Taika heaved a sigh and turned from her intended path and entered the
hallway where the altercation taking place.  Four hulking young examples
of bad attitudes had the much smaller Umino cornered up against a bank
of lockers and were making menacing gestures with clenched fists.

Lockers? Japanese schools generally do not have lockers. The closest they
have is the shoe cubbies for students to store their outside shoes. Research
Japanese schools a little more carefully.

She turned to ask Umino if he was injured and caught the that look he
was giving her.  Uh-oh.

Uh-oh indeed.

Usagi nodded in a agreement.  "That means that we'll just have to find
you a boyfriend!"  Under her breath she added in without breaking
stride, "Youcan'thaveMamouro."  Then she smiled and started surveying

Mamoru. His name is Mamoru.

Unfortunately, the batlike drones were the most mindless of youma, even
more so than the "drain and dust" variety that were being used for these
early attacks.  Certainly, they were not bright enough to decide which
of two people being introduced was which, and, even more stupidly, they
weren't bright enough to point this out to their masters.  The picture
that Jadeite clutched in one gloved hand was not of the one who called
herself Tsukino Serenity but of Hino Taika.

Not that it really matters, since he's pretty much screwed either way...

I'm enjoying this fic, though I do have some minor nitpicks, primarily about
the previous installment. One of them, I have already addressed.

You *really* need to work on keeping names straight. I don't know where on
Earth you got "Mamouro" from, but the name is Chiba Mamoru. And his other
name is Endymion, not Endyminion.

(Though I will admit, "Endyminion" kinda fits... n.n...)

-------------------------------------------

Studio ELL: Dubya Don't Like It
http://www.lurkerdrome.com
The Eternal Lost Lurker
lurker@lurkerdrome.com
http://www.livejournal.com/users/lurkerdrome



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