Wheel of Anime:  Book 1 - The Eye of God
Chapter Three:  Even the Dirt is Evil

By John Biles

http://www.thekeep.org/~wombat/Jordan/


********

	Far to the north of Baerlon, the city of Marabon, capital of
Saldea sat beneath the stars.  At the docks, the silence was broken by the
sound of heads being thumped--namely the heads of the crew of the river
boat Deus ex Machina, home to river boat captain Bayle Tylor.  "Wake up!
We're out of here!  Cast off!  Man the yardarm, pump the bilges, and
uh...all that other nautical stuff."

	The crew stumbled out of their hammocks.  "Eh what?  I thought we
were here for a couple more days?...But I haven't even gotten drunk
yet...Where's my radish?...Zat you captain?... Hamsters, hamsters,
hamsters...What?...It's a man's life in the Saldean Navy.  What am I
talking about?...Cast off your
chains, you have...Right, Captain.  Brains...Brains..."

	Tylor said, "Where's my first officer?"  Tylor was a slender man
in his early twenties.  His brown hair was cut short in front and back.
Thin eyebrows perched over blue, sparkling eyes, and a winning smile.
Though he often appeared sleepy or distracted, this is only because those
were his natural states.  He was dressed in a brown longcoat that ran from
shoulders to ankles, with a yellow smiley face on the right side near the
collar.  Under the coat, he wore a red wool shirt, and brown woolen pants.
His body could be described as thin, so we will.  He was a smuggler by
profession, not because he was criminal by nature, but because it was less
effort to not pay customs, than to pay them.  Too much record-keeping.  It
was not that he was lazy...it was that he was extremely lazy.  How did a
man like this become the captain of a riverboat?  When you explain to me
how Isildur, a man capable of beating up Sauron in hand to hand combat,
could get killed by stupid orcs while carrying the One Ring of Power so
that it fell in the river and a hobbit found it, I'll tell you how Tylor
became the captain of a riverboat.  With that bit of dodging a lengthy
explanation behind us, on with the story.

	The first officer, who was standing right behind Tylor, tapped him
on the shoulder.  "I'm right here."  Tylor's first officer was Lt.
Yamamoto, an ex-officer in the Saldean Navy, whose amazingly successful
recruitment motto simply states, "Fanboys can't swim."  However, Yamamoto
was a man of action, so he had left the Saldean navy in search of more
dangerous activities, like cow-tipping in the Blight, a common past time
of bored Saldean youths.  Eventually, he ended up as first officer of the
Deus ex Machina, when it fell into the hands of Captain Tyler, by means
which I'm still not going to tell you, but will endlessly refer to
enigmatically until book 7, when I might have time to actually explain it.
Or maybe you'll have to wait until book 8.

	Regardless of unexplained gaps in his history, Yamamoto was a huge
man.  He stood close to seven feet tall, and was made of pure muscle and
rawhide, to quote Ray Stevens from a different context.  He was dressed in
an immaculate Saldean Navy uniform, from the white cap on his head, to the
black boots on his feet, with a white coat, blue shirt and blue woolen
pants in the middle.  His hair was clipped short like his captain's, but
unlike the captain, his hair was neatly combed, despite the fact that the
comb had not yet been invented in this age of the turning of the wheel.
But he was the type of person whose hair would be immaculately combed and
his suit neatly pressed after being tortured in Shayol Ghul for a month,
so a petty thing like the non existence of combscertainly wouldn't stop
him.

	"Not that I mind leaving, but why in the middle of the night,
Captain?"  Yamamoto asked, expecting some answer along the lines of I'm
bored, or it seems like the thing to do.

	"There's a Lagman or twelve after my head, so I suppose it is time
to leave.  Everyone to their posts...or whatever.  Cast off and all that
jazz.  Off we go.  I think we'll go to Illian this time."  Tylor said,
scratching his head.

	"We always go to Illian."  One of the crew said, sounding bored.

	"We're on a river.  That kinda limits our choices.  Unless we go
by land."

	"Don't even mention that...brr.  It might happen..."

	"Why is there a Lagman after you, captain?"  Yamamoto was worried.
What were Lagmen doing inside Maradon?  That should be impossible.  They'd
have to be after something big.

	"I think I found his cracker jack prize or something."  Tylor
fished in his voluminous pockets.  He pulled out a round yellow button
with an icon of a black CM, with a red circle around it, and a slash over
it.  It felt like soap almost, a bit slick to the touch.  There was a pin
attached to the back, of the same material.  You could in fact wear it as
a button.  Realizing this, Tylor pinned it to his trenchcoat on the other
side.

	"Found his crackerjack prize?"

	"Yeah.  I was at that curio shop I like to visit.  Some spooky
fellow had apparently just made a purchase shortly before I left.  I
didn't think anything of it at the time.  I got this neat little
statuette.  "  He pulled out a second item, a seal made from what looked
like polished ivory.  "The guy tried to tell me it was one of the seals of
the Dark One's prison, but even I know better than that.  But is is
heartstone.  I payed a pretty penny for it...a lot of pretty pennies in
fact.  Anyway.  As I was heading back towards the ship, I saw this creepy
fellow standing on a horse in the middle of the next intersection.  He
seemed to be waiting for something.  Well, I saw this in the middle of the
road."  Tylor pointed to his button.  " I discarded the peel from the
banana I had been eating and picked it up.  It looked valuable, so I
decided to go see if the fellow had dropped it.  Well, I finally almost
caught up with him, and he bolted off down the road at high speed.   He
was halfway to the gate when he suddenly stopped dead.  I suddenly
realized he was a Lagman. "

	The entire crew was listening carefully.  Yamamoto turned to them.
"GET TO WORK!  We have to get out of here!"  They all fell down from the
force of his voice and scrambled to get the boat ready.

