Prelude

Somewhere in the bowels of an underground lair, safely hidden from his
admirers (who often hid their adulation within flames and death threats)

lay

You forget the heads of cows impaled on spikes. Or did I screw up and send
them Jared Ornstead instead?

a fanfic author who was a legend in his own mind. Suave, sophisticated,
talented, and the envy of millions (and since he was writing his own

Perhaps but millions of *what*? :P

description, there were none within the confines of the story who could
refute such claims), he sat on his throne (which was cunningly disguised

as

an office chair, right down to the four wheels lining the bottom) and

stared

intently across the desk to where the only other occupant waited.

His visitor was silent. He was a touch on the slender side, dressed in a
slightly rumpled business suit, and looked quite normal save for one small
detail: a slightly manic gleam behind his glasses. It indicated he was not

Not to mention his name tatooed on his forehead..........

altogether right in the head, and was most likely a warped sociopath who
would one day explode, leaving a path of destruction in his wake.

In other words, it clearly identified him as a manga artist.

Actually I've seen that look quite often. In many places. Would make me
worried for my health if I didn't know that I sport it on ocassion as well.

The other, whose sad, pathetic gleam marked him as a fanfic author, nodded
in satisfaction, his own glasses shine in the dim lighting of the room.

"So,

we meet again."

Fanfic authors always get the short end of the stick. Even our spectacle
gleams are sub-par. T_T

The man cocked his head quizzically.

"Actually, we have never met before. I just felt like saying it. Adds
dramatic attention." The author cleared his throat and slid a sheaf of

dramatic tension

papers across the desk to the artist. He waited until his guest had read
over them. Once satisfied, the fanfic author said, "So, what is your
answer?"

"The answer to the universe is 42."

The man pulled out a pen and quickly signed the document in two quick
strokes, then slid it back across the desk.

The fanfic author read what had been written on the paper.

"I, Koshi Rikdo, do hereby swear to gouge out my eyes with a pencil before
allowing a talentless hack director who's living on the popularity gained

by

one inane film --that couldn't even get the sequence of events right-- to
turn Excel Saga into a major motion picture!"

"But Brad Pitt will play you in the movie!"

"Oh. Okay then."

A sweatdrop broke out from the fanfic author. "Ah, I'm not Quentin
Tarentino. Even at my absolute lowest, I have never been that big a geek."

"I wore the Spock ears but I abosolutely drew the line at being the minister
for the Vulcan-Ferengi wedding."

A look of realization dawned on Rikdo's features. He grabbed the papers

and

crossed out everything he had written.

"I, Koshi Rikdo, do hereby authorise DB Sommer to plug Excel Saga characters
(including but not limited to Excel, Hyatt, Mitsuki and Ropponmatsu-1) into
his Sextacular-Three Sexy Ninja Girls crossover for some hot, lesbian
action."

The author laughed imperiously, "As previously mentioned in my

description,

I am a fanfic writer, DB Sommer, whose talents, while not coming anywhere
near to surpassing yours, can challenge them (theoretically) for as a

fanfic

writer, I am not bound by the constraints of such things as editors,

profit

margins, good taste, or coherence."

Or even morals and divine wrath which gives you a far great degree of
latitude. ^^

Rikdo nodded sagely. Or so it appeared, until his head slumped against his
chest, indicating he had nodded off.

"Wake up!" DB shouted.

Rikdo roused himself from his slumber.

DB said, "All I want to know is, can I use the characters in Excel Saga to
do a really cool, deeply emotive, epic length fusion which will stand the
literary world on its ear and make my name hailed on the lips of millions?
Or at least can I do it so I can kill a little time?"

<Image springs up of a chibi-Pluto who is lying pale and motionless on a
crystal dias>

Rikdo considered that. He then grabbed the papers and gave two deft

strokes

of his pen again.

DB read over the pages, his eyes tearing with joy.

The paper said, "I, Koshi Rikdo, do hereby give permission to DB Sommer to
use the characters of Excel Saga in a fanfic (right until the point he

makes

a little money, in which case I will sue his ass for every cent he has for
copyright infringement anyway.)"

Here's two cents for letting me read the fanfic.

Hollywood Lawyer: <Skulks on stage, circles DB twice while sniffing
constantly before giving a deep-bellied maniacal laugh and slinking away
singing "Happy Pay Day to Me".>

"Joy," DB sighed, clutching the document to his chest as though it was a
document. Now all he had to do was obtain permission from the other
company's owners to use their characters as well.

Now if he could only take out all of those splinters. Darn Japanese penchant
for writing on bamboo..........

Nah, he decided. Enough time had been burned on the prelude anyway. Best

to

simply say 'screw 'em' and start writing yet another in a continuing

series

of...

After all Ken Akamatsu bears an unsettling resemblance to Koshi (well he
does in his manga incarnation) anyway..........

Fusions That Should Never Be III
The Replacement Excels
An Experimental Excel Saga-Love Hina Fusion

[Forward: Ordinarily, this is where I would  apologize to you in advance

for

what is to come, but since I've done these before, you should know what to
expect. Remember, any adverse affects that happen to you after reading

this

are entirely YOUR fault. Yes, the title to the fic was plaigeriz... I mean
inspired by Angus MacSpon's 'The Replacement Ranmas'. So any adverse

affects

that happen to you after reading this are entirely HIS fault, as well as
yours.]

Reading this fic makes my idea for a Love Hina/Evangelion fusion rattle the
bars to the cage where I put it somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind.
If it ever escapes as a fanfic and corrupts the mind of people over the
Internet, it'll be all *your* fault!

And now, on to the fic...

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Illpalazzo sat on his throne (which looked suspiciously like the chair

from

the prelude) in the secret headquarters of ACROSS. Standing before him,
within the cavernous chamber, was the entire membership of his

organization

that was bent on global domination.

Which was exactly two people. Three if you count Koijette from the very last
episode.

"Hail Illpalazzo!" Excel chimed in her melodic, manic, relentless,
high-pitched voice.

The same voice that Usagi Tsukino had. I sense a trend............

Hyatt coughed up some blood, which sufficed for her vow of commitment to
ACROSS and its ideals.

Well I guess people take you to be pretty commited to an organization when
you shed blood and die for it on a regular basis.

"What are your orders for today, oh great and imperious leader?!" Excel
cried out.

Illpalazzo's hand wandered to his chin in consideration. "I fear recent
events have forced me to reconsider our positioning for successful global
domination."

"Gates moves even faster than I anticipated."

"I see," Excel said.

"Do you?" Illpalazzo asked.

"Not really. I just blindly agree with everything you say."

