The Love of Paper Dolls: A Gruesome Tale of Self-Inflicted Woe.
An English prose adaptation of
Koi no Kami Ningyou (Volume 19, Part 9 of Ranma 1/2)
by Takahashi Rumiko
 
This is a loose interpretation written by D.L. Granberry. All the characters
and the story are the property of Takahashi Rumiko and her licensees.
 
Readers are advised that this is an interpretation, not a translation of
Takahashi-sensei's story. Many readers will dislike my rather dark rendering
of Gosunkugi's character. Even so, I don't think that I am so terribly far
off the mark. It is purely a matter of emphasis. One could assign this kind
of thing to a hundred and one authors and we would be treated to a hundred
and variations on a theme. It makes me think that writers have more fun
reading comics than others.
 
The interpretation is written in first person and present tense so as to
remain in keeping with the original yarn.
 
 
                    ==================================
 
  
       Every morning at half past six, Akane Tendou passes by here doing her
roadwork. She is everything I am not. She is wonderfully alive. A warrior,
she is healthy, fit and strong, but more importantly, she faces life with a
special kind of confidence that I lack and cannot muster. I suppose that is
why she fascinates me so. She is beyond beautiful. She is beyond strong.
Fate could crush her to the ground and render her both ugly and helpless,
yet her innermost person would arise untouched and victorious over
circumstance. 
 
       I HUNGER for her. I NEED her. I MUST have her. I WILL have her! I
must find a way to TAKE her. She would never willingly have anything to do
with me. It is only by blind luck that I know her at all. Fate and
bureaucratic largess has made me one of Akane Tendou's classmates. The
universe is a funny place when you think about it. The gods are not crazy.
They are comics.
 
       My name is Hikaru Gosunkugi. That's right, "Shiny Six-inch Nail".
Does that amuse you? So what? What's in a name? After all, you don't get a
choice about your name, do you? My parents gave me a name just as your
parents gave you a name. Did you know that Akane Tendou means Root of
Crimson Heavenly Way? Her parents chose her a name that fits her to a tee.
Me? Who takes notice of a nail? Especially if it has been driven all the way
down. I, like most of the Japanese boys my age, am completely subsumed by
the culture that surrounds me. Buried deep, I am an embedded man, out of
sight, and most of the time, out of mind--especially her mind. She is almost
certainly more concerned with taking the garbage out than she is about
whether I am alive or dead.
 
       When I look in the mirror, I am forced to admit that Akane's
obliviousness is more than a little justified. I mean, after all, I am just
a walking dead person in a way. You see, living is something you do. I don't
do much of anything, really, except to desire. I could make really good
grades, but I would have to do something to earn them. I could be a lot more
fit, but I would have to work hard at building muscle. I don't want to do
anything--except to employ magic. Why do anything at all if magic can do it
for you? Why struggle to understand algebra or to memorize kanji? Study and
exercise are a waste of time when one can use magic to compel an answer to
his needs.
 
       I suppose that is why I desire her so much. You see, Akane IS
magic--the magic of a living, doing person.  I NEED that living fire of
hers. I MUST have it. By hook or by crook, I WILL have it! Burning with a
maddening desire, I have risen early so that I can be in a place to meet her
while she is employed in her roadwork.
 
       For all her martial prowess, Akane Tendou is a prudent person. She
uses a route bereft of hiding places from which she can be waylaid. I have
found the only such spot along her chosen route. It is the yard of an
elderly couple. The old man has little else to do, so his yard is neatly
kept and is surrounded by a wooden fence. The fence has no front gate so I
can hide behind the fence, yet leave the yard quickly and unimpeded.
 
       I hunkered down behind the fence some fifteen minutes ago. Now I can
see and hear her coming down the street. Oh, the incredible strength and
grace of her! She holds her arms up and throws punches with sharp
exhalations of breath as she runs. Once in a while, she launches herself
into a full hapkido kick, leaping well over a meter into the air and then
lightly touching down a full two meters from where she began the move. Woe
betides the fool who confronts this young tigress incautiously. She is a
force of nature. Somehow, I must find a way to master her. I simply MUST.
 
       I wait until she passes by the opening in the fence, then I run out
behind her as though I had been jogging for some time.
 
       "Good morning, Tendou-san!" I call out to her. I was quick to let her
know of my presence on purpose. I can't run for more than a couple of laps
without collapsing in agony.
 
    "Oh, good morning Gosunkugi-kun!" she answers over her shoulder with a
sunny smile.
 
