I think I'll reply to all comments at one.
4. Now a CotS descrepancy; in that universe, Earth is probably a legend,
being so far in the future. The Abh probably don't even know or care about
its existance, they're so wrapped up in their territorialism that to go out
of their way would be foolish.
Lafiel was challenged during her honeymoon. She really didn't like the
interruption. Without caring about legends or territory she went to give
Lain a good whack, there's nothing more to that.
5. What the Abh are doing when Lain institutes the Declaration of war.
Yet another strike. Even as the Empress, I have a feeling the Lafiel takes
after her people and would seek to expand the empire she rules.
She's not the Empress, just an admiral. Her time of f�roth isn't over
yet.
By nature, the Abh are the agressive type and therefore the ones who
should have been the ones instigating the fight.
I get the impression you take this fic a lot more serious than it was
intended. ^_-
I use those two based off of spoilers I read from the net, for I've not
seen the series at all. If I am wrong in my assumptions regarding CotS,
then I am sorry.
Actually, by watching the first episode of CotS, it is explained that the
Abh are the only ones with space travel. More like, they are the ones who
control all space travel in the galaxy.
The Abh are not alone in the galaxy. Especially in this one.
At any rate, because the Abh have a monopoly on all space travel in the
galaxy, the Jurians can't exist, hell, no mention of any non-human sentient
race was ever mentioned. And if the Jurians did exist, the Abh and the
Jurians would have duked it to see who gained control of space travel in the
galaxy.
The Abh have a monopoly on all space travel, but only in their empire.
Since this is a crossover I could've thrown in an imperial stardestroyer
but decided against that. Oh yeah, why do you think the juraians wanted
Washu to build Ohki ships for them? They were preparing to battle the
Abh. Heh. ^_^
The marriage between Lafiel and Jinto is also rather unbelievable. It's
mentioned in the first or second episode that the Abh have extended
lifespans, at least twice the lifespan of a normal human.
Abh live about 200 years without becoming old in appearance.
And it was also mentioned, later on in the series when conflict erupts,
that by the time the conflict ends or when Lafiel accepts the throne,
then Jinto will be long dead.
The conflict isn't over. Lafiel isn't Empress yet and still works in the
military. Jinto is quite alive judging from the action in the bedroom
after the fleet returned to Rhalc�Thor. ^_^
To stay a bit more canon: I'm not sure how much the Abh can do about it but
as a noble Jinto's probably living longer than the average human.
The entire Plug Out fanfiction contained a lot of discrepancies, as
Christian Clark had mentioned,
I know. This wasn't intended to be a masterpiece of literacy, it's only
a little spamfic just for fun.
but please, if you are ever planning on writing good fanfics, please,
please, please finish watching the entire anime series or finish
reading the entire manga or book the series is from.
I watched Lain and everything from Crest that got animated. It's a pity
that the novels are only available in japanese...
Because as far as I can see, this was written because you had an idea, you
needed to base this off of anime, so you grabbed a couple characters from
different anime series, and then shoved them in so that your idea would
work. This could have worked better as original fiction, because that way,
you didn't have to deal with preexisting storylines that will conflict with
your idea.
The "idea" came from techtv. They wanted a fight between Lafiel and Lain.
Well, there it is. Product of my mood created in a few minutes.
It would also have allowed you to create the background material
on your own, which would hopefully, be more detailed and thought out then
this ill thought out fanfic.
I didn't want to create more background and details. It's just a little spamfic
people. No deep hidden meanings. ^_^
The problem with this story is that it is about the Abh kicking Lain's ass
in a morally justified manner.
I don't think a royally pissed royal going to war against someone who
dared to disturb her honeymoon is morally justified. ^_-
The bias does not automatically make it a
bad story, Zen's "The Bitter End" is a very good read. However, making
that bias the center of a spamfic was a great mistake.
Well, that fight was exactly what techtv wanted. Battlefics such as that
seldomly make great stories...
In this case, the idea is that Lain bites off more than she can chew by
annoying the Abh.
Yep. I looked for a not too serious plot device to get the fighting
started. Since this fic is mostly about battle I thought a little
romance could do no harm and brought in the disturbed honeymoon.