"I suspected as much," the overlord said in a tired voice. "What I'm

trying

to say is, we're in bad shape since our series has been discontinued."

"So we are going to do a radio play just like the Evangelion cast and throw
it all together in three hours while trying out as many different genres as
we've yet to cover in Excel Saga. Maybe the Animatrix............"

"Nooooo!" Excel wailed. "It's not fair! We're the biggest, bestest, most
innovative popular series ever created, due in no small part to our

glorious

leader's bright and wonderful leadership! Send me to kill all those
producers and directors that would dare to do the unthinkable!" Excel

pulled

weapons from her outfit, swinging a sword and firing a gun at invisible
artists.

And sadly she missed all of them anyway.

"I'll help," Hyatt offered quietly.

Illpalazzo shook his head. "There's a better way to revive interest in our
series."

"We'll have a story with a strong social message about the desire for

peace

and an end to violence!" Excel began swinging the sword and firing her gun
again.

"We'll build a fully functional battle-station and threaten the world with
instant annihilation!"

"No," Illpalazzo corrected over the sounds of gunfire.

"A stirring story about animal rights! People love cute and cuddly

animals!

We could talk about, oh, I'm getting hungry." She pulled out a knife and
fork. "I wonder if Menchi is around."

"Again, no."

"The Care Bears charge too much and the Gummy Bears were eaten after someone
wisely flooded their darn tree."

"Gratuitous lesbian sex!" Excel proclaimed, and smacked Hyatt

affectionately

on her bottom.

"Again, you are off the mark," Illpalazzo declared. "No, what we need to

do

is resort to a ground that hasn't been covered by Excel Saga yet: that of
fanfiction."

Excel visibly deflated. "Aw, that never works."

Ranma: Worked for me.

Usagi: Me too.

Shinji: Me three.

Pikachu: Pika! <Translation: If I only had enough fans above 12, I could
have been a contender!>

"I have confidence that it will," Illpalazzo said. "Moreover, to have an
immediate impact, we will have a fusion with another series that is much
beloved by otaku everywhere."

"Speed Racer!" Excel suggested.

"Too dated."

"But retro is the rage!"

"Can you drive?"

"............No."

"Evangelion!"

"Too screwed up, even by Excel Saga standards."

Back! Back! I say! The Love EVA fic will never see the light!

"My Neighbor Totoro!"

"No one messes with Miyazaki."

"Not even the Academy of Motion Pictures. Especially after he sent a few
Ohmu to their parking lots."

"Fist of the North Star!"

"We did that already."

"Harlock Saga!"

"We did that too."

"Sentai?"

"Yup."

"Cowboy Bebop?"

"Only if I get to service Faye Valentine......."

"Battle Angel Alita?"

"Can you do Goth?"

"Silent Service!"

Illpalazzo pulled out a gun and shot Excel in the head.

The Great Will of the Universe just happened to drift by and noticed

Excel's

body. "It's time to get up, Excel. The fusion has only just begun." She

then

promptly resurrected the corpse.

What, no spitting sound?

Excel cradled her head in her hands. "How odd. I seem to have developed a
splitting headache centering right between my eyes."

"And mine has stopped at the same time," Illpalazzo said. "In any case, we
are going to be fused with Love Hina. It was chosen because it's a newer,
popular series that will give us a chance to explore untraveled pathways,
avenues of character development, and plots that will provide unique
insights into one's fellow man."

Not to mention truckloads of fanservice.

"Ranma 1/2 was unavailable, wasn't it?" Hyatt inquired.

"Booked solid until 2006," Illpalazzo confirmed.

Excel considered her leader's words. "Hmm. If we're going to be made into

a

fusion, that means someone is going to be axed and substituted for a Love
Hina character. It'll have to be a regular, and a woman, since Love Hina
doesn't have any popular male characters."

"What about Keitaro Urashima?" Hyatt said.

Or Seta?

Or Kentaro?

"I said 'popular male characters'."

"Oh, sorry, sempai. You're quite correct."

Excel placed a hand around Hyatt's shoulders. "I'm sorry Hyatt-chan but

this

I forget, does Excel call Hyatt "Ha-chan" or "Hyatt-chan"?

is good-bye. I'm sure you'll find a nice series somewhere and be able to
join the cast. Say, you're an alien, how about Tenchi? That has lots of
alien girls and I bet you and Tenchi hit it off and I can't believe he's

as

big a weenie as they show him in the series so it'll probably be okay-"

"Or maybe Hellsing where all the vampires will chase you because you're an
eternal blood supply!"

Illpalazzo cleared his throat, gaining the girls' attention. He grabbed at
the nearby rope that was dangling from the ceiling. "I'm afraid, Excel,

that

you are the one that will be replaced."

Excel's eyes widened in shock. Tears fell as she pleaded in an anguished
voice, "Not me."

"Yes, it must be you."

"But why?!" she wailed.

"Hyatt's a major hottie."

"I am too! Watch the last episode, please Illpalazzo-sama!!!"

Hyatt blushed, or so it appeared, until a moment later the source of the
redness proved to be something else as a gout of blood exploded from her
mouth and she fell to the floor, dead.

Mitsumi and she ought to get along just fine.........

For the next couple of minutes anyway.

"I'm also hoping to cash in on a new merchandising line. We can sell far
more if it's a new central character to our series." From the folds of his
massive cape, Illpalazzo pulled out what appeared to be an Excel plushie,
save for the fact it was taller, had longer hair, and unquestionably a
better rack. He pulled on the drawstring attached to it. As it coiled back
into the doll, it declared in a high-pitched voice, "Naru-cel Punch!"

At least this one has no seifuku........

Excel's shoulders slumped helplessly as Illpalazzo pulled the cord

dangling

from the ceiling. She remained standing in mid-air long enough to wave
good-bye before plummeting to her doom.

For the next couple of minutes anyway.

Which is characteristic of Excel Saga characters unless you're an expendable
extra born to die and name a dog "Mickey".

The trap door swung shut. Illpalazzo gave an excessively dramatic wave of
his hand. "Bring in the first Replacement Excel!"

Hidden off camera, a group of eight women, all dressed in uniforms

identical

to Excel, entered the room. There was a bit of discussion among the group,
which sounded more akin to a heated debate than a civil conversation.

Which is standard in Love Hina really.

Finally, one of them stepped forward. Well, it was more like 'pushed'
forward, but since it made her stand apart from the cluster, she was the
first chosen as Illpalazzo indicated with a curl of his finger that she

was

to approach.

"Why me?" Naru complained.