       My heart skips a beat and suddenly I find it difficult to breathe.
None of this is from the running. Even I can run more than a few meters. No,
my heart is in my throat and my breath is short because that amazing
liveliness of hers is washing over me.
 
      "Out doing your roadwork, I see!"  I manage to croak out past my
discomfiture. I quicken my pace to stay even with her.
 
       "You come this way every morning, don't you?" I ask.
 
       "Why, yes! I do as a matter of fact. You do too? I look forward to
seeing you tomorrow, then," she answers.
 
       This proves too much. That incredibly happy look on her face as she
speaks to me overloads my senses. I cannot go on. My legs have suddenly
turned into rubber stems. I collapse to my knees as though I have already
run a marathon. An agonizing fire has suddenly built up in my loins, but it
such sweet agony! While I am in this euphoric state, Akane runs on and out
of sight.
 
       The remainder of the day is marked by constant irritation for me. I
want to relive my meeting with her over and over again, but the mundane
insists upon interfering with my reveries. All I can extract from my
memories of that moment are slight twinges, just the faintest echoes of the
powerful surges I felt course through my body this morning. I want to go
home so that I can concentrate on that wonderful moment, but cannot. The day
becomes just another featureless gray panel in the hallway of my life.
 
      When evening comes, I go to bed early, partly because I want to get up
before the sun again, but mostly because I want to relive this morning's
thrill in my head without the noise of parents and television to spoil it.
Alas, it is not to be! I can recall vision of her speaking to me in great
detail. The swell of her breasts and the fine sheen of sweat on her brow are
vivid in my mind's eye, but the thrill is gone. The magic of that moment has
faded completely away. Once again, I am defeated by the mundane.
 
       I live in the Nerima district. The Shogunate once trained its
warhorses here. Now, the greatest of Japan's warriors train here. No one
understands why this came to be. It just is. They are here. I have watched
them from near and from afar. I can tell you that what they do goes well
beyond simple physical prowess. They draw on powerful magicks to become what
they are. It is the magic that makes the real difference for them, not their
finely honed physiques.
 
      Think me ignorant, do you? I know all too well of the bitterness they
readily consume to become what they are. I know all too well how much pain
they endure for the glory of their achievements. I am neither blind nor
ignorant. Nor do I want for imagination. One need not to sip at the cup of
another to know the brew they taste is bitter. One need merely watch the
other fellow's face as he drinks. The pain? Who wants to endure pain? Let us
not be silly!
 
     Sure, I could join them in the struggle to become a great martial
artist. I could, if I wanted, share in their sense of accomplishment, but
what would I gain? A measure of respect? Oh, certainly! They would
doubtlessly respect me for trying. Hopeless determination in the face of
overwhelming odds is respected by most people the world over, but no place
more so than in Japan and among the Japanese. But, such a Pyrrhic a reward
does not seem so terribly satisfying to me.
 
      Besides, why should a bunch of fools studying the arcane and
obsolescent be thought of as so very special? Why aren't they treated the
same as everyone else in Japanese society? Does their skill make them better
than the rest of us? Their pitiful skills have nothing to do with real
power. One day I will make sure they understand that.
 
       As powerful and fleet of foot as Akane Tendou is, she is nowhere
close to the top of the Nerimaen hierarchy. How foolish it would be for me
to try scaling such heights! Such folly would earn me nothing more than a
fond smile and a pat on the back.  No, I shall never settle for such a
meager return on my efforts.
 
       None of them will ever respect me, but they will someday learn to
fear me. Akane will never love me, how could she? But, she will one day obey
me. I will gladly settle for fear in lieu of respect. Obedience will more
than suffice in the place of love. I will one day show them what real power
is, and they will tremble at the mere sound of my name. Comforted with such
thoughts, I sleep.
 
                  ======================================
 
      I waken in the cool gray of pre-dawn and quickly get into my sweats.
My hideaway is a fair distance from my parent's house and it won't hurt to
be early. I am plagued by second thoughts as I leave the house. What will
this foray accomplish? Nothing, save that I might have a chance of again
experiencing the thrill of Akane. It will not really bring her any closer to
me, but in the end, I decide to settle for what I can get--for now. I
promise myself more --much more-- in the future.
 
      To my great consternation, the old couple has left their dog outside,
or perhaps, they just let him out to take care of business early this
morning. While the beast does seem to have a rather strong territorial
imperative, he is not particularly vicious. He satisfies himself with bit of
barking and tugging at my clothing. I ignore him and wait. Soon the old man
comes out of the house armed with nothing more than a broom demanding to
know what it is I'm doing.
 
