You know, I had the urge to C&C something by the Great Lord Biles*, and 
suddenly by 
head split open and my Yin and Yang came popping out... So while I go take 
a nap ( and get my head glued back together), here's Yin (white robes) and 
Yang (tie-dyed robes) with the actual C&C...

______________________________________________________
*Not to be confused with one ot the Lesser Lords, such as
Sommer, MacSpon, RpM, or Hosmer... although, with
the last two's current writing drought, they're about to be bumped
down to "That Damn Shmuck Who Used to be a Lord" status.

Who are the other Great Lords, you ask?  I'll tell you later...

The webpage has an updated cast listing page now!

Both: Finally!
Yin: I was getting tired of not knowing who everyone was...
Yang:  Funny, considering you don't even read the books this is based on...
Yin:  (Smacks Yang upside the head) Shaddup!

Wheel of Anime:  Book 1 - The Eye of God
Chapter Four:  The Road to Whitebridge

By John Biles

********

   Hinako paced back and forth.  "They're all lost because you wanted
to go into this stupid city!"

   "It seemed our best hope to lose the Fanboys," Setsuna said.  "I
regret that I was mistaken."

Yang:  Fan...
Yin:  ...Boys?
Both:  Oh Hell...

(Cue a SD Trunks-lookalike running across the screen, chased by a SD brunette 
woman carrying a large octopus and a SD Sailor Saturn in Mistress Nine mode, 
followed by a bouncing man grasping a huge amount of panties in his hands, 
being chased by several angry women.  The sound of 'Tasukette!!' and 'Give us 
back our panties you freak!!' can be heard long after they're gone.)

Yang:  Just what we need... (Groan)

   "We will find them," Soun said firmly.

   "How?  We don't know where they are!" Hinako shouted.  She was
about three inches from using her Delinquent Punishing Attack.

   Setsuna reached into her pack and extracted a large red crystal
shaped roughly like a heart which was wrapped round with a golden circular
frame.  It screwed onto the top of her staff.  She tucked a coin into the
frame and began to concentrate as it glowed.  It glowed brighter in
certain directions.  

Yin: So that's how Sets gets her talisman to work...  who knew?  I wonder how 
much she change she's lost getting her talisman to work.  
By the way, the description sounds a little ackward to me... maybe 
change it?  Something like:

"...extracted a large, roughly heart-shaped red crystal, wrapped in a golden 
circular
frame."

Yin:  Just a thought...

"Ryouga and Ukyou went that way," she said, pointing
north.  "The rest went south and should soon hit the road and end up going
to Whitebridge.  We'd best go after Ryouga and Ukyou, since they're headed
into howling wilderness and the others are not."

Yang:  The others are heading into whimpering deserts...

   Hinako wanted to argue with her logic, but she couldn't fault it.
"Alright, we'll go that way, as you advised."  She took off north, as if
it had been her plan all along.

   Setsuna smiled slightly and signaled to Soun, then rode after her.

Yin:  Of course it was her idea.  Sets just stole it; she is a mind reader 
you know...
Yang:  No she's not.  She just acts like it.  Just like Usagi and Chibi-Usa 
pretend to 
hate each other, when in reality, they're actually lovers!
Yin:  Where the hell did you hear that?!
Yang:  Read it in a fic on some lemon archive.

********

   Ukyou yanked her braid.  "Why exactly did I let you lead, Ryouga?"

Yang:  (As Ryouga)  Because you're an idiot, Ukyou...

   "Because, for once, you're just as lost as I am," Ryouga said.

   They'd been wandering through the woods for what seemed like days,
possibly centuries.  It was a maze of twisty, bendy trees all alike.  

Yin:  As compared to the straight, rigid trees... 
Yang:  Ooohhh, Gumby trees!  When are the Pokey trees going to appear?

"I'm pretty sure we're going north again, when we ought to be going 

southeast,"

Ukyou said.  "See, if you..."

   And then the pine trees suddenly turned into oaks and beeches, and
the air cooled around them.  Ukyou blinked.  "What the..."

   "Damn, this is one of the really bad ones," Ryouga said warily.

   "Really bad ones?" Ukyou asked.

   "Remember the time I went missing for three days and claimed I was
in Tear?" Ryouga asked.

   "Yeah," Ukyou said.  "That was the last time the Wisdom spanked
you."

Yang:  Spankings?  (Pulls out a pen and a small notebook)  What's this
Wisdom's number?  Does she do parties?

   "Well, I WAS in Tear," Ryouga said.  "It doesn't happen often, but
it does happen."

   "Hey, there's a path," Ukyou said, a little relieved.  She dragged
Ryouga over to it.  "Something passes this way frequently."

   He sniffed the air.  "Something funny smelling."

   "I don't smell anything," Ukyou said.

   He shrugged.  "Kind of reptillian smelling to me."

   They turned a bend and came up to a dead body of an unfortunate
deer.  Some sort of predator had ripped it apart.  Within the last hour or
two.  

Yin:  I don't think you need to have 2 sentences here.  

Ryouga walked warily now, umbrella in hand, and so did Ukyou,
carrying her giant spatula, both of them moving off the path and following
it in parallel.  There had been human footprints as well, but they weren't
sure how fresh the prints were.

 They now came into a clearing, which contained a one-story white
house with a mailbox in the front yard.  The front door had been boarded
up.  Two reptiles the size of a horse were tethered to the porch roof's
support poles.  They resembled a cross between a cat and a lizard, with
three cat-like eyes, bronze scales, and six-clawed feet.  

