Disclaimer: This preview is rated acceptable
for SOME SPECIFIC NICHE AUDIENCES, including
but not limited to residents of Quebec,
Finland, California, and Florida. Misuse as
directed. Supplies aren't limited. May contain
up to 10% dolphin-unsafe ArbyFish. May result
in total loss of cognitive abilities. May be
outlawed or encouraged in the state of Confusion,
depending on the time of day, astrological signs,
and what color of cheese the Moon is made out of.
If unsatisfied, refunds might be applicable if
you ask very nicely. Exchanges made only in mold
and pocket lint. If redness or puffiness
persists, consult a psychologist. Do not read
while operating military equipment or while
making pizza for major restaurant chains.

....

Okay, fine, you can read it while operating
military equipment, but only because you said
the magic word. Just make sure your commanding
officers don't see you. Or, if they do, invite
them to join in. Enjoy!

&&&[Begin Trailer]

(Sound effects across a dark, starry background:
a low hum permeates all, suggesting a spacecraft
in motion due to the obvious fact that hyperdrive
engines are louder in space since there's no air
to get in the way. It's in the rulebooks, y'see.)

NARRATOR: (dark voice): Beyond the stars, a
terrible beast lurks, waiting for the opportunity
to strike.

(A distant roar attracts the camera's attention,
rotating and angling downward.)

NARRATOR: A monster of such terrible power, that
no one can hope to stop it.

(The camera focuses in on a galaxy, and begins
to move closer. Then, suddenly, a loud shriek
echoes throughout the vastness of space.)

NARRATOR: Nothing can escape its unquenchable
thirst for destruction.

(The galaxy flares with an intense light. Along
with a loud reverse-explosion noise, it all
fades to darkness and silence.)

(A moment later, the view fades back in, to a
scene on a gray-soiled planet, mass confusion
and carnage permeating everything. Regular deep
thuds sound as men, women, and children flee an
unseen threat. Finally, the camera pans to the
right, and upward to the demon-like visage of a
humongous creature.)

NARRATOR: No one, except...

(A woman with twin, bunned ponytails, wearing
a white dress, approaches boldly, and raises a
crescent-shaped wand with a sparkling gem.)

(Just as it looks like a fight will begin, a
rather contrary girl's voice chimes in.)

GIRL: Mom!

(The scene fades to the woman and a redheaded
girl at lunch.)

GIRL: (throws her spoon into her soup): I'm
tired of eating all this boring slop! It has NO
fight in it whatsoever!

(A white-haired butler brings in a large,
covered tray and places it in front of the girl.)

GIRL: Eh? What's this?

NARRATOR: In a web comic adaptation of the
award-winning comedy classic...

(The cover is removed, revealing a plate full
of squirming worms and humongous, thick-shelled
scorpions)

GIRL: (eyes sparkle as she dives at it): GAGH!

(A scene of carnage and little chunks of the
dangerous, chattering creatures flying everywhere)

NARRATOR: ...Comes a heartwarming tale of love
and misunderstanding...

OTHER GIRL WITH LONG PONYTAILS: Mommy, I'm scared!

WOMAN: It's okay, dear. As long as she has her
appetite back....

NARRATOR: ...Between a determined mother and her
adorable, adopted, genocidal destroyer-of-galaxies
daughter.

(Scene of a man in shining green camouflage armor)

MAN: Heh. Right, let's go blow something up!!!

(A green, seal-like creature flutters on scene and
perches on his shoulder)

CREATURE: (pleased with himself): In-deed! (plugs
up the man's ear with a mushroom) There ya go!
Moie work 'ere iz done. (flutters off)

NARRATOR: With old friends...

(Scene of an armored guard taking off his helmet,
revealing the dashing face of a man vaguely
reminiscent of something out of a Captain Harlock
anime)

GUARD: (bows slightly): Captain of the Royal
Lunar Guard, at your service.

(Scene of the redheaded girl looking up at a slim,
masked kunoichi ninja-lady)

NARRATOR: ...And whole new ones!

GIRL: Heh. Why have one, when I can have TWO?