      I am in deep concentration, straining my senses to their utmost in an
effort to detect the approach of Akane Tendou. I don't want to bother with
an answer for the old man. Who cares what someone that near the grave thinks
anyway? I mumble something about waiting in ambush. The old man says nothing
in reply. I suppose my answer was not quite what he expected. Before he can
say anything, I see Akane approaching.
 
       She is not working her upper body today the way she was yesterday,
nor is she getting in any kicks. This morning she is just running. By the
time I can rise to my feet, she passes the opening in the fence and blazes
on down the street. I run out of the old man's yard as hard as I can,
saying, "Good morning."
 
       But, I find that I have just spoken to a trail of dust. Akane is
already well down the block. I sprint as hard as I can after her, struggling
to get within her range of hearing. It is no use. She is simply too fast for
me, even though she is only running at her three-quarter pace.
 
       "Hey, wait up!" I shout between gasps for air. She seems to cast a
glance over her shoulder in response, but I cannot be certain of that
because something slams into my back, driving me belly down onto the
sidewalk. 
 
       Through vision blurred by tears of pain, I can see that I have just
been run over by that cursed Ranma Saotome and his ponderous panda-form
father. I say ponderous. Saotome-san is amazingly nimble for his size, even
when in his cursed form. The flames of desire that once burned my soul are
suddenly damped by frustration and pain. I hate frustration! I hate pain
even more. I hate not being able to breath even worse.
 
       "Pop, did we just step on something?" the younger Saotome asks his
father, adding humiliation to my day.
 
       Unable to speak, the elder Saotome produces a sign that reads, "I
didn't notice anything."
 
       That's right! I'm so insignificant in this district that they can
just crush the life out of me without really noticing! To them I am about as
important as a bug. Down the street, Akane Tendou has stopped running and is
looking back in my direction. I muster all the strength I can and try to get
on my feet, but to no avail. The pain and lack of air overwhelms.
 
       "Ranma, did you just call me?" I hear Akane ask.
 
       "Nope, it wasn't me." the younger Saotome answers as he and his
father leap over Akane while continuing to spar.
 
       I watch with growing frustration and heartache as she rubs her chin
and asks herself, "Did I imagine it?"
 
       I can do nothing to get her attention. I simply cannot rise up off
the ground. Several minutes go by before my breath returns to me and I can
get up onto my knees.
 
       I take in a deep breath and cry out, "Come back to me!"
 
       But, it's already too late. All three of them are long gone. Damn
them! Damn those Saotome and their unmindful arrogance!  They hold no more
malice for me than they would for a grasshopper. I just happened to be in
the way is all. Damn them! I am not a mere insect to be trampled upon
without so much as a by your leave let alone an apology! Who do they think
they are?
 
       The pain subsides enough that I can finally get up onto my feet. One
of these days, I promise myself, I will master my art, and then I will have
mastered the likes of you, Ranma Saotome! None of you arrogant asses will
ever ignore me again! I shall be the one to have Akane Tendou, not you, you
bastard! I am going to enjoy watching your face when I walk away from you
with her on my arm.
 
       "Are you hurt?" a voice asks from behind me. I don't know who he is,
but I can tell that he is a grown man, much older than me. I turn to face
him.
 
       "I saw the whole thing," the man says. "Pure poison for the soul,
that was."
 
       I cannot be certain of his age, other than he is certainly past
thirty. He is wearing a white fedora that has seen better days and shirt so
loud I feel the urge to clap my hands over my ears. He is wearing baggy
khaki pants and is carrying a battered valise. He is definitely the sort of
fellow who makes living selling junk times door to door. I mistrust him
almost immediately, but like anyone else, I find it impossible to escape. He
drops his valise on the sidewalk and immediately casts his spiel. As anyone
else would, I listen.
 
       "Your love is out of your power, but I have just the thing to end
your misery, if you please!" he says as he drops down on his haunches and
opens the valise. 
 
      "What sort of salesman are you, old man?" I ask him as I drop to my
haunches. Curiosity has the best of me now, and I want to see what he has in
the case.
 
       "Here you go, a dozen paper dolls! Ten percent off!"
 
       I pick up one of them gingerly with tips of my thumb and forefinger.
They are paper dolls all right, but very crudely made ones. Someone cut them
from utterly featureless white paper.
 
       "You just write a command on one of these dolls, then stick it to a
person's back. That person must then follow whatever command you wrote on
the doll."
 
       My mind races ahead. I know there really is such a thing as magic.
Anyone who has ever seen Ranma Saotome splashed with cold water loses all
doubts on the matter, but I also know there is a lot of fakery as well. I
think of a way to test the dolls. I take out my pen and write, "give them to
me" on the doll I am holding.
 
