Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The race site looked like identical to any other, save that it was taking
place in some sort of park that hadn't been there the day before. But racing
courses that sprang up overnight was hardly cause for concern, in Ranma's
opinion. He had seen weirder things, and it showed the people throwing the
race did indeed have access to magic. No misleading prizes, like the 'award'
for the take out race being a meeting with 'Mr. China'. That had been a real
fiasco. Not this time. Even Pantyhose knew these guys had the item they
claimed, since he was taking the competition so seriously. Soon, Ranma would
have the next best thing to a cure in hand, once the officials showed up.

"Never going to be a girl again," Ranma hummed to himself.

Akane, who was standing next to him, warned, "Maybe you should win the race
first before bragging about it."

Ranma looked over the competition that waited around the starting line
nearby. There was an assortment of people that had gathered for it, though
Ranma did not recognize any of them. The Amazons were out of town, which
meant no Mousse or Shampoo, and evidently Ryouga hadn't stumbled onto it
yet. None of the folks looked like competition in the slightest, except
Tarou, who was currently keeping his distance at the far side of the
gathering.

Ranma turned to some guy standing nearby. He was dressed in an outlandish
red spandex bodysuit with a yellow lightning bolt across the chest. "And
what are you supposed to be?"

"I'm, Jiminy Quick," the man boasted. "The fastest man alive."

"Yeah, right, I'd like to see you prove that," Ranma said.

"I already did," Jiminy boasted.

Ranma stared at the man. He hadn't even moved. "What do you mean?"

"I like those cornrows in your hair."

"I don't have any..." Ranma trailed off as he felt that not only had his
pig-tails been undone, but that all of the hair at the back of his head had
indeed been retied into cornrows.

Jiminy laughed. "I'm so fast, I'll win this race before it begins."

"No way!" Ranma insisted. "Now that I'm ready, you can't do that to me
again."

"Nice bra," Jiminy bragged.

Ranma felt his chest, then pulled his shirt up. He discovered he was now
sporting a white athletic bra. "Ack!" he cried out, and tried to remove it.

"Hey, that's mine!" Akane exclaimed, grabbing at her own chest and feeling a
lack of something that was there a moment ago.

"I needed to prove a point. It's not like I walk around with bras," Jiminy
said, laughing so hard he doubled over. When he looked back up, he saw that
Akane was now in front of him, fist raised back.

"You pervert!" she exclaimed, punching him hard and sending him into a wall,
which collapsed around him from the impact and fell on top of him. When the
dust settled, all that was left was two yellow booted feet sticking up from
the rubble.

"No one's fast enough to evade Akane's righteous anger," Ranma informed the
pile, handing the bra back to the fuming Akane.

Tarou moved from the far side of the course and approached the pair. He
snickered at Ranma. "So, Fem-boy, ready to watch me win this race and make
you look like the loser you are?"

"Tough talk coming from someone that felt so threatened he tried to ambush
me. And you still have to pay for roughing up Kachi," Ranma threatened.

Tarou didn't appear the least bit concerned. "If she had minded her own
business, she wouldn't have gotten hurt. Besides, I only popped her twice.
She could take it."

"Why you!" Ranma started to intone, but was interrupted by a disturbance
from the empty judges' stand.

In a flash of light and a puff of brimstone, a quintet of figures appeared
on the stand. One figure was at the forefront, the other four flanking him
two to a side and slightly behind. All of them were shrouded in voluminous
black robes that concealed their entire bodies, making their true size
impossible to tell. Hoods were pulled over four of the beings' heads so as
to entirely conceal their faces from view. Only the one in the front had his
hood pulled back far enough to allow light to touch what lay underneath,
revealing what lay within. Rather than the face of a person, all that showed
was a bright silver mask. It was a plain thing, with eyeslits as its only
feature. Within those slits were not the expected presence of eyes, but
rather a sickly green luminescence that shone through.

A voice boomed from the masked figure, "All those who would dare lay their
eyes upon my august personage, kneel before their God King and Eternal
Emperor!"

One of the shrouded figures cleared his throat. "Actually, Lord Asmodeous,
we aren't in control of these lands. They aren't under any obligation to bow
to you."

Emerald fire flared briefly from the eyes as the masked figure turned its
baleful gaze upon the subordinate. "Really?"

"I'm afraid so, your Eternal Obliviousness," the figure confirmed.

Turing back to the crowd, Asmodeous's voice boomed out, "Very well, you do
not have to kneel, though if you want to, feel free."

No one took him up on his offer.

"At any rate," Asmodeous continued, "You have gathered together today in
contest for the ultimate prize." He held his hands apart. Between them, a
swirling orb of pink energy shot through with motes of white light formed.
Within seconds it took on a shape, eventually solidifying until it formed a
golden scepter. It was nearly two feet tall, and ringed with a horde of
jewels encrusted throughout its entire length.

Asmodeous bellowed, "Behold, the ultimate key to global conquest: The
Scepter of Domination. He who wields it can control all of humanity. Bending
their wills and making it their ow-"

One of the other figures behind him cleared his throat in interruption.

"What?" Asmodeous asked.

"It's nae the Scepter oov Domination we be given oot today, yuir Eternal
Irritant," it said.

"It's not?"

"Nae. It's the wee little ring that controls carses. The Scepter is the
prize in next week's contest."

"Oh." Asmodeous banished the scepter, and began rummaging through his
pockets until he found a small band of unadorned gold. He held it up and
announced to the crowd, "Behold the Ring Of Controlling Curses! With it in
one's hands, you can control curses!"

Everyone cheered at being shown the prize.

Asmodeous said. "And all you need to participate in this contest for
ultimate control over humanit... I mean control over curses, is the small,
paltry sum of... your mortal souls! MUHAHAHAHA--"

"Five hundred yen," another of the figures whispered.

"What?" Asmodeous said irritably.

The figure lisped, "The entry fee ith only five hundred yen! Not their
mortal thoulth. Thatth in next weekth contetht your Eternal Thufferenthe."

"So this is only a money raising gig?"

"Yeth," the figure confirmed.

"That would explain the lousy prize," Asmodeous said. To the crowd, he
shouted, "Very well, the entry fee is only five hundred yen. MUHAHAH... bah.
Sinister laughter isn't worth such a low fee. Cough it up and we'll start
this thing."

