'll start with the Hall of Rocks, were we have various minerals from all
around the world put up on display. I'll even show you the lab that's
connected to it, as we still do experimenting on some of the samples and
such."

The guide began leading the group toward the nearest archway. The class
moved forward in an orderly fashion, save Yukari, who moved backward in an
orderly fashion.

The guide noticed the odd behavior. "Ah, Miss. The tour is this way."

Yukari nodded. "I know. I figured I'd stay out of your way and wait by the
bus while you conduct the tour."

The guide was alarmed as Yukari continued moving backward toward the door.
"But they're your class."

"Yes, well, they're in your more than capable hands now." Yukari didn't
pause as she inched her way closer to the doors.

"But it's usual for their teacher to accompany them," the Guide countered.

"I have unique teaching methods," Yukari said.

"Aren't you interested in learning something?"

"No. I'm a teacher. I don't need to learn anything."

"But what if something goes wrong and you're not there to keep them in
line?" the flustered Guide complained.

"Hey! You're the one that's teaching them and giving them the tour. That
makes them your responsibility now, not mine." Before the guide could offer
further protestation, Yukari turned and bolted out the doors, cheering
loudly about being free.

The guide was left staring in slack jawed wonder.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hmph, trying to foist her responsibilities on me. How lazy can you get?"
Yukari complained as she entered the parked school bus, walked all the way
to the back seat at the rear, and proceeded to lie down. Within seconds she
was snoring loudly.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

~The Amazing Tomo-Chan~

"-And this is the hall where we keep a variety of minerals found throughout
the planet." The guide, now having regained her composure, allowed the class
to wander about the hall and gaze in wonder at the various exhibits of
stones that rested within their display cases.

Osaka pressed her face against one of the display's protective glass,
fogging up the window with her breath due to her close proximity. "Wow! We
have rocks like that in our backyard."

A small group of her friends huddled around Osaka to take a closer she was
pointing at. It proved to be a rough rock with a black surface, rather ugly
in appearance.

Yomi hesitantly said, "I kind of doubt that, Osaka."

Somewhat crestfallen, Osaka said, "No, really, they look just like that."

"That's a diamond," Yomi pointed out.

Osaka took a second look. She stared at the rock in confusion. "But it's not
shiny and would never fit in a ring."

Chiyo piped up and explained, "That's what diamonds look like when they're
pulled from the ground. It's only after they've been cut and polished that
they look like the ones you see in jewelry stores."

"Oh," Osaka's eyes took on a knowing light, or at least as knowing as she
could manage.

"It's where the term 'A diamond in the rough' comes from," Tomo stated
proudly.

"That's right," Chiyo confirmed.

Tomo gave her a bewildered look. "It is?"

Caught off-guard by the question, Chiyo said, "Ah, yes. Isn't that why you
said it?"

"I was just making a joke," Tomo admitted. She then elbowed Kagura in the
ribs. "Did you hear that? I got a saying right."

"I don't think admitting you accidentally guessed a correct answer is
something you should brag about," Kagura pointed out.

"I'm a diamond in the rough," Tomo  stated proudly.

Yomi peered close, adjusting her glasses pointedly as she looked Tomo up and
down. "No, definitely a lump of coal in the rough."

"Hey!" Tomo said indignantly, then said to Chiyo, "I don't get it."

Chiyo said, "Diamonds and coal are formed from the same basic material. It's
all in pressure exerted on it over millions of years that determines if it
forms diamonds, coal, or something else."

"Oh, it's the same thing then." Tomo said, anger satiated. "I'm a lump of
coal in the rough!" she stated proudly.

"I'm not sure that's something to brag about either," Kagura said.

A door caught Tomo's eye, ending the line of conversation. She pointed to it
and asked the guide, "Where does that go?"

"It's to a lab where they're studying some of the newer rocks that were
brought in. Budget cuts have forced us and one of the nearby science
academies to share space," the guide admitted, somewhat embarrassed. In an
effort to distract the class, she announced they would be continuing on to
the next hall and to gather together.

Within minutes the class organized themselves and began to head out. Tomo
was almost through the arch leading to the next hall when a geode caught her
eye. She immediately broke away from the class and stared at it.

