and moving on.

"I'm, Jiminy Quick,"

There's a comma after 'I'm'. Intentional?

Nope. Stray punctuation.

"I already did," Jiminy boasted.

Ranma stared at the man. He hadn't even moved. "What do you mean?"

Reminds me of an older fic of yours... The top ten rejected Gung-ho

guns... with the scene with the quickdraw guy.

Speed oriented guy, except this one is competent.

Which also means there would typically be a punchline a-coming. ^-^

Oui.

"Hey, that's mine!" Akane exclaimed, grabbing at her own chest and

feeling a

lack of something that was there a moment ago.

Ranma: (contemplates, shrugs) But there has always been a lack over

_there_.

Ouch.

"I needed to prove a point. It's not like I walk around with bras,"

Jiminy

said, laughing so hard he doubled over. When he looked back up, he saw

that

Akane was now in front of him, fist raised back.

Akane: Dodge this. *smack*

Like Ranma says, no one can evade her righteous anger.

Tarou didn't appear the least bit concerned. "If she had minded her own
business, she wouldn't have gotten hurt. Besides, I only popped her

twice.

She could take it."

"Why you!" Ranma started to intone,

If Ranma _started_ to intone, then it should be "Why you...!" or "Why

you..."

Good point. Will change.

<snip Lord Asmodeous scene><

One word: Heh.

Nice scene with Asmodeous... it really broke up any monotony within the

whole fic, as well as providing Grade A humor to boot. Well, I liked it.

Thanks. Glad it met with your approval.

"Like the new modifications?" Kachiko posed for him, jiggling as much as

if

she was running.

Didn't quite see this one coming either. You're really getting creative

with your plot points and gags, DB.

It's a trap.

Nearby, Tarou shook his head in disapproval. "You were better off with

what

you had before. That's what, H-Cup size? It's just inhuman and

disgusting."

"Says the guy who turns into an oversized bull," Kachiko shot back,

before

bouncing her way to the judges' table and paying her entry fee.

Oooh... nice commentary... wow, Kachiko was able to shoot back with a

decent comeback... OOC! :P

Heh.

Casually, the older youth said to Ranma, "Look, Fem-Boy, just because I'm
not wearing any underwear and am at... full extension, and while you can
turn into a girl, don't get any idea that I'm attracted to you or

anything.

I just get kind of turned on by fights is all."

Ewwww... bad mental image... back, mental image! Stay back!

I'm sure there are fangirls that liked. it.

Another water balloon met his face.

So there was one water balloon, then there was two... where'd the third

one come from?

She has several in each 'breast'. Two might not have been enough, after all.
She does ditch them after this, though.

Earlier, a snippage of the scene was cut due to its graphic nature:

Tarou: (eyebrow raised) And you're h-cup by both top _and_ bottom? Nice

J.Lo impersonation there... from the bottom-up.

Heh

She quickly came upon what appeared to be a bottomless chasm. Well
technically it probably wasn't bottomless, but when one couldn't see the
bottom, there was little difference between the two.

Akane: Splitting hairs and all that.

yep.

Directly in front of

her, spanning the chasm was a bridge. On her side was a man so ancient he
made Happosai look young. He was stooped over, clutching a gnarled staff
that was as wrinkled as his skin.

Autolycus? It has been ages! How goes the villain foraging? Too bad for

that Shihana incident, that Stargrave was a moralist dopehead.

Heh. Another old fic someone remembers. Nice.

Akane crossed the other bridge anyway. These obstacles were definitely
proving easy to beat.

(sweatdrops) U-huh. ^^

As someone else mentioned, Asmodious is saving the good obsticals for next
weeks race. :)

Tarou placed them back on the ground and patted their heads. He then

walked

over the ropes and continued down the path.

Straightforward, that. Admittedly, other than Monty Python thing you made

note at the end notes (oooh, redundancy), I could imagine this in the actual
manga at least. Takahashi-like humor? Or perhaps it's just good humor in
general.

Just general, methinks.

The warrior said, "By the Code of Kachoo, you are given the right of

three

free blows, before I shall strike you down. That is three, and not one

more,

nor one less. Just three. A trio of blows, like triplets born of a

mother.

Not two, like twins. Not quartets, like in a barbershop-"

I always liked colorful personalities. But this (wince) makes me

reconsider such likings....

Heh.

Glazz Jaw said, "Yes, that would be it." His eyes rolled into the back of
his head and he collapsed to the ground.

Ranma sighed to himself and hurried onward. What a waste of time.