"You've been an idol singer, Excel Saga needs that name recognition. Plus
you can sell image albums."

Mitsune, one of the people that had shoved her the hardest, explained,

"You

were the female lead in our series. It's only reasonable that you get

first

crack at female lead for the fusion."

"I don't have time to take a job that involves trying to achieve global
domination," Naru huffed. "I have to take care of Keitaro since we've
already proclaimed our love for one another and everything."

"And there's still lots of girls trying to get him! <Glares at the
Hinata-sou girls>"

Another of the group, Mutsumi, said, "If you get the job and can't come
back, don't worry, we'll be more than happy to take care of Kei-chan for
you."

Naru saw the way certain others reacted to the statement, and her eyebrow
began twitching. Shinobu and Motoko blushed furiously, Mitsune had a

devious

look on her face (though it was always there) Mutsumi had a pleasant smile
(but she always had a pleasant smile no matter the circumstances, so how
could Naru know if the girl was plotting something or not? And Suu, well,
Suu was Suu, meaning she could try straddling any given part of Keitaro's
anatomy whenever she felt like it.

 Or Suu could just use her lab full of albino Keitaro clones with blue hair
and red eyes....

Naru was about to protest again when Haruka said, "You should go," in a
voice that said 'just because it sounded like a suggestion doesn't mean

it's

not an order'. Having nowhere near enough willpower to resist someone
that... Haruka-like, Naru reluctantly stepped to the center of the room
until she stood in the exact spot where the original Excel had been but
moments before.

I always thought Naru smarter than to stand on a proven trap door. Still she
has the hots for Keitaro so I guess that's debatable.

Illpalazzo asked, "You're the first to apply for the job?"

"Yes, Illyap... Illapyo... Boss," Naru finally chose.

"You lack a certain vibrancy that is needed for the role," Illpalazzo
commented.

Offended at the very idea of being inadequate for anything, Naru's earlier
hesitation was quickly replaced by an equal amount of anger. "I can be

very

vibrant! You just watch!" She rolled up her short sleeve and said, "I...
That is... Hail... Um." Naru scratched her head, totally at a loss.

Mitsune whispered, "Describe your relationship with Keitaro, and be

honest."

Always, Fox knows Naru best.

Naru blushed furiously. "Well, Keitaro can be nice when he wants to be and
isn't a complete and total loser all the time. He's been there for me when

I

really need him, and he's been encouraging and sometimes needs help from
others even though he's afraid to ask but I don't mind that since I'm sort
of the same way and he doesn't just give up when the going gets tough and
keeps trying no matter how bad it is."

"That and he's unkillable so he just keeps going and going and
going........."

<The rest of the Hinata-sou girls stare at Naru with varying degrees of
shock.>

Nodding his head, Illpalazzo said, "I see you are a bit vibrant after all.

Naru didn't hear a thing, now in full rant mode as her voice began to

rise.

"On the other hand he acts perverted all the time he'll blush and stammer
when he's around other pretty girls and doesn't flatly reject the advances
of other women like he should and he's insensitive to my needs a lot of

the

time-"

Illpalazzo held his hand to his head, grimacing slightly. "Very... vibrant

Genki-sense tingling...........

"--And doesn't know what I want and I have to actually tell him what I

want

instead of him knowing which is what men are supposed to do if they're
interested in a girl and then he gets me angry when he doesn't do what

he's

supposed to or he screws up or he embarrasses me which happens a lot and
sometimes he makes me lose my temper and I end up hitting him which is not
my fault because he makes me--"

"And keeps seeing me naked and tearing off my clothes all the time........"

Illpalazzo's hand stopped just an inch from the cord.

"So you're a fanservice icon?"

Naru blushed heavily, "you could say that."

"Hmm.........Nah, not worth the headaches and fanboys howling for my blood."

"Too vibrant." Illpalazzo pulled the cord again

Naru found herself standing on air. As she fell, her skirt flipped up and
showed off her panties to everyone that could see. She gave a low screech
before the trapdoor muffled the noise as it slammed shut.

"Next," the overlord ordered.

Motoko was shoved forward by the others. She hesitantly walked to where

Naru

had stood previously. Her outfit was identical to Excel's as well,

including

the size. Given Motoko's larger dimensions, it made for quite the
interesting (and highly fanservicey) sight. She blushed furiously, hand

over

the top of her outfit, right where the ample cleavage was showing

You might like Mitsumi but my pick is Motoko. MOTOKO-SAMA!!!

"You're a bit tall," Illpalazzo commented idly.

Motoko shifted nervously. "I cannot work in such revealing garb. Can't I
wear something else?"

The overlord shook his head. "No, it comes with the job description.
Fanservice never hurt any series."

"Just watch Project Aika."

"But it shows too much," Motoko insisted.

The now recovered Hyatt disagreed. "I think it looks nice on you. Besides,
you can't expect a man to fall for you if you only dress in stuffy

kendoist

garb all the time. At least that's what sempai always used to say."

"I have no interest in men-" Motoko abruptly stopped as one of the cute

and

We know. Motoko seemed mighty *interested* when Mitsune humped Naru and she
didn't resist much when Kanako (disguised as Naru) came onto her. In public
no less.

cuddly Puchuus waddled into the room, rug beater in hand, cutely chanting
"Pu-chu," as it made its way to the kendoist.

"Ahhh!" Motoko screeched. "Not a Puchuu! They're even more terrifying than
turtles! DIE!" She drew her katana and arced a slice toward the creature's
cute head.

It casually raised the rug beater above its head and blocked the blade,
giving a curious "Pu-chu?"

I would say it would do a "sword-catcher" and catch the blade between its
two tiny hands but that works too.

Motoko slumped to her knees, stunned at being defeated so easily. "I

really

hate this outfit."

The action made Illpalazzo frown. "Even Excel could take out an entire
battle cruiser filled with an invasion force of Puchuus by accident. That
you cannot dispatch even one shows your inability to fill this role."
Illpalazzo pulled the rope once more, and Motoko fell down into the pit,
relieved at being sent from the room, though unaware that the pit's

contents

were a horde of voracious snapping turtles.

Better than Mecha-tama...........
Or Spring of the Drowned Turtle.

Before the trapdoor could close, a hand reached out from the shaft.

Slowly,

a figure crawled out. Naru, covered in seaweed and with several snapping
turtles nibbling on her bottom, stalked her way toward Illpalazzo. A low

red

aura surrounded her.

"Yes?" Illpalazzo

Naru is the latest evolution of Akane Tendo I would say. Just sweeter,
nicer, cuter, sexier and with less family baggage.