Quite simply, that idea is not particularly interesting
to most people.
I agree with you here. Let's go tell that the people at techtv. ^_^
Furthermore, the Abh's ability to do so is a question in
many of the readers' minds, and the author does nothing to convince us it
could happen.
The Abh already proved their war machinery to be quite effective. I saw
no need for further conviction.
Now, Jinto could be around - remember that the immortal officer's
grandfather received those genes, not his parents in vitro. So Jinto could
gain immortality with little stretching of the cannon.
He doesn't need to be long lived since this story takes place in a time
he still would be alive anyway.
If there are other methods of FTL travel, then the Tenchi cast could be around.
The juraians have other means. They don't use gates to travel.
For that matter, the war in CotS starts with the humans capturing and using a
sord. These are minor matters.
However, the treatment of Lain is very poor. Lain's ability to affect
reality, alter everyone's minds, and the nature of the Wired as more than a
human creation is just not addressed. Exactly what happened at the end of
Lain is open to interpretation. You don't have to explicitly say that Lain
isn't the messiah or God herself. However, the image of the city in a dome
on an asteroid really needs to be dealt with. If it doesn't mean that Lain
is part of a strange experiment by others or that Lain eliminated the rest
of the world so that she could learn how to run the universe by dealing
with a single city instead of a planet, then what did it mean?
You're right about me treating Lain very poor. I saw two basic possibilities
to get this fic done. A Crest-like space battle or a Lain-like psychedelic
virtual reality battle. The last one would've been quite challenging but
also complicated. Since I wanted to write a short and easy to understand
story I decided against it and went with the space battle. At first I
didn't intend it to be solely point of view from the Abh, but when the
space station part was done I decided on it to keep the story short.
Without a central theory of the series, you cannot write in it well. This is also
why good Eveangelian stories tend to be very good - the author has taken
all the strange things that are never explained and constructed a reason
they happened, then interacted with it.
I see no way to cover that in a spamfic. This is something for longer
stories.
Now, if I assume that I'm just not getting the idea behind the spamfic, it
could be that the Abh are being used to illustrate the author's idea that
Lain is an unstable child that managed to gestalt into the Wire, shattering
her fragile mind, which was teetering on the edge due to disinterested
parents and a lack of friends. Most of the strange happenings in Lain were
hallucinations and the mad girl managed to challenge a very real world enemy.
You got that right. In order to keep the whole thing short I had to do
something about Lain's abilities. I decided to take the simple path,
make it the hallucinations of an mentally unstable child.
If that is the case, then a great deal more clues are needed to show
it. Personally, if you want to say that Lain is just nuts, I think that
Oh well, it seems I have to write some Lain parts. Will do.
CotS is not a good series to convey it.
You're perfectly right, but the techtv guys wanted a battle between
Lafiel and Lain so I didn't have much choice.
Now, the spelling and grammar are well done; although the formatting could
use a little work. Although the text wrapped at a good point, there was
not always a blank line between paragraphs. Still, it didn't interfere
with my "seeing" the story.
Thank you. Though english isn't my first language and I wrote this story
in a very short time it came out quite nice.
A good list of pointers for your next story is:
1) Only use the cannon you know. That means that you're going to have to
write a divergence if you haven't read all of the source material, or set
it in the material you do know. Do not use cannon that you know of, but do
not know. You will get it wrong.
I completely agree with you.
2) Have a good center for the story. In a spamfic that is the idea it is
trying to get across. In a longer story that would be the plot. Do not
confuse an idea with a plot. An idea (and stories can have several of
them) is almost part of the setting, such as Ranma's sex changing. The
plot is what happens in the story. The trials, successes, and setbacks
Ranma deals with to unlock his curse after Herb splashes him form a plot.
Heh, Ranma again. The icon of fanfic writing. ^_^
3) Characters' actions should have believable motivations; characters'
motivations should lead to believable actions. Comedies give you greater
leeway on this, but you still need it. The characters aren't interesting
if they don't act like real people.
I tried to do that in Plug Out by showing Lafiel dealing with a personal
affront in a rather harsh way. I'm going to add some more Lain to the
mix, maybe it'll work out better.
Ja
Christian "Schobronics" Schober