	"So I decided to head back to the boat and skip town.  Especially
when he turned around and started staring at me."

	"I thought Lagmen don't have any eyes, " one of the crew said.

	"You're not gonna have any eyes if you don't get to work!"
Yamamoto bellowed.

	"So I sauntered on down to the ship and asked you to get the boat
going. "Tylor seemed to think he was done.

	"You got away from the Lagman that easily?"  Yamamoto's eyes
widened with disbelief.

	"Well, I was walking down the street, and every so often, it would
zoom about a block, getting closer every time.  But when it got to where I
had found the button, it hit that banana peel in midzoom, and slid several
blocks past me into a haywagon.  When that happened, I took off running.
I probably lost it."  Tylor shrugged and headed for his cabin.  The boat
shook a bit as the sailors cast off from the docks.

	"Probably lost it?"  Yamamoto eyed the captain, mentally willing
him not to have been so stupid as to not check to make sure he didn't lead
a Lagman back to the boat.

	Once again, Yamamoto proved to positively lack mental powers.
Tylor shrugged.  "We're leaving.  What does it matter?  Well, nap time for
me.  Have a nice night!"  He wandered off into his cabin, leaving his
first officer staring mindlessly after him.

     Yamamoto shook his head once more, wondering how he had ever gotten
into this.  But he knew his duty and did it.  Soon the boat was heading
downstream.  Far off, a Lagman howled with rage and prepared to sneak out
of the city.  It slipped on the bananna peel again and skidded off towards
the other end of the street.  This time it woke up half the neighborhood.
There was about to be one less Lagman in the world.

***********

	Ranma awoke to find himself lying in bed.  The room was nice and
warm, quiet and peaceful.  Breathing a sigh of relief, he sat up and
rubbed his eyes.  "I must have dreamed all of this."  He rubbed the lumps
on his head.  "I must have slipped sometime on Winternight and bumped my
head and dreamed all of this."

	An amused voice spoke from about arm's reach to the left of his
head.  "If that was a nightmare, you haven't woken up yet, Ranma."  It was
Eleanor's voice.

	Ranma looked over and frowned.  If Eleanor was here, then some of
all that must have been real.  But yet, he was male!  Like he always had
been.  Had it just worn off?

	Eleanor looked him up and down.  "Yes, you are still male.  I am
not sure why, but I have a theory now."

	"Maybe it just wore off.  I mean, not everything Aes Sedai do
lasts forever, does it?"  Ranma scratched his head.

	"What happened to you was Aes Sedai work in only the most round
about of ways, boy.  As well say a smith struck you when someone buys a
hammer from him and hits you with it."  She paused.  "When exactly did you
turn back to your male form?"

	"Uhh...." Ranma thought for a moment.  "I think it was just after
I got in the bath with Ukyou and Hinako and whoever those other women
were.  I felt kinda tingly, but I thought it was just the shock of the hot
water.  Until one of the other women screamed."  The memories were dim in
Ranma's mind, perhaps because of all the blows to the head the event in
question had lead to.

	"Hmm."  For a few minutes, Eleanor simply perched on her staff and
stared Ranma in the eyes.  Slowly, Ranma's nerves began to jangle and he
felt himself getting twinges in his arms.  The hair stood up on the back
of his hands.

	"Stop staring at me like that!"  Ranma waved his arms in a futile
manner, as if he could somehow make her stop.

	"Do you see anything, boy?"

	"I can see you're staring at me!  Willl you stop?  You're making
me nervous!"  Ranma rubbed his arms, trying to get the tingly feeling to
stop.  It reminded him uncomfortably of how he had felt when he had been
turned into a girl.

	Ranma's arms stopped tingling as Eleanor cocked her head slightly.
"Interesting.  Do you feel up to getting out of bed?"

	Ranma paused before answering, trying to get a feel for his own
health.  "Yeah, I feel great."

	"Good.  You should have some clean laundry soon, as I've arranged
to get you some more clothing so you won't have to wear the same clothing
every day.  You've slept a large portion of the day.  Dinner will be ready
whenever you chose to come eat."  She turned and headed out the door.

	Almost immediately after she left, Ranma realized he was in
nothing more than his underclothes.  Who dressed me?  I must have been
naked in the baths, he thought, feeling a little embarrassed.  His reverie
was interrupted by the door opening.

 	"Here's your laundry," Nanami said.  "The bill's on top."

	"Alright," Ranma said.  "Just put them on the table over there."

	She looked him up and down assessingly.  "Nice trick."

	"Trick...oh, that."

	"You're not half-bad looking as a guy," she said.  "I take it you
can't control when you change."  She put the pile of clothing down on a
small table near the bed, then plopped down in a chair.

	"I didn't know if I'd ever get to be a boy again," Ranma said.  "I
found this stupid bottle of water Pop brought home from the wars, and it
fell on me and I turned into a woman."