"You saw my panties, you pervert!" Naru drew back a fist and struck
Illpalazzo full in the face.

Rather than be sent sailing away, Illpalazzo simply rubbed his jaw. He

then

pulled out a bazooka and stuck it in Naru's face.

Welcome to Excel Saga, Naru.

Laughing nervously, Naru said, "Ah, you're not supposed to do that. When I
get angry after being embarrassed and hit the person responsible, they're
supposed to go sailing away and then apologize profusely for doing it.

It's

a standard reaction for the entire genre."

In a calm voice, the overlord declared, "One thing Excel Saga is known for
is its open defiance of all convention," and then pulled the trigger.

Well, he's right about that.

The Great Will of the Universe came in, swept up the remains, and threw

them

into her void. A moment later, she spat Naru out, the girl disoriented,

but

decidedly alive and in one piece.

Suu ran forward and shouted gleefully, "Me! Me next! I want to get blown

up

too!"

The image of Suu with ACROSS's resouces truly worries me.

Illpalazzo said, "If you get the job, I'm sure it will happen frequently."

"That happened to sempai all the time," Hyatt seconded.

Unlike the previous contenders, Suu wore a large grin on her face. She
happily saluted and said, "Hail Illpalazzo!"

The overlord of all he surveyed (which was currently his Super Secret
Underground Headquarters and nothing else) noted that Suu's bubbly nature
matched up well with Excel's. He pulled out her job application. "It says
here you're active, vibrant, oftentimes silly, and have the technical know
how to create anything out of nothing?"

"And don't forget my Kansai-ben! The fans love it!"

Suu jumped up and shouted, "Yep!"

Going through his pockets, he threw her a thimble, three empty candy
wrappers, a broken clock radio, and some belly button lint. "What can you

do

with those?"

A minute later, a fully functional Zaku Mobile Suit towered before them.

"If I had a few more screw and bananas, I could have built a Valkaryie."

Illpalazzo appeared impressed.

Suu said, "If you had given me some duct tape, I could have made a Type 00
Gundam, complete with a clone of Heero 'Yaoi Fangirl Bait' Yui."

Yup, you just can't clone things without duct tape.

Illpalazzo's satisfaction doubled. "Well, I'd say you are more than
qualified-" his voice trailed off as he noticed one last detail that had
escaped his attention on the first read through. "It says here you
occasionally take on an older form and have powers identical to those of a
magical girl."

"I ever have my own lovable animal sidekick, ne Tama-chan?"

"Myu! <Translation: Don't drag me into this you grinning maniac!>"

"And you regard it as emminently edible?"

"Yup! Wanna see my recipe for turtle soup?"

"The resemblance is uncanny........."

"Myu!!! <My life is agony. I sense that I'll be singing this fusion's ending
theme soon......>"

"Yep," Suu said happily.

"How unfortunate. We here at Excel Saga might seem like we just do

whatever

comes to mind whenever and wherever we feel like it, but in truth, there

are

three standards we enforce. One of them is that there is never a time when
mimes can be regarded as humorous.

Except as target practise.

The second is unmentionable. And the  third is that there will be no actual

magical girls on the set (since our

Actually the second is "All yaoi scenes involving Nabeshin and Koshi *will*
BE *DELETED*!!!"

creators will do a separate series devoted to them and we don't want to
desensitize the audience to it). I'm afraid you're disqualified."

Illpalazzo

pulled the cord and the trap door dropped.

"trap door opened"

Before gravity exerted its will upon Suu, she pushed a button on her belt
buckle. Two miniature jets popped out of her belt and ignited, preventing
her descent into the murky depths.

Of course this being a typical Kaolla invention, it only works right for
*her*.

Illpalazzo shook his head at the happily hovering girl. "I know now I made
the right choice. I cannot stand impertinence,. You see, the way it works
is, whenever I pull the cord, you have to fall to your temporary doom.
Instead you have circumvented my punishment; an unacceptable action."
Position explained, Illpalazzo pulled out his bazooka.

Its a rule of the universe that evil tyrants feel the need to explain
themselves before killing you.

"Yay!" Suu cheered. It was cut off as the explosive hit her, blowing her
into tiny pieces.

"Busy day, busy day," The Great Will of the Universe sighed as she once
again picked up the fragments and reassembled them in the form of Suu.

Groggily, Suu chanted "Molecular reassembly is fun! Let's do it again!"

"I feel like making love to someone my mother had the hots for!"

"Oh dear, I think I got a little of Ritsuko Akagi into her........"

Mutsumi decided it was her turn and voluntarily headed toward the center

of

the room. So intent was she on impressing Illpalazzo, that she failed to
take note of the Puchuu walking right in front of her. She stepped

directly

upon, sending both herself and the alien crashing to the ground.

The Puchuu reverted to its far more repulsive 'injured' form and cried

out,

"Oh my god! I can't feel my legs!" as it squirmed on the ground.

"That's because you don't have any."

"Oh the humanity!"

"But you're not human!"

"Good point........"

Mutsumi herself crashed to the floor, striking chin first. She gave no cry
of pain, but instead simply lay there.

Hyatt moved closer and felt for a pulse. "I think she's dead."

"Are you certain?" Illpalazzo asked.

"I am somewhat familiar with that condition," Hyatt said.

Just as much as Kenny from South Park is. I think they'd make a cute couple.

"Don't worry. She'll get better," Mistune offered in between hits of the
bottle of sake she had brought along.

Illpalazzo considered the statement. "While she would certainly make for a
good Replacement Hyatt, we have no job openings for that position at the
moment. I'm afraid she does not get the job either."

Haruka and Shinobu dragged Mutsumi's prone body back with them.

Leaving two small trenches on the floor........

Illpalazzo discovered a tickle of discontent, centered curiously on his

rear

end. He was surprised that the difficulty of finding a Replacement Excel

was

proving so irritating, but then realized the source was not the nature of
the interviews, but that he had merely sat on his pen. He pulled it out

and

affixed it to his lapel. "Next."

Sarah ran enthusiastically forward and made a dramatic jump onto the trap
door.

Illpalazzo immediately shot her in the head. "That's enough of that."

Yay!

The Great Will of the Universe started to float over the girl to reanimate
her, then reconsidered. Some things were best left dead.

One of the more irritating characters in the series, yes.

Illpalazzo pulled the rope, sending the body into the depths. He couldn't
help noticing all the girls high-fiving one another. "Next."

Mitsune staggered forward, bottle in hand. Unlike most of the previous
interviewees, not only did she appear comfortable in the Excel uniform,

but

she was posing seductively in it. She stopped on top of the trapdoor,

winked

at Illpalazzo, then blew him a kiss. "Hail Una Paloma Blanca!"