Each contestant paid their fees, and retook their positions at the starting
line. Ranma continued to stretch and stay loose until he heard a voice chime
out, "I'm here, Ranma."

He turned only to see a sight that made his eyes bulge so wide they
threatened to fall out of his head. Kachiko bounced her way over to him. Or
perhaps it was more appropriate to say that certain parts of her anatomy
bounced their way towards him. Even beneath the sweatshirt she now wore, it
was obvious her chest has somehow expanded to unbelievable dimensions. Her
front was practically going in a different direction from the rest of her
body.

"How?" Was all Ranma could get out at the inconceivable impossibility.

It was more than Akane could manage, as she just stood and pointed.

"Like the new modifications?" Kachiko posed for him, jiggling as much as if
she was running.

Nearby, Tarou shook his head in disapproval. "You were better off with what
you had before. That's what, H-Cup size? It's just inhuman and disgusting."

"Says the guy who turns into an oversized bull," Kachiko shot back, before
bouncing her way to the judges' table and paying her entry fee.

She made it back to the starting line just in time as Asmodeous stood up,
pointed a hand to the sky, and shouted, "Let the race, Begin!" and shot a
glowing ball of blue energy straight up into the air. It exploded in a
blossom of blue and green fire, accompanied by a tremendous boom.

Tarou let off his trademark snicker as he stood idly by, watching the
participants scramble like rats informed there was a piece of cheese at the
end of a maze. The sad fools. Taking out Saotome early was just something to
kill time, as well as putting things that much more in Tarou's favor. He had
no fear of losing. All those chumps in the race could do was run. Tarou
assured himself he was different as he pulled a gourd from his belt. While
they were dealing with the obstacles, he would fly over them, outdistancing
everyone and avoiding all those traps.

He poured the water over his head and changed. Now in his cursed form, he
bellowed loud and hard in triumph.

While Tarou was in mid-bellow, something impacted against his face,
exploding and dousing him in warm water that reverted him to his human form.

"What?" Tarou spluttered, spitting out some of the water that he had
swallowed.

Kachiko stood there, water balloon in one hand and her chest now a full cup
size smaller. "Nyah, it's not so easy when you can't change, is it?" Kachiko
taunted, drawing back the hand with the balloon in it.

Tarou played it off, wiping back his now wet locks. "You're quite the little
cheap shot artist, aren't you? First there was the incident yesterday, now
you set me up by faking a boob job and try to keep me from winning the
race." He stepped menacingly forward. "Of course, all I need to do to take
care of that problem is get the rest of that loaded chest of yours."

A second balloon popped against his head, dousing him again. "Hey! I wasn't
in my cursed form!" he snapped as he spat out more water.

"I know, hitting you is fun," Kachiko said.

Lunging forward before she could bring another balloon out, Tarou grabbed
Kachiko, pinning her arms to her side in his powerful grip. "Your chest is
mine!"

A solid kick met the back of his head, forcing him to release his hold and
teeter backward, and allowing Kachiko to move outside of his reach. It was
of little consequence. He rubbed the back of his skull, Kachiko momentarily
forgotten as a new, more dangerous, threat presented itself. "Oh, it's you,
Fem-boy."

Ranma stood back tensed and ready to unleash another attack. Voice full of
anger, he said, "When I didn't see you in the running with the others, I
figured you were up to something. But of all the slimy, rotten things you've
pulled, threatening to molest Kachi is easily the lowest of the low. I'm
really going to kick the crap out of you now."

Tarou smirked. "I could say it's not what it sounded like, but I honestly
don't give a damn what you think. Actually, you getting angry amuses me. So
go ahead and assume I was trying to feel her up. Even if I was, you couldn't
stop me."

Tarou's lack of effort to deny what Ranma had seen fueled his anger. "You're
going to pay for that." He moved forward to attack.

"Not at your hands." Tarou shot back and moved forward as well.

Just as the two were about to meet, a pair of hands darted around Tarou's
waist. Deft fingers undid the buckle around the belt, extracting it and its
payload of water filled gourds.

Kachiko held her prize up in the air triumphantly. "I have them now.
Hahaha... eh?"

Kachiko looked in confusion at the results of her move. Ranma and Tarou had
stopped moving forward. Apparently Tarou's trousers were baggier than
Kachiko had thought, as, without the support from the belt, they had dropped
to his ankles. Also Tarou evidently believed when one wore pants, underwear
was optional.

Ranma's pigtail stood out from the back of his head as he stared at Tarou.

Casually, the older youth said to Ranma, "Look, Fem-Boy, just because I'm
not wearing any underwear and am at... full extension, and while you can
turn into a girl, don't get any idea that I'm attracted to you or anything.
I just get kind of turned on by fights is all."

"Ack!" Ranma covered his eyes.

Tarou smirked. "Yeah, if I was you, I'd feel inferior to me, too." He turned
to confront Kachiko, not the least bit embarrassed about his state of
nudity. He placed his hands on his hips and smirked. "Since you wanted a
look, here I am. Like what you see?"

Another water balloon met his face.

"Cool off, Bullsy. Some of us girls are interested in things other than well
endowed guys with pantyhose fetishes." Kachiko retorted. She then raised the
belt above her head, then
brought it down hard, shattering all of the gourds and spilling their
contents on the ground, allowing the soil to soak it up. She then tossed the
belt back to Tarou.

Tarou pulled up his pants, and refastened them. He stared at the course.
"Looks like we do it the hard way. You'll see me at the finish line."
Declaration made, Tarou ran off at top speed.

Ranma peeked out through his fingers. Once he confirmed Tarou was no longer
present, and pointing anything in his direction, he said, "That pervert
wasn't ashamed or anything! It gives me the creeps."

Kachiko headed in the same direction Tarou did. "Come on. We have to hurry
if we're going to win that damn ring."

Realizing she had raised a good point, and that there was no reason to stick
around, Ranma did the same, ensuring the race had finally started.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Akane was running as fast as she could, delighted at unexpectedly taking the
lead. At least she thought she was in the lead. No one seemed to be
following her. Of course, given the number of different paths that kept
cropping up, all of them looking the same, it was small surprise she had
lost track of the rest of the contestants. She just hoped Ranma was okay. Of
course, he was stronger than her and would probably have an easier time
through the course anyway, but maybe, just maybe, she'd choose the path with
the fewest and easiest obstacles and win the race, showing that she should
be taken seriously for a change.

