Sorry it took so long to get to this:

Prelude

Somewhere in the bowels of an underground lair, safely hidden from his
admirers (who often hid their adulation within flames and death threats)

lay

You forget the heads of cows impaled on spikes. Or did I screw up and send
them Jared Ornstead instead?

Probably. I already took a poke at him in the last chapter of Things We Wish
for. :)

a fanfic author who was a legend in his own mind. Suave, sophisticated,
talented, and the envy of millions (and since he was writing his own

Perhaps but millions of *what*? :P

Dollar. Send them to me now, BTW. They want me bad.

His visitor was silent. He was a touch on the slender side, dressed in a
slightly rumpled business suit, and looked quite normal save for one

small

detail: a slightly manic gleam behind his glasses. It indicated he was

not

Not to mention his name tatooed on his forehead..........

Not all the time. Just... sometimes.

altogether right in the head, and was most likely a warped sociopath who
would one day explode, leaving a path of destruction in his wake.

In other words, it clearly identified him as a manga artist.

Actually I've seen that look quite often. In many places. Would make me
worried for my health if I didn't know that I sport it on ocassion as

well.

Ditto.

The other, whose sad, pathetic gleam marked him as a fanfic author,

nodded

in satisfaction, his own glasses shine in the dim lighting of the room.

"So,

we meet again."

Fanfic authors always get the short end of the stick. Even our spectacle
gleams are sub-par. T_T

Yep. I might compare my self to the honorable Rikdo, but not REALLY. ^_^

The man cocked his head quizzically.

"Actually, we have never met before. I just felt like saying it. Adds
dramatic attention." The author cleared his throat and slid a sheaf of

dramatic tension

that was a rather bad typo, wasn't it?

papers across the desk to the artist. He waited until his guest had read
over them. Once satisfied, the fanfic author said, "So, what is your
answer?"

"The answer to the universe is 42."

Ben Oliver probably put that in Nuke 'em somewhere.

A sweatdrop broke out from the fanfic author. "Ah, I'm not Quentin
Tarentino. Even at my absolute lowest, I have never been that big a

geek."

"I wore the Spock ears but I abosolutely drew the line at being the

minister

for the Vulcan-Ferengi wedding."

Heh

A look of realization dawned on Rikdo's features. He grabbed the papers

and

crossed out everything he had written.

"I, Koshi Rikdo, do hereby authorise DB Sommer to plug Excel Saga

characters

(including but not limited to Excel, Hyatt, Mitsuki and Ropponmatsu-1)

into

his Sextacular-Three Sexy Ninja Girls crossover for some hot, lesbian
action."

Hmm. Really ought to do a follow up to that one of these days. I'll add it
to the 'list of ideas for fics' i have tucked away.

I am a fanfic writer, DB Sommer, whose talents, while not coming

anywhere

near to surpassing yours, can challenge them (theoretically) for as a

fanfic

writer, I am not bound by the constraints of such things as editors,

profit

margins, good taste, or coherence."

Or even morals and divine wrath which gives you a far great degree of
latitude. ^^

Damn straight.

DB said, "All I want to know is, can I use the characters in Excel Saga

to

do a really cool, deeply emotive, epic length fusion which will stand

the

literary world on its ear and make my name hailed on the lips of

millions?

Or at least can I do it so I can kill a little time?"

<Image springs up of a chibi-Pluto who is lying pale and motionless on a
crystal dias>

Heh

The paper said, "I, Koshi Rikdo, do hereby give permission to DB Sommer

to

use the characters of Excel Saga in a fanfic (right until the point he

makes

a little money, in which case I will sue his ass for every cent he has

for

copyright infringement anyway.)"

Here's two cents for letting me read the fanfic.

Hollywood Lawyer: <Skulks on stage, circles DB twice while sniffing
constantly before giving a deep-bellied maniacal laugh and slinking away
singing "Happy Pay Day to Me".>

To paraphrase: I am a human, and therefore a lawyer's natural enemy.

"Joy," DB sighed, clutching the document to his chest as though it was a
document. Now all he had to do was obtain permission from the other
company's owners to use their characters as well.

Now if he could only take out all of those splinters. Darn Japanese

penchant

for writing on bamboo..........