Well, you can't be an Excel but you can be my "personal assistant........."

"No drunks on the job." Illpalazzo pulled the cord again. At least he was
disposing of the disappointments more quickly now. Like anything else, the
more repetitions you did, the easier it became. "Next."

A man with spiky blond hair, which resembled nothing so much as the

business

end of a broom, made his way over. He was dressed like the others, save

that

he had a gun belt on the Excel uniform, and there was a large six shooter
residing in the holster.

I would actually have his trademark red coat over the Excel uniform. But
wouldn't Vash and Nicolas (Wolfwood) make a cute Excel/Hyatt though?

He held up his hand, forming a 'V' with his ring and middle finger, and
said, "Love and... I mean, hail Illpalazzo!"

"Who are you?" the overlord asked.

"I'm Vash the Stampede. I'm here for the obligatory gratuitous other fic
reference in this fusion. Every fic needs one, so I decided to come on

down.

The villains you guys fight really aren't any worse than those  Gung Ho

Guns

I had to deal with. And I heard you had a killer donut benefit
plaaAAAANNNN!"

Maybe he ought to try out for Kenshin.

Vash's voice trailed into the distance as he plummeted to his temporary
doom. The last words everyone heard where, "Couldn't you have at least
spared one with chocolate and some sprinkles?"

Illpalazzo toyed idly with the rope. "Next."

"Damn gaijin influence. As if we Japanese traditionally eat lots of
doughnuts. Just another example of the corruption in the world."

Shivering so much that she looked like a vibrator left on overdrive,

Shinobu

<_< And just how would you know what a vibrator left on overdrive would look
like?

began to move forward. She inched along the tile, covering herself as best
as she could, each step seeming to take an eternity. But since the Will of
the Universe had other places to be before an eternity passed, she speeded
time up so that Shinobu was standing directly upon the trapdoor before the
paragraph was over.

Her lower lip quivering frantically, Shinobu whispered out. "Huh... huh...
huh... hail... hail... hail... Ill... Ill... Illpa..."

Illpalazzo finally asked, "What's wrong, little girl?"

"T......there's a hideous space alien behind you that's about to devour us
all!"

Instinctively, Illpalazzo turned, "where?"

With a maniacal cackle, Shinobu shot him in the head with a magnum.

After lighting a cigarette and taking a nice, deep draw from it, Shinobu
spun her magnum on her finger effortlessly and then returned it to its
holster. "You *did* say this series breaks all conventions. I'm free! FREE!
MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!"

Mitsune: <To Naru who's also watching from the bottom of the pit> Why do I
get this feeling that Shinobu has been repressing herself for some time now?

Naru: ^^"

Shinobu broke down and curled into a fetal position on the floor. "You're
going to drop me into the pit like everyone else and I'll be devoured by

sea

creatures lurking in the bottom!"

Illpalazzo made soothing sounds. "Now, now. I didn't do it to everyone.

The

dead girl for instance. I let her be dragged away."

"And I blew up Sarah instead of letting her fall into the pit........"

"Thu... That's buh... because DB is a Mutsumi fanboy and that affords her
some puh... protection. But he's not a big fan of mine. That means I'll

get

dumped, too!" she wailed.

Illpalazzo clucked dismissively. "I won't drop you into the pit."

Shinobu slowed down in her sniffling. "You won't?"

"No," Illpalazzo assured her. "The sadistic enjoyment I derived from

tossing

Excel and your friends into the pit wouldn't apply to you; you're too

quiet

and easily intimidated. It would be like showing a blind man Rorschach
inkblots and asking him what he thinks of when he sees them: it's too darn
easy. You have nothing to fear. Run along, little girl." He shooed her

away

Nabeshin appears from the shadows and whispers into Illpalazzo's ear.

"On second thought, just follow this nice man to a studio......"

"Sonna!" Shinobu trembled like a left as Nabeshin loomed over her
diabolically.

*****

TV: Next week on Puni Pumi Poemi, a new character! A fighter for love,
justice and better healthcare, Amazing Nurse Shinobu!

Nabeshin grins evilly at the gathered studio executives. "Gentlemen, I think
I've found a way to tap the roricon (Lolita) market........"

Shinobu scampered back to the crowd of girls.

The final interviewee stepped forward. Everyone in the room agreed there

was

something unquestionably warped about Haruka being decked out in an Excel
outfit, trademark cigarette dangling from her mouth.

Illpalazzo shook his head. "Surely this is a joke. This is a job opening

for

a young, spry, amphetamine-enhanced manic girl, not some middle-aged,
cellulite-laden, laid-back old maid. You'll never do at all."

"That's what your father said back then too."

Haruka's eyebrow twitched. In the blink of an eye she somehow crossed the
distance and nailed Illpalazzo right in the jaw. He went sailing across

the

room, bouncing off the walls like it was a racquetball court and he was

the

ball, one that had just been shot out of a cannon. Eventually inertia grew
tired of the rapid bouncing and exerted the enforcement of its laws,

forcing

the overlord to stop. His landing resulted in him ending him up at Hyatt's
feet. She helped him return to a vertical base.

Proving that this isn't Love Hina or he would have wound up with his head
between her cleavage.

Once upright, Illpalazzo brushed himself off, as though he had merely
stumbled. To Haruka, he said, "Upon careful reconsideration, you are

perfect

for the job."

Naru stomped forward, then leveled an accusatory finger at Illpalazzo.

"Hey,

how come you let her smack you around and didn't blow her butt up for

daring

to attack you?!"

Illpalazzo handed the bazooka to Naru. "You do the honours."

Naru blanched as Haruka's eyes fell on her. "On second thought........."

Illpalazzo cleared his throat. "It's because even in Excel Saga, there are
simply some lines you cannot cross."

Haruka nodded in affirmation.

"I see," Naru said.

A pull rope suddenly descended from the ceiling directly above Illpalazzo.
He pulled on it, causing the section of flooring beneath Naru to drop out.

"But there are other lines we'll gleefully cross again and again until the
joke has been beaten to death," he informed Naru, who had long since

fallen

down into the shaft, cursing the overlord as she once again plummeted into
the murky depths.

Suddenly, without warning, a blurred shape leapt out of the shaft.

"MYU!!!"

"Watch out, Motoko has gone in her Tama-ken mode!"

To Haruka, Illpalazzo said, "There is one more stipulation that has to be
taken care of. It's minor, really. Just one of those red tape things. In
order to have you under ACROSS insurance coverage, you'll have to give up
cigarettes."