So far, the obstacles had been easy. Nothing more than a few pit traps,
tripwires, and poppy fields full of drug-filled flowers (making her grateful
for Kodachi pulling the flower trick on her from time to time and
recognizing them for what they were). They were all fairly common
impediments, which were not slowing her down in the slightest.

Eventually, Akane came to another split in the road. Curiously, there was a
sign that said 'This Way' and indicated the path to the left.

"Like anyone falls for that one," Akane said, and followed the trail to the
right.

She quickly came upon what appeared to be a bottomless chasm. Well
technically it probably wasn't bottomless, but when one couldn't see the
bottom, there was little difference between the two. Directly in front of
her, spanning the chasm was a bridge. On her side was a man so ancient he
made Happosai look young. He was stooped over, clutching a gnarled staff
that was as wrinkled as his skin.

In a raspy voice, he intoned. "Here lies the Bridge of Death, which spans
the Really Deep Chasm. In order to cross it and get to the other side, ye
must answer me these questions three, or else thy doom will be assured.
Hehehe." He cackled insidiously.

Akane asked, "You mean I'll be doomed if I unsuccessfully answer any of the
questions, or is it I'll only be doomed if I don't answer all the questions
correctly and try to cross the bridge?"

"You'll only be doomed if you don't answer the questions right and try to
cross the bridge. Actually getting the wrong answers doesn't intrinsically

do anything to you. This isn't 'Jeopardy'," the man clarified.

"What if I try to cross the bridge without listening to the questions?"

"Wouldn't be much point asking the questions if you could just cross it, now
is there?" the man said, put off by the very nature of the query.

"What if I was to cross the bridge that's just fifteen meters that way?"
Akane pointed to a sturdy wooden bridge that was located just a little
farther down the length of the chasm.

"Drat! She spotted it," the man hissed to himself. To Akane, he said. "Ah,
you don't want to do that."

"Why not?"

"It's ah, old, and dilapidated. Not sturdy at all," the man said.

Akane persisted. "Will I be doomed if I cross it without answering any
questions?"

"Ah, well, who's to say?" the man said with a hint of menace in his voice.

"I think I'll use that one." Akane moved in the direction of the second
bridge.

The old man said, "Wait don't do it! It's made of wood. You might get
splinters. Very painful, splinters are. Mine is a nice and polished. No
chance of splinters here."

"Getting a few splinters is somewhat less risky than being doomed for
answering a few questions wrong." Akane made to walk that way again.

The man stepped in front of her. "But my questions are easy. Anyone can
answer them. Go ahead and try it."

"That's all right." Akane tried to move around the man.

"Wait, wait, wait," the ancient one insisted. He went through a pocket on
his robe, pulling out several coupons. "I'll throw these in too. They're for
free sundaes at the local ice cream shop. Each one has a value of 200 yen.
What do you say now?" He gave a winning smile.

Akane moved around him and headed to the other bridge.

"I'll make it only two questions," the man pleaded. "One of them will be
where you were born. Come on. Please. No one ever crosses my bridge. I'm a
lonely man." He fell to the ground in a pathetic, crying heap.

Akane crossed the other bridge anyway. These obstacles were definitely
proving easy to beat.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tarou snickered, despite having no one around to appreciate his smugness. So
far, the so-called 'obstacle course' had been simplicity itself to walk
through. All he had to do was bitch slap a bunch of ninjas that had tried to
sneak up on him, bitch slap a pack of wild apes that had tried to attack
him, and bitch slap some mimes. Not that the pasty-faced weirdoes had stood
in his way, just that he had seen them, and kicking the crap out of some was
always fun. Smacking mimes around was addictive, like smoking, except
without the dangers of nicotine. He was surprised more people didn't do it.

Then he came upon something that put him on edge. A little ways up the path
were two girls, identical twins that were about the age elementary students,
dressed in the exact same school uniforms They stood just off the path
directly across from one another. Between the two of them were a pair of
jump ropes that they were twirling; a curiosity since no one was using them
to jump.

Tarou moved closer until he stood before the skipping strands of rope. He
looked to the girls. "This is supposed to be the next obstacle?" he said
incredulously.

"Yes, sir," the pair said as one.

"I'm Rei," the one on the right said in a singsong voice.

"I'm Mei," the other said in the same way as the first.

Tarou's eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head. "This is the lamest
obstacle I have ever seen." Humoring the two girls, he leaped between the
ropes.

He believed he had their timing down perfectly, and by all rights it should
have been a simple matter to give two tiny hops and end up on the other
side. Instead, he saw only one of the ropes skip under his feet. The second
one wrapped itself around his ankle, and he found himself hurled powerfully
back the way he came, skidding across the ground on his chest until he came
to a stop.

Two girlish giggles reached his ears, turning Tarou's face red. He picked
himself off the ground and dusted off his shirt. It was a fluke, that was
all. A one time error in his coordination. He would get through it easily.
It was a couple of jump ropes was all.

Watching closely until he thought he had the timing down again, Tarou jumped
in-between the ropes. Once more, he only managed to leap over one, the other
entwining itself around his ankle and throwing him back just as hard as
before

His eyebrows twitched furiously as he again raised himself up off the
ground.

Mei (or was it Rei, he wasn't certain) said, "In all the time we've been
stationed here, no one has ever gotten past our spinning Ropes of Repulsion.
Just do like all the others did, and backtrack until you get to a split in
the path and take another fork."

Tarou snickered. "Ah, but you see. I'm not like all those other
narrow-minded idiots. I don't think linearly." And with that Tarou leaped
high in the air, at least ten feet above the two girls.

Just as he reached a point directly over the ropes, one snaked out and
somehow grabbed at his ankle, snaring it. Tarou found himself hurled so hard
to the ground that he bounced once before coming to a stop.

"The last fork is no more than two hundred meters the other way," one of the
girls said.

Much more slowly this time, Tarou rose to his feet. He didn't bother
brushing himself off as he slowly walked back to the spinning ropes.

