In addition to Brian's comments,

I would like to comment that later on in the manga, it is revealed that
Keitaro is an only-son (important in Japanese and most Asian families)
and his parents disapprove of his many attempts to get into Todai. This
(his parents' objection) is apparent at the start of the manga too.

Apparently, they want him to inherit the bakery (which is apparently,
pretty famous in the area it is suituated).

I'm not sure whether is it apparent to you, but in this case, Keitaro
would face enormous pressure from his parents. Maybe you would want to
write on that.

There is also Kanako's reaction (his younger sister) to all this. Ha!
Ha!.

And shouldn't it be the Urashima clan... ^_^

Also, as an addendum to Brian's comments, I have to reiterate that
Keitaro has no outward reaction that his dreams are gone too.
He's not THAT spineless to accept everything that is doled out at him.

Remember this is part of the story happens after he broke his leg and
has already told Naru about he loves her. Also, even later on in the
last volumes of the manga when Motoko (plus rest of the girls) go on a
wacky escapade to prevent him and Naru from getting together (harmless
fun, nothing really serious), his love for Naru shines through.

I'm not a big fan of Naru, but the story is moving too fast to
Keitaro-Motoko for me. =)

In essence, Motoko is one of the greatly changed characters at the end
of the Love Hina manga series. The author of the manga even apologises
for making her go through all the angst she had, and making her fall in
love with Keitaro, even though at the end, her love is unrequited.

Cheers,
pyu
========================
My Webpage: http://pyu-sanctuary.net

-----Original Message-----
From: ffml-bounce@anifics.com
[mailto:ffml-bounce@anifics.com] On Behalf Of Brian Welch
Sent: Friday, 21 March 2003 7:03 AM
To: FFML
Subject: [FFML] Re: [C&C] [Love Hina] [revision] Then To Live
As a Woman: The First Day



--- Tim Williams <ffml_tim@yahoo.com> wrote:

I've only skimmed this fic and don't have detailed comments.
However, I do have a couple general ones. For one, Keitarou
will have to wake up at some point and realize that not only
is Motoko's dream now wrecked, but his is as well. As I said
I only skimmed the story but he didn't seem to have reacted
very strongly (at least not yet) to losing his dream.

My only other point is in reference to Tsuruko's letter:

Though your debt to me has been discharged, I feel that I must ask a
favor.  The family line of which I and Motoko are the last
descendants
will die out completely with your union, and the Shinmeiryuu may
well be
lost or fragmented beyond repair without the Aoyama family to lead
it.
I care for the Shinmeiryuu almost as much as my own sister, and
wish to
put forth the following offer so that both may flourish.

Tsuruko and Motoko are among the strongest fighters in the
history of the Shinmeiryuu, but they aren't by any means the
only ones. Remember Motoko's dream just before she saw her
sister. The clan wouldn't disappear without them, though it
would certainly be diminished if neither of their greatest
fighters were teaching.

It is my wish that your family continue the Aoyama line.  Should you
choose to learn the way of the Shinmeiryuu, I shall return to the
Hinatasou each year on the anniversary of your union.  If I am
defeated
by honorable means by the pair of you, then I will stand to certify
you
as a master of the school and allow the school to pass on to your
second-born child, provided he or she takes up the Aoyama name.
Until
such a time as your child is able to take up the school, my sister
will
have to manage the dojo.

The Shinmeiryuu are an all-woman clan. They marry and have
children, but all the fighters are women. No matter how good
he becomes, Keitarou can't become a master in the clan
because he's male. Not to say that he couldn't learn some of
their techniques, since the Hina clan are fairly gifted
themselves - even if Keitarou's parents only run a bakery. ^_^;

From what I've read, this isn't a bad story at all. If I were
a bigger fan of the "what if" genre (alas, I'm too much of a canon
freak) I'd have done a more careful read and could give you
more complete C&C.

Cheers,

Brian Welch

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