	Nanami looked thoughtful.  "Have you had a real bath since then?"

	"No, not really," Ranma said.  "Not a nice hot one."

	"Hot water must have been the cure," she said.  "We had a hell of
a time trying to explain to all the patrons what happened."

	"Now you know why I was so jumpy," Ranma said.

	"You acted a lot less perverted than most men would in the women's
baths," Nanami said thoughtfully.

	"I am not a pervert."

	"On the other hand, you've seen all those women naked, which means
you owe me for covering up for you," Nanami said, grinning.

	"HEY!" Ranma said.  "I couldn't exactly go over to the men's side
like that!"

	"Well, if you'd told me that you change into a man..."

	"I'm a man who got turned into a woman and is back to being a man,
hopefully forever!  And don't tell me you wouldn't have thought I was some
kind of nut!"

	"Well, I need to run some errands.  You can pay me what you owe me
by coming along and being my pack horse."

	"Alright," he said.  That didn't sound too bad at all.  "Just get
out and let me get dressed."

	"Alright," she said, getting up.  She paused, glancing off to one
side of his head.  Ranma turned and looked and didn't see anything.
"Well, at least I know how that's possible now," she muttered.

	"How what's possible?" he asked.

	"Nothing," she said.  "Find me after you get dinner, okay?"

	"Okay," he said.

	She left, and he got up and got dressed and went down to eat.

************************

	Later, after eating, the group of companions adjourned to Eleanor
and Roland's room upstairs.  "We shall have to leave very soon.  The
SubNazis are looking for us," Eleanor said.  "Luckily, they have no
physical descriptions of us, yet.  We shall leave with the dawn.  Everyone
will need to get some rest, so I'd advise going to sleep soon.  Although I
need to talk to
Nanami and Hinako first."

	Kurz nodded.  Ryouga scratched his head and said, "How do you know
they are looking for us?"

	"I have my sources, boy."  Roland got up and looked out the
window.

	"Like that orange-haired girl you were talking to earlier,
Eleanor?  Or should I call you Setsuna?"  Ukyou said, frowning.  "Anything
else you haven't told us?"

	Setsuna narrowed her eyes.  "I see you have good ears."

	"I grew up in an inn.  You get used to overhearing conversations.
So what's really going on?"  Ukyou stood with her arms folded in front of
her.  Ranma recognized this as often being a sign that the beatings were
about to commence.

	Hinako frowned.  "I always said you can't trust Aes Sedai."

	"We had our reasons to travel incognito.  The SubNazis, among
others, are easily fooled by tricks such as changing one's name.  My true
name is Setsuna Sedai, and Roland is actually known as Soun."  Leaning on
her staff, she smiled faintly.

	"And how do we know that's true?"  Hinako said.  "You could really
be named something else entirely."

	"An Aes Sedai cannot lie.  The Oaths forbid it, even to survive."

	Ryouga coughed.  "Oaths?"  He scratched his head.

	"Upon becoming a full sister, an Aes Sedai swears three oaths.  To
never use the One Power to kill anyone but shadowspawn except in the
extreme of defense of one's warder, one's self, or other Aes Sedai.  Never
to make weapons with the One Power.  And to never lie.  These oaths are
sworn on the Oath rod, a ter'angreal that binds those who swear on it.  A
person who swears on the rod can never break that oath, ever."  Setsuna
stared hard at Hinako.  "An Aes Sedai can never lie."

	Hinako glared back.  "Then how did you tell us your name was
Eleanor?"

	"I never said my name was Eleanor.  I merely said you could call
me that."

	Hinako spluttered.  "But...isn't that the same thing?"

	"Not at all."  Setsuna paused and looked around the room.  "I
suggest you all go get some sleep now.  Well, the men anyway.  I need to
talk to Ukyou and Hinako."

	Ranma started to open his mouth, then shut it.  He nodded and
headed out with Ryouga and Kurz.

	As soon as the door closed, Kurz said, "Let's go see the town!"

	Ryouga blinked and said, "Didn't Eleanor say to go to..."

	Interrupting him, Kurz said, "Her name's Setsuna!  Weren't you
listening? The girls are gonna be up. It won't hurt to go see a little bit
of the town!  Come on, when has any of us ever been in such a huge town
before?  Real tile roofs!"

	Ranma laughed.  "Nanami wanted me to run some errands with her, so
I'm sure she wouldn't mind if we all came."

	Kurz looked Ranma up and down.  "Living dangerously, hmm?
Sneaking off to the baths with this woman, and now going out on the town
too."

	"I...hey, it wasn't like that at all!"

	"Man, I'd be willing to turn into a woman if it got me into the
baths with them.  So does she look good naked?" Kurz asked.

	"Kurz, you are a hopeless pervert," Ryouga pronounced.

	"Not too bad, if not quite as good as Ukyou," Ranma pronounced.

	"See, that's the spirit," Kurz said.

	"Ahh, there's my tote-slave," Nanami said, coming up.  "You ready
to be my mule, Ranma?"

	"Yeah, I'm ready.  Mind if Kurz and Ryouga come?  They want to see
the town."

	"Fine with me, can't say no to unpaid labor," Nanami said.

	"Let's go," Kurz said.