"You're not going to make it though," Mei warned.

"He's more stubborn than most," her sister agreed.

Tarou's eyes followed the spinning ropes again. His nodded up and down in
accordance with the pieces of rope. At last, he gave a satisfied grin.

Mei looked at Rei and shook her head sadly.

Tarou's hand lashed out, grabbing Mei by her collar. He leaned the other
way, then grabbed Rei as well.

Holding the pair well off the ground, he snarled. "Knock off the rope
spinning and let me pass."

"You won't beat us up," Mei said defiantly.

"Why not?" Tarou asked, as though he was being subjected to the world's most
stupid question.

"Because most people would regard pummeling harmless little girls as being
morally corrupt," Rei offered.

Eyebrow raised curiously, Tarou asked, "Do I look like most people?"

Mei and Rei laughed nervously. They also released their holds on their
ropes.

"Go on past," Mei said, ushering him past.

Tarou placed them back on the ground and patted their heads. He then walked
over the ropes and continued down the path.

Rei looked at Mei. "I don't care how many Girl Scout Cookies Lord Asmodeous
promised to buy off us, I'm getting a new job."

Mei nodded her head in agreement.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ranma found himself confronted by an unexpected obstacle in the middle of
the pathway; actually the first to be labeled such. Simple things, like
climbing ladders covered in grease and jumping through a hopscotch set up
didn't really count as 'obstacles' in his mind. But this one was different.
Before him was a huge man, towering three meters tall, and adorned in
bright, golden, metal armor emblazoned with rams so lifelike they
practically threatened to jump off the armor and charge. It had to have been
crafted by a true artisan. The man within the armor was a sight to behold as
well. Not only tall, but incredibly wide and with tree trunk like arms and
legs that appeared they could shatter rock as if it was paper mache. A giant
sword hung across his back, the weapon as long as Ranma and weighing perhaps
twice as much. It was quite the imposing sight. The man's face indicated he
was in his late twenties at the outside. He stared disdainfully at Ranma.

"None shall pass," the warrior promised.

"We'll see about that," Ranma said, tensing up for a fight.

The warrior said, "By the Code of Kachoo, you are given the right of three
free blows, before I shall strike you down. That is three, and not one more,
nor one less. Just three. A trio of blows, like triplets born of a mother.
Not two, like twins. Not quartets, like in a barbershop-"

"I get the idea. Only three," Ranma said. "It's only going to take one,
though. I'll make it quick and relatively painless."

Ranma launched himself, aiming a kick right at the man's chest directly at
the image of the ram above his stomach. The man did not even move as Ranma's
attack headed right on target.

"Argh!" Ranma shouted as he bounced off the armor. It had been like hitting
stone. The warrior hadn't even had the courtesy to flinch.

The warrior said, "That counted as your first attack. Not the second. Not
the third. But the first. A single number, like one, which is indeed the
loneliest number that you shall ever-"

"I know, I know!" Ranma snapped. This guy was no pushover, but it didn't
really matter. Ranma Saotome was unbeatable when it came down to it, and
with three free blows, he could take anyone down.

Ranma smirked, drawing on his supreme confidence and formed a bright ball of
blue energy between his hands. He let the ball build up until it was a what
he regarded as a sufficient size, and cried out, "Moko Takabisha!" and
released it at his opponent.

The blue beam spattered harmlessly against the armor. Again the warrior
failed to react to the blast.

"That was two-"

"Oh, don't start that again!" Ranma said, annoyed that this was going to
take a while. It wasn't that he was fearful of losing, just that this was a
race where every second counted. He had to stop Tarou from getting to the
finish line, since there was no way Akane or Kachi could stop the jerk. It
was all up to Ranma.

The giant warrior unlimbered his giant sword. It gleamed wickedly under the
sun.

"Hey, you said I get three free shots. I've only taken two," Ranma insisted.

The warrior said, "Indeed. I am merely preparing myself for after the last
free blow falls. Once you have unleashed it, I shall strike you down with
one mighty blow from my blade. Like the giant lumberjack of lore, I shall
smite you as if I was he, my sword was an axe, and you were a tree. I
would-"

"I got it! I got it!" Ranma snapped. He calmed himself down. One last
attack, and then the fight would truly begin against....

"What's your name?" Ranma asked.

The warrior puffed out his chest. "I am the greatest Knight of the Realm of
Jothenhiem. The Rose of Sancrest. The Kingfisher of Argoth. The Assembler of
Linux-"

"What do your friends call you?" Ranma said slowly, pronouncing each word
through clenched teeth.

"My friends call me... Glazz Jaw."

"Glazz...  Jaw?" Ranma said slowly. "Any reason for that?"

"Indeed," the man said. "It was something of a joke. You see. I inherited a
hereditary condition from my father. He-"

Ranma's fist met the man's chin.

Glazz Jaw said, "Yes, that would be it." His eyes rolled into the back of
his head and he collapsed to the ground.

Ranma sighed to himself and hurried onward. What a waste of time.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Kachiko Tendou stared at the sight before her. So far this obstacle course
had been far from difficult. Wacky Wakaba's morning greetings were usually
more lively than what she had encountered so far. Nothing really inspired,
just rope ladders over pits of poisonous snakes, walking across broken
glass, and leaping through flaming hoops. All easy stuff.

However, this latest obstacle was something else. Here she was, confronted
by a large, what appeared to be, playing board of some type directly in the
middle of the path. Its edges were flush with the hillsides that made a
barrier of trying to leave the path for any reason. The only way to go
forward was to cross the board and continue on.

Kachiko was not the only one present either. There was a girl, around
Kachiko's age, reading some sort of sign located next to the board.

Kachiko asked, "What are you reading?"

The girl turned to give her the evil eye. "I am in the process of figuring
out the answers to the equations necessary to safely cross the board,
idiot."

"No need to get rude," Kachiko snapped back, then looked at the sign. It
said something about figuring out the equations on it in order to step on
the correct squares in the proper order to traverse the board. Kachiko saw
that the sign was overflowing with a variety of numbers, letters, and
symbols represented sets of equations. Kachiko scratched her head in
confusion.