Heh

Nah, he decided. Enough time had been burned on the prelude anyway. Best

to

simply say 'screw 'em' and start writing yet another in a continuing

series

of...

After all Ken Akamatsu bears an unsettling resemblance to Koshi (well he
does in his manga incarnation) anyway..........

If you say so, but I don't see it myself.

inspired by Angus MacSpon's 'The Replacement Ranmas'. So any adverse

affects

that happen to you after reading this are entirely HIS fault, as well as
yours.]

Reading this fic makes my idea for a Love Hina/Evangelion fusion rattle

the

bars to the cage where I put it somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind.
If it ever escapes as a fanfic and corrupts the mind of people over the
Internet, it'll be all *your* fault!

Well, I freely admit to that and other thing being my fault. Luckily, I
don't care how many people i hack off. You can go through life a lot easier
by ignoring your conscience. :)

Illpalazzo sat on his throne (which looked suspiciously like the chair

from

the prelude) in the secret headquarters of ACROSS. Standing before him,
within the cavernous chamber, was the entire membership of his

organization

that was bent on global domination.

Which was exactly two people. Three if you count Koijette from the very

last

episode.

Haven't seen that far yet. Still need two DVDs to complete the run.

"Hail Illpalazzo!" Excel chimed in her melodic, manic, relentless,
high-pitched voice.

The same voice that Usagi Tsukino had. I sense a trend............

It's coming.

Hyatt coughed up some blood, which sufficed for her vow of commitment to
ACROSS and its ideals.

Well I guess people take you to be pretty commited to an organization when
you shed blood and die for it on a regular basis.

Never thought of it that way, but good point.

Illpalazzo's hand wandered to his chin in consideration. "I fear recent
events have forced me to reconsider our positioning for successful

global

domination."

"Gates moves even faster than I anticipated."

Heh

"I suspected as much," the overlord said in a tired voice. "What I'm

trying

to say is, we're in bad shape since our series has been discontinued."

"So we are going to do a radio play just like the Evangelion cast and

throw

it all together in three hours while trying out as many different genres

as

we've yet to cover in Excel Saga. Maybe the Animatrix............"

Hey, I liked that radio play, once I got the translation for it off an AMV.

"Nooooo!" Excel wailed. "It's not fair! We're the biggest, bestest, most
innovative popular series ever created, due in no small part to our

glorious

leader's bright and wonderful leadership! Send me to kill all those
producers and directors that would dare to do the unthinkable!" Excel

pulled

weapons from her outfit, swinging a sword and firing a gun at invisible
artists.

And sadly she missed all of them anyway.

Their lack of presense there going a long way toward her poor marksmanship.
:)

"We'll have a story with a strong social message about the desire for

peace

and an end to violence!" Excel began swinging the sword and firing her

gun

again.

"We'll build a fully functional battle-station and threaten the world with
instant annihilation!"

Nah. That never works either.

"Again, no."

"The Care Bears charge too much and the Gummy Bears were eaten after

someone

wisely flooded their darn tree."

Heh

is resort to a ground that hasn't been covered by Excel Saga yet: that

of

fanfiction."

Excel visibly deflated. "Aw, that never works."

Ranma: Worked for me.

Usagi: Me too.

Shinji: Me three.

Pikachu: Pika! <Translation: If I only had enough fans above 12, I could
have been a contender!>

Thankfully, I avoided the Pokemon craze. Ditto with DBZ.

"Speed Racer!" Excel suggested.

"Too dated."

"But retro is the rage!"

"Can you drive?"

"............No."

Heh

"Evangelion!"

"Too screwed up, even by Excel Saga standards."

Back! Back! I say! The Love EVA fic will never see the light!

Aww. Come on. you know you want to.

"My Neighbor Totoro!"

"No one messes with Miyazaki."

"Not even the Academy of Motion Pictures. Especially after he sent a few
Ohmu to their parking lots."

True.

"Fist of the North Star!"

"We did that already."

"Harlock Saga!"

"We did that too."

"Sentai?"

"Yup."

Gotta see the rest of EXS

"Cowboy Bebop?"

"Only if I get to service Faye Valentine......."