       Alas, this guy has had such a stunt pulled on him before. He is very
nimble for a middle-aged fat guy. He dodges around like a veteran volleyball
player when I try to place the doll on his back. Much to my horror, I
discover that the crafty bastard had a nasty trick of his own up his sleeve.
He has a doll in hand as well, and he tries to place it on my back. I catch
a glimpse of the writing on his doll. It reads, "Buy them for a hundred
bucks." 
 
       We spend the next twenty minutes trying to stick each other with our
respective dolls. Finally, exhaustions sets in on both of us, and we settle
on a price. I pay him fifty-dollars for a dozen dolls.  We part company. I
head for home and I have no idea where the uncommonly honest salesman went.
At least, I have to think that if the dolls actually work he is uncommonly
honest. I don't really know if they will do what he says they will do. All I
have to go by is the way he acted when I tried to put a doll on him. He
didn't try to put a doll on me until I started that little struggle.
 
      I get home with just barely enough time to shower and change clothes
before going to school. I spend homeroom through third period thinking about
the dolls, wondering if they will really work. If they do work, how will I
use them? I can't decide. There are so many things I could have someone do!
 
      Third period is our physical education class. I HATE PE! I HATE IT! I
HATE IT. I HATE IT! It's boring and all of the other guys are stronger than
me. I'm the last guy chosen for any team. Coach despises the very sight of
me. His voice drips with contempt every time he calls out my name. It's
humiliating. I HATE being humiliated because I am not muscled like an ape
and hate the smell of sweat. I HATE Coach. Yet, I do not hate him nearly so
much as I hate that arrogant numbskull, Ranma Saotome. What does Akane see
in that muscular fool?
 
       Oh, sure! She pretends to hate him, but she doesn't. Everyone knows
that she's in love with him. He never shows her the least bit of kindness,
but then he never lets another guy get around Akane, either. It's a
well-known fact around Furinkan that there are two ways to get your ass
whipped fast. One is to run afoul of Tatewaki Kuno. The other is to make a
pass at Akane Tendou. Saotome has no compunctions about shoving a guy into a
hurt locker over her. He's protective of her, but he is never very nice to
her. She loves him anyway. That gives me hope. I don't plan on being very
nice to her either, at least not in private.
 
       Today we are going to work on the high bar. I HATE the high bar. Oh,
sure, I hate PE in general, but I especially hate the high bar. The only
thing I hate worse than the high bar are the rings. Both of them require
more muscle than I will ever have and both are frightening. It's just too
easy to take nasty fall on either of them. The difference between them is
that the rings are more frightening than the high bar and require even more
muscle. Coach sneered at me the other day and announced to me and all who
were present, that if I could do at least one chin up on the high bar, he
would give me "C" for the course and not make me try the rings. Even though
I was humiliated, I was greatly relieved. The rings scare me spitless.
 
       We do our calisthenics, I hate calisthenics, then mob around the high
bar. The coach calls out our names in the usual order. It finally comes my
turn. Damn! Damn! Damn! I can't jump high enough to reach the bar! Coach
grabs me around the waste and boosts me up enough that I can get my hands on
the bar. Everybody laughs and sneers. They keep right on jeering while I
strain to get my chin above the bar. I manage it, but just barely. This
earns me mix of catcalls and cheers, but even most of the cheers are
derisive. I HATE PE! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I let go of the bar
and drop to me feet in the soft sand. I turn my ankle slightly and fall.
More jeers!
 
     Relieved that my worst ordeal of the day is finally over, I sit down
and start thinking about what to do with the dolls. I still have not
actually used one on anybody and I cannot, therefore, be entirely certain
that they will work. It is very frustrating. I need to test them on someone,
but on whom? I am unlikely to get any volunteers and a failure could cause
me no end of trouble, not to mention the six bucks each doll is worth.
 
       "Okay, Saotome!" the coach calls out, "You're next!"
 
       Everyone stops talking and waits with eager anticipation. Saotome,
the arrogant bastard, never fails to put on a Olympic grade performance on
the high bar or rings. Hell, for that matter, the bastard never fails to put
on an Olympic grade performance at anything we do in PE. He could easily
bring home a gold metal for Japan, but will he? NO! That would get in the
way of his precious art. He won't even join one of the high school teams. I
think Coach hates him more than I do because of that. I hope the bastard
loses his grip and goes flying off the bar. Maybe he'll break his stiff
arrogant neck. Hey! Why not?
 