	Nanami lead them out the door and into the streets of Baerlon.
The first thing that hit them was the smell.  Ryouga screwed up his nose,
while the others just coughed a bit.

	"What in the name of the Creator is this smell?"  Kurz said.

	Nanami smiled faintly.  "All the farmboys complain about that.
It's the smell of the city.  The walls trap the air and the smells.  Plus
there's a lot of metalworking around here.  Miners bring the ore down from
the mountains, and we forge it into tools and weapons."

	They started down the street, looking at the huge three and four
story buildings with tile and slate roofs.  The windows in the buildings
had real glass.  As the sun dropped below the walls, they could see a man
going down the street with a wagon and a long pole, hanging up lanterns at
some of the intersections.  Slowly the smell faded, or perhaps they simply
ceased to notice it.

	"I still wanna know what you were talking about earlier," Ranma
said as he looked around at everything.

	"About what?"

	"What was possible," Ranma said.

	She stopped and stared intently into his eyes.  Ryouga kept going,
until Kurz chased after him, grabbing him and dragging him back.

	Nanami said, "Well, your Aes Sedai already knows.  About me."

	"Huh?"

	"Just talking to myself," she said.  "I see things.  Sort of
like...visions.  Around some people.  I'll look by them and see things
which are going to happen to them.  They always come true."

	"Oh wow, a fortuneteller," Kurz said.  "Any idea who I'll score
with next?"

	"The next woman you flirt with will kick you in the balls," Nanami
said flatly.

	"..."

	Ryouga cracked up laughing.  "I always told you that you'd get in
trouble if you didn't know when to stop, Kurz."

	"Although I can see the woman you'll marry one day, too.  Or
something like marriage."  She frowned a little.  "Or at least it looks
like it.  You're both in wedding garb and everything."

	Kurz stared at her, eyes open wide.  "What's her name?"

	"Trying to see who to avoid?" Ryouga asked, laughing.

	"I don't know.  Sometimes I know what my visions mean, and
sometimes I just have visions.  Dark haired, glasses, dark skin.  She
looks like a princess to me."

	Ranma laughed.  "Kurz and a princess?  That's about as likely as
ME marrying a princess."

	Nanami gave him a strangely assessing look.  "Ryouga might."

	"What?"

	"I've rarely ever seen such images on anyone but Aes Sedai as I've
seen on you three," Nanami said.  "You must be ta'veren, I suppose."  She
started down the street again.

	"What's this about me and royalty?" Ryouga asked.

	"What exactly is a ta'veren, anyway?" Ranma said.  "I've heard the
term, but it was never very clear, beyond them being sort of important."

	"As the Wheel turns, it weaves out the Pattern of the Ages, the
great story we are all but a part of," Nanami said, pausing to look in
through a shop window at some fine cloth on display.  "See that linen?"

	Ranma nodded.  "Yeah."

	"Every thread is a life.  All of them together are woven by the
Pattern.  But ta'veren are special threads.  When certain things must
happen, the Pattern makes certain people ta'veren.  So long as they work
with the Pattern, they can bend the threads around them in ways that would
normally not happen without such influence.  Some are incredibly lucky,
others are very persuasive, and some find that the seemingly chance flow
of events twist and bend themselves to their benefit.  It is great power,
but it also means that you are, in some ways, trapped, for if you try to
defy the Pattern, you bring doom on yourself and others."  She frowned.
"I wouldn't want to be ta'veren."

	"Maybe that's why the Fanboys were after us," Ryouga said.

	"Three from one village," Nanami said.  "Hard to believe, but the
Wheel wills as the Wheel wills."  She looked thoughtfully at Ranma.
"Whether we will it or no."

	"What's that supposed to mean?" he demanded, but she took off down
the street instead.

	"So these visions of yours always come true?" Kurz asked,
following after her.

	"They always come true.  What I see, I mean."  Nanami spoke
rapidly as they walked down the street.  Up ahead was a knot of men in
white, but the little group did not notice them.  "When I was little, I
didn't realize that others couldn't see these images.  In fact, I used to
tell on my sisters before they did things they weren't supposed to.  I got
pummelled for that enough times."

	Ryouga laughed.  "It's a good thing for Kurz here that none of his
sisters had that talent."

	Kurz frowned.  "What's that supposed to mean!?  I don't get in
trouble any more than you do!"

	"I see.  That's why you're the only person in the village who has
been hit by Ukyou more times than Ranma has?"  Ryouga laughed some more.
"Like the time you hid outside Yuka's window in the middle of the night
whispering that you were Be'lal coming to get her, then threw a handful of
frogs into her room.  You couldn't walk for a week after Ukyou threw you
through the wall."

	Kurz turned red, waving his arms wildly as he talked.  "No sense
of humor!  Women just have no sense of humor at all!  Yeesh, it's not like
they were death toads from the Blight, croaking the name of the Dark One
or something."

	A man grunted nearby.  Kurz blinked and realized that he had just
struck the man in the face as he was walking by him.  The man was dressed
in scale armor, with a white cloak pinned in place by a small button with
the letters DUB in the center, surrounded by a circle and cut across by a
slash.  One of the SubNazis, accompanied by several of his angry brethren
glared at Kurz.  "So you think you can just slap us around, do you, boy?"

	"It was an accident!  An accident!"  Kurz said.  "I didn't
mean to hit you!"