"Battle Angel Alita?"

"Can you do Goth?"

I would wager Excel could.

BTW, met her American VA at a con. She's a lively girl, a lot like Excel in
that respect. Definitely helped make things even more enjoyable than they
were.

The Great Will of the Universe just happened to drift by and noticed

Excel's

body. "It's time to get up, Excel. The fusion has only just begun." She

then

promptly resurrected the corpse.

What, no spitting sound?

Not this time.

are going to be fused with Love Hina. It was chosen because it's a

newer,

popular series that will give us a chance to explore untraveled

pathways,

avenues of character development, and plots that will provide unique
insights into one's fellow man."

Not to mention truckloads of fanservice.

Hehehehehe. Luckily I am immune to fanservice. Mostly.

fusion, that means someone is going to be axed and substituted for a

Love

Hina character. It'll have to be a regular, and a woman, since Love Hina
doesn't have any popular male characters."

"What about Keitaro Urashima?" Hyatt said.

Or Seta?

Or Kentaro?

"I said 'popular male characters'."

"Oh, sorry, sempai. You're quite correct."

Nod, nod.

Excel placed a hand around Hyatt's shoulders. "I'm sorry Hyatt-chan but

this

I forget, does Excel call Hyatt "Ha-chan" or "Hyatt-chan"?

Ha-chan, I think

is good-bye. I'm sure you'll find a nice series somewhere and be able to
join the cast. Say, you're an alien, how about Tenchi? That has lots of
alien girls and I bet you and Tenchi hit it off and I can't believe he's

as

big a weenie as they show him in the series so it'll probably be okay-"

"Or maybe Hellsing where all the vampires will chase you because you're an
eternal blood supply!"

Alucard was just too uber for me to enjoy that. That and the HS organization
was like a bunch of red shirts from Star Trek, except for the name guys. And
even then, there were like, three, including the chick who ran it. I mean
how many times can you lose all your personnell in one series?

"Yes, it must be you."

"But why?!" she wailed.

"Hyatt's a major hottie."

"I am too! Watch the last episode, please Illpalazzo-sama!!!"

DB: I will, someday. For now I console myself with Azumanga.

Hyatt blushed, or so it appeared, until a moment later the source of the
redness proved to be something else as a gout of blood exploded from her
mouth and she fell to the floor, dead.

Mitsumi and she ought to get along just fine.........

As mentioned later.

Excel's shoulders slumped helplessly as Illpalazzo pulled the cord

dangling

from the ceiling. She remained standing in mid-air long enough to wave
good-bye before plummeting to her doom.

For the next couple of minutes anyway.

Which is characteristic of Excel Saga characters unless you're an

expendable

extra born to die and name a dog "Mickey".

Heh

Hidden off camera, a group of eight women, all dressed in uniforms

identical

to Excel, entered the room. There was a bit of discussion among the

group,

which sounded more akin to a heated debate than a civil conversation.

Which is standard in Love Hina really.

True.

"I don't have time to take a job that involves trying to achieve global
domination," Naru huffed. "I have to take care of Keitaro since we've
already proclaimed our love for one another and everything."

"And there's still lots of girls trying to get him! <Glares at the
Hinata-sou girls>"

True. But they never have a chance from the first episode on.

began twitching. Shinobu and Motoko blushed furiously, Mitsune had a

devious

look on her face (though it was always there) Mutsumi had a pleasant

smile

(but she always had a pleasant smile no matter the circumstances, so how
could Naru know if the girl was plotting something or not? And Suu,

well,

Suu was Suu, meaning she could try straddling any given part of

Keitaro's

anatomy whenever she felt like it.

 Or Suu could just use her lab full of albino Keitaro clones with blue

hair

and red eyes....

Heheheh. That is quite the evil picture. Still like Brian Randall's
Suu/Ritsuko tribute in his LH/Ranma fic.

Naru was about to protest again when Haruka said, "You should go," in a
voice that said 'just because it sounded like a suggestion doesn't mean

it's

not an order'. Having nowhere near enough willpower to resist someone
that... Haruka-like, Naru reluctantly stepped to the center of the room
until she stood in the exact spot where the original Excel had been but
moments before.