       I get out a doll and a ballpoint pen. My hands are shaking so badly
that I can barely write, but I manage to get the words "fall down" written
on the doll. As Saotome walks by, I slap him on the back and say, "Good
luck, Saotome-kun!"
 
       Saotome gives me surprised stare, laced with a bit of annoyance. He
knows there is no love lost between us, but then he flashes a grin at me
before leaping up to the high bar. The bastard has a grin like Toshiro
Mifune's. He can scare the shit out of you with it.
 
       I breathe a sigh of relief as he goes into one of the most
spectacular high bar routines you will ever see. They guy can even do
reverse giants! He's amazing. I HATE him! I HATE him! I HATE him! I can't
wait for him to fall. I am hoping he breaks his cursed neck! Mind you, I
don't want him to die. Hell, no! That would be much too good for him. I want
him to be paralyzed from the chin down for the rest of his life!
 
       I run around to one end of the sandpit and hunker down on my
haunches. I want to be sure and catch every little detail of his demise. The
great Ranma Saotome is going to get hurt today, and it will be I who hurt
him!
 
       But, he does not fall! He just keeps going and going and going. He
does giants, reverse giants, somersaults that terminate when he catches the
bar...until finally, he tries to do a fancy dismount. He stops a giant
halfway, so that he is doing a handstand on top of the bar, then he folds
into a jack knife and reverse kips away into a front somersault, landing in
the sandpit with both feet together, but then he stumbles and flips high
into the air again.
 
      Pain! Oh, the PAIN! Something has fallen on the back of my head! It
had driven my forehead onto the backs of my hands where I had them resting
on my knees! Oh, the PAIN! I can't remember ever hurting in so many places
so suddenly! OH, THE PAIN!
 
       Through the hum and ringing in my ears I hear a voice. It is Saotome
and he is saying, "Oops, sorry about this."
 
       I then realize that the pain came from Saotome's head striking mine.
The doll worked! It WORKED! Oh, happy day! Calloo! Callay! OH, THE PAIN!
But, never mind the pain. The doll worked. It made him blow his dismount.
Oh, sure! The arrogant bastard is doing a balancing act now. He's doing a
headstand on the back of my head, but I don't care! I do NOT care! The doll
worked and that is all that matters. I have him now! Akane will be all mine.
Saotome didn't break his neck and that is all for the better. I will get to
watch his face as I lead her away. I laugh. I laugh weakly because of the
pain, but I laugh. 
 
       "It's nothing," I tell Saotome and I mean it. It really is nothing
compared to what I will do to him next. This little setback is meaningless!
 
       It takes the dunderhead a long agonizing minute to decide how best to
extricate himself from our painful position. I cannot see what he did, but
it pleases our class. They given him another round of applause for whatever
stunt he pulled. He never touched me with his hands, I can tell you that
much. Even the coach grins at his antics.
 
       I, on the other hand, am merely relieved that his weight is gone from
the back of my head. Ranma Saotome is a highly trained and exceedingly tough
martial artist. He weighs better than ninety-kilos, but does anyone concern
themselves with my condition? Not hardly! They all run over to Ranma and
start asking him what went wrong with his dismount.
 
       This is infuriating! I am the one they should be concerned about!
After all, who was the one most likely to be injured? As I listen to their
jabber, my anger at them cools to smugness. The fool cannot tell them what
went wrong. He hasn't a clue! All the great Saotome can say for himself is
that he screwed up. Suddenly, I am amused. Hearing him stammer out a
non-explanation was well worth a pounding headache.
 
      I go and sit quietly among my classmates for the remainder of the PE
class, nursing my aching head. I desperately want to plan my next move, but
my head hurts too much. All I can really think about is the fact that the
dolls worked and that now Akane Tendou will no longer be able to ignore me.
 
       Oh, will she NOT ignore me! Through the fog of pain I have a little
fantasy. I think of having Ranma nailed to a wall at his wrists and ankles.
In the center of the same room, I am seated in an armless chair. Akane
Tendou kneels between my feet. Her ankles are bound together and her hands
are tied behind her back. We are naked. I tell her what I want her to do.
She complies. Saotome tries to pull away from the wall, and screams in
agony. I tell Akane look me lovingly in the eye while she carries out my
wishes. Fire surges through my loins as I daydream.
 
      Alas, my idle time is over. The class ends and we return to the gym
for a shower and change back into our uniforms. The shower helps a great
deal. The warm water does much to make the pain my head go away and the
presence of other naked guys makes my passions cool to the point that I can
think clearly again.
 
