On Fri, 2 May 2003, Thermopyle wrote:
saw dozens of amorphous, ghostly shapes with my spatial
sense.
Spatial sense? What?
The Abh sixth sense. That weird dot on their forehead is called sensory
organ, and it gives them some sort of 360 degree vision, at least when
combined with the tiara-like thing they habitually wear. That's how
Lafiel's able to catch the ball in episode 2.
Showing a weakness before a vassal, however, was
unthinkable. I glared at the woman as well as I could in my
condition. "Yes?"
Weakness isn't okay, but anger without a reason is? ^_^;
It's part Abriel temper and a part trying to get rid of the servant before
she collapses.
I think.
was about to come to make your highness bed. I.."
highness' or highness's, I think. Both look kind of crappy, though.
Highness' is the correct form. I think.
As I reached to touch his face, Jinto smiled at me reassuringly.
"Don't worry, Lafiel," he said. "It's just a bit of sunburn."
How did he know what the problem was? It didn't seem that apparent from the
way she was acting. Jinto probably wouldn't assume that she'd be confused
about what was going on. There was a scene similar to this in the first
series, IIRC, where Lafiel had trouble adjusting to being on the planet.
Maybe I'm remembering his reaction wrong, but I don't think he'd be
expecting her confusion. He probably didn't have enough time to see the way
she was inspecting her reflection.
He knows since the servant told him that the princess is as red as a
well-done crab, he's got a bit of sunburn himself and Lafiel collapses.
important to me (after all, it was something my father had decided, not I)
Parents, not father. Perhaps the cat had something to say about it,
though...
Remember that Abhs are a genetically engineered race that reproduces
through artificial means. They probably have ways of affecting a child's
appearance through genetic engineering. Furthermore, she was raised by her
father and didn't know her gene donor until serving on Gosroth. Therefore
I think it's perfectly logical for Lafiel to think that her father chose
her appearance.
"Well, I tend to tan rather easily. Usually, when I was a kid, I
didn't get a sunburn more than once in a summer. And most
When I was a kid, I usually didn't...
I have tanned very easily ever since I was a kid.
Please don't start speculating whether space-adapted parahumans can
get a sunburn.
Um. From what little I know of such things, they would simply be very pale
because the skin wouldn't pigment in reaction to sunlight. Don't expect
freckles anywhere... Maybe their skin would be rather transparent. That
would cause very bad burning and might damage more than just the skin, if
they had too little color to protect the deeper parts of their body. It's
an interesting idea; maybe somebody on the list knows more about this.
<brandishes a large trout> Now what did I say, before? ^_-
Actually it's impossible to get a tan if you spend your whole life
indoors. There's no UV-radiation.
This was orginally written in March 2002, but I didn't get around
posting it before. Continuity-wise this happens on Martine, after
Battleflag/Banner II.
Hm. I haven't seen that far, but this should probably have been placed in
the first series, when Lafiel and Jinto go for a long walk on whatever that
planet's name was. It feels misplaced here, because I have the expectation
that it would have already been a problem before this point, so I would like
to see this relocated, timeline-wise.
They travelled by night on Sufugnoff, and Lafiel had a sunhat.
Not much of a chance to get a sunburn.
On the actual writing... you used 'was' a bit too often for my taste, and
sentences were a bit convoluted and passive-sounding. Something you could
do is go through the fic and find every instance of 'was' and see if you
could tweak those sentences a bit to drop the word. It's not always
possible to avoid, though. For the passivity, I started using Word's
readability statistics about half a year ago to eliminate that, and my
writing seems to work better as a result. I'll highlight every few
paragraphs, do spelling and grammar check to find the passive parts, and
then work them out as often as possible. It seems to make a difference.
^_^
Thank you for the suggestions. I know I needed them. ^_^
Anyway, I'm glad somebody wrote a CotS fic. Maybe we'll see a few more in
response to the recent challenge. :)
Oh, right, I forgot that part:
Lafiel Wins (or, it's just one planet):
*KABOOOOM*
"You... You just scorched a planet!?"
"Yes, I did."
"But, but, but..."
"Is there a problem?"
---
Lain Wins (or, in plane space engine failures are fatal):
"Main engine shutting down!"
"What!?"
*SQUEEEEEEZE-SPLAT*
Somewhere in cyberspace, a young girl smiled.
---
Case closed. ^_-
- Jussi Nikander
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