I always thought Naru smarter than to stand on a proven trap door. Still

she

has the hots for Keitaro so I guess that's debatable.

That and everyone has to stand on the trapdoor. It's part of the job
requirement.

Mitsune whispered, "Describe your relationship with Keitaro, and be

honest."

Always, Fox knows Naru best.

Yep.

I

really need him, and he's been encouraging and sometimes needs help from
others even though he's afraid to ask but I don't mind that since I'm

sort

of the same way and he doesn't just give up when the going gets tough

and

keeps trying no matter how bad it is."

"That and he's unkillable so he just keeps going and going and
going........."

<The rest of the Hinata-sou girls stare at Naru with varying degrees of
shock.>

Heh

supposed to or he screws up or he embarrasses me which happens a lot and
sometimes he makes me lose my temper and I end up hitting him which is

not

my fault because he makes me--"

"And keeps seeing me naked and tearing off my clothes all the

time........"

Illpalazzo's hand stopped just an inch from the cord.

"So you're a fanservice icon?"

Naru blushed heavily, "you could say that."

"Hmm.........Nah, not worth the headaches and fanboys howling for my

blood."

I'm a Mutsumi fanboy, and therefore immune to the blind folks daggers. :)

Motoko shifted nervously. "I cannot work in such revealing garb. Can't I
wear something else?"

The overlord shook his head. "No, it comes with the job description.
Fanservice never hurt any series."

"Just watch Project Aika."

Nah. Too much fanservice killed what could have been a likable series, at
least in the early parts.

kendoist

garb all the time. At least that's what sempai always used to say."

"I have no interest in men-" Motoko abruptly stopped as one of the cute

and

We know. Motoko seemed mighty *interested* when Mitsune humped Naru and

she

didn't resist much when Kanako (disguised as Naru) came onto her. In

public

no less.

Yeah. Now that was gratuity.

It casually raised the rug beater above its head and blocked the blade,
giving a curious "Pu-chu?"

I would say it would do a "sword-catcher" and catch the blade between its
two tiny hands but that works too.

Too much exact from the LH scenes. Also, I wanted one of the little buggers
to put their rug beaters to use.

The action made Illpalazzo frown. "Even Excel could take out an entire
battle cruiser filled with an invasion force of Puchuus by accident.

That

you cannot dispatch even one shows your inability to fill this role."
Illpalazzo pulled the rope once more, and Motoko fell down into the pit,
relieved at being sent from the room, though unaware that the pit's

contents

were a horde of voracious snapping turtles.

Better than Mecha-tama...........
Or Spring of the Drowned Turtle.

Now that would be evil.

"You saw my panties, you pervert!" Naru drew back a fist and struck

Illpalazzo full in the face.

Rather than be sent sailing away, Illpalazzo simply rubbed his jaw. He

then

pulled out a bazooka and stuck it in Naru's face.

Welcome to Excel Saga, Naru.

Oui.

In a calm voice, the overlord declared, "One thing Excel Saga is known

for

is its open defiance of all convention," and then pulled the trigger.

Well, he's right about that.

Had to point it out somewhere. It's so Excelish.

Suu ran forward and shouted gleefully, "Me! Me next! I want to get blown

up

too!"

The image of Suu with ACROSS's resouces truly worries me.

SHe would unquestionably have fun.

Illpalazzo appeared impressed.

Suu said, "If you had given me some duct tape, I could have made a Type

00

Gundam, complete with a clone of Heero 'Yaoi Fangirl Bait' Yui."

Yup, you just can't clone things without duct tape.

Duct tape can solve any building problem.

Illpalazzo's satisfaction doubled. "Well, I'd say you are more than
qualified-" his voice trailed off as he noticed one last detail that had
escaped his attention on the first read through. "It says here you
occasionally take on an older form and have powers identical to those of

a

magical girl."

"I ever have my own lovable animal sidekick, ne Tama-chan?"

"Myu! <Translation: Don't drag me into this you grinning maniac!>"

"And you regard it as emminently edible?"

"Yup! Wanna see my recipe for turtle soup?"

"The resemblance is uncanny........."