"It's not lit," she pointed out

"And alcohol."

"I drink in moderation."

"And unapproved relationships with grizzly archeologists."

"THAT one I don't mind."

Illpalazzo shook his head. "It doesn't matter. The terms of the coverage

are

quite specific. You have to give up cigarettes completely, even if you

don't

smoke them. No insurance, no joining ACROSS. We might be planning to take
over the world, crushing all the world governments under my heel, but I
wouldn't dare try to do anything without proper coverage. Even ACROSS

cannot

withstand the fury of lawyers."

I sense profession bias...............

"Forget it, then. I'm not joining," Haruka told him, and rejoined the

group

of remaining girls.

"Next," Illpalazzo said. However, no one appeared. "Is that it?" he asked
the group.

"That's all the regular female cast members," Shinobu confirmed. "There

are

a number of one volume walk-ons and a handful of girls that are post

episode

24, but I don't think they would qualify due to the late nature of their
arrival in the series."

"Amalla Suu?"

"Too magical girl."

"Tsukoto Aoyoma?"

Illpalazzo drooled a little at the thought of Motoko's elder sister in an
under-sized Excel uniform before he shook himself out of it.

"Too creepy."

"Kanako Urashima?"

"Too evil, even for ACROSS."

"Mei Narusegawa?"

"You have to be joking."

"Nyamo?"

"Ditto."

"Motoko's fangirls?"

"Now that's really scraping the bottom of the barrel......."

Illpalazzo shook his head. "You are quite correct. It would have to be a
regular from the earlier parts of the series in order to have any true

level

of recognition of their participation of the fusion." He sighed tiredly.
"Very well, you are all free to leave. Better luck with your next
interview."

"Maybe if we applied to be the next DoCo........"

The girls departed, accidentally leaving the still unconscious Mutsumi
behind.

Suddenly DB appeared by bursting through a wall. He sported a ridiculously
large afro as he shouted, "This cannot be."

"I agree," Illpalazzo said. "Your appearance in what is obviously a weak
attempt at impersonating Nabeshin does not qualify as a fusion. Rather,

it's

a Self Insert."

"No, no, no! I meant, how could they leave Mitsumi behind?!"

"That's not what I meant!" DB wailed. "I promised a 'Fusion That Should
Never Be' and I've got to come up with one. It just never occurred to me
that I, DB 'The Really Great And Not Self Absorbed' Sommer, whose literary
talents have made single digit numbers of people almost swoon, would be
unable to fuse two diverse series such as Excel Saga with Love Hina."

"You can always replace Hyatt with that Mutsumi girl," Illpalazzo

suggested.

Or Haruka for that Mitsuki girl. (The redhead in the Public Safety
Comission). Or Keitaro for Pedro, Kentaro for Ano Hito, Naru as the wife and
Mitsumi as the Great Will of the Universe.

Hyatt nodded. "It would be all right. I had a request to fill in for

Mitsuki

from Full Moon wo Sagashite as part of someone else's fusion. Apparently
it's going to be short, since they want her character to die part way
through the third scene. They think I'd be ideal for the role."

DB suddenly gained a furtive look. "No! Mutsumi-sama is mine! She must be
virgin territory until I'm ready for my Love Hina fic: 'A Really Cool New
Gaijin Comes To Stay At The Hinata Inn And Get Some Red Hot Monkey Lovin'
With Mutsumi-Sama (And He's Definitely Not An SI, Even If His Name Is

DB.)'

The fans will eat it up alive."

Rather, some fans would eat you up alive. ^_^

DB's eyes suddenly alighted upon Mutsumi's unconscious form. He rushed

over

to her side, and gently cradled her in a lover's embrace. "Ah,

Mutsumi-sama,

how I, err, I mean how 'Really Cool New Gaijin' longs to touch your sweet
lips." He leaned over to kiss her.

At that moment, Mutsumi's eyes fluttered open. With a flick of the wrist,
she produced a can of mace and emptied it into DB's eyes.

Somewhat vicious for Mitsumi..........

"AHHH! I'm blind!" DB howled as he clawed at his eyes, trying to rip them
from their sockets.

Mutsumi stood up and gave the blinded DB a knee to the groin. It caused

him

to double over and mewl like a newborn lamb; one that had just been gelded
with a red hot poker.

Mutsumi smiled pleasantly and bowed before Illpalazzo and Hyatt. "It was a
pleasure meeting both of you."

But then I guess if she can hold a bowling ball upside down with just one
hand...........

They bowed in return. Mutsumi exited the room in a hurry to catch up to

the

others.

"She just enjoys playing hard to get," DB moaned from the floor.

"That still doesn't resolve the Fusion issue," Illpalazzo pointed out.

As DB recovered, he informed Illpalazzo, "Actually, Mutsumi's love tap has
given me a new insight into the problem. I think it has to do with the
manner in which the two series were to be fused. Now here's my plan..."

If you cannot bring Hinata-sou girls to ACROSS, you bring ACROSS to
Hinata-sou.

xxxxxxxxxxx

"Thank goodness we're finally here." Naru breathed a sigh of relief as she
and the other girls stood outside of the Hinata Inn.

"I'm glad that ridiculous attempt at a fusion is over," Motoko agreed.
Snapping turtles were easily terrifying as hot springs turtles. And she

was

still trying to exorcise that sight of the evil little Puchuu that seemed
seared forever into her mind.

That does tend to happen to people, yes. Not to mention the time she blanked
out only to find herself in Keita- er-Urashima's lap for no apparent reason.

"But what are we going to do about Sarah?" Shinobu asked of the only girl
that had departed Hinata Inn, only to not return.

"People don't pop up in every episode, and it's not like anyone wants to

see

her. I'd be willing to bet after she's failed to appear for a while,
everyone will forget about her." Mitsune pointed out.

"But what about Seta?"

"Ah, he'll forget her soon enough."

"I can't wait to relieve some of my tension in that hot spring," Naru said
as she opened the door and announced, "We're home!"

"How very nice to see you."

"AHHH!" Naru screamed as everyone else came to a stop around her. "What

are

you doing here?"

As though his presence was the most natural thing in the world, Illpalazzo
dramatically threw back his cape and said, "It was decided that rather

than

forcing a Love Hina character into the Excel Saga storyline, DB would do

the

opposite and fuse an Excel Saga character into Love Hina. Since Keitaro

was

the central figure, he was the obvious choice to be replaced. I passed my
interview with flying colors. Leading ACROSS isn't all that different from
running an All Girls Dormitory, after all."

"But where's Keitaro?"