	"He probably likes Warriors of the Wind,"  one of the SubNazis
said.  "Do you walk in the Light, boy?"

	"Yes, of course I do!  If you walk in the dark, you bump into
things.  Uh, I mean..."  Kurz spluttered.

	"He's making fun of us.  I think we need to teach this dubfriend a
little lesson."  The SubNazi started to reach for his sword.

	"Hey, calm down.  Kurz does stupid stuff like this all the time."
Ryouga smothered Kurz's mouth as Kurz began to draw breath to deny it.
"He's a little feeble minded.  I'm really sorry he accidentally hit you.
It won't happen again."

	The SubNazi paused and moved his hand away from his sword.  "Maybe
I'll just give him a friendly beating, then."

	Kurz ripped loose from Ryouga's grasp.  "I am not feebleminded,
and no one is giving me a beating!"  He swung his staff around and clonked
the SubNazi on the head.  For a moment, the SubNazi stared back at him,
then quietly collapsed without further protest.

	The remaining SubNazis reached for their weapons.  Ryouga hefted
his umbrella, Nanami pulled out a pair of knives, and Ranma drew the panda
blade.  The SubNazis stopped and stared.  "The little boy has a panda
blade."

	"And I know how to use it!"  Ranma proclaimed, hoping none of them
could tell that he really didn't know what he was doing.

	"Who did you steal that from, boy?"  The SubNazi was tall, with
short, but somewhat pouffy brown hair, moderately handsome, though a bit
cruel in appearance.  "No one achieves blade mastery at your age."

	"I got this from my father!  Now back off!"  Ranma said, waving
the sword about.

	The man laughed.  "And who did he steal it from?"

	"My father is no thief!"  Ranma raised his sword and waved it
about.  "And this blade is rightfully mine!"

	The SubNazi drew his sword in a fluid motion.  "Then let's see if
you can keep it."  He moved into a fighting stance.

	Ranma faced off with him, holding his sword out in front with both
hands.  "Who are you, anyway?"

	"Ah, yes, my name, oh thief and defender of the dark, is Kunou.
Kunou Bornhald.  I am the rising star of the SubNazis!    No doubt you are
one of those who thinks Hikaru's real name is Rick Hunter."  The man
slashed at Ranma, who parried desperately.

	"My name is Ranma al'Thor.  You have insulted my father.  Prepare
to die."  Ranma unleashed a hail of blows, which Kunou parried, yawning
loudly.

	"I could beat you in my sleep, but it's too early to go to bed."
He began to drive Ranma back as his men watched and laughed.

	Soon, Kunou drove Ranma down the street, right past his friends.
Kurz waited until Kunou advanced past him, then turned and clonked Kunou
in the head.  Kunou stumbled and Ryouga swept his legs with his umbrella.
As Kunou fell, his men drew their swords.  Nanami yelled, "Let's get out
of here!"  The group took off down the street with the SubNazis in hot
pursuit.

	Through the winding streets of Baerlon, they fled, following
Nanami's lead.  The walls of slate and stone flew past them, one muddy
street after another, through alleyway and byway.  Finally, the footsteps
fell behind them.  Nanami paused, listened, then put away her knives.

	"I think we should be safe now, but it would be best if you all
got out of town quickly.  The governor here is rather afraid of the
SubNazis, and if they find out you three are with Setsuna..."  Nanami
shuddered.

	"What about you?" Ranma looked back the way they had come, then
turned to Nanami again.  "They saw you too."

	"Don't worry about me.  I have friends who can hide me."  She
didn't sound entirely confident about that.  "I'll be fine.  Let's get
back to the inn."

	Ranma nodded and they headed back.

*********************

	"The SubNazis," Setsuna said, frowning.  "I should have tied you
all to your beds."

	"Hey, they started it!" Kurz protested.

	"All of you pack.  We're leaving.  You too, Nanami."

	"What?" Nanami asked.

	"You know too much," Setsuna said.  "And I do not share your
confidence in your ability to evade the SubNazis.  Now, go pack."

	"But...my job!" Nanami said.  "I don't have a lot of money for
travelling and..."

	"The Tower is paying for this trip."

	Nanami's eyes lit up.  "Free travel?"

	Setsuna looked at her suspiciously.  "Any reasonable expenses
met."

	Nanami grinned broadly.  "I'm in, then.  Let's go!"  She pulled
out a bullhorn and announced, "Go pack!  Let's GO!"

	Soon, they were packed and ready to go.

	"But how are we gonna get out?  The gates are closed!"  Kurz said.
"Not to mention we haven't had any sleep."

	"Sleep makes you weak," Soun said in such a tone that no one dared
to challenge him, although Hinako did make googly eyes at him.  She found
him very attractive, but he seemed to think of her as a child.  Of course,
being half his height most of the time didn't help.

	And then of course, there was Setsuna, Hinako thought.  Crazy
woman, but powerful as all get out.  What ever possessed me to let her
drag off all of us?  What possessed me to come along?  Evil channeler,
like some kind of spider in the middle of a web.  She's got something
horrible in store for all of us.  I should leave, but I can't leave the
children to her power.

	Hinako sighed.  This was going to be a long night.  Ukyou smiled
at her and whispered, "I'd rather sleep too, but I don't want to meet the
SubNazis if I can help it."