       Why make things complicated by bothering with Ranma at all? Why not
keep matters simple? Akane is what I really want. I'll just go after her.
After all, one must learn to crawl before he walks. I stop at my locker and
slip out another doll. On this one I write, "Please go out on a date with
me." I think that the clumsiness of practice is best eliminated without an
audience. Don't you agree?
 
       Up until today, my dear Akane, you have remained at a great distance
from me, barely knowing of my existence, but from this day forward, my
lovely, you shall become and remain my obedient puppet!
       
       I hurry back to our classroom and spy Akane chattering away happily
with several other girls. With doll in hand, I try my very best to slip up
behind her quietly. Damn that training of hers! Damn! Damn and DOUBLE-DAMN!
She turns and sees me. I knew that she was about to turn because her
shoulders stiffened as I approached. Oh, bother and blast!
 
       "What can I do for you, Gosunkugi-kun?" she asks with her usual good
nature.
 
       I cannot tell her what I had in mind, of course, but she is offering
to have a conversation with me! Oh, happy day! She is actually willing to
speak with me. Wave after wave of pleasure washes over me. I wriggle like a
puppy, unable to speak. I weaken at the knees and my hands come up to my
cheeks without my willing them to.
 
       He who hesitates is lost, even if it is me who paused. Saotome and
two of his oafish friends descend upon me while I am still lost in my state
of uncontrolled bliss.
 
       "See? He stuck one of those to Ranma's back," one of the oafs says,
pointing to the paper doll in my hand.
 
       "What is this a joke? He put a paper thing on me?" Saotome asks.
 
       "Hey! I ain't lyin' to ya!" Saotome's oafish friend replies as he
seizes my forearm. He is just an ordinary oaf, but I cannot break his grasp.
I can feel the bones in my lower arm rub together where he squeezes it.
 
      "He did this right here!" the oaf says, forcing me to place the doll
on Saotome's back. 
 
       The results are instantaneously sickening. Saotome grabs my hand in
his monstrous great paw. It seems to be made of titanium parts wrapped in
stiff leather. I cannot pull my hand out of his. The pain would simply be
too much to bear. 
 
      "Oh, I understand now. We'll go out on date, Gosunkugi!" Saotome
cheerfully announces to all and sundry present.
 
       Oh, what I wouldn't do for a cold glass of water right now! Everyone
is staring at us with horrified disgust. Alas, there is no dissuading the
suddenly gracious Saotome. We are off on our "date"! Never mind school, or
that we haven't even had lunch, yet--Out we go!
 
       He drags me along until we reach the nearest soda shop. There, he
orders us one of those huge sodas served in a large snifter with a garnished
with slices of fruit. There is but the one drink, of course, and two straws.
Saotome is flirting with me, turning his considerable charm up to its full
intensity. I think of asking for a glass of ice water to throw on him, but
the thought of what he might do in response chills me.
 
      After all, we are talking about THE Ranma Saotome here. Annoying him
is dangerous, but even worse could be what his cursed form might do while
under the spell of the doll. He might well become amorous. To be a victim of
Saotome's affections is bad enough, but to be a willing victim is to
horrible to contemplate. I dare not risk it.
 
       But, wait! What if he becomes amorous while in his masculine form?
There is nothing I can do to stop him no matter which form he is in. This is
Ranma Saotome! He will do whatever he wants and I will have no choice but to
yield. Oh, what am I to do? I must get away and quickly, but how? I haven't
a prayer of out running him. The very thought of his...his..No! I mustn't
think of that! Must think of a way to escape!
 
       We finish our drink and he drags me to a nearby park. There is a
carousel there. He lifts me up easily and seats me on one of its wooden
horses, then hops on behind me. Oh, I cannot tell you how frightening it is
to have him behind me. He keeps laughing and flirting and doing his best to
show me a good time, but all I can do is be nauseous. How far will he want
to go? Why hasn't he thought to splash himself with cold water? Is he really
so dense as all that?
 
      As the carousel ride nears its end. I hop down off the horse and
sprint away. I hear Saotome laugh behind me. He shouts, "Wait up, silly!"
 
      I make as many tracks as I can as quickly as I can. Once I think that
I am far enough away, I stop and pull out a blank doll. I just as I finish
scribbling the word "stop" on the doll, Saotome catches up to me.
 
       "Oh, what are waiting for?" he asks. He spins me around by placing
one hand on my shoulder and pulling. He wraps his arms around me and I know
that he is about to kiss me. Just in the nick of time, I slap the doll onto
his back. It's like patting a horse. As soon as the doll makes contact with
his shirt, Saotome freezes. His face suddenly becomes very, very hard. I am
transfixed by those storm-grey eyes of his as they seem to look deep into my
soul. 
 