"He's playing the lead role in another fushion........."

*****

"Keitaro, you shall pilot EVA-01!"

"That's ridiculous!" Naru raged. "You can't replace Keitaro! You're

nothing

like him!"

Illpalazzo said, "Nonsense. We have a great deal in common. We both

possess

a sort of affable charm, a winning smile, a relentless desire to

accomplish

our goals to the point of obsessive fixation, and most important of all,

we

both wear glasses."

Mitsumi blinked once, "but are you a chronic loser who has no common sense
whatsoever?"

Illpalazzo's eyebrow twitched once. "Thank Kami-sama, no."

Mitsune's eyes widened. "My God! He's right! The resemblance between them

is

uncanny!"

"Indeed," Illpalazzo agreed. "Also, you should know that in order for the
fusion to have maximum impact, it was decide to restart things with the
first episode. Therefore, as your new manager, there will be a few changes
around here. All rent will be paid on time, or else!" To illustrate his
warning, he pulled on the nearby rope that dangled from the ceiling,

causing

the floor under Motoko's feet to drop out. The kendoist immediately
plummeted into the depths.

"Nooo! Not more turtles!" her voice trailed off in the distance.

ARGH! ITS FULL OF PUCHUS! GET AWAY FROM ME! SHIN MEI RYU! ZAN MA KEN!

<The floorboards explode and a battered Motoko climbs out, panting heavily.>

Illpalazzon emphatically stated, "There will be no drinking!"

Mitsune visibly deflated, but offered no other protest. Resignedly, she
said, "I was getting a beer gut anyway."

The former overlord-now-manager nodded in satisfaction. "And every time

you

first see me, you will greet me with a resounding, 'Hail Illpalazzo!'"

"Hail Illpalazzo!" the girls greeted.

Even Naru can get it right after a few times.......

Pleased by their quick obedience, the overlord smiled. "Also, since this

is

a romantic comedy, and I am the male lead, one of you will become my

primary

love interest."

Naru started sweating as all eyes turned towards her. "Wait! I was already
the lead once. It's someone else's turn. Why not let Mutsumi be it? She's
got the springy hair forelocks, just like me."

Mutsumi bowed. "I'm sorry, but this is episode one. I can't be considered
since I don't appear until much later in the series, when everything has
already been decided." She headed for the door.

And because she's reserved for the gaijin SI..........

"You're just ducking out because you don't want to be interested in him

eith

er!" Naru spat as Mutsumi shot her a smile all the way out of the inn. She
saw the others were still looking at her expectedly. "But I don't want to

be

this jerk's romantic interest!"

Surprisingly, Illpalazzo sniffled and turned away. "You're categorical
rejection of me hurts my feelings. You don't even know what I'm like."

Naru cringed at the unexpected display. Feeling like a heel, she walked up
and gently laid a hand on Illpalazzo shoulder. "I'm sorry. That was
insensitive of me."

And here we go again............

Illpalazzo spun around and punched her in the face, sending her body

flying

through the air until it impacted into a wall. The wall buckled and
collapsed upon her, burying her under a massive amount of debris.

Groggily, Naru's voice floated up from the pile. "Hey, I'm supposed to hit
you when you offend me, not the other way around."

Now his normal, placid self, the new manager said, "Everyone always does
that. I thought we'd try something different this time out."

I can tell he will be a much hated character in Love Hina by the
fans.........

"That would be a refreshing change from the standard generic romantic

plot,"

Mitsune said as she reconsidered things. "You know something, he's kind of
cute, especially in that sexy evil overlord outfit of his. His shoulders
look really broad. I think I'd like to be his romantic interest."

"I'm attracted to his megalomania! Count me in!" Suu shouted.

"Maybe some of his limitless confidence will rub off on me," Shinobu said,
then added. "He has a cute butt, too."

Haruka said, "It's about time I had someone my age to look at, besides

that

loser, Seta."

"For God's sake, get them off! Get them off!" Motoko screamed from deep
within the pit.

I guess that's one girl who won't be considered........

Now surrounded by his flock of admirers, Illpalazzo made his way deeper

into

the inn. From behind, he could hear Naru wail, "Wait, I'm interested in

him

too. That he's willing to hit me for stepping out of line shows he's

nowhere

near the weenie Keitaro was."

Life was quickly getting back to normal in the Hinata Inn.

Sou yo.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Fusions That Should Never Be III: The Replacement Excels.

Today's experiment... FAILED!

xxxxxxxxxxxx

DB: And now, for those of you concerned with the fate of Excel herself-"

Audience: We aren't.

DB: Be quiet! I wrote it so you have to read it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Now you've come to the part we like to call...

THE EPILOGUE
(note the importance due to the capital letters)


The main room of the headquarters of ACROSS was nearly pitch black as the
trap door burst open dramatically. A hand appeared above the rim, whoever
was on the other end obviously clinging for dear life. After the fingers
nearly slipped twice, losing their precious hold, the grip firmed. Then

with

a Herculean effort, Excel hoisted herself back into the throne room
belonging to Illpalazzo.

I would wager that it doesn't belong to him anymore...........

Instantly, a spotlight in the ceiling activated, highlighting her. She
stared past the bright light and into the darkened room. She could just

see

the silhouettes of Illpalazzo and Hyatt standing next to his throne.

Sensing the spotlight was for her benefit, Excel accepted center stage and
chirped, "I'm back! Boy the pit seemed way deeper than usual. It took me

the

entire episode just to haul myself back into the room where all the action
happened without me for a change. I can't say I care for these sorts of
stories where the action centers on someone other than the main

protagonist,

which is me. I mean having a day off is nice and all but I love my job and
this is the entertainment industry and the instant you're out of the
limelight for even a second your lose your position to some younger flavor
of the month star while you become some washed up direct to video actor

like

Eric Roberts which is sort of what you tried to do to me today but I

forgive

you since you're Illpalazzo and I worship the ground you walk on with a
fanatical devotion that would make even the most obsessed stalker jealous
with envy not that you... should... worry."

Hmm........Sephiroth? Both of them have that Bishonen look with broad
shoulder armour..........

Excel scratched her head in confusion. Usually at that point in her speech
she would have been dumped back into the pit by now, or killed in some
manner. Yet nothing happened. Instead the darkened pair remained in the
darkness, saying nothing.

Excel's eyes scanned everywhere, but no other shadowy figures could be

seen.

"I can't help but notice there doesn't seem to be a replacement Excel. I
can't say I'm surprised. I'm irreplaceable, especially when you're
considering substituting me with someone from some contrived so-called
comedy romance series when you know from the first episode who the main

guy

will end up with and all the attempts to imply some sort of romantic

tension

by having other females fall for him fail miserably. Perhaps that can be a
new experiment for us to try someday?" Excel offered, waiting to have the
trapdoor open beneath her.