Only Yomi seemed to notice. She too stayed behind, and when the rest of the
class had exited the room, and Tomo remained transfixed by the way the light
was shining off the various crystals, the taller girl warned, "Come on,. Get
moving before we get yelled at."

Tomo gave Yomi a distracted wave of her hand. "Hold on a second. This looks
nea-Ow!" and slapped her hand.

That was bizarre, even by Tomo standards. Yomi asked, "What happened?"

Tomo stared at her hand. "A spider stung me."

"Spiders bite. Wasps sting."

"Whatever," Tomo said, then looked at her hand in wonder.

Concerned, Yomi moved closer. "What is it? Do you feel sick? Did it leave a
bunch of goo behind when you squashed it?"

Tomo began trembling. "What if... what if they're experimenting on
genetically altering things in that lab there?" She pointed to the closed
door.

Bewildered, Yomi said, "I somehow doubt that. You can't genetically alter
rocks, seeing as they have no genes."

Tomo heard nothing as she continued, "What if they're experimenting on
enhancing spiders, and what if I was bitten by one of their test subjects
that escaped?"

Yomi said, "They study rocks in the lab. If they wanted to study spiders,
they would be in the entomology wing, not in the hall of minerals."

"Why, even now its genetically altered venom might be coursing through my
veins and changing me so that I'm gaining the abilities of a spider."

"You know, this is why I don't go to the movies with you anymore. You
believe everything you see," Yomi pointed out.

"I can feel the throbbing already. It started in my hand, and now it's
traveling down my arm. I'm changing!"

"It's probably the venom working its way through your bloodstream. Maybe we
should see if they have a first aid station nearby."

"Ha! You're just jealous because you don't have my amazing spider-like
abilities." Tomo bragged haughtily. "Watch in envy as I start climbing
walls!"

Tomo ran at a sprint towards the nearest wall, then leaped while she was
several feet in front of it, allowing her momentum to finish her flight.

Her entire body met the thick mortar of the wall with a resounding thud. For
just one moment, she clung to the wall. Then gravity beckoned, and Tomo slid
to the floor.

"I told you so," Yomi said.

Tomo shook off the pain. "Wall crawling is like anything else! You aren't
automatically good at it. You need practice." She backed up, ran at a sprint
and leaped up to the exact same spot, impacting just as hard as before.

She met with identical results.

"Again!" she cried, and ran into the wall once more. Smooshed against it,
she gurgled out, "I'm sticking. I'm sticking. I'm sticking. No I'm not," and
slid down to the floor.

Yomi just shook her head at the spectacle. "We'll come back for you after
you've knocked yourself unconscious.

There was a loud 'Whump' as Tomo's body met the wall again.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

~Petting Zoos of the Cretaceous~

"--And this is the Hall of Dinosaurs. We have over a dozen completed
skeletons on exhibit, making it one of the largest collections in all of
Japan. Take for instance this Allosaurus." The guide waved her hand with a
flourish toward the large seventeen foot skeleton that dominated the center
of the room. "It was one of the largest carnivores of the Jurassic Period
and was believed to be capable of speeds of over twenty kilometers an hour
on open plains."

Sakaki barely paid any attention to the guide. Her notice was fixated on a
far smaller skeleton located off to the side. It came up to her waist, and
was about Tadakichi's size. However it was on the lean side, and obviously
bipedal. It's skull, despite being a skull, had a certain feline grace to
it, invoking images of a cat in the girl's mind.

Sakaki couldn't help wondering what it must have looked like millions of
years ago when it was still alive. She could picture it now in her mind. The
tiny creature bounding about vast fields of wildflowers, living in peace and
harmony with its environment, cooing and mewling to its fellow small
dinosaurs that were all identical to it, like a pack of fluffy dogs, save
that they were trimmed with scales instead of fur.

A blush settled on Sakaki's cheeks. If only she could have been there,
seeing the gentle creatures back then. She would approach one, holding out
her hand and letting it sniff her so it knew she was trustworthy. And then
it would let her-

"Hey, Sakaki, what are you looking at?" Kagura slapped the taller girl on
the back, disrupting her fantasy.

Sakaki pointed at the fossil that had enamored her.