"Myu!!! <My life is agony. I sense that I'll be singing this fusion's

ending

theme soon......>"

Hehehehe. That would fit so horribly, I'm sorry I didn't come up with it.

The second is unmentionable. And the  third is that there will be no

actual

magical girls on the set (since our

Actually the second is "All yaoi scenes involving Nabeshin and Koshi

*will*

BE *DELETED*!!!"

Well, that too.

Before gravity exerted its will upon Suu, she pushed a button on her

belt

buckle. Two miniature jets popped out of her belt and ignited,

preventing

her descent into the murky depths.

Of course this being a typical Kaolla invention, it only works right for
*her*.

Wouldn't be much fun otherwise.

Illpalazzo shook his head at the happily hovering girl. "I know now I

made

the right choice. I cannot stand impertinence,. You see, the way it

works

is, whenever I pull the cord, you have to fall to your temporary doom.
Instead you have circumvented my punishment; an unacceptable action."
Position explained, Illpalazzo pulled out his bazooka.

Its a rule of the universe that evil tyrants feel the need to explain
themselves before killing you.

Yep. As Excel points out later with Shishio.

The Puchuu reverted to its far more repulsive 'injured' form and cried

out,

"Oh my god! I can't feel my legs!" as it squirmed on the ground.

"That's because you don't have any."

"Oh the humanity!"

"But you're not human!"

"Good point........"

Heh.

Hyatt moved closer and felt for a pulse. "I think she's dead."

"Are you certain?" Illpalazzo asked.

"I am somewhat familiar with that condition," Hyatt said.

Just as much as Kenny from South Park is. I think they'd make a cute

couple.

Heheheeh. If someone hasn't done it yet, it's only a matter of time.

Sarah ran enthusiastically forward and made a dramatic jump onto the

trap

door.

Illpalazzo immediately shot her in the head. "That's enough of that."

Yay!

You're welcome.

The Great Will of the Universe started to float over the girl to

reanimate

her, then reconsidered. Some things were best left dead.

One of the more irritating characters in the series, yes.

Others say manga version wasn't as bad. But I've only seen the anime. And I
only rewatch all the scenes with Mutsumi-sama in them. *sigh*

but

she was posing seductively in it. She stopped on top of the trapdoor,

winked

at Illpalazzo, then blew him a kiss. "Hail Una Paloma Blanca!"

Well, you can't be an Excel but you can be my "personal

assistant........."

I guess the song name is too old for anyone to remember. I thought it was
cute. Ah well, Can't win them all.

end of a broom, made his way over. He was dressed like the others, save

that

he had a gun belt on the Excel uniform, and there was a large six

shooter

residing in the holster.

I would actually have his trademark red coat over the Excel uniform. But
wouldn't Vash and Nicolas (Wolfwood) make a cute Excel/Hyatt though?

Urk. Well, maybe.

Vash's voice trailed into the distance as he plummeted to his temporary
doom. The last words everyone heard where, "Couldn't you have at least
spared one with chocolate and some sprinkles?"

Illpalazzo toyed idly with the rope. "Next."

"Damn gaijin influence. As if we Japanese traditionally eat lots of
doughnuts. Just another example of the corruption in the world."

Well, Gunsmoke planet wasn't exactly like Japan all that much...

Shivering so much that she looked like a vibrator left on overdrive,

Shinobu

<_< And just how would you know what a vibrator left on overdrive would

look

like?

Now see, this is the classic example of a question you do not want the
answer to. ^_^

huh... hail... hail... hail... Ill... Ill... Illpa..."

Illpalazzo finally asked, "What's wrong, little girl?"

"T......there's a hideous space alien behind you that's about to devour us
all!"

Instinctively, Illpalazzo turned, "where?"

With a maniacal cackle, Shinobu shot him in the head with a magnum.

After lighting a cigarette and taking a nice, deep draw from it, Shinobu
spun her magnum on her finger effortlessly and then returned it to its
holster. "You *did* say this series breaks all conventions. I'm free!

FREE!

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!"

Mitsune: <To Naru who's also watching from the bottom of the pit> Why do I
get this feeling that Shinobu has been repressing herself for some time

now?

Naru: ^^"

Psycho-Shinobu: Has potential.