	Hinako sighed again.  She should be the one offering comfort.  The
Wisdom isn't supposed to need comforting.  Sometimes she felt like such a
little child.  Shameful.  How would she get any respect that way?

	Soon, with Soun taking the leading, the group slipped out into the
streets. Heading through the silent streets, they moved through the
shadows, avoiding the light of the street lamps.  Soon, they reached the
gatehouse, where several extremely bored guards were lounging around.

	"Gates are closed until morning.  Governor's orders.  Especially
if you're an Aes Sedai named Setsuna.  Are you?"  One of the guards asked,
looking up from his card game.

	"Now why would the governor want to stop a group of innocent
travelers from going about their business?"  Setsuna said, smiling and
leaning forward in a way that showed off her figure quite nicely. Kurz
tried to stare without being noticed staring.

	The guard blinked, and his vision swam as he tried to look down
her dress without obviously doing so.  "Answer my question, ma'am."

	Setsuna looked the man right in the eye.  "These aren't the
travelers you're looking for."

	The guard blinked and turned to the other guard.  "These aren't
the travelers we're looking for."

	"Who cares!  I wanna know if you're gonna see my bet!"  The other
guards nodded.

	"You'll just let us go on our way,"  Setsuna continued.

	"We'll just let you go on your way,"  the guard said.

	Glancing at the man's cards, Setsuna said, "You'll see their ten
and raise them fifteen."

	"I'll see your ten and raise you fifteen."  He sat down at the
card game and started playing again.

	"Let's be on our way,"  Setsuna said, turning to the others.

	"Um, Set...Eleanor..."  Ukyou began.

	"Yes, Ukyou?"  Setsuna replied.

	Ukyou pointed to the gate.  "You forgot to ask them to open the
gate."

     Everyone face-faulted.

********************

 	The travelling band fled east along the margins of the road,
hoping to avoid pursuit.  Well, they weren't really a band, as only one of
them had any musical instruments, or particular musical talent for that
matter.  And he wasn't quite a one man band.  But anyway, the Lagmen and
Fanboys were on their trail, so they were trying to get out of Dodge..uh,
Baerlon.  They had been travelling for a day or so, paralleling the road,
so as not to get lost, except for Ryouga, who could get lost trying to get
out of bed in the morning.  Currently, he was tied to the back of a horse,
which was itself being led by Soun when he was not scouting ahead, and by
Ranma when Soun was out ahead.

	Ryouga grumbled.  "I feel like a pig being dragged to the
slaughter."  He looked about through the woods.  All was silent, except
for the occasional sound of animals off in the distance.  He could hear
deer moving through the brush, birds singing in the distance, and all the
other normal noises of an early spring day.  Not a hint of Fanboy
activity, or anyone else for that matter.

	"They hunt us, but they shall not have us.  Not while I live, "
Setsuna declared.

	"What if you get killed?"  Kurz asked.

	Setsuna cocked her head to one side and turned to face Kurz.
"Pray they kill you first in that case."

	"I'd rather not..."  Kurz fell silent, staring off nervously into
the woods.

  	"I don't think anyone is going to die," Nanami said.  "I would
have seen something."

	Far off, Ryouga heard a distant cry.  Then another.  Another.
Another.  Something about Rick Hunter.  He shuddered faintly.

	"Taking cold, Ryouga?"  Hinako asked.  "Do you need a scarf or
something?"

	"I can hear them...I must be imagining things."  Yes, definitely
something about Rick Hunter, whoever that was.

	"Them?"  Hinako blinked and listened carefully.  All she heard was
Ranma mumbling something about being happy to never leave home again.

	"The Fanboys.  I must just be paranoid."  Ryouga looked about
nervously.  "I think it's going to rain soon, too."

	Hinako looked up and scanned the sky.  Yes, the signs were there.
It would indeed rain.  "I think you're right.  It will rain soon.  How
could you tell?"

	"I dunno.  Just an instinct.  It...It just kinda smells like
rain."  Ryouga paused, forced by the question to think about how he knew.
"Yeah.  It's in the air."

	Hinako nodded.  I wonder if the boy somehow is able to listen to
the wind as some Wisdoms do.  Well, it's nothing to do with the power, so
I suppose it is possible.  No one ever bothers to see if men can do it.
"I understand the feeling."

	"You...you do?"

	"Wisdoms learn to listen to the wind, but it's hard to explain how
we do it.  You just sort of start doing it one day..."  Hinako trailed
off.  Ryouga was listening attentively.  It was nice to get a little
respect from someone.

	"It's channeling," Setsuna said without turning around.  "The ones
who aren't just making it up are channeling, mark my words."

	Ryouga paled slightly.  Hinako frowned.  "It most certainly is not
channeling."

	"I haven't time to argue with you, girl, but you know I'm right."

	Hinako turned red with anger.  "You are not right!"

	"Don't yell at Setsuna Sedai,  Wisdom.  I'm sure she knows how to
tell channeling when she sees it."  Ukyou said.

	Hinako grumbled, but subsided.  It is not channeling.  It's not.

*****************

	As they made camp, thunder began to rumble.  Even as Kurz finally
got a fire going, rain began to slowly dribble down.  Before long, the
rain suddenly intensified and the wind began to blow.  Soon, a high
pitched shriek broke the silence.  "AAAAAHHHH!!!!!!  I've turned back into
a girl!"