KUNOICHI: (tilts her head): I'm fine with Knight
Zero. What's Knight One's problem?

(The man in green camouflage armor barges on scene,
prodding the kunoichi in the sternum)

MAN: That's the ATOMIC STARLIGHT KNIGHT to YOU,
Chick-Lady-With-No-Armor, GOT IT?!

(The kunoichi slashes at him with a Juraian energy
blade while he dodges and returns fire with a .45
Magnum)

NARRATOR: More action...

(The armored man meets up with a green-haired,
key-staff-wielding woman)

MAN: (grinning): Hey, you and I'd look REALLY
cute on a wedding cake together.

WOMAN: (stares at him): Humph.

(Cut to another, later scene with him getting
smacked into low Lunar orbit)

NARRATOR: ...More romance...

(That same man faces off with the guard from
earlier, the redheaded girl communicating with
the former)

GIRL: Use your Ultimate, Truly Final Attack!

GUARD: You're beaten. Nothing you have can stop me!

MAN: Oh yeah? (Runs in close, taking a direct
sword strike through his armor and past his heart,
but he slams a blinking device against the
guard's cheek) THERMONUKE TO THE FACE!!!

GUARD: Okay, so maybe that could do it--

(The scene is promptly vaporized)

NARRATOR: ...Bigger explosions...

(Four women, looking to be perhaps in their mid
to late twenties, wearing color-coded, short-
skirted sailor suits, walk along a decimated
landscape, each comforting a similarly-dressed
child)

YELLOW-HIGHLIGHTED SAILOR: It's okay, I'm sure
the Queen knows what doing. (pauses) I hope.
Maybe...

NARRATOR: ...And every Inner Sailor Senshi and
their MOMS are going to be there.

(The redhead and the blonde ponytailed girl sit
together in a sandbox)

REDHEAD: Let's play a game.

BLONDE: Like "Kingdom?" I know! You can be the
prince, and I can be the beautiful princess,
and you can rescue me!

REDHEAD: (grins): How about "Eater of Worlds?"
You be the warrior from Saturn, desperately
trying to save your planet, and I'll be the
horrific, invincible menace from beyond the
stars.

BLONDE: (blinks): Okay...?

(Cut to far away)

BLONDE: (screams): MOMMY! TERRA BIT MEEEEE!!!

(Cut to a scene where the galactic destroyer
is still ravaging the countryside.)

NARRATOR: They're so cute at that age!

(Cut to the title)

-------

NUKE 'EM TILL THEY GLOW!! THE EARLY YEARS

http://nettg.simud.org

Beginning weekly updates Tuesday, April 1st, 2003.

[NR: THIS WEB COMIC HAS NOT YET BEEN RATED]

-------

NARRATOR: Starting April Fools' Day. (roughly)
This ain't no joke this time!

Post-Disclaimer by Larry F:

"Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!!: The Early Years"
is a web comic based on Bishoujo Senshi Sailor
Moon by Naoko Takeuchi. This is a non-profit fan
work created as a tribute, and no infringement
is intended. All rights to the characters,
settings, and situations of Bishoujo Senshi
Sailor Moon belong to Naoko Takeuchi, Koudansha,
TV Asahi, and Toei Douga, and DIC. The original
characters Terra Incognito, The Atomic Starlight
Knight, and The Galactic Destroyer belong to
Benjamin Oliver. ArbyFish belong to Daniel Oliver
and are used with permission.

"Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow," an explosive Sailor
Moon Parody Fanfic, is available at the Lost
Library of Florestica:

http://rakhal.com/florestica/ben-oliver/index.html

----------------------
Benjamin A Oliver
boliver@email.arizona.edu

Writings:
http://rakhal.com/florestica/ben-oliver/index.html

Comic:
http://nettg.simud.org

        "We are the Bored. Lower your shields and surrender your fics.
         We will add your standup and slapstick comedy to our own.
         Your humor will adapt to make us laugh.
         Resistance is and always has been: Futile."

         As long as we're going to survive anyway,
         we might as well feel all right about it.


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