And more:

Chapter 2 -- Unfinished Stories

      The first few days of classes passed relatively smoothly. Utena
felt only slightly in shock at the amount of expected work,

College teaches you what a joke high school was from a workload standpoint.
:)

and only

slightly frazzled from juggling all the tasks she had to manage on
her own.  Given that most of her professors expected the bulk of the
work later in the semester, Utena figured the real panic would
settle in then.  Perhaps some of the older students in the dorm
could advise her on how to deal with it.

Drinking. Excessive drinking.

      Yuki nodded.  "Yeah, that wasn't my best subject in high school.
But the labs were fun."

      "Not my best either," said Utena,

"Swordsman ship I excelled at.'

      Yuki shrugged, pouring herself more tea.  "Haven't thought about
it, I guess," Yuki said.

That would do it.

      "It was difficult, when I realized what had happened at Ohtori.
The physical recovery was surprisingly quick.  The classic 'it's not
as bad as it looks', I guess.  And even back then I kept myself in
*real* good shape.

      "But mentally, I couldn't accept at first what I'd done.  Or
hadn't done."

I'd combine those two into the same paragraph.

      Both girls munched on rice crackers for some moments.  After
careful consideration, Yuki asked in a quiet voice, "Was there any
hope that things could be fixed?"

      Utena shook her head.  "No, that door was closed to me.  I
wouldn't get a chance to try to correct things.

      "At first, I did want to go back.

And here.

      Yuki had pulled her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms
around them, just nodding to acknowledge Utena's story.  A frown
formed at the last statement about nerve.  "Or maybe you've just
grown up a bit," she asserted.

      Utena bit down on the flare of outrage that suggestion
generated, and forced herself to inquire calmly, "Mind explaining
that?"

Yuki: No. Being enigmatic is cooler.

      "Usually because there was something about the situation I
didn't know.

Well, in the case of Ohtori, no one knew everything. Some just knew more
than others.

      Utena nodded.  "Thanks.  Hopefully you won't have to do that too
often."  She flipped open her chemistry book to find the page she'd
left off at, then paused.  "You said your brother did pretty well in
college.  How did he manage it?"

Yuki: Hard drinking. You can deal with anything if you're plastered enough.

steep, Utena considered that she herself had not unwarily awakened
the sea serpent.  Rather, the serpent of Ohtori had drawn her in
with a haunting siren call.  What she still couldn't put a finger
on, after all the years, was exactly who the serpent had truly been.

Miki. He was secretly behind everything. Shh. It's a secret. :)

      Kyosuke nodded.  "She figured you'd want to discuss that one.
Said she could meet us at The Corner," he said, citing a favored
coffee and tea house.

Nice name.

      "Oh, her."  Saionji pondered that for a moment.  "I suppose you
could say she's pretty."

      Kyosuke stared at him.  "Do you need a new prescription already?
You just got those contacts a few months ago."

      Saionji sniffed in disdain.  "Very well, I'll be clearer.  *If*
I didn't know the girl, I'd likely consider her quite pretty."

Saionji: But she kicked my ass as half dozen times. It was all very
depressing.

      Saionji tried to cry out a protest at that, but realized he was
just there standing with his mouth open.  Kyosuke and Akiko
disappeared as the door closed behind them.  Feeling his own blood
pressure resembling the state of the brewing coffee, Saionji
followed his two friends inside.

Continuing the set up and feel for the story. Short and not a whole lot
done, but as I said, it's setting things up. Seemed solid to me.

D.B. Sommer

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