	All heads pivoted and looked at Ranma, who was now quite wet and
once again female.  "Don't stare at me like that!"

	"What am I supposed to do when you scream at the top of your
lungs?"  Kurz asked.

	"Yeah, Ranma.  It's not like you'd normally ignore someone who was
screaming,"  Ukyou said.

	"Whatever.  I guess this curse is just gonna come and go.  That's
gonna be a lot of fun."  She sighed and started munching on her bread and
cheese.

	"I was right!" Nanami said.  "It's got to be the water
temperature."

	Setsuna nodded to Nanami and came over.  "We can test that."  She
lifted a kettle from her saddlebags and filled it with water, then set it
over the smoky, almost entirely rained out fire. It blazed up and around
the kettle. She then hopped over with the kettle after a minute and poured
it on Ranma-chan.

	Ranma-chan yelped as she turned back into Ranma, then almost
immediately turned female again.  "AAAAAHHHH!!!!! Hot! Hot!"

	"Hot water makes her a him, and cold water turns he into she."
Setsuna nodded her head contemplatively.  "Well, once it stops raining, we
can make you male again.  Not much use now."

	"It had better not have to be that hot all the time...I'm gonna
bake myself alive if that's the case."  Ranma-chan rubbed her now red
arms.

	"Just wanted to be sure it would be hot enough."  Setsuna said as
she went to her saddlebags and began to dig through them.  "And now I can
make some tea with the rest of this."

	"I don't suppose you could dry me off," Ranma-chan asked.

	"You'd just get wet again," Setsuna said.  "It's raining."

	Ranma-chan shivered.  "I'm soaking wet and it's very cold!"

	Nanami came over to her.  "I have a dry towel I could rent to you
cheap."

	She grumbled, digging out some coins.  "How much?"

	"You can set up my tent for me."

	"Alright," Ranma-chan said.

	"Here, Ranchan, you can use my towel for free," Ukyou said, coming
and starting to dry Ranma off.  Nanami grumbled about price wars and went
over to convince Kurz to set her tent up for her.  Ukyou said softly, "She
is SUCH a mercenary."

	"Yeah, she does worry about money too much," Ranma said.  "I still
owe her for the laundry."

	"Ranchan, that was part of our inn bill."

	"..."

	Ukyou looked over at Nanami.  "Going to have to give her a piece
of my mind one of these days."

	"At least she isn't trying to get me into a dress like Wisdom
Hinako does."

	Ukyou said, "I don't wear dresses all the time myself."  She got
up.  "Can you help me set up my tent, Ranchan?"

	"Sure thing," she said.  "Then you can help me with mine, since it
looks like Kurz is busy with Nanami."

	"I think he likes her," Ukyou said.

	"If it has breasts, he likes it," Ranma-chan said.

	Ukyou laughed.  "True, true."

*****************

	"It had to be Aes Sedai, Captain Kunou," Harlan Ellin, Keeper of
the Mint, said.  "Look at the hole in the wall.   Only Aes Sedai could
blow a hole like that open."

	Kunou rang his finger along the edge of the hole.  "What's this
glittery powder around the edges?"

	"Some strange Aes Sedai working," Harlan said.  "I think."

	Kunou looked over at the man next to him.  "What do you think?"

	Inquisitor Zenigata studied the hole and the powder.  "It's not
Aes Sedai."

	"But what else could make a hole like this?"

	"Lupin the Third, that's what else," Zenigata said.  "Didn't you
ever hear about how his Grandfather stole an entire Illuminator
chapterhouse?"

	"But, there's only one Illuminator chapterhouse, right?" Harlan
asked.

	Zenigata ran his fingers through his dark hair.  "There is only
one.  NOW."

	"Ooooh," Harlan said.  "What, he blew it open with fireworks?"

	"Exactly.  I've been chasing him for years, but this
time...perhaps this time we will have him.  There's only one way to go
from here.  Captain Kunou, gather your men, we're heading for Whitebridge.
We should be able to intercept him there."

	Captain Kunou nodded.  "It shall be done."


*******************

	Days passed with the Fanboys a far off presence.  It was as if
they had been fleeing forever.  Slowly, the Fanboys were catching up with
them.  Setsuna explained it was because they consumed some mystic
substance known as Caffeine that made them think they did not need sleep.
Eventually the Fanboys would collapse, but not until their supply of the
evil fluid known as Jolt ran out.

	"I think we may have to leave the road.  And risk the one place
the Fanboys will not go."  Setsuna announced.

	"Surely you don't mean..."  Soun began, then trailed off
mysteriously.

	"Exactly.  They would never go there.  Of course, neither would
any reasonable person, but this isn't a time to be reasonable."

	"Where are we going?"  Basara asked.

	"You would be happier not knowing."  Setsuna said.

	Basara frowned.  "I'd be happier not running for my life either.
Where are we going?"

	"I'll tell you when we get there.  We might not live to see it."

	Ranma rolled his eyes.  Dripping sarcasm, he said, "You always
know how to inspire good cheer, Setsuna."

	"I try."

*******************

	After several hours of hard riding, they could hear the faint
cries of Fanboys in the distance, through the woods.  They were shouting
something about over the river and grandma's house.

