Subject: [FFML] Re: [BGC][FanFic] Spin Cycle
From: "DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net>
Date: 3/9/2003, 1:41 PM
To: <ffml@anifics.com>, "Jeanne Hedge" <oldowl@rcn.com>


I'm slowly but surely getting through the backlog:



It was Sylia's fault she was in this predicament.  Sylia's and Priss's
and Nene's...

Linna then.


Regaining her feet during a sudden pause in the firing, she ran as
quickly as she could down the row of machines, hoping that being bent-
over would keep the boomer from noticing her.  No such luck -

Linna's butt was way too big to go unnoticed. :)


And Tokyo god damned Electric!

Hmm. That's an odd one to throw in.

"Damn." Linna rolled out of bed and pulled on the clothing at hand -
the jeans and t-shirt she'd changed from to go out the night before.

Just pick it up off the floor. If it doesn't smell too bad, wear it.

Ah, the good old days of college  dorm life. :)

She went into her living room and looked out the window.

Things seemed fine outside.  The building across the street looked like
everything

awkward, that last bit. Should reword it.

was normal, traffic was moving, people were going to and fro
along the sidewalks.  It all seemed quite normal.

Two uses of 'normal' close together. I'd change one.

 Except her apartment
had no electricity.

A quick visit to the breaker box shed little light on the situation, as
everything looked fine there.  OK, time to call building maintenance.
No answer from building maintenance.  OK, check with the neighbors.

I'd ditch the 'OK's and rephrase with 'It was'


Mrs.  Yoshida

extra space.

was the only one home,

only other person (Sounds better)

 the power was out in her apartment
too, but she didn't know any more than Linna did.  "You youngsters are
just too reliant on your gadgets! Back in the seventies we didn't
*have* all these pocket-sized phones and pocket-sized computers and
machines to record our programs and...."  After listening politely to
Mrs.  Yoshida's

extra space again.

 rantings for ten minutes or so, Linna was finally able
to escape back to her apartment.

OK, what next?

'What to do next?'


"It did, for a while.  The maintenance staff is working on it, but we
think TE'll have power back up before they get the generator fixed."

So in other words, they aren't doing anything. :)


Geez...  "So when are we supposed to have power back? I've got things I
need to do today..."

"Oh, they're saying 3 or 4 more hours."

"Three or 4?!"

either spell of write the numbers. Don't do both. My recommendation is
anything one hundred or under, spell. Anything above, you can write out,
unless it's vague: ie "I don't know how many there were. Maybe a thousand.'


Not a total disaster, she'd done without plenty of times before, but a
girl did have standards after all.  She could hear her mother's voice:
"Always wear clean underwear.  You don't want them to think badly of
you if you have an accident."  OK, she'd do laundry.

Dump the OK here too.



"Why, yes, thank you."  He then proceeded to grab at her breasts with
one hand while groping himself with the other.

That should earn him a slap.



Several older women entered the laundromat, some going to washers,
others to dryers.  Linna watched idly, then with growning concern as
the women happily chattered away while they tended their laundry.
Something seemed wrong about this happy scene, but she couldn't put her
finger on what it was.

Bot didn't greet them. This is where we came into the fic, I'd wager. :)


Package after package flew from the flapper door as it roamed the room,
firing wildly at the screaming, ducking women, asking all the while
"May I be of service?"  boom!  "May I be of service?"  bang!  "May I be
of service?"

See. Robots turn into human beings if they're left in retail long enough. :)


Damn thing's so single minded,

single-minded



A few more moments and her vision cleared enough for her to see that an
AD Police officer was kneeling at her side.

What? The robot didn't kill at least two of them. OOC! OOC! ^_^


Hello,

Thanks for reading this far. Any comments, both public and private, would
be greatly appreciated :)

Cute little shortfic. Nice thing.

DB Sommer




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