Hmm. AL stuff. Only saw about halfway through the series. Really must watch
the rest someday.

He was still thinking about his older brother's
concerns nine months later when he overheard a small
argument break out among his classmates.  As a final
year middle school student, he had been elected class
representative, so it was his job to sort out the
scuffle before it required more serious attention.
Oujirou set down the English book he had been studying
from, and turned his sharp blue eyes to the center of
the classroom, where half the girls in the classroom
had aligned against half the boys.

Two uses of 'classroom' close together.

 Oh no, he thought.

It's the battle of the sexes. These were always his
least favorite messes to sort out.

Since he wasn't a hermphrodite, he'd be perceived as automatically taking
the boys side. :)

"It's not fair for Hiroshi to enter the tournament!"
one of the girls was saying, her hands on her hips as
she leaned forward, glaring at the boys.  "Angelic
Layer was designed for girls, and he shouldn't invade
our fun!" she was saying.

invade is a bad word. I'd use something else.

And it's always amused me how women will insist there is no place they
should not be allowed, but at the same time insist that there are times when
they need their privacy and that men should not be allowed in certain places
that are women only. :)

"But the prizes they're offering are too good to pass
up!" the boy argued. "It's open to everyone."

One girl, Himeya Kazeni snorted, tossing her head. Her
long black braids went flying, and Oujirou watched as
she advanced on her prey.  "It's something for
girls... besides, guys never win!" she said.

Then she should have nothing to fear. :P

"Never entered one," Oujirou murmured. "Never saw
competitive gaming as the way to go." Though I
wonder... if I did it, would others follow me? Would
guys start to enter the world of the Layer, after
seeing another male win?

Nah. It would still be seen as a chick sport.

She sniffed.  "Well, then, be quiet, Mihara-kun. Boys
don't belong on the Layer!" She turned her attention
back to Hiroshi, clearly meaning to extract some kind
of promise to keep him from playing.

Oujirou sighed a bit inside his head. Being known for
being

two 'being's close together. I'd change one

 restrained made people automatically assume he

was docile.

When in fact a raging psychopath was just waiting to be unleashed upon the
world.

 "No, Himeya-san. I won't. You're

discriminating.

Himeya: Women are discriminated against, therefore they cannot discriminate.

Yes, the logic is flawed, but you'd be stunned at the number of people that
believe this and will call you insensative and bigtoed for pointing it out.
:P

Himeya smiled like a cat about to pounce onto a full
dish of cream. "Fine. Tomorrow, one o'clock, at the
Piffle Princess. You willing to fight for what you
believe?" she asked.

Oujirou felt something swell up inside him. She had
challenged him because she was sure could totally

sure she could

destroy him; she had made it to last year's Kansai
quarterfinals... but he was the second most experience

experienced

Angelic Layer player there was, not that anyone knew
that. He gave her a smile, feeling the mischievous
side of his personality well up.  Oh, this was going
to be fun...

"Sure.  I'll be there," he said, giving her a sweet
smile that believed the wicked laughter he wanted to
indulge in.

'belied' rather than 'believed' perhaps?

Around them, the class was silent.

*

He could call his brother, and

can ditch the comma

This really wasn't what he wanted to do, but hearing
the same attitudes that were barring his brother's
work and preventing Shuuko from getting what she so
desperately needed had

work, and...needed, had

"Hello, Mihara-kun!" a cheerful voice said from his
side. "Buying your stuff?  There's no way you're going
to win, so you might as well back out," Suzuki Azami
continued. "Save yourself a bit of money... you could
even take me on a date with it..."

Gelding a male and then hitting on him is NOT the way to go about getting a
date. :P

"That the world of the Layer is for everyone," he said
softly. "It doesn't matter who the Deus is when the
fight begins. All that matters is the fight."

yeah. Saw an AMV of AL and 'Self Righteous Suicide'. Surprisngly worked. :P

 He

walked over to the starter kits, and started to

redundent with 'start'

He reached out for the female angels starter kit,
since ninety-five percent of angels were female, but
paused after a moment's thought. We're going to be
together for a while, and I can't tell a woman
everything, he thought, and he found himself grabbing
one of the rare male kits without thinking. "I think

'think' redundent. "This will do' is goog enough

this will do," he said.

Suzuki watched him as he started to look through the
clothing materials thoughtfully. "Are you sure you
want that model? I'd go with the Angelic Fight
model... it's a bit easier to control..."

"No, this will work," Oujirou said, watching her and
she twisted

as she twisted (I think you mean)

"You... plan on playing again? After Kazeni plays
you?"

He laughed. "Well, it'd be stupid of me to but all

put all this

His mother burst out laughing. "That poor girl has no
idea what she's getting into, does she?"