       "What are you doing?" he shouts as he raps me on the head with the
knuckles of his right hand. "That kind of stuff makes me sick!"
 
       I cannot answer him and certainly would not tell him the truth if I
could speak. The pain in my head is so great that all I really want to do is
to lie down, and that is exactly what I do. Saotome tramps off into distance
still fuming. Even in my agony, I breathe a huge sigh of relief. As I lay
there on the ground, I sudden realize that with great power also comes great
danger. I decide that it is time to go home and rest. Tomorrow will bring
another day and new opportunities. Perhaps I will be able to catch Akane
alone in a quiet place. I will certainly try.
 
                   =====================================
 
       I waken in the cold grey an hour before dawn, but cannot summon the
energy to go out. I have too many aches and pains to try catching Akane
during her morning work out. I'll be lucky if I can manage to get to the
school this day. I reset my clock and return to sleep.
 
      Once finally at school, I see Akane walk into the library. That's
perfect! It's quiet with many narrow spaces between the tall shelves of
books. I am unlikely to have a problem planting a doll on her in there! I
have decided that I do not know enough to form a coherent plan. I must know
more about her. I pull out a doll and write, "Share your diary with me" upon
it. It takes me a few tries to find her, but when I do spot her, she has her
back to me. Perfect! I lunge forward with the doll!
 
       Saotome you cursed, arrogant ass! He grabbed her by the back of her
uniform just as I made my play! He carried her off with one hand as though
she were a mere child. Him and that damnable strength of his! Damn! Damn and
DOUBLE-DAMN! 
 
      Surprised by Saotome's sudden intervention, I stumble with the hand
bearing the doll well forward. I vainly seek something stop myself from
falling flat on my face, but find only air.
 
     "What's going on?" I hear Akane ask as I stumble between a pair of
shelves, unable to stop myself.
 
      "Don't be showin' your back to Gosunkugi!" I hear Saotome say.
 
       I stop stumbling and am prevented from falling by finally placing my
hand against a solid wall. Oh, dear me no! Oh, please, no! Oh, please tell
me it isn't so! It was not a wall, but the back of Tatewaki Kuno instead! I
have stuck the doll onto the back of his gi.
 
       "Oh, yes!" shouts Kuno as though pleasantly surprised. "Now,
Gosunkugi! Let us share our diaries!"
 
       Once again I find that I have no choice but compliance available to
me. Kuno may not be a match for Saotome, but he is a formidable warrior in
his own right, and I am certainly not one who may resist him with impunity.
I follow him over to a table and open my diary for him. Once again I observe
that I am sitting with another male being stared at in horror and disgust by
all and sundry present. Kuno scribbles a long poetic entry in it, likening
our friendship to the newly risen sun. Finished with my diary, he produces
his own and insists that I make an entry in it.
 
      Even though I know I must comply with his wishes, I do so reluctantly.
After all, sooner or later he will remove his gi, or that doll will simply
fall off. What then, when Kuno finds my handwriting in his diary? Oh, yet
another sad day awaits me in the not-too-distant-future, it seems. I do make
an entry into his diary, but I make it as bland a thing as I can think of.
Oh, I did not what anything like this to happen. Woe betides me now, and
will again, ere many days shall pass. I count my blessings as I write. After
all, had I commanded this lascivious boob to date with me, my troubles would
certainly be far worse.
 
        Once finally free of the enthusiastic, if not rather manic Tatewaki
Kuno, I do a bit of thinking. Akane is my real target, but so long as
Saotome is watching her back, I haven't the slightest chance of affixing a
doll to her. I must get him out of the way first. But, how do I accomplish
that? Oh, I have it! If I can get them angry at each other, she or Saotome
will wander off to sulk. No matter which way that goes, Akane's back will be
left unguarded. Given that Saotome is so assiduously guarding Akane's back,
perhaps he is not being so careful of his own. I pull out another doll and
write upon it, "Argue with Akane".
 
       Damned martial artists! Damn them every one straight into hell!
Saotome senses my approach and wheels on me. He seizes me by the front of my
uniform, something a highly trained martial artist never does to a stranger.
After all, there are entirely too many techniques to use on a fool given to
that kind of behavior. For all the martial artist can know, a stranger may
be acquainted with one or all of them. But, I am no stranger to Saotome. The
arrogant ass knows he has nothing to fear from me, or at least, has reason
not to fear me at the moment. Even if I knew one of those tricks, I lack the
strength and skill to use any of them on him. He is carefully and
deliberately insulting me with this move and I know it.
 