The girl that was poring over the equations noticed Kachiko was staring at
them intently. She laughed. "Don't be ridiculous. Any obstacle that can give
I, Amiko Mikohara, the Queen of the Obstacle Course, pause, means you can
never hope to pass it."

Kachiko took a step back in shock. "How dare you refer to yourself as the
Queen of the Obstacle Course. I'll have you know I am the true queen."

Amiko appeared equally offended. "Don't be ludicrous. I have completed over
five hundred obstacle courses in my time, from the great Splasherfest Course
in Yokohama, to the International Volcano Obstacle Course Challenge in
Ghana, I have won them all. They don't call me the Undefeated One for
nothing."

"They'll be calling you Loser Girl after I'm through with you," Kachiko
bragged.

Amiko was openly angered by the statement. "If you think you're so hot,
cross the board."

"A piece of cake." Kachiko walked to the board and stepped on one of the
black squares furthest to the left edge of the board. Smirking, she then
leaped to the other side, advancing one square. She covered her eyes, hopped
on one foot to a square five over and two ahead. Next she did a handstand to
the one diagonal from her. She then pretended as though she was drunk,
staggered across four different squares, before making a dramatic sweeping
gesture, and stepping off a final square and off the board, now on the
opposite side.

Amiko's jaw nearly dislocated itself with how far it swung open. She pointed
at Kachiko and babbled, "How?"

Kachiko smirked. "It's simple, if you've not a total loser idiot like
yourself."

Amiko pointed at one of the equations on the board. "But how did you get
this one with the variable integer that's dependent on the time of day."

"I took the wind variable into consideration."

"What?"

"It's something your puny mind couldn't understand," Kachiko said quickly.

Amiko asked, "And this one which multiplies zero several times, but still
comes up with a positive number?"

"Yes, well, I just applied the Ornstead Theorem to it." Kachiko answered.

Amiko stared at her suspiciously. "You just randomly chose squares, didn't
you?"

Kachiko broke out into a light sweat. Her posturing broke down as she said,
"Fine! I did. So what? I just figured I could deal with any problems that
popped up if I hit the wrong square. It's just a game board. What's it going
to do? King me?"

Amiko gave Kachiko a flat stare, picked up a rock, and tossed it on one of
the squares. Instantly flames erupted, liquefying the rock in seconds. Amiko
repeated the action, tossing a second rock on a different square. It was
frozen solid in a second. A third time, and the rock disappeared in a pop.

"I knew it could do that," Kachiko said.

"Liar, you got lucky!" Amiko shot back.

Kachiko turned her back to Amiko, bent over, and smacked her bottom. "Right
here, Loser Girl." She then stood up properly and announced. "I'm out of
here. See you later," and took off.

Kachiko hummed pleasantly to herself, enjoying her superiority. She was
barely out of sight of the board when the world went spinning as a sudden
pain shot through the very center of her being. It was unlike anything she
had felt, ever, a piercing thing that seemed to erupt from every portion of
her body. She cried out and doubled over in agony, curling into a fetal ball
and praying that the pain would go away. For a moment, the pain lessened,
but the decreasing pain was accompanied by a feeling of weightlessness, and
a lack of sensation from her surroundings.

Then, as suddenly as it started, it was over. Everything felt like it was
there again, and the pain drifted away, almost as though it had never been.
Kachiko stood up, making a critical examination of her herself in an attempt
to discover what had caused such agony. She could see no wounds, nor any
indication of what had triggered such an experience in the first place.
There was nothing at all wrong with her. Not even a lingering sensation of
pain.

"Maybe I didn't hit all the right squares after all," she admitted to
herself. With time wasting, and no indication of a second attack coming,
Kachiko went on ahead in search of the next obstacle, quickly putting the
incident behind her.

Within minutes she came upon it; a wide pool of tar that was set in the
middle of the path she had been traveling. There was a way across, of
course, but it was something on the unusual side; a single taut rope strung
across from one side to the other. It was easy enough to navigate if one
could handle walking across tightropes. What was especially curious was that
there was a man on the far side, with a pair of shears in hand. He sat next
to the rope, the shears open and the rope lying in-between the sharpened
pieces of metal.

Kachiko smirked at the sight. "Heh. Pretty clever, but I can see right
through it. The people who came up with the obstacle course would never
provide such an obvious way to get across, while leaving such an obvious
means of preventing people from crossing it.
This is one of those, 'It looks like the trap is simple and impossible to
pass, but it really isn't.' It's meant to make me try to come up with some
complicated alternate route, when in fact I can walk right across this rope
and nothing is going to happen. That might sucker chumps like Loser Girl,
but I've seen it done before. No need to confirm it."

"Then I won't," the man standing on the other side said.

Without a moment's hesitation, Kachiko stepped onto the rope and began to
walk across it as casually as if she was walking down the street. She even
whistled and made a big production as she casually strolled over the tar
pits and towards the other side.

Halfway across, the man closed the shears, severing the rope and sending the
stunned Kachiko into the tar.

As Kachiko began sinking into the tar, she heard the man say, "My favorites
are the dumb ones that think they're incredibly brilliant when the only
people they can outsmart are themselves. God, I love my job."

And then Kachiko was completely submerged.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ranma emerged from a tunnel filled with what were supposed to be terrifying
ghosts. Having more than enough dealings with such otherworldly beings, from
the ridiculous Cat Ghost to that silly Cave of Lost Love to being possessed
by spirits, they were nothing more than a casual annoyance.

Once out in the open, he looked over the area. Much to his delight, he could
just make out the finish line beyond the next obstacle, which consisted of a
number of pools dotting the ground. A small island of rock was in the middle
of each of the tiny bodies of water, with giant bamboo... poles...
sticking... out?

Ranma looked at the nearby sign proclaiming the nature of the obstacle
before him. "Welcome to the Cursed Drowned Pools Obstacle Course (TM Owned
by Jusenkyou Guide Inc.). Enjoy your stay."

"Oh, no," Ranma moaned. This was the last place on earth he wanted to end
up. All he needed was to get some other curse and end up a freak like Tarou.
Still, things shouldn't be too bad. All he needed was leap across the pools
and get to the other side. He had obviously arrived here first, and since
the rope was still unbroken across the finish line, no one else had finished
yet. He still had time to win.

