After reading this fic these are the only comments I can think off:

OCCness of Keichii! 

I mean even if that happened to Keichii, what you describe doesn't
seems to justify the major character change for him. Make us (reader)
believe that what happened to Keichii made an earth shattering change
in his psyche that it turned him into something that I've read so far.

An example is: 

After three weeks of self pity and general drunkness because of his
lost at the annual races, which resulted in Keichii's being kicked out
of college, his two sempai tried to console him by getting him more
drunk and watching some training videos that was supposed to distract
him from his problems but instead sparked a dark side in him that he
didn't know... and the story goes on.


Thats my 2 cents!
Motoko Chan

__________________________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
The New Yahoo! Search - Faster. Easier. Bingo
http://search.yahoo.com

             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'