Illpalazzo made soothing sounds. "Now, now. I didn't do it to everyone.

The

dead girl for instance. I let her be dragged away."

"And I blew up Sarah instead of letting her fall into the pit........"

Nope. He dumped her remains in the pit.

tossing

Excel and your friends into the pit wouldn't apply to you; you're too

quiet

and easily intimidated. It would be like showing a blind man Rorschach
inkblots and asking him what he thinks of when he sees them: it's too

darn

easy. You have nothing to fear. Run along, little girl." He shooed her

away

Nabeshin appears from the shadows and whispers into Illpalazzo's ear.

"On second thought, just follow this nice man to a studio......"

"Sonna!" Shinobu trembled like a left as Nabeshin loomed over her
diabolically

*****

TV: Next week on Puni Pumi Poemi, a new character! A fighter for love,
justice and better healthcare, Amazing Nurse Shinobu!

Nabeshin grins evilly at the gathered studio executives. "Gentlemen, I

think

I've found a way to tap the roricon (Lolita) market........"

Heheheh.

tired of the rapid bouncing and exerted the enforcement of its laws,

forcing

the overlord to stop. His landing resulted in him ending him up at

Hyatt's

feet. She helped him return to a vertical base.

Proving that this isn't Love Hina or he would have wound up with his head
between her cleavage.

Yep. There are some things Big I just doesn't do.

Naru stomped forward, then leveled an accusatory finger at Illpalazzo.

"Hey,

how come you let her smack you around and didn't blow her butt up for

daring

to attack you?!"

Illpalazzo handed the bazooka to Naru. "You do the honours."

Naru blanched as Haruka's eyes fell on her. "On second thought........."

Hehehe.

"But there are other lines we'll gleefully cross again and again until

the

joke has been beaten to death," he informed Naru, who had long since

fallen

down into the shaft, cursing the overlord as she once again plummeted

into

the murky depths.

Suddenly, without warning, a blurred shape leapt out of the shaft.

"MYU!!!"

"Watch out, Motoko has gone in her Tama-ken mode!"

Now I know someone just has to have done that one.

quite specific. You have to give up cigarettes completely, even if you

don't

smoke them. No insurance, no joining ACROSS. We might be planning to

take

over the world, crushing all the world governments under my heel, but I
wouldn't dare try to do anything without proper coverage. Even ACROSS

cannot

withstand the fury of lawyers."

I sense profession bias...............

Nah. Just common sense after having come into contact with a number of them
over time.

Suddenly DB appeared by bursting through a wall. He sported a

ridiculously

large afro as he shouted, "This cannot be."

"I agree," Illpalazzo said. "Your appearance in what is obviously a weak
attempt at impersonating Nabeshin does not qualify as a fusion. Rather,

it's

a Self Insert."

"No, no, no! I meant, how could they leave Mitsumi behind?!"

It's for DB to play with. Well, try to play with. it was my first SI
(D'Amour is not an SI, really)

"You can always replace Hyatt with that Mutsumi girl," Illpalazzo

suggested.

Or Haruka for that Mitsuki girl. (The redhead in the Public Safety
Comission). Or Keitaro for Pedro, Kentaro for Ano Hito, Naru as the wife

and

Mitsumi as the Great Will of the Universe.

Heh.

DB suddenly gained a furtive look. "No! Mutsumi-sama is mine! She must

be

virgin territory until I'm ready for my Love Hina fic: 'A Really Cool

New

Gaijin Comes To Stay At The Hinata Inn And Get Some Red Hot Monkey

Lovin'

With Mutsumi-Sama (And He's Definitely Not An SI, Even If His Name Is

DB.)'

The fans will eat it up alive."

Rather, some fans would eat you up alive. ^_^

Well, that too.

At that moment, Mutsumi's eyes fluttered open. With a flick of the

wrist,

she produced a can of mace and emptied it into DB's eyes.

Somewhat vicious for Mitsumi..........

He had it coming. She did do it nicely, though.

"She just enjoys playing hard to get," DB moaned from the floor.

"That still doesn't resolve the Fusion issue," Illpalazzo pointed out.