As he leapt to the nearest bamboo pole, a figure emerged from a different
path, and instantly examined its surroundings. Ranma stopped in his leaping
to see who his competition to racing to the finish line would be.

Tarou was up on a pole in an instant. "Want to do this the easy way,
Fem-boy, and have you stand here and wait for second place?"

Ranma gave him a cocky grin. "You'll be the one eating my dust, Pantyhose."

"Well, if you want to end up with a month's supply of pain in addition to
your rice, bring it on," Tarou made a curling motion with his finger.

Ranma accepted the offer and immediately launched himself at Tarou. The
older boy fended off the two punch combination, but was unable to launch a
counter strike due to the speed of the attack and his need to maintain his
balance on top of the pole.

Landing on top of a different piece of bamboo, Ranma gave an identical
curling motion with his finger to Tarou.

Unable to resist the lure, Tarou leaped toward Ranma's pole. Rather than
remaining there for the attack, Ranma waited until Tarou was three quarters
of the way across and kicked off from the pole he was on. The unexpected
attack caught Tarou off-guard, and he was unable to react in time. A kick
landed solidly in the gut. The force of the blow sent him flying on a
different course towards the ground. Luckily his flight path took him within
arm's reach of a different pole. He kept himself from falling by clutching
the bamboo as though his life depended on it.

Safely on top of his own perch, Ranma taunted Pantyhose as he climbed to the
top of the shaft he had snared. "Looks like some big mouth doesn't have what
it takes beat a poor old, 'Fem Boy'. Isn't that a shame?"

Tarou snarled a curse and hurled himself at Ranma again. This time Ranma
retaliated immediately and the pair exchanged a number of blows in mid-air.
Ranma managed to get one last one in as they retreated, hitting Tarou in the
jaw. It was a light tap, not so much doing damage as proving Ranma's
superiority in aerial combat.

Now firmly enraged, Tarou paused a moment before giving out a loud battle
cry. He crouched slightly, and Ranma tensed up for the next attack. He was
so prepared for an assault that he failed to react for a second when, rather
than hurling himself at Ranma, Tarou leapt to another pole. Rather than
jumping to the top of it, Tarou leapt to another pole, grabbing on to the
middle again. Confused, Ranma continued standing there, watching Tarou leap
again to another middle section of a pole. It was then Ranma realized
something very important in the selection of poles Tarou was using.

They led directly to the finish line.

"Coward!" Ranma shouted, and hurried to catch up. Luckily, Tarou was leaping
from the middle of the poles that was taking him much longer to traverse
than simply traveling across the tops of them.

Ranma leaped on a set of poles along a parallel course to Tarou. He had
almost caught up to his foe when he jumped to the shaft Tarou had occupied a
moment before. Just as Ranma's weight settled on the top, the bamboo let out
a tiny cracking noise, and the whole thing broke right where Tarou had
previously landed. Caught off-guard, Ranma found there was nothing he could
do to prevent himself from falling downward and into the pool below him.

Tarou laughed at Ranma's falling form. "You always were a sucker, Fem Boy."

"Nooo!" Ranma wailed, catching sight of a sign that said 'Pool of Drowned
Panda.' "Anything but the one my stupid old man fell in!" His pleas went
unheard as he hit the pool with a resounding splash.

Tarou climbed to the top of his current pole and laughed at the sight.
"Hahahaha! I look cool with my
Yeti-Riding-Bull-While-Carrying-Crane-And-Eel-And-Octopus curse, but you
look just plain stupid as a girl and... nothing but a girl?"

Ranma-chan sat up and looked at herself. Curiously, she wasn't a female
panda, or a cross between a female and a panda. She was just a girl. She
looked at the sign again, which said in bold black letters: Pool of Drowned
Panda.

"I don't get it," Ranma-chan said. Then she heard a disturbance coming from
the water behind her. She turned to see emerging from the pool, one very
large and very wet panda. It plodded out of the pool, stood on the ground,
shook its fur, flinging water everywhere, then turned to walk away on all
fours.

Ranma-chan looked again at the sign. "It looks like someone didn't quite
understand the nature of what a 'Pool of Drowned Panda' was supposed to do."

Tarou pointed and laughed at Ranma-chan. "It doesn't matter. It was worth it
just to see the look of sheer terror on your face as you were falling and
thought you were going to get a stupid panda curse. Hahaha-"

The laughter was cut short as Ranma-chan launched herself from the pool and
shattered the pole beneath her opponent's perch. She taunted, "Let's see how
you like getting all wet!"

As the pole slowly began to fall, Tarou called out in an overly dramatic
voice, "Oh no, I'm about to fall in a pool of water that is going to
activate my curse. Whatever shall I do?"

It was then the repercussions of Ranma-chan's actions hit her. Tarou was bad
enough without the curse, but with it....

Ranma-chan sprang off the pole she was on and launched herself at Tarou. He
took a swing, which she managed to duck, and kicked him away from the water
so that he would fall on one of the strips of earth between the pools rather
than in one.

The mid-air blow left Ranma-chan with no recourse but to fall into the water
Tarou had almost ended up in. It didn't matter to her, knowing the nature of
the stupid pools now. She held her breath as she went under, waiting for her
momentum to die so she could swim back up. Her strokes were powerful, and
she broke the surface. But as she did she felt something small and wet
attach itself to her face, covering it completely. Now able to breathe
again, she spluttered, "What?"

The creature let out a terrifying yowl. It was then Ranma-chan grasped the
true terror of her predicament, and came to understand that there was
nothing more terrifying than having a wet, irate cat attached to her face.

"AHHH" she competed screeching with the cat's cries and began running
blindly around, crashing into pools and poles alike, like a bumper car left
to run at full speed in a narrow passage.

Tarou made his way to the top of one of the poles so he could have a good
view of Ranma's terrified antics. "This is great!" he said, nearly doubling
over in laughter.

Something glomped onto him from behind, nearly knocking him from his perch.
Tarou was forced to use every ounce of equilibrium he had to keep from going
over and directly into the ground.

"How are you doing, Bullsy?"

Tarou recognized the voice, "Ah, it's you again, you shifty little wench.
Get off my back."

Kachiko said, "Actually, I couldn't do it, even if I wanted to."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Ever hear the one about Brier Rabbit and the Tar Baby?"

