Advanced Muggle Studies

A sort of spamfic by Robert Haynie

####

    "Advanced Muggle Studies?"

    Harry Potter was, understandably, somewhat confused.  He'd been
raised as a Muggle after all.  He tended to spend his summers living
with them-- or rather, living with spectacularly horrible examples of
them.  He understood Muggle Technology, Muggle Politics, and Muggle
Society better than any student in Gryffindor except Hermione
Granger... and she had a family that LIKED her.

    Harry, in fact, felt that he had every right to protest this
choice of classwork.  If there was anything that he did NOT want to
touch if he could help it, it was Muggle Society.  He lived for the
day that he graduated from Hogwarts, was considered an adult in
Wizard society, and just plain dumped the Dursleys once and forever.
Lord knew he could support himself on the money he had in Grimgott's
alone... although he rather fancied the idea of becoming a
professional Quidditch player.

    Dumbledore nodded.  "I really suggest that you take this course,
Harry.  It will be invaluable in your adult life...  or at least I
suspect it will, considering how things... happen around you."

    "I don't understand."

    "You will."

    ####

    "Advanced Muggle Studies?"  Ron Weasley looked almost as doubtful
as Harry did.

    "I know.  I mean, honestly, I know more about Muggles than most
of the teachers.  And that INCLUDES the Muggle Studies teacher."
Harry shook his head.

    Hermione mulled over the curious suggestion.  "Well, Headmaster
Dumbledore must have a reason for suggesting that you take that
course.  I do know it's only taught every four years, and by a
special visiting professor.  And it's by invitation only."

    "Huh?"  Ron looked quite nonplussed at this revelation.

    "Oh, yes.  You can't sign up for that course, rather a teacher
has to recommend it to you.  If the headmaster himself chose to
recommend it... it's a very big honour, Harry!  Besides, we all know
Dumbledore never does anything without a reason."

    Harry's expression was highly skeptical.  "Maybe.  But how can I
find out what the reason is?"

    Ron shrugged.  "That's easy."

    "Oh?  And how, pray tell, do I do it then?"

    "Take the course," replied Ron.

    Harry scowled.

    ####

    He'd asked more than a few teachers about the course, but none
would elaborate.  He'd asked Hagrid, who's said, "Well, Harry, all
I'll say is do it.  It aren't what yeh mought think."

    He'd even gone so far as to ask Snapes.

    Snapes had blinked, paused, and then said, "Potter, as little as
I would like to say so, it would be to your advantage to take the
course.  Not that I think you deserve that honor, myself.  But as an
educator, I can only say that the course will be to your advantage.
One hopes you are better at Advanced Muggle Studies than you are
around a alembic."

    That decided him.  When everyone from Snapes to Hagrid to
McGonagall said to take the course, well... then he'd take the
course.  At least it would be an easy class... after all, there
wasn't much he didn't know about Muggles.

    ####

    The classroom was almost empty... three students and the teacher.
The teacher had introduced himself as Doctor Michael Fortescue.

    Harry had been surprised to discover that there were no
textbooks.  Instead, the teacher was passing out large Muggle-style
manila folders to him and the two other students-- One Frederick
Harris from Slytherin, and about the only person from Slytherin he
could tolerate, and Mary Pickens from Hufflepuff.

    Tentatively, Harry raised his hand.  "Um... Doctor?"

    "Mr. Potter, isn't it?  No doubt you are wondering why you were
invited to attend this class.  And no doubt Mr. Harris and Miss
Pickens are wondering the same-- Mister Harris is what young Malfoy
would call a mudbood, but never to his face, and Miss Pickens is much
like you, Mr. Potter-- orphaned and raised by Muggles, but from what
I understand more happily."

    "Well... yes.  That makes it more confusing to me, sir.  I mean
we already know--"

    "Ah, but this class has a rather... misleading name.  It's not so
much about advanced study of Muggles..."

    Doctor Fortescue waved his wand, and an image appeared in the
air, showing three oriental faces.

    "As it is about the study of Advanced Muggles.  Oddly, most of
them seem to pop up in Japan.  Now, here we have three exceptional
examples, each of which you have a dossier on.  I'll expect you to
have read them all by Friday."

    Raising his wand, and using it as a pointer, "Now, this fellow is
Tenchi Masaki, part human, part alien, and in possession of a power
that makes magic seem almost weak.  This fellow is Yusuke Yurameshi,
somewhat of a rough lad, but capable of remarkable feats with his
spirit that, again, can put magic to shame.  And THIS fellow is one
Ranma Saotome, quite likely one of the most remarkable people alive.
Incidentally, he's visiting us later in the term with his wife."

    Harry blinked.  Okay.  Maybe this class would be interesting
after all.

    ####

    FIN


Robert Haynie, who has discovered
that the average recipie for onigiri makes
WAY too much for one person...
http://www.knology.net/~kenjiko2
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