As DB recovered, he informed Illpalazzo, "Actually, Mutsumi's love tap

has

given me a new insight into the problem. I think it has to do with the
manner in which the two series were to be fused. Now here's my plan..."

If you cannot bring Hinata-sou girls to ACROSS, you bring ACROSS to
Hinata-sou.

yep. Aondefka recommened it, and he was right.

see

her. I'd be willing to bet after she's failed to appear for a while,
everyone will forget about her." Mitsune pointed out.

"But what about Seta?"

"Ah, he'll forget her soon enough."

Mental trauma is like that.

was

the central figure, he was the obvious choice to be replaced. I passed

my

interview with flying colors. Leading ACROSS isn't all that different

from

running an All Girls Dormitory, after all."

"But where's Keitaro?"

"He's playing the lead role in another fushion........."

*****

"Keitaro, you shall pilot EVA-01!"

That has potential indeed.

Illpalazzo said, "Nonsense. We have a great deal in common. We both

possess

a sort of affable charm, a winning smile, a relentless desire to

accomplish

our goals to the point of obsessive fixation, and most important of all,

we

both wear glasses."

Mitsumi blinked once, "but are you a chronic loser who has no common sense
whatsoever?"

Illpalazzo's eyebrow twitched once. "Thank Kami-sama, no."

Oui.

warning, he pulled on the nearby rope that dangled from the ceiling,

causing

the floor under Motoko's feet to drop out. The kendoist immediately
plummeted into the depths.

"Nooo! Not more turtles!" her voice trailed off in the distance.

ARGH! ITS FULL OF PUCHUS! GET AWAY FROM ME! SHIN MEI RYU! ZAN MA KEN!

<The floorboards explode and a battered Motoko climbs out, panting

heavily.>

Nah. Just turtles. the Puchuus dance with Excel in the musical number later.

The former overlord-now-manager nodded in satisfaction. "And every time

you

first see me, you will greet me with a resounding, 'Hail Illpalazzo!'"

"Hail Illpalazzo!" the girls greeted.

Even Naru can get it right after a few times.......

All the girls can.

Naru started sweating as all eyes turned towards her. "Wait! I was

already

the lead once. It's someone else's turn. Why not let Mutsumi be it?

She's

got the springy hair forelocks, just like me."

Mutsumi bowed. "I'm sorry, but this is episode one. I can't be

considered

since I don't appear until much later in the series, when everything has
already been decided." She headed for the door.

And because she's reserved for the gaijin SI..........

Yes, Mutsumi-sama must be spared the pain...

Surprisingly, Illpalazzo sniffled and turned away. "You're categorical
rejection of me hurts my feelings. You don't even know what I'm like."

Naru cringed at the unexpected display. Feeling like a heel, she walked

up

and gently laid a hand on Illpalazzo shoulder. "I'm sorry. That was
insensitive of me."

And here we go again............

Oui.

Groggily, Naru's voice floated up from the pile. "Hey, I'm supposed to

hit

you when you offend me, not the other way around."

Now his normal, placid self, the new manager said, "Everyone always does
that. I thought we'd try something different this time out."

I can tell he will be a much hated character in Love Hina by the
fans.........

He's just a cooler version of Kei boy. Really.

"For God's sake, get them off! Get them off!" Motoko screamed from deep
within the pit.

I guess that's one girl who won't be considered........

yes, but in this case it is clearly for the best.^_^

The main room of the headquarters of ACROSS was nearly pitch black as

the

trap door burst open dramatically. A hand appeared above the rim,

whoever

was on the other end obviously clinging for dear life. After the fingers
nearly slipped twice, losing their precious hold, the grip firmed. Then

with

a Herculean effort, Excel hoisted herself back into the throne room
belonging to Illpalazzo.

I would wager that it doesn't belong to him anymore...........

Nope. Someone even cooler will be there.

forgive

you since you're Illpalazzo and I worship the ground you walk on with a
fanatical devotion that would make even the most obsessed stalker

jealous

with envy not that you... should... worry."

Hmm........Sephiroth? Both of them have that Bishonen look with broad
shoulder armour..........

Nah. Cooler.

by having other females fall for him fail miserably. Perhaps that can be

a

new experiment for us to try someday?" Excel offered, waiting to have

the

trapdoor open beneath her.

