this seemed to have been lost in the void the first time


Bert Miller wrote:

Haven't been doing enough C&C-ing lately;

I've cut back as well. Need to finish an RK preread and get on with Quantum
Destinies, which someone had to forward to me since I didn't receive it from
the list.

especially

haven't been doing enough on DB's work (darn it!  you're
too prolific, DB!)

I've slowed down a lot, actually. Don't turn out near the amount of stuff I
used to.

Somewhere in the bowels of an underground lair,
safely hidden from his admirers (who often hid their
adulation within flames and death threats) lay
a fanfic author who was a legend in his own mind.

Heh.  All too accurate (myself included).

Ditto.

Suave, sophisticated, talented, and the envy of
millions (and since he was writing his own
description, there were none within the confines of
the story who could refute such claims), he sat on
his throne (which was cunningly disguised as
an office chair, right down to the four wheels lining
the bottom) and stared intently across the desk to
where the only other occupant waited.

This being, of course, Koshi Rikudo...

Wouldn't be a proper Excel opening if it wasn't.

detail: a slightly manic gleam behind his glasses. It
indicated he was not altogether right in the head,
and was most likely a warped sociopath who would one
day explode, leaving a path of destruction in his
wake.

Heh.  Might have worked better to directly quote Il
Palazzo from ep 1.  Wasn't it something about the dregs
of society, responsible for everything that's wrong
with the world?

Hmm. Might be a good idea. Will consider.

A sweatdrop broke out from the fanfic author. "Ah,
I'm not Quentin Tarentino. Even at my absolute
lowest, I have never been that big a geek."

Heh.  Wasn't expecting that one.

The man is. Look at him. But he's a director, so he's redefined as 'cool'
the same way chicks call rock stars 'handsome' when they're butt ugly. Take
away 'Pulp Fiction' and you got the creepy guy that always hangs around you
while you're always trying to ditch him. :)

Fusions That Should Never Be III
The Replacement Excels
An Experimental Excel Saga-Love Hina Fusion

"That's QUACK Experimental Excel Saga-Love Hina Fusion
to you, son!" - Koshi Rikudo

Got it.

Yes, the title to the fic was plaigeriz... I mean
inspired by Angus MacSpon's 'The Replacement Ranmas'.

We noticed.  You didn't write it in script format,
though.  ;)  And where's the Gilbert and Sullivan?

Some things only Angy Mac can get away with.

"Hail Illpalazzo!" Excel chimed in her melodic,
manic, relentless, high-pitched voice.

Suggest "melodic, manic, relentless, manic, high-
pitched, manic voice."  Maybe.  Or would that be an
oxymoron?

Works for me. Will change.

"We'll have a story with a strong social message
about the desire for peace and an end to violence!"
Excel began swinging the sword and firing her gun
again.

Heh.  I can just see this, too.

Yep.

"Evangelion!"

"Too screwed up, even by Excel Saga standards."

Heh.

Well, at least the end.

"What about Keitaro Urashima?" Hyatt said.

"I said 'popular male characters'."

Heh.  What, no Keitaro popping his head in to comment?

No. Actually I like Keitaro, but he is the typical male for the role. You
can predict everything he's going to do before he does it. The girls are
what give the series flavor.

Another of the group, Mutsumi, said, "If you get the
job and can't come back, don't worry, we'll be more
than happy to take care of Kei-chan for you."

Heh.  Shinobu is nodding excessively at this point, of
course.

Nah. She's still too shy.

And Suu, well, Suu was Suu, meaning she could try
straddling any given part of Keitaro's
anatomy whenever she felt like it.

"try"?  Suggest "could and did straddle"

Good point.

"--And doesn't know what I want and I have to
actually tell him what I want instead of him knowing
which is what men are supposed to do if they're
interested in a girl

Heh.  The eternal female complaint.

Yes, I know, having suffered from it from nearly every woman I've ever dated
at one time or another. I think it's genetically hardwired into them. Best
piece of advice women need to hear was from 'The Man Show.'

Jimmy (to the women): No, we (meaning men) don't think about you all the
time. Get over it.

As she fell, her skirt flipped up and showed off her
panties to everyone that could see.