Again nothing happened.

Er.............Kamui? I'm not very good at bishonen.

Excel began to sweat. "Illpalazzo-sama, is something wrong."

"Lights!" came the stern order from the chair.

Excel was finally able to make out the two figures. Hyatt was there, at

the

base of the throne next to the sitting figure's feet. However she was
dressed as a geisha, her kimono all but falling off her shoulders,

revealing

her pale skin underneath. And as to the other....

Oooooooh.........Shishio.

"It's you!" Excel gasped in excessively dramatic fashion. "One of the best
villain in an anime series in years. A character so intriguing and whose
charisma is so great that he is the sole reason Rurouni Kenshen made it to

a

third season before being canceled. You're also famous for being in more
'The Mummy' fusions than any other anime character, and have exclusive
advertising contracts with Ace Bandages."

That and he manages to be a villain although no one knows what he really
looks like.

Mokoto Shishio, decked out in Illpalazzo regalia (while still being in his
standard bandages) stood up, laughing insanely. "That's right, Excel, they
couldn't replace you, so they decided to substitute one sinister

mastermind

for another. It's not that hard a replacement, since I too had an

insidious

plan to overthrow the government and control Japan and was only thwarted

in

my attempt by having putsy or weak-willed underlings. And despite being
saddled with those weenies, I still would have won, if I hadn't been a
cripple to begin with. Now I have a second chance, and with access to the
vast resources of ACROSS, my dreams of domination can at last reach
fruition! MUHAHAHAHA!!!"

Well considering that all of Japan's hopes were riding on the shoulders of
someone not even five and a half feet tall.....
And Shishio *still* has putsy and weak-willed underlings.

Excel's eyes widened. "Wow! That was a totally cool and excessive

exposition

of your presence here, just like a real evil overlord will do. You even
threw in some sinister laughter and ended a statement with enough emphasis
with not one, but three exclamation points, which Illpalazzo never seemed

to

do. Since this is a fusion, I will shift my continuous and unending
one-sided adoration of Illpalazzo-sama to you. I volunteer to be your Yumi
character equivalent."

I think that role is already taken.........

Shishio shook his head. "Don't be ridiculous. Hyatt here makes a much

better

and more efficient Yumi. Watch." He looked to Hyatt. "Be a dear and get me
some tea, would you?"

"Yes, Shishio, Sir." Hyatt stood up and took a step in the direction of
ACROSS's commissary.

They have a commissary?

Shishio lashed out with his sword, driving it into her back and clean
through her chest. She vomited blood, then the life left her eyes and her
body slumped supported on the sword by Shishio's near inhuman strength
alone.

Shishio withdrew the sword and let her fall to the floor in a heap.

Within seconds, Hyatt's coughed, and sat up. She looked to Shishio. "Would
you like sugar with that?"

The perfect Yumi. Only Mitsumi could do this better.

"See?" Shishio bellowed. "It's great. I can run her through again and

again,

and in a few minutes, she's back up on her feet and eager to help. She's
even better than the real Yumi. I mean, you ran her through once and she

was

useless, except for fertilizer, and I've never been into gardening."

Well, useless for his Kuni Tori anyway.

Excel began crying. "No. It can't be. I must have some use to you,
Illpalaz... I mean Shishio-sama."

"Of course, I have a use for you," Shishio assured her.

"Trap door tester?" Excel inquired. "I'm real good at it. Pull that

dangling

rope and you'll see."

Shishio scoffed. "No, it'll be something more important."

"Official toilet cleaner?"

"Well, not quite that useful. I'm putting you in charge of my Jupengata."

The Jupun Gatan? What about Soijiro?

"Yes!" Excel began her happy dance, using a remix of  Aqua's 'Happy Boys

and

Girls.' Many of the Puchuus joined and the musical number was on.

Must...... get...... image....... out....... of........... head!

Just as Excel started into the first chorus, Shishio clarified, "That is,
you'll be in charge of my Second Squad of Jupengata."

Excel immediately stopped in middle of her tap dancing routine. "Second
Squad?"

"Yes, I try to keep a bunch of morons and idiots around as a second squad.
Usually they're so incompetent, that even with a hundred men backing them,
they can get taken down by a pre-teen and a couple of teenagers armed with
sticks. It keeps the protagonist's comedic side-kicks from getting

underfoot

when I deal with the main character personally."

"Oh and you'll need to get a sex change."

"WHAT?! Please don't do this to me Shishio-sama!!!"

"Nonsense. The second unit *must* be lead by a transvestite!"

Excel cheered. "I can deal with their kind. I'm great at comic relief!"

She

began hitting herself in the head with a rubber chicken, and smashing
coconut creme pies into her face.

"I can see you are." A menacing smile crept across Shishio's face. "Let

the

world now tremble in fear. The old ACROSS is dead, but like a phoenix, it
has risen from the ashes."

"And just a little more crispy around the edges than before!" Excel said

as

she poked at Shishio's bandages.

Shishio continued, "The entire world shall bow before our new and improved
organization: ACROSS 2, the Sequel. Everybody, laugh with me, and make it
sinister!"

I really can't imagine Hyatt's sinister laugh.

A trio of "MUHAHAHA'S!" echoed throughout the headquarters.

Maybe even more than a trio. Perhaps all of the Puchus joined in with their
deep "injured" voices.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Fusions That Should Never Be IV: The Replacement Illpalazzos
Never coming to a fic near you.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

[End notes] There now, that wasn't so good, was it? Let this be a lesson

to

you as to why Fusions can be a very, very bad thing.

Special thanks to:
Aondehafka
Zorknot

Well at least you didn't insert in Dogbert (from the Dilbert comics) as
Illpallazzo.........

Overall quite funny especially since the Love Hina cast all are quite
misfits for Excel (well, except for Suu.)


Just as a side note, when is that Three Sexy Ninja Girls/La Blue Girl
crossover coming out? (Yes some of us actually remember that.) I mean the
set up is easy. Their grandfather wants them to flunk and he's never taught
them *that* type of ninjutsu (they're family after all) so he sends them up
against the Miroku hoping that they'll fail. You even have many parallel
characters. The highly skilled but somewhat boyish kunoichi in Mai and
Fubuki; the incredibly well endowed and horny kunoichi in Tai and Yaku plus
the somewhat-competent but hopelessly scatterbrained BJ and Miko.

Regards,
Gary


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