Cutting into the backlog finally:

The test course was set up and waiting.  The vehicle was rolled out to the
start line.  Spotters at various points beside the track were equipped

with

stopwatches and radios.  Those in front of the clubhouse paced back and
forth.  They didn't appreciate the tense waiting.

I'd almost prefer a little more detail to help set the mood in the
introductory paragraph here.

"But they should've been out here twenty minutes ago!  There must be a
problem."

This whole fic is about Bell's 'problem'. :)

"Yes, you have, but--" the Assistant said before being cut off.

"And please don't talk about me as if I'm not in the room."

Assistant: I'm not talking as though you're not in the room. I'm talking as
though your opinion doesn't matter. And it doesn.t.

The Assistant with a stern look

Reword that.

placed her hands on her hips, "From where

did you pick up this attitude of yours?

The whole purpose of Big A being there is because of Bell's state, so she
already knows the answer to the question.

"And I am so tired of hearing that!  Why is it so dangerous to aspire to

be

human?"

Because there are some dangerous humans with aspirations.

Belldandy walked up to the Assistant, trying to stare her down.  She

looked

into her eyes, saying, "I don't accept that."

I tried telling my boss that once. It didn't work then either. Reality
doesn't seem to want to conform to my desires for some reason.

The door creaked open and the afternoon sun shone in, creating a

silhouette

in the shape of Chihiro, who stood in the doorway.

"I'm sorry," she said, "Am I interrupting anything."

anything?

"No, not at all!" Belldandy said cheerfully, jumping on the opportunity to
break the conversation.

"Well, they're all waiting for you.  And we DO have a race day after
tomorrow, so--"

"Yes, of course," Keiichi replied, "

replied.

"No, she's not."

"Belldandy!"

"I'm sorry, Keiichi, but she's not.  Chihiro?" Belldandy said, beckoning
Chihiro with a hand gesture to follow her out.

"Yeah, of course," she replied with bewilderment in her fading voice,

"Hey,

did you cut your hair?"

The Assistant watch

watched

"We'll see, Keiichi," the Assistant mumbled to herself.
---
Even though it was a test run, the sound of the engine could not drown out
those who were cheering for the club's two brightest racers, now giving it
their all for the most important race on the calendar.  Everyone in sight
were

was, I think. 'everyone' is treated like a single entity, I think

"You know Belldandy from somewhere?"

"Yes.  From work."

"Oh, really?  What work did you do previously?"

Assistant: Government work. I killed people that stuck their noses in where
they didn't belong.

Chihiro: Oops. Look at the time. Got to run.

---
A group of five raced to Belldandy and Keiichi's last known position on

the

course, about half a kilometer from the clubhouse.  First in sight was the
vehicle, which had knocked over a few traffic cones that made up the

course

boundary.  Skuld was the first to point to the two drivers, just starting

to

pick themselves up from behind the machine.

Hmm. Wipe out. Interesting.

"Now I'm just gasping for air, trying to keep up.  It's so...frightening!"

Time for Keiichi to give a speech about how frightening it is for him.

Nice chapter. Short, as with most, but it does what it needs to. Flowed
well, and is properly building up things.


DB Sommer

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