Haven't been doing enough C&C-ing lately; especially
haven't been doing enough on DB's work (darn it!  you're
too prolific, DB!)

Anyway...

Quoting DB Sommer <sommer@3rdm.net>:

Prelude

Somewhere in the bowels of an underground lair,
safely hidden from his admirers (who often hid their
adulation within flames and death threats) lay
a fanfic author who was a legend in his own mind.

Heh.  All too accurate (myself included).

Suave, sophisticated, talented, and the envy of
millions (and since he was writing his own
description, there were none within the confines of
the story who could refute such claims), he sat on
his throne (which was cunningly disguised as
an office chair, right down to the four wheels lining
the bottom) and stared intently across the desk to
where the only other occupant waited.

This being, of course, Koshi Rikudo...

His visitor was silent. He was a touch on the slender
side, dressed in a slightly rumpled business suit,
and looked quite normal save for one small
detail: a slightly manic gleam behind his glasses. It
indicated he was not altogether right in the head,
and was most likely a warped sociopath who would one
day explode, leaving a path of destruction in his
wake.

Heh.  Might have worked better to directly quote Il
Palazzo from ep 1.  Wasn't it something about the dregs
of society, responsible for everything that's wrong
with the world?

A sweatdrop broke out from the fanfic author. "Ah,
I'm not Quentin Tarentino. Even at my absolute
lowest, I have never been that big a geek."

Heh.  Wasn't expecting that one.

Fusions That Should Never Be III
The Replacement Excels
An Experimental Excel Saga-Love Hina Fusion

"That's QUACK Experimental Excel Saga-Love Hina Fusion
to you, son!" - Koshi Rikudo

Yes, the title to the fic was plaigeriz... I mean
inspired by Angus MacSpon's 'The Replacement Ranmas'.

We noticed.  You didn't write it in script format,
though.  ;)  And where's the Gilbert and Sullivan?

"Hail Illpalazzo!" Excel chimed in her melodic,
manic, relentless, high-pitched voice.

Suggest "melodic, manic, relentless, manic, high-
pitched, manic voice."  Maybe.  Or would that be an
oxymoron?

"We'll have a story with a strong social message
about the desire for peace and an end to violence!"
Excel began swinging the sword and firing her gun
again.

Heh.  I can just see this, too.

"Evangelion!"

"Too screwed up, even by Excel Saga standards."

Heh.

It'll have to be a regular, and a woman, since Love
Hina doesn't have any popular male characters."

"What about Keitaro Urashima?" Hyatt said.

"I said 'popular male characters'."

Heh.  What, no Keitaro popping his head in to comment?

Another of the group, Mutsumi, said, "If you get the
job and can't come back, don't worry, we'll be more
than happy to take care of Kei-chan for you."

Heh.  Shinobu is nodding excessively at this point, of
course.

And Suu, well, Suu was Suu, meaning she could try
straddling any given part of Keitaro's
anatomy whenever she felt like it.

"try"?  Suggest "could and did straddle"

"--And doesn't know what I want and I have to
actually tell him what I want instead of him knowing
which is what men are supposed to do if they're
interested in a girl 

Heh.  The eternal female complaint.

As she fell, her skirt flipped up and showed off her
panties to everyone that could see.

Keitaro:  "Oh, this must be the manga version of LH,
with lots of gratuitous panty shots.  Too bad I'm not
in this scene."

The action made Illpalazzo frown. "Even Excel could
take out an entire battle cruiser filled with an
invasion force of Puchuus by accident. That
you cannot dispatch even one shows your inability to
fill this role."

"Hey!  I wasn't trying to dispatch him by accident!  I
was trying to dispatch him on purpose!"

Laughing nervously, Naru said, "Ah, you're not
supposed to do that. When I get angry after being
embarrassed and hit the person responsible, they're
supposed to go sailing away and then apologize
profusely for doing it. It's a standard reaction for
the entire genre."

In a calm voice, the overlord declared, "One thing
Excel Saga is known for is its open defiance of all
convention," and then pulled the trigger.

He's got a point there.

And the third is that there will be no actual magical
girls on the set (since our creators will do a
separate series devoted to them and we don't want to
desensitize the audience to it). I'm afraid you're
disqualified."

Suu:  "Hey!  But Excel got to parody both Sailor Moon
and Wonder Woman within the space of 30 seconds!"

Il Palazzo:  "She was in America at the time.  Otherwise
I would have done pulled the rope on her, too."

Illpalazzo considered the statement. "While she would
certainly make for a good Replacement Hyatt

Scary but true.  Anybody ever do a fic where Mutsumi's
really a Martian princess, as opposed to a fairy
princess?

The Great Will of the Universe started to float over
the girl to reanimate her, then reconsidered. Some
things were best left dead.

Ah.  Now we're back to anime LH.  Manga Sara is nowhere
near that bad.  I particularly liked her use of the Pink
Sugar Heart Attack against the "evil clone" Nyamo.

Haruka's eyebrow twitched. In the blink of an eye she
somehow crossed the distance and nailed Illpalazzo
right in the jaw.

Saw that one coming...

DB suddenly gained a furtive look. "No! Mutsumi-sama
is mine! She must be virgin territory until I'm ready
for my Love Hina fic: 'A Really Cool New Gaijin Comes
To Stay At The Hinata Inn And Get Some Red Hot Monkey
Lovin' With Mutsumi-Sama (And He's Definitely Not An
SI, Even If His Name Is DB.)'

Heh.  Haven't seen too many of these as LH fics.  Ranma
fics, OTOH...

The fans will eat it up alive."

"The fans will eat me alive, um, I mean it up alive."

Illpalazzo said, "Nonsense. We have a great deal in
common. We both possess a sort of affable charm, a
winning smile, a relentless desire to accomplish
our goals to the point of obsessive fixation, and
most important of all, we both wear glasses."

"And finally, the real reason I founded ACROSS to
conquer the world is so that I could then decree myself
into Tokyo U, thus fulfilling a childhood promise."

Mitsune's eyes widened. "My God! He's right! The
resemblance between them is uncanny!"

Still drunk, I see.

Fusions That Should Never Be III: The Replacement
Excels.

Today's experiment... FAILED!

Yep.  Convenient that XL requires this, though...

Instantly, a spotlight in the ceiling activated,
highlighting her. 

Excel looked directly at the viewer, and began to sing.
Menchi appeared at one side to provide translation into
'dog'.

  ~If you must drop me into a pit, tenderize me first~

"I can't help but notice there doesn't seem to be a
replacement Excel. I can't say I'm surprised. I'm
irreplaceable

Il Palazzo:  "Next contestant:  Tsukino Usag."

"Yes, I try to keep a bunch of morons and idiots
around as a second squad.  Usually they're so
incompetent, that even with a hundred men backing
them, they can get taken down by a pre-teen and a
couple of teenagers armed with sticks. It keeps the
protagonist's comedic side-kicks from getting
underfoot when I deal with the main character
personally."

Heh.  That ep did have a rather incongruous outcome,
didn't it?  But the way those two "morons and idiots"
ended up losing does make you wonder what Shishio was
thinking when he hired them.

Anyway, nice, funny read!


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