Heh

"No," he said firmly. "And you'd better not tell him,
either," he said, wagging a finger in her face. "I
need to do this on my own. I don't want anyone to say
that my brother eased my way." He sighed as another
spec combination didn't work out the way he wanted it
to. "I wish I knew how to spread the points, though. I
could make a speed type, like Athena, but that's not
my style. I want an angel that reflects myself."

That would work for the best

His mother had made Wizard's outfit for him, making
him agree to cook dinner for a week in exchange.

Which he would have done anyway, given her cluinary skills. :)

"Oops. Let's try that again."

Yep. Wouldn't want to look like an idiot in the opening of the bout.

He scooped the angel

off the Layer and practiced again, doing about ten
Entry Angels

And using the same stock footage again and again. :)

 before coming up with one that was

satisfactory.  Wizard drifted down slowly, his face
serene as he touched down, his hand touching

two 'touching' close together.

Finally the clock read five minutes of one, and he
realized that Himeya Kazeni would be there for their
match.  He hoped she had gotten the Layer, because he
had forgotten.  He blushed a bit as grabbed Wizard. It
wasn't his nature to leave things up for chance. The
private room wouldn't be large enough for the audience
Himeya would gather, because she was one of the top
players in the area.

And that it's a battle of the genders will make it more so.

Suzuki looked a bit apprehension.  "Um, actually,
she's getting you two paired for the next tournament.
You're slated to begin in five minutes. This will go
on your official record. I'm sorry, she's really angry
and wants to bring you down quite spectacularly. You
really don't deserve to be the target of her vendetta
against the male gender. You're so nice-"

Suzuki: And she's such a dyke. Even sleeping with her last night didn't calm
her down.

Oujirou: Way more information than I needed to know.

The tournament area was packed, and he knew that most
people were there to see Tigra destroy him.  He saw
members of his class, and some of the boys gave him
encouraging cheers, but the girls glared at him for
daring to enter their turf.  The empty challenger's
chair challenged

two 'challenge's close together. You seem to do this a lot. I'd look out for
it if I was you.

"Wizard is the rookie. I just designed him last
night."  Oujirou replied, finding the announcer
interesting. She was smart to recognize his name and
make the connection right away.

True.

Tigra was a cat-girl angel, designed with tiger
striped clothing and orange and black hair that fell
to her waist. Oujirou had examined her specs and found
her to be quite powerful, but she had two primary
flaws. One was that she relied on the Tiger's Pounce,
her finishing attack too much, something that many
higher-level angels fell into the pattern of doing.
The other was more subtle, but Oujirou intending

intended

Oujirou watched as Tigra raced towards Wizard. The
cat-like angel moved low to the ground, and her hands
were poised to grab his waist.  He had Wizard wait
until the last second, then instead

then, instead

Oujirou smiled a bit.  He and Shuuko had developed a
counter to it.  He waited until Tigra was a twist and
a half away, and unable to pull out before having
Wizard lean over backwards into a handstand.  Again he
could hear the crowd murmuring, but he threw Wizard's
feet forward, timing it so it hit Tigra directly in
the stomach.  The force he applied wasn't that much,
but her own momentum sent her spinning the other way,
and precariously close to the Layer's edge.  Wizard
came to his feet, just as serene and icy as ever,
waiting for Tigra to come to her feet, rather than
pressing the attack.

nice combat so far.

"Tigra loses a third of her points!

Hmm. did more damage that Oujirou seemed to think it would.

Due to Wizard's light bodyweight, he moved so quickly
it seemed as though he was flying, though he didn't
have the wings that Shuuko somehow managed to command
for Athena.  Tigra stared up for a second before
jumping as well, trying to wrap a hand around his
neck. He avoided her, bringing a foot up and chopping
her in the head.  Had he angled it a bit more sharply,
it would have thrust her from the Layer, but he wasn't
done yet.

Heh. Now he's playing with his prey. :)

The slight pause he had noticed in her fighting was
there, he noticed as she launched her second attack,
which he evaded just as easily.  "You know,
Himeya-san," he said conversationally as Wizard ducked
a kick, "you're pretty good.  But you have two major
weaknesses."

Her eyes widened in horror as he kept avoiding her
attempted

attempts

"It's fine.  You goaded me into doing something I
should have done a while ago... so we both learned
from it, no?" he asked.  "Anyway, I needed to get
going.  I have to make dinner tonight."  He made a
face, and rose to his feet.  "See you in class
tomorrow!" he called, waving to her.

Awww. He's such a nice guy.

Makes me want to puke. :)

Notes: This was supposed to be... 2,000 words.  3,000
words, TOPS, for a section.

Nah. Take as much time and length as you need to write a story. Never place
boundries on it unless you're being paid for a specific number. :P


Very nice work for an infrequently written series. Enjoyed it lots. Just the
right sort of sentiementality and action to work.

DB Sommer



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