(sweatdrop) I'll be dehydrated by the end of this c&c.

Heh.

Then, as suddenly as it started, it was over. Everything felt like it was
there again, and the pain drifted away, almost as though it had never

been.

Kachiko stood up, making a critical examination of her herself in an

attempt

to discover what had caused such agony. She could see no wounds, nor any
indication of what had triggered such an experience in the first place.
There was nothing at all wrong with her. Not even a lingering sensation

of

pain.

Ooooh... ~FORESHADOWING~

That, at the very least, would definitely keep me reading til the end.

Something's amiss with the Genie's wish.....

Something's wrong, all right. And it's getting progressively worse.

And then Kachiko was completely submerged.

Flashbacks of Whizzer vs. Hawkeye from your other current fic, Avenging

come to mind... at least with the fact that Hawkeye 'outsmarted' herself
with her first fight with the one later known Speed Demon.

But got him the second time around.

As the pole slowly began to fall, Tarou called out in an overly dramatic
voice, "Oh no, I'm about to fall in a pool of water that is going to
activate my curse. Whatever shall I do?"

Makes one want to hit him upside the head, ne? Very apt, his

characterization... like all your characterizations so far, DB.

In the heat of battle is's difficult to take everything into account.

Tarou turned to see Akane Tendou had also emerged into the final obstacle
course.

Ah. Very good... fiendish and clever in a straightforward manner... too

bad the characteristics was rather split up between two sisters (Nabiki=
fiendish and clever, Akane= Straighforward)

Heh.

"I'm sorry," Akane said out loud.

Typical to the very end. Whatever 'weakness' you claim this chapter has

over its former, this scene and the scene that follows more than makes up
for it

Actually that 'note' was a mistake on my part. I cut and pasted the intro
from the previous chapter, and neglected to axe that part. It was chapter 7
I wasn't as happy with.
..

All Akane could do was look down at the ground, and try to hide the tears
that rolled down her face.

Very, very nice scene. The true essence of conflict doesn't have to be all

fights, victory and glory... this dramatic scene personifies it. Now that's
true chaos and world-upside-down anarchy from Kachiko... now that's the kind
of impact I'm looking for in a fic.

True, she was harsh... but it was all necessary for the oh-so-good drama

to ensue. Good work as always.

Thanks.

Kachiko placed the ring in the palm of her hand, rose a glowing fist

above

it, then brought the fist down directly upon the ring, breaking it in

half.

"Here you go," she placed the pieces in his open hand.

Coolness. The Nabiki-Akane fusion woman has done it again.

Well, actually, it turned out for the worse for her, since this is what
really endeared her to Tarou.

Breaking off the kiss, Tarou said, "God, you seriously turn me on."

She really has done it again. O_o

Oh well... as I mentioned earlier, too much things happen to her. But who

says that's necessarily a bad thing? ^-^

Like I said, as long as you enjoy it.

Unable to think of anything that would drive him off, or make him want to
kill her, Kachiko fell to her knees and began to cry. It was beginning to
look like throwing herself in front of a truck would be a good thing. At

the

very least it would be less painful than having to deal with a total

creep

like Pantyhose Tarou as a suitor.

"Why does everything have to happen to me?" she wailed.

That's the very conflict within this fic, isn't it?

Sort of, although she's sort of happening to others as well. So they could
the same thing and be right also.

There's nothing more I could add that I haven't already said... except for

the fact that when one tries to weight down the pros and the cons of this
fic... it still delivers. It's a very good read, and a refreshingly new type
of fic from you, DB... I mean, it's not everyday that you make a pretty
decent new character fic that's not nearly as annoying it should be. ;)

Heh

Besides that, I rather liked this latter half of the fic... much more

lighthearted and not so much dragging and detracting like the first part

Didn't really think the first half was heavy myself, but each person likes
different things.

.... and I rather liked the Akane-Kachi conflict, which was IMO cooler than
the forseeable Tarou crush thing (oooh, he's falling for her in a Ranma's
fiancee'-type manner... didn't see that one coming).

Heh. Most others said they suspected that was going to happen.

The drama... oooh, the drama... that's what it's all about.

That and the humor. :)

Next time out we get a little interlude that will hopefully explain a few
things.

Looking forward with the resolvation of that 'anxiety/dizziness/whatnot'

episodes Kachi keeps on having. Other than that... keep on writing!

Will do so. Finishing up a another 'Fusion That Should Never Be' then going
to finish the interlude that I am halfway done with.

Thanks a lot for the comments. They are greatly appreciated.

DB Sommer

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