"Ohh," Kagura whistled in appreciation. "I don't think I've even seen a
Velicoraptor skeleton that small. Still, it's big enough to bite a hand off
you if you got to close." She crouched low, then snapped her jaws at the
taller girl.

Sakaki drew back, aghast at the very idea. Softly, she said, "I don't think
it would-"

Kagura talked right through her. "Yeah, those things were one of natures
perfect killers, all right. They used to travel in packs, and could bring
down dinosaurs many times their size. Take a look at that big one and you'll
see what I mean." She pointed at something beyond the small Velicoraptor.

Sakaki's attention had been so riveted to the smaller skeleton that she had
failed to notice a taller one behind it. She looked up and into the
ferocious jaws of what was obviously a dinosaur with very many, very sharp,
teeth. The skeleton had been posed for maximum, frightening effect, as
though the creature was about to gleefully pounce upon the helpless
passersby and flay them alive with its sickle like claws and oversized jaws.
The lack of flesh only enhanced its evil appearance. The effect was most
telling in its hollow eye sockets, making it appear malevolent, as though
the monster was waiting for an unearthly force to seize control and animate
it for its twisted purposes. The sight of the ravenous creature made Sakaki
shudder.

She looked down to see that though the original skeleton was indeed small,
it was the exact same species. She remembered her fantasy, and slipped back
into it right where she left off. As the little creature cooed at her
offered hand, it would open its wide jaws, showing off row upon row of
jagged teeth and lunge-

"Ah!" Sakaki drew her hand back and cradled it to her body. Maybe she would
stick to petting cats after all. They were cute and fuzzy enough for her.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

~Blackboard Jungle~

"Let's keep moving, shall we? Next up we have the Hall of Entomology," the
guide said as she led the group down a long hallway and towards the next
exhibits.

"Are they doing any genetic testing on spiders," Yomi quipped.

"No. Bees," the guide answered. "I'm a bit surprised, though. I hadn't
thought they published any articles on it."

For a moment, a vision of Tomo with insect wings jutting out of her back as
she flitted around from flower to flower, burying her face in the petals,
came to Yomi. Just as quickly, she struck the disturbing image from her
mind. Darn that Tomo!

As the class continued walking, a man in a lab coat exited a side door. He
absently tried to close it behind him, but underestimated his grip as it
remained open just enough to allow someone to peak in. Osaka whose slow gait
had caused her to drift towards the end of the class, could not resist the
invitation, and peered inside.

"Wow!" she said.

Chiyo, whose tiny legs also made it difficult to keep up with her
classmates, was the only one close enough to hear the exclamation. Curiosity
getting the better of her, she peered inside as well.

The room was surprisingly large. There were a number of tiers, numerous
chairs lining each tier, in the middle of the room. A large blackboard
dominated one wall. It was covered with numerous letters and symbols in
lengthy equations.

"They even have classrooms here," Osaka said, and promptly entered the room.

Chiyo panicked. "You can't go in there," she said quietly, hoping no one
else would hear and keep Osaka from getting into trouble.

"Why not? It's a classroom, and I'm a student. It's a perfect match," Osaka
said casually as she entered.

Chiyo looked around, hoping to snare one of her other friends' attention and
support her insistence in Osaka leaving the room. However, in the time it
took to stare at the room, the shock of seeing Osaka entering it, and her
first attempt to get her friend to come out failing, the class had continued
onward and was already out of sight.

Chiyo was left with the choice of abandoning Osaka in favor of enlisting
reinforcements to retrieve her, and possibly get into trouble for wandering
into a restricted area, or staying at her side and trying to persuade her to
return on her own before they were missed. Had it been Tomo, Chiyo would
have gone with the former. But since it was Osaka, she was fairly certain
the latter would work... with a little persuasion.

While Chiyo had been torn by indecision, Osaka had wandered up to the
blackboard and stared at it in open wonder, as though she was confronted
with one of the seven wonders of the world.

Chiyo moved closer, reading over the scribblings as well. Child prodigy or
not, she had no idea of what the equations meant. Maybe she'd learn that
sort of thing in college.

She was about to again suggest to Osaka that they leave when the older
girl's gaze changed from wonder to determination. She picked up an eraser
and promptly used it on an 'A' in one of the longer equations in the center
of the board. She then picked up a piece of chalk lying in the tray at the
bottom, and put a 'C' in its place.

