----- Original Message -----
From: "K'thardin" <kthardin@tenchifanart.com>
To: "C. Jones" <guilty@furinkan.net>
Cc: <ffml@anifics.com>
Sent: Thursday, April 03, 2003 8:28 PM
Subject: [FFML] Re: [WWW][Ranma] The Clan and Original Fiction

C. Jones wrote:

This *feels* like an attack. I don't think it is, and the message

contains

very good C&C, so I'll try to treat it like that. Maybe I'm just being
oversensitive.

It wasn't meant to be such.  At most it was an expression of displeasure

at the fact

you asked for C&C and then turned around and basically said that you

weren't going to

listen to it...even if that's not what you meant to say.

I've been reading this fic for awhile.  I don't know if I will for very

much longer

because of what I saw your reply was next.  I've been meaning to send you

some

comments for some time, but hadn't gotten around to it til this sort of

prompted me

to submit something.

 >I rather enjoy the use of the side characters such as Nodoka and

Gosunkugi.

 >However, you've neglected to put in just what kind of powerhouse

Ryouga

is (for
 >example)...especially when angered.  I'm pretty sure he'd be hunting

them

down like
 >Ranma and dealing blows of equal or even greater magnitude against

them

when made
 >truly aware of the situation.

The story does center around Ranma. He is the primary character. He's

also

been 'powering up', growing more and more skilled against his foes while
fighting the Ravener King in earlier chapters. In the scene, Cologne is

the

And while Ryouga (I mention him a lot because he's the second chief

powerhouse of the

series aside from the major villains) has become Nabiki's boy toy, the

idea that he

wouldn't go out there and help fight the Raveners...or run into them as

he'd probably

be wont to do, is not something I find creadible.  His list of techniques

is wide and

varied, just like Ranma's and can be improved upon or even taken to the

next level if

you wanted to portray Ryouga as more than, "Me, Grimlock!" The others,

Ukyou, Genma,

Mousse...when fighting these things might think...or probably should be

thinking,

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!  At present level, we're as good as dead!  These

things are an

immediate threat here and now!  We better step up our training to insane

DBZ levels

if we're going to survive and take these things out."

    Well the running into them element is something that's likely to happen,
but the Clan's ability's make the passiveness beleivable.  "Only we are
effective against the raveners.  You will keep out of the way and not try to
fight them.  Oh and go up to my room, get naked and think it's your idea
while your at it."

Just because Ranma is the primary character, is no reason to not shift the

focus from

him from time to time for extended periods at a time, and to note that

others can get

to his level of expertise in dealing with these creatures...or even

superior...and

that can be done and still keep Ranma as the centerpoint.

    Admittedly the whole point of the raveners is supposed to be as enemies
who can't be overpowered (Except through telepathic mind-rape) which makes
Ranma's intrinsic invoativeness exceptionally usefull against them.
    Note, I actually agree with you on the point, I'm just noticing that
Ranma has one reason to be a bit better.
<snip>

observer, so she spends more time focusing on those who interest and
concern her most... Ranma and the Tendou girls.

Ryouga *is* supposed to be doing incredible damage to the ravener he and
Ukyou are fighting. He's not using his more spectacular attacks simply
because he's incoherent with grief. He's raging much more than

depressed.

Fear.  Anger.  Depression.  Hatred.  I dunno, these are considered dark

emotions and

from everything I've seen, Ryouga feeds on those...though depression is

the most

common of his by far.

Plus Ryouga only needs absolute depression to fire off Perfect
ShiShiHokodans.  The regular ones he can fire off anytime he feels like it.
<snip>

Again, here what I was trying to portray was not a brawl, but a

desperate

holding tactic while Gos tries to get his magic spell to work. The other
characters are not weaklings by any means, but I'm trying to portray

that

Ranma and the vamps are the only characters that even have a chance of
holding their own against the monsters.

Again, I seriously doubt this would be the case.  While I can see it with

characters

such as Akane (even vamped), Ukyou, and several others...I don't see this

being the

case with Mousse (I know, he wasn't there), Ryouga or even a couple

others.  While

unaccustomed to fighting the Raveners, those 2 especially wouldn't be

hopelessly

outclassed, and I doubt Genma would be all that useless as well.

    I'd say the conceptual point of the Raveners is that their supposed to
be the monster that Vampires and only vampires were designed to fight,
making it hard for other fighters to handle them.  Sort of like Macbeth
"None of woman born shall harm me" (Macduff:"Then despare your soothsayers,
for MacDuff was from his mother's womb untimely riped!")
    Still, the simple fact is that while Ranma is a level above the rest of
the cast when it comes to inovativeness, he's not at such a superior level
than the others can only bow at his feet.
    So if Ranma can shock the clan folk with his effectiveness, the others
ought to be able to throw in a bunch of suprises as well.
<snip>

 >But then you pretty much said that the plot was final, so I probably

just

wasted my
 >time. ^^;;

Again, I want to interpret this as an attack, but I don't think that's

the

case. Please don't treat me like an immature asshole just because

everyone

Like I said, more my displeasure at stating a request for C&C and then

saying you

really didn't want it in the last part of your post...even if that's not

what you

meant to say.

Just because I (or anyone else) makes plot recomendations, doesn't mean

you have to

include them.  But we do that as part of the C&C...who knows, you might

find

something you want to use, or think you should have explored further when

someone

mentions such a plot point.

    I have never actually written any C&C expecting the author to rewrite
their story based soely, or even minimally on my critiques.  The purpose of
C&C isn't about instructing the writer how to write, it's about showing them
how what other people see when they read the work.  What questions does it
raise?  What questions does it leave unanswered?  And perhapse most
important, which disbeliefs are we the readers willing to suspend, and which
are we not.
    And as for plot recomendations, I've never really expected a writer to
change their story when I've sent them.  I send them because C&C is about
offering the author a glimpse of their story through someone else's eyes.


             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'