Tarou sniffed the air, crinkled his nose, then looked over his shoulder at
the girl so firmly attached to him. There was a black substance smudged on
her face, and he could see quantities of it on the arms that encircled his
torso. "You idiot! If you're attached to me, you can't win either."

"I don't need to win." Unable to remove her arms, Kachiko shook her head
behind them, indicating he should look in that direction.

Tarou turned to see Akane Tendou had also emerged into the final obstacle
course.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

Akane looked at the scene before her. Ranma-chan was running around with a
cat attached to her face, and Kachiko was stuck to Tarou. With Ranma-chan in
panic mode (and Akane unable to help her fianc� in 'his' panicked state,)
and her mother effectively negating the only competition around, as well as
herself, in the process, that left Akane to win the race.

"Hurry!" Kachiko cried as Tarou leapt to another pole, barely able to hold
on with Kachiko struggling on his back.

Akane hurried along the ground, which was tricky considering how thin some
of the pathways were. But she felt it was safer to trust her feet on the
ground rather than her leaping ability. Quickly, she emerged from the forest
of bamboo a good fifteen seconds ahead of Tarou, who was desperately trying
to peel the girl from his back. Akane noted he had made some progress,
despite Kachiko's attempts to remain clinging to him. He had freed one of
her arms from his front and was trying to pry the rest of her from his back.
It was a nearly impossible task given his lack of sufficient leverage, but
somehow he was succeeding.

"Hurry!" Kachiko repeated, her voice all but acknowledging she was losing
the battle.

Akane turned and prepared to sprint to the finish line. It would take her no
more than half a minute. Even if Tarou was free, with the lead she had,
there was no way she could lose. Finally, she was going to prove to everyone
that she was a serious martial artist and win the race. Ranma would finally
be free of his curse, and he would actually thank her for it. Not that she
would try to force him into thanking her or asking for anything in return,
but she knew Ranma well enough to understand that he would be grateful. With
how strained things had been lately, his appreciation would be like a breath
of fresh air. Also having control over his curse would take away that
problem, and then he could move on to the other one of Kachiko's unwanted
attentions and openly admitting Akane was his one and only fiancee.

Akane ran, her pathway to happiness in sight. She could hear her mother
shouting words of encouragement and Tarou cursing her. Akane felt her heart
nearly leap into her throat. It was all real. Nothing could stop her now.
She was finally going to win one.

And then a louder caterwauling reached her ears, one that was all too
familiar. Akane paused, turning to see that offending cat had remained
attached to Ranma-chan's face too long and the girl had slipped into full
nekoken mode. Ranma-chan finally stopped running, and swatted the cat off
her face before heading out of sight, as far away from the cat as she could.
As to the poor feline, it gave one loud yelp as it went flying through the
air, only to hit a pool, kicking up an impressive gout of water. A second
later a sparrow emerged from the pool and flew off, but the cat wasn't
anywhere to be seen.

Akane stopped. It was still alive, she had heard it cry out even after
Ranma-chan batted it away, but hitting the water must have stunned it. If it
wasn't pulled out right away, it would drown. It was a good distance away,
thanks to Ranma's blow, and every second would count in rescuing the poor
creature whose only crime had been being in the wrong place at the wrong
time.

But the finish line wasn't that far away. She could be the hero for a change
instead of Ranma, and he would be so grateful to her.

But the cat could die.

"I'm sorry," Akane said out loud.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"What are you doing?!" Kachiko screeched as Akane turned around and headed
the other way.

"Geez, talk about not having your priorities straight. She really is
soft-hearted, isn't she?" Tarou said as he continued pushing Kachiko away.

Finally maneuvering the girl far enough off his back he could put his arm
between her front and his back, Tarou managed to use enough leverage to
bring his full strength to bear. There was the sound of ripping garments as
Kachiko fell away from him with an audible thud. The sudden lack of
resistance was so great that Tarou fell backward as well, hitting the ground
solidly.

He had just returned to his feet when Kachiko latched onto him again, this
time attaching herself to his front. Unlike before, with the lack of tar and
proper leverage, he easily pried her off.

"Nice tits," he said as he held the struggling girl at arms' length.

"What?" Kachiko looked down and discovered that it was both her shirt and
bra, not Tarou's clothing, that had torn, when the youth had pulled her off
his back.

"Ack!" she cried out, ceasing in her efforts to cling to him, and covering
her chest.

Tarou used the opening to turn tail and run straight for the finish line.
Kachiko tried to catch up, but stopped halfway when she realized that
between his longer stride and her effort to cover herself there was no way
she could prevent Tarou from winning. Instead, she turned, tying the
remnants of her shirt into a makeshift top that barely hid her breasts and
stalked in the opposite direction.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Akane looked with relief at the cat that lay in her lap, spitting up water
and breathing. She placed it on the ground where it continued hacking, as
though the monster of all hairballs had become lodged in its throat.

As Akane rose to her feet, she saw that her mother had approached and was
now standing next to her, glaring at Akane with a murderous gleam in her
eyes.

Akane looked at the ground in shame. "I'm sorry, I guess I screwed up."

A resounding slap met Akane's cheek, turning her head slightly. Akane didn't
try to move it back to its proper place, instead she remained as still as a
statue in shock from the unexpected gesture.

Not satisfied with the blow, Kachiko unleashed a verbal barrage, "What the
!#$% do you think you were doing, you idiot?! You could have won! The finish
line was right there!"

Akane held her face, trying to explain, "But the cat was drowning."

"So what?!" Kachiko screeched. "It's just a cat! Just some strange !#$% cat
no different from the thousands they put to sleep every year! You can't even
keep it because Ranma's terrified of them! Do you think you're great and
wonderful because you saved it?! There are millions of cats out there, but
only one ring. Which do you think is more important?""

Memories of a little girl being yelled at by her mother tickled Akane's
subconscious. Rather than trying to shout back or defend herself, tears
began to well in her eyes. she tried saying, "But I thought-"

"You thought what?" Kachiko raged. "That if you had good intentions and pure
motives everything would turn out all right? Here's a little piece of
advice, from mother to daughter. That's a bunch of !#$%! Look around you."
She pointed to where Tarou was now standing in victory, congratulating
himself. "What do you know, we lost. That asshole, won the race! The ring is
his, not Ranma's! Now an exceedingly dangerous person has even more power
than before, and Ranma's just as screwed over as before.