Horrified, Chiyo shouted, "What are you doing?!"

"Changing what needs to be changed." Confident beyond anything Chiyo had
previously seen from the girl, she erased an 'X' and wrote in a 'Y'.

"Ah!" Stop! Stop!" Chiyo shouted as she waved her arms around frantically,
more for her sake than it being an effective way to stop Osaka.

Three more times Osaka changed letters to other ones. It was just as she
finished the third one when a loud, male voice boomed, "What are you
doing?!"

Chiyo finally stopped running, though her terrified features remained in
place. She forced her head to turn in the direction the voice had emanated
from. Standing in the doorway to the room was a man dressed in a lab jacket,
pointing an accusatory finger at Osaka.

He moved into the room, a look of anger on his features, "How dare you mess
with my formula, you idiot. I've been working at those equations for months,
trying to get them to make sense and match my theories. I know I was on the
right track and on the verge of figuring out how to make it all work
when..." his voice trailed off as he stared at the board. His accusatory
finger faltered, and rather he pointed it at one of the portions Osaka had
changed. "That's ridiculous, you'd have to substitute..." he pointed at a
second portion, one that had also fallen victim to her actions. "Well, yes,
that would  follow, but only if..." he pointed at a third section, then
blinked his eyes in disbelief. His eyes pored over the entire thing, from
start to finish, twice. By the time he was finished, his jaw had remained
open for so long, and so wide,  that it reminded Chiyo of Kimura-sensei.

Slowly, the man all but breathed out, "My... god. You're right. I never
thought of changing the equation that way. But taking all the alterations
you made now matches the theory correctly. Do you realize you've now made
cold fusion not just a theory, but a reality?"

Chiyo's mouth opened until it matched that of the scientist's.

"I just did what I had to do," Osaka informed him. She then handed him the
chalk, grabbed Chiyo by the hand, and led her uncomprehending form from the
room.

It took nearly a full minute for Chiyo to recover enough to say, "Osaka, did
you really know what you were doing?"

"Of course. It was obvious. I'm surprised you didn't see it as well," Osaka
said firmly.

"But... how?" was all Chiyo could manage.

"I was paying attention," Osaka explained. "There were far too many 'A's and
'X's. By changing them into 'C's and 'Y's, everything evened out, and none
of the letters will be jealous because they're underrepresented." Osaka gave
her friend a satisfied nod of the head.

Chiyo didn't know whether to be relived, or more frightened than ever.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

~Chorus~

The students reboarded the bus. As the first of the noisy crowd entered,
Yukari sat bolt upright and shouted, "I wasn't asleep! I just fell down on
the seat."

Osaka said, "Wow! You must have landed really hard. There's an impression of
the  seat's stitching on your face."

Yukari whipped a mirror out of her purse and gazed at the reflection She
gave an, "Ack!" and put it back. She looked her students over, making sure
they were all present. Personally, she wouldn't have worried if one or two
turned up missing; they'd eventually find their way back from Tokyo, but
parents tended to be overprotective of their children and became
irrationally angry when they disappeared far away from home.

As she continued her count, she noticed Tomo was flicking her unusually
large wrist in an odd way. She continued doing it dramatically, swatting
Chiyo in the head and making the young girl cry out in pain. Sakaki was
quick to move the smaller girl out of the line of far.

"What's the matter with you?" Yukari finally asked.

Tomo said, "I'm trying to shoot a web line. I figure with how large my hand
is now, there's got to be webbing in there somewhere."

Yomi said, "It's probably swollen because of the venom. You really ought to
get that looked at."

Osaka handed Yukari a paper. The teacher looked at it disdainfully. "Hey
now. I'm the teacher. That means I'm the one that gives homework, not the
other way around."

"It's from Professor Mizuhara," Osaka explained. "He says you should give me
an automatic 'A' in science for inventing cold fusion."

Yukari read the note, then crumpled it up and tossed it out the window.
"Bah. Cold Fusion. What practical applications does that have? You'll have
to learn science the way everyone else does: read a textbook, take lab, blow
things up when you mix the wrong chemicals." That was what Yukari did, and
no student could go wrong following her lead.

Once the bus was fully loaded, Yukari said, "Now, did everyone have a good
time?"