Again nothing happened.

Er.............Kamui? I'm not very good at bishonen.

Nope.

Excel was finally able to make out the two figures. Hyatt was there, at

the

base of the throne next to the sitting figure's feet. However she was
dressed as a geisha, her kimono all but falling off her shoulders,

revealing

her pale skin underneath. And as to the other....

Oooooooh.........Shishio.

Yep.

in

my attempt by having putsy or weak-willed underlings. And despite being
saddled with those weenies, I still would have won, if I hadn't been a
cripple to begin with. Now I have a second chance, and with access to

the

vast resources of ACROSS, my dreams of domination can at last reach
fruition! MUHAHAHAHA!!!"

Well considering that all of Japan's hopes were riding on the shoulders of
someone not even five and a half feet tall.....
And Shishio *still* has putsy and weak-willed underlings.

Well, true. but they aren't quite as bad. And he doesn't have to deal with
the cool good guy either.

with not one, but three exclamation points, which Illpalazzo never

seemed

to

do. Since this is a fusion, I will shift my continuous and unending
one-sided adoration of Illpalazzo-sama to you. I volunteer to be your

Yumi

character equivalent."

I think that role is already taken.........

Yep. You have to admit, Hyatt is the perfect Yumi.

"Yes, Shishio, Sir." Hyatt stood up and took a step in the direction of
ACROSS's commissary.

They have a commissary?

They do now.

"Official toilet cleaner?"

"Well, not quite that useful. I'm putting you in charge of my

Jupengata."

The Jupun Gatan? What about Soijiro?

Weenie that ducked out in the end. Having Anji do it was fine, but Soijiro
was just beating the 'coverted bad guy into good' thing over the edge.

"Yes!" Excel began her happy dance, using a remix of  Aqua's 'Happy Boys

and

Girls.' Many of the Puchuus joined and the musical number was on.

Must...... get...... image....... out....... of........... head!

I smell AMV of this. Any takers? :)

when I deal with the main character personally."

"Oh and you'll need to get a sex change."

"WHAT?! Please don't do this to me Shishio-sama!!!"

"Nonsense. The second unit *must* be lead by a transvestite!"

Heh

Shishio continued, "The entire world shall bow before our new and

improved

organization: ACROSS 2, the Sequel. Everybody, laugh with me, and make

it

sinister!"

I really can't imagine Hyatt's sinister laugh.

Sinisiter snickering followed by hacks of blood then.

A trio of "MUHAHAHA'S!" echoed throughout the headquarters.

Maybe even more than a trio. Perhaps all of the Puchus joined in with

their

deep "injured" voices.

Hehehe.

to

you as to why Fusions can be a very, very bad thing.

Special thanks to:
Aondehafka
Zorknot

Well at least you didn't insert in Dogbert (from the Dilbert comics) as
Illpallazzo.........

Nah. I did use Phil, Prince of Insufficient Light once. Boy, he was a good
bad guy type. You don't realize how much you rely on getting things done
with sufficient light until it becomes insufficient. ^_^

Overall quite funny especially since the Love Hina cast all are quite
misfits for Excel (well, except for Suu.)

True.

Just as a side note, when is that Three Sexy Ninja Girls/La Blue Girl
crossover coming out? (Yes some of us actually remember that.) I mean the
set up is easy. Their grandfather wants them to flunk and he's never

taught

them *that* type of ninjutsu (they're family after all) so he sends them

up

against the Miroku hoping that they'll fail. You even have many parallel
characters. The highly skilled but somewhat boyish kunoichi in Mai and
Fubuki; the incredibly well endowed and horny kunoichi in Tai and Yaku

plus

the somewhat-competent but hopelessly scatterbrained BJ and Miko.

Well, it is in the back burner, somewhere. Wayyyyy off in the distance. But
it has to be good, since I don't want it to be a weak follow up to Those Who
Hunt Ninjas. So it might take a really long while to see if the idea and
execution is good enough. I don't like the idea of doing a sequal for the
sake of doing it: ala Austin Powers 3.


Thanks for all the C+C, it was both useful and amsuing. I appreciated it
greatly.

DB Sommer

Regards,
Gary

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