Keitaro:  "Oh, this must be the manga version of LH,
with lots of gratuitous panty shots.  Too bad I'm not
in this scene."

That and it'll lead to Naru's error.

The action made Illpalazzo frown. "Even Excel could
take out an entire battle cruiser filled with an
invasion force of Puchuus by accident. That
you cannot dispatch even one shows your inability to
fill this role."

"Hey!  I wasn't trying to dispatch him by accident!  I
was trying to dispatch him on purpose!"

True. Makes it all the worse.

In a calm voice, the overlord declared, "One thing
Excel Saga is known for is its open defiance of all
convention," and then pulled the trigger.

He's got a point there.

Yep.

And the third is that there will be no actual magical
girls on the set (since our creators will do a
separate series devoted to them and we don't want to
desensitize the audience to it). I'm afraid you're
disqualified."

Suu:  "Hey!  But Excel got to parody both Sailor Moon
and Wonder Woman within the space of 30 seconds!"

Haven't gotten that far yet.

Il Palazzo:  "She was in America at the time.  Otherwise
I would have done pulled the rope on her, too."

Heh

Illpalazzo considered the statement. "While she would
certainly make for a good Replacement Hyatt

Scary but true.  Anybody ever do a fic where Mutsumi's
really a Martian princess, as opposed to a fairy
princess?

Not sure. This did stem from the idea of Naru and Mutsumi getting temp jobs
as ACROSS flunkies since 'henchperson union rules' prevented Excel and Hyatt
from not taking a vacation.

The Great Will of the Universe started to float over
the girl to reanimate her, then reconsidered. Some
things were best left dead.

Ah.  Now we're back to anime LH.

It was always anime version. All I've seen.

 Manga Sara is nowhere

near that bad.  I particularly liked her use of the Pink
Sugar Heart Attack against the "evil clone" Nyamo.

Sounds like fun.

Haruka's eyebrow twitched. In the blink of an eye she
somehow crossed the distance and nailed Illpalazzo
right in the jaw.

Saw that one coming...

Yep. Couldn't milk the same joke twice in the same way.

To Stay At The Hinata Inn And Get Some Red Hot Monkey
Lovin' With Mutsumi-Sama (And He's Definitely Not An
SI, Even If His Name Is DB.)'

Heh.  Haven't seen too many of these as LH fics.  Ranma
fics, OTOH...

Same idea. Shudder in horror at it.

The fans will eat it up alive."

"The fans will eat me alive, um, I mean it up alive."

Heh. Not a lemon, I assure you.

Illpalazzo said, "Nonsense. We have a great deal in
common. We both possess a sort of affable charm, a
winning smile, a relentless desire to accomplish
our goals to the point of obsessive fixation, and
most important of all, we both wear glasses."

"And finally, the real reason I founded ACROSS to
conquer the world is so that I could then decree myself
into Tokyo U, thus fulfilling a childhood promise."

Heh. Too evil a swtich, methinks.

Mitsune's eyes widened. "My God! He's right! The
resemblance between them is uncanny!"

Still drunk, I see.

Nah. It's to parody some of the ideas people have about 'identical'
characteristics between two characters that have little in common.

Fusions That Should Never Be III: The Replacement
Excels.

Today's experiment... FAILED!

Yep.  Convenient that XL requires this, though...

It's true in this case, at least.

Instantly, a spotlight in the ceiling activated,
highlighting her.

Excel looked directly at the viewer, and began to sing.
Menchi appeared at one side to provide translation into
'dog'.

  ~If you must drop me into a pit, tenderize me first~

Hehehehe. Now that would be funny.

"I can't help but notice there doesn't seem to be a
replacement Excel. I can't say I'm surprised. I'm
irreplaceable

Il Palazzo:  "Next contestant:  Tsukino Usag."

Nah. She's still subbing for Gendou in SailorEva.

couple of teenagers armed with sticks. It keeps the
protagonist's comedic side-kicks from getting
underfoot when I deal with the main character
personally."

Heh.  That ep did have a rather incongruous outcome,
didn't it?  But the way those two "morons and idiots"
ended up losing does make you wonder what Shishio was
thinking when he hired them.

Needed someone to distract the comic relief. They fit the role.

Anyway, nice, funny read!

Thanks. Glad you liked it.

DB Sommer





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