A chorus of  "Yes" filled the air.

"Good. Remember to tell your parents that I'm responsible for your fun, yet
educational trip."

Kagura pointed out, "But it was the guide who told us everything. You just
slept in the bus."

Others nodded in agreement.

That made Yukari mutter under her breath. They were being difficult. Why did
the little brats have to make everything hard? "But who was it that took you
to the museum in the first place?" she asked.

"The bus driver," Tomo pointed out.

"But who was it that arranged the trip?"

"The principal in conjunction with the vice-principal," Chiyo said.

Yukari let out an exasperated sigh as the bus started to pull out. "Fine.
We'll make the trip back educational. Okay class, we're going to practice
our numbers in English, and we're going to do it counting backward. I'll
start out with a phrase, which you'll repeat, changing only the number by
subtracting one each time. Are you ready?"

A less enthusiastic chorus of "Yes," said in English came from the group.

"All right. Here we go," Yukari began singing a melodic tune in English:

"One hundred bottles of beer on the wall.
One hundred bottles of beer.
You take one down.
Pass it around.
Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall.
Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall."

Using that as a lead, the rest of the students joined in.

xxxxxxxxxxx

~Osaka DeBeers~

"Going to the museum yesterday sure was fun," Kagura said, as she settled
into her desk and prepared for another day of school.

"Except for the bus driver screaming insanely toward the end of the return
trip," Tomo brought up. "For a while there, I thought he was going to ram us
right into a wall or something."

Chiyo looked at her curiously. "Really? You think he was driving
dangerously? I hadn't noticed."

Yomi said, "That's not really surprising. You have ridden with Yukari
before."

A nervous tic began twitching over Chiyo's eye, but the bout quickly
subsided.

Kagura looked at the clock. "Where's Osaka? She's cutting it awful close
today."

As if an answer to the question, Osaka appeared, rushing through the door to
the homeroom. She looked around until she spotted the group clustered around
Chiyo's desk. She then waved and headed toward them. As she neared, everyone
noticed the paper bag she carried close to her chest, as though it was very
important.

"What's in the bag?" Tomo poked at it, almost threatening to take it out of
Osaka's hands and see for herself.

"I made a bunch of jewelry for you out of the diamonds in my backyard." She
opened the bag. Placing her hand within, she fished it around for a while
before coming out with a necklace. Smiling, she handed it to Sakaki. She
then pulled out other items: a ring for Yomi, a bracelet for Kagura, two
hair ornaments for Chiyo, and a pair of earrings for Tomo. All of the items
were plastic, with hunks of black rock taped, or in some cases glued, into
place. "I had to buy the settings from the kids section at a toy store and
pry out the fake jewels in them, but I think they'll work all right."

Sakaki stared at the rock, mystified. She managed to get out an, "Ah, thank
you."

That broke the silence. All the others gave weak mentions of gratitude as
well.

Osaka appeared relieved by their appreciation of the items. "I need to wash
up. Be back in a minute."

Once she left the room, Tomo said, "This is the most repulsive gift anyone
has ever given me."

"She means well," Sakaki said defensively. "She went to a great deal of
trouble to make these for us. It's the thought that counts."

"That's right!" Chiyo said firmly, and switched her old hair ties for the
new ornamental ones.

Yomi looked at her ring more closely. "You know, this rock does bear an
uncanny resemblance to the rough diamond in the hall."

"Oh, please," Tomo said dramatically. She walked over to the window and
placed one of her earrings against it. "If this was a real diamond, it could
cut through glass." She pressed hard against the window, producing a large
screeching sound as she made a circle with the rock. "See?" she said, and
poked the circle.

It fell out of the window and to the ground below, shattering against the
concrete.

"Easily the best gift I've ever received," Tomo said quickly.

The others nodded their heads in agreement.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

~Writer's notes~

No, really, it is the writer's notes, not an introduction to the next scene.
A bit sillier than usual for the series, but hey, I thought it'd be good for
a few laughs, and it's not like there's a lot of Azumanga fics out there to
compete with (though I'd really like for there to be.) Typical ending with
no real point to it or deeper meaning. Just some basic silliness. Thanks for
reading, and hope you enjoyed it at least a little.
























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