"Don't delude yourself into thinking you won anything by taking some
imaginary high moral ground. Thanks to you, Ranma's going to be paying for
your 'benevolence,' for a long time afterward. But hey, what does it really
matter in the big scheme of things? At least you saved the cat." Kachiko
gave Akane a disgusted look as she turned away in anger and headed toward
the finish line.

All Akane could do was look down at the ground, and try to hide the tears
that rolled down her face.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Impetuous fools! I am the Lord of The Everrealm. Master of all I survey!
Emperor of my dimension, and you have the audacity to deliver me such
grievous news?!"

"Thorry, your motht Unworthy, but there are no more thin minths. How about a
thortbread cookie?"

"No, I don't like shortbread. Give me a Samoa."

"Hey, where's my prize?!" Tarou said to the quintet of figures that were
huddled over a number of cookie filled boxes.

Asmodeous turned to look at him. "Won the race, did you?"

"Yes," Tarou said, vaguely disturbed as Asmodeous consumed a cookie by
placing it against his faceplate where a mouth should be and watching the
Samoa simply disappear into the plate like it wasn't even there.

Asmodeous placed his hands slightly apart and summoned a glowing ball of
light. "Very well, the Scepter of Domination is yours."

"The Ring of Controlling Curses, sir," one of the hooded figures said.

"Oh, right." Asmodeous dispelled the ball and rummaged through his pockets
until he came up with the ring. "Here you go." He offered the item to
Tarou..

Tarou raised his hand to grab the item, but somehow Kachiko inserted herself
between him and the ring, snatching it out of Asmodeous' hand.

Asmodeous said to her, "I'm sorry. There seems to be some confusion. That's
first prize. You came in second. I believe your prize is a slap to the
face."

"Nae, it's a yare's supply o' Rice O'Roni," one of the shrouded figures
corrected.

"Hand it over," Tarou said menacingly, holding out his hand expectedly.

Kachiko placed the ring in the palm of her hand, rose a glowing fist above
it, then brought the fist down directly upon the ring, breaking it in half.
"Here you go," she placed the pieces in his open hand.

For a moment, Tarou didn't respond. He just stood there, open mouthed in
disbelief. Then his fist curled about the fragments, trembling with how
powerfully he gripped them. He closed his eyes, eyebrows twitching fiercely.
"You trick me and give me a sucker punch to the balls. You outmaneuver me
and keep me from transforming. You attach yourself to me like an oversized
leach in an effort to prevent me from winning, and when all your efforts
failed anyway in the end, you destroy the prize rather than letting me win
it." He moved toward her, bringing his full height to bear. "You're a
sneaky, manipulative, ruthless little cheap shot artist that'll do anything
to come out on top in the end."

"So what are you going to do about it?" Kachiko said, bringing her fists up
and prepared to defend herself.

Rather than speaking any further, Tarou rushed forward. Kachiko tried to
strike him, but he deflected both her attacks. He then grabbed her by the
face, brought it forward, and kissed her full on the lips.

Breaking off the kiss, Tarou said, "God, you seriously turn me on."

Kachiko just stood there, twitching and making strangling noises as she
turned green.

Tarou snickered in satisfaction, wiping his mouth off. "Yeah, I won't deny
I've had problems finding a girl I was seriously interested in, but you're
someone I could actually respect."

That snapped Kachiko out of her stupor. "Don't be ridiculous! I could never
stomach someone like you! You're a maniacal, egotistical, ruthless asshole
who's so convinced he's the greatest thing around nothing could possibly
break through your delusions of adequacy!"

"I know you're hot for me too, babe."

"I find you utterly repulsive!" Kachiko shrieked jumping up and down like a
little child on a sugar high being told she can't have any more candy.

Tarou shook his head. "Every time we meet, one of us ends up flashing our
goods to the other."

"All unfortunate coincidences!" Kachiko insisted.

"Go ahead and deny it, I can tell you're attracted to me by how aroused you
are," Tarou countered.

"I'm irate, not aroused, you moron!" Remembering something Ranma had told
her about Tarou's previous problems with girls, Kachiko shouted, "Pantyhose,
Pantyhose, Pantyhose, Pantyhose, Pantyhose!"

Tarou said blissfully, "From other women, my name sounds like fingernails
across a chalkboard. From you, it sounds like the sweet call of birds
chirping in the spring air." He sighed.

Kachiko appeared as though she was about to cry. "I'd rather have you try to
beat me up than date me. I did destroy the ring you were after," she
mentioned hopefully. "Don't you want to kick my ass for destroying your one
chance of controlling your curse?"

Tarou shook his head. "Nah. It was something that would have made things
more convenient is all. Finding true love is a much greater prize."

Kachiko was seething. "I'd sooner marry that dirty old man that keeps coming
onto me and birth three little anklebiters like everyone wants me to than
ever consent to dating you!"

Tarou waved his hand dismissively. "You're a little wild. That's cool. I
wouldn't want our courtship to be too easy. I'm going to have fun taming
your shrew. I'll give you a little time to adjust to the fact you're going
to be my woman. See you around." Tarou snickered and walked off, stride
showing nothing but extreme confidence.

Unable to think of anything that would drive him off, or make him want to
kill her, Kachiko fell to her knees and began to cry. It was beginning to
look like throwing herself in front of a truck would be a good thing. At the
very least it would be less painful than having to deal with a total creep
like Pantyhose Tarou as a suitor.

"Why does everything have to happen to me?" she wailed.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[END NOTES]
Yes, Kachiko coming down on Akane was exceptionally harsh, wasn't it? You'll
glean a little bit of the reasons for her almost irrational ire in the
interlude that's coming up next. Work on it has already started.

Yes, those really were lyrics to a real song. "I Must Increase My Bust' by
the Lords of Acid.

And yes, Monty Python and the Holy Grail inspired more than a few of the
'obstacles'.

Next time out we get a little interlude that will hopefully explain a few
things.

Special thanks to:
The Apprentice
Max M.
Eternal Lost Lurker
Michael A. Chase





















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