       He picks me up off my feet and growls, "Just what the hell are you up
to?"
 
       To my shock and utter amazement, Akane Tendou notices what is going
on. She rushes over to us shouting,  "Stop picking on this weakling, Ranma!"
 
      "What do you mean?" Ranma shouts back at her as he sets me back down
on my feet.
 
       Thrilling chills shoot up my spine. Akane took my side! She's trying
to protect me. As insulting as it is for a guy to have a girl try to protect
him from another guy, I take no notice. All that matters is that she is
trying to protect me.
 
       "Back off of this, goofy!" Saotome shouts at her.
 
       "Who are you calling goofy, you idiot?" Akane rejoins.
 
       "I'm callin' you goofy, idiot!" Saotome ripostes.
 
       Oh, my! I cannot have this! They are fighting already and I never got
to place the doll! It means that I lack control over the situation. I cannot
allow this to happen.
 
      "Wait! Don't fight!" I say, trying to intervene. "I never got to stick
the ..."
 
      This is all I manage to say before they both turn and stiff-arm me at
one and the same time. As I sail across the room I hear Saotome shout, "Back
off!"
 
        "This is between just the two of us!" Akane adds.
 
      I fall into an inert heap somewhere until the pain subsides
sufficiently for me to recover. I rise with genuine anger and renewed
determination. I will be rid of Saotome one way or another! I will NOT allow
him to remain between Akane and me any longer! I sit down at my desk and
pull out another doll. On it I write, "Injure yourself!"
 
       Thus armed, I attempt to put the thing on Saotome's back. He, of
course, refuses to cooperate, but I persist. After a number of inconclusive
lunges and dodges, he catches me overbalanced and forces me to fall forward
onto the cold hard floor. He steps onto my head with both feet and says,
"Forget it, Gosunkugi! It will take you a hundred years to stick that thing
on my back!"
 
       He is, of course, correct. By now my temper has begun to cool and I
am thinking clearly again. I come up with another approach to the problem. I
cannot make Saotome sit still, but a teacher certainly can. The trick is to
have the teacher make Saotome sit in the right spot.
  
       I catch the unsuspecting teacher as he walks through the door. On his
back I placed a doll upon which I had written, "Seat Saotome in front of
Gosunkugi". This works beautifully. The teacher immediately begins reseating
the entire class, and just as I commanded, he seats Saotome in front of me.
 
      Saotome immediately sees the fix he is in and is angry about it, but
what can he do? Nothing! Poor pitiful Saotome! He has no escape from me. I
sit like a spider at the center of her web and gloat at my enemy's
unprotected and indefensible back. Soon he will have done himself an injury
and I will at last be able to make Akane my own!
 
       As I sit and gloat, the unspeakable happens. Akane Tendou takes the
seat immediately to Saotome's left. I don't believe it! It can NOT be!
 
       "Ranma?" Akane asks.
 
       "What's this, Akane? We're sitting next to each other now?" Saotome
responds.
 
       Oh, Saotome you scoundrel! You scamp! You...you cursed arrogant
blackguard! How did you manage this? What is it with you? Is it some kind of
weird luck given you by your curse? I HATE YOU! I hate you! Hate you! Hate
you! Argh!
 
     "I have but one doll left! What will I do now?" I scream out loud as
the realization suddenly dawns upon me. I have screwed up so badly that it
is not funny! Much to my dismay, I find that I have left my seat and am
standing in the aisle.
 
      Akane looks over her right shoulder at me and says to Saotome,
"Gosunkugi-kun is a little strange."
 
      "That's what I've been tryin' ta tell ya! Do ya get it now?" Saotome
asks her in his gruff voice.
 
     Now I am thoroughly panicked. I dare not let things go this badly
wrong. It may well be a long time before I find a way to gain control of her
and make her mine. I must not cause her to hate me before then. Thinking
only that I must immediately do something to repair the damage, I sit down
and write, "Please do not hate me" on the last doll. I manage to stick it to
the back of her uniform before Saotome can move to prevent it.
 
       "Don't be silly!" Akane says to me. "I don't hate you!"
 
       I am suddenly relieved, but then it dawns upon me how badly I blew
it. I could have just as easily commanded her to love me, but asked her not
to hate me instead. I had the power this time, but no plan for using it
effectively. There is more magic to be had out there somewhere, and I can
afford to be patient.
 
 
                                  The End.
       
 
       


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