Yin:  (Impersonation Ash Ketchum)  It's a new breed of Pokemon!!  Pikachu, GO!
Yang:  (Impersonating Pikachu)  Pika!  Pikapika Pikachuchu Pikachu!
Subtitle:  Screw you, buddy!  You want them, YOU go get 'em!

A saddle sat on each of the creatures.  They both turned and looked idly 
at Ukyou and Ryouga, staring unblinkingly, and one of them began to keen.

   Ukyou and Ryouga ducked back into the woods as two women came
around the building and began to peer into the woods.  One of them was
tall, with long blue hair, wearing an expensive looking white uniform
jacket and long black pants.  A sword hung at her waist.  The other also
carried a sword, but her coat was blue and her pants green.  Her brown
hair was done up in two strange pony-tails which cascaded up, then down to
each side, and she wore glasses.  She held a small metal box with a glass
circle in the middle of one face.  Holding it up to her eye, she somehow
made it emit a flash of light, then said to her companion, "I didn't see
anything, Kaname-chan."  Her voice had a strangely slurred drawl to it.

Yang:  Oh my Goddess!  It's Tsunami and Devil Hunter Yohko!
Yin:  Will they be transforming for the crowd?
Yang:  (Thinks about Yohko's transformation sequence)  We can hope!

   "Probably just a deer, Kyoko," Kaname said.  "Let's get back to
exploring this place."  Her voice had the same drawl.

   "This really doesn't look like a very impressive Age of Legends
ruins to me," Kyoko said.  "I suppose the Council President had some good
reason for sending us here, though."

   "It is probably an ambush," Kaname said.  "Or a deathtrap.  He's
never liked me."

   "You dumped an entire punchbowl over his head before he became
Council President," Kyoko pointed out helpfully.

   "I didn't say he had no reason."

   Ukyou whispered to Ryouga, "Any idea what Council they might be
talking about?"

   "It must be the local Men's Council," Ryouga said.  "With the
'Mayor' being called the President."

Yin:  Or the Student Council.
Yang:  Gods, I hope not.  Then I'll have to deal with Touga and Saionji, 
which I don't want to do.  Damn Bishounen...

   "Ooh, good point.  Should we go ask them where we are?"

   "They seem okay," Ryouga said.  "Let's do it."  He got up and
started to wander off into the woods.  Ukyou grabbed his collar and
dragged him towards the two women.

Yin:  (As Ryouga)  Let go!  I didn't really mean it!  I'm afraid of women!
Yang:  (As Ukyou)  What do you think I am?!
Yin:  (As Ryouga)  A man with gender identity disfunction?

   The taller woman watched them warily, while the younger woman
smiled cheerfully.  "Hello, I'm Kyoko, and this is High Duellist Kaname
Athaem Kore Masaki.  Come to explore the ruins as well?"

   "What's a High Duellist?" Ryouga asked.  "I'm Ryouga Ayabara and
this is Ukyou al'Vere."

   The two women stared at them in shock.  "You don't know what a
High Duellist is?" Kaname asked in disbelief.

Yang:  No.  Is it anything like a Suicide King?

   "We're extremely lost," Ryouga said.  "Wait...are we in Tear
again?"

   Ukyou glanced over at the mailbox and wondered who 'King Dimwit
Flathead' had been and why he had put his name on a metal box on a pole.

Yin:  He was one ot the forgotten kings of France.  He got the 'Flathead' 
part 
when he was run over by a herd of oxen.

   "Yes, I think you are very lost," Kaname said.  "Where are you
from?"

   "The Two Rivers," Ryouga said.

   "Which two rivers?"

   "The only one I know of with that name is our Two Rivers," Ryouga
said.  "Oh, you mean, which two rivers."

   A vein throbbed on Kaname's forehead.  "Yes."

Yin:  Nicely done.
Yang:  Agreed.  A bit of humor is always welcome.

   "The White River and the Taren," Ryouga said.

   "Hmm, never heard of them.  Are you sure you don't know what a
High Duellist is?" Kaname asked.

Yang:  (As Ukyou) Is it an unknown member of the Shuffle Alliance?

   "Not a clue," Ryouga said.  "Should I be bowing?"

   "Yes," Kyoko said firmly.

   Ryouga and Ukyou bowed.  "Our apologies, your highness.  Where are
we, if I may ask?" Ukyou asked.

   "In the Flathead forest, just west of the Flathead River," Kaname
said.  "In the province of Zork in the Seanchan Empire."

   "Never heard of it," Ryouga said.  "Is this up in the
Borderlands?"

 "..."

   "Are you insane?" Kyoko asked.

Yin:  (As Ukyou)  Is this a trick question?

   Ukyou got out her map.  "Okay, I'm not sure where we are now, as I
don't see any 'Seanchan Empire' on here, but maybe you can show us?"

   Kyoko looked at the map, and her eyes widened.  "A map of the
Dar'ela!"

   "The what?" Ukyou asked.

   "The ancient homeland from which our ancestors came here, to which
we will one day return, according to prophecy," Kaname said.  "When...two
people come from that land, bearing news of its decline into
unrighteousness."

   "Prophecy?" Ryouga asked nervously.  "I just fulfilled a prophecy
by getting lost?"

   "Come, sit down," Kaname said.  "Tell us of conditions in the
Dar'ela."

   Ryouga and Ukyou came over and sat down on the porch swing, and
then the interrogation began.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------

I like this, even though I've never read the books this is based on.  I'll to 
the rest of the fic soon.

Dave Fox



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