	The forest opened up before them, and a vast urban eyesore stood
before them, ringed by a wall with nine towers.  The city
of...uh...actually, they had no idea.

	"Yeesh, someone hit this place with an ugly stick,"  Kurz said.
"Not to mention they don't seem to have had any colors but puce, fucia,
grey, black, and off-black."

	"This was once the great city of Aridextradry.  But you probably
know it better as Shady Logon."  Setsuna said.

	"I've never heard of it,"  Hinako said.

	"City of what?"  Ranma asked.

	"Nope.  Never heard of it,"  Ryouga said, scratching his head.

	Kurz took a few swipes at the wall with his staff.  "Hmm.  Caked
on dirt."

	"Don't touch that dirt!  It's EVILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!"
Setsuna shouted, knocking his broom away with her staff.

	"Evil dirt?  You sound like my mother."

	"That dirt can kill!  Or worse..."

	Kurz paled slightly.  "Worse than killing?  From dirt?"

	Basara nodded.  "I know the tale of this city.  It is an evil
place.  I shall tell you the tale of Shady Logon, once known as
Aridextradry, one of the Ten kingdoms of the Second and a half covenant,
also known as the Covenant of Ten nations."

	"Two thousand years ago, the world was torn by three hundred years
of battle:  The Fanboy Wars.  They came from the Blight, pestering
everyone with irrelevant questions and trying to carry off everyone's
possessions to buy more posters for their caves.  They were lead by the
Grateful Deadlords, channelers who sold their soul to the Shadow so they
could afford to follow bands around, or something.  The stories are not
quite clear on that."  Basara sat down under a tree, and the others
dismounted, listening to him.

	"During the Fanboy wars, Arid Extradry was one of the Covenant of
the Ten Nations.  Into that city came the counselor, a man known only as
H, with his own plan for resisting the shadow...Steal the underwear of the
Fanboys so they are too embarrassed to fight.  He soon had the entire city
training for such activity...soon the city degenerated into chaos as
everyone was busy stealing everyone else's underwear.  While this tactic
worked well for driving off Fanboy armies, the moral fibre of the city
corroded."  Basara got out a bit of cheese and made everyone wait for him
to finish eating it.

	"The king of Tomobiki sent his son, Luke.  When Luke arrived, he
found the king cackling on top of a pile of underwear, and had his own
underwear soon confiscated by the king.  He was locked in the dungeons,
but escaped because all of the chains and handcuffs were stolen for
bondage games and there was nothing to tie him up with, so they just put
him in a broom closet and leaned a chair under the knob.  However, the
hinges were on his side, so he removed them and took the door off.  He
fled the city.  When an avenging army came, they discovered everyone had
starved on a mountain of panties, but a great hentai evil lurked within
waiting to corrupt people...or at least steal their underwear.  An evil
known only as Mashedpotatoes.  The city became known as Shady Logon,
'where something waits to steal your underwear and carry it off somewhere
to cackle and fondle it.'"  Basara fell silent.

	Kurz fell over laughing.  "That's really funny!  So what's the
real problem with this place?"

	Setsuna frowned.  "Evil beyond your reckoning lives here.  Even
driven by Lagmen, the Fanboys will not enter here.  Too much underwear was
lost to them in this place.  They shall never forget."

	By now, just about everyone was laughing but her, Soun, and
Basara.  She sighed.  "Three rules.  1.  Don't take anything.  2.  Don't
accept anything offered you by someone inside the walls other than us.  3.
Don't eat anything after midnight.  4. Don't leave my presence."

	"That's four rules,"  Ryouga said.

	"Right.  Four rules."  Setsuna put her hands on her hips.  "Any
questions?"

	"Why can't we take anything?"  Nanami asked.  "There must be piles
of stuff just sitting around in there and..."

	"If you remove anything, the evil Mashedpotatoes will be freed to
leave the city."  Everyone started laughing again.  "I didn't name it,
okay?  It would be bad."

	"Then why are we going in this place, anyway?"  Ranma asked.

	"Because not even the Fanboys will follow us in.  We can lose them
there."  Setsuna hopped towards the gate.

	Ranma shook his head.  The very dirt is evil and we're going
in...This is gonna be bad.

*******************

	As the sun sunk low in the sky, the group slowly made its way
through the streets of Shady Logon.  Abandoned buildings surrounded them,
and there was a fine crust of dirt on everything, including the dirt.  Far
off, they could hear cries of "You can't have Linna, she's mine!" and
"Dy-no-mite!"

	Ukyou shuddered.  "They sound like they might be inside the
city..."

	"They are inside the city,"  Ryouga said.  "Their voices couldn't
possibly carry over the walls like that.  Not so clearly."

	Setsuna frowned.  "They must be driven indeed to enter this
place."

	"Or maybe they don't know where they are.  It's not like the place
is lit up with fifty foot tall flaming letters--THIS IS SHADY LOGON,
GUYS!"  Kurz grumbled.

	"How could they have possibly forgotten?"  Setsuna said.  "This
place is..."

	"Abandoned for the last two thousand years.  Fanboys aren't
exactly geniuses, you know."  Ranma sighed.  This place seems more dirty
than evil, anyway...

*******************

	Far off, a man clambered over the wall.  A very short man.  A very
short man who will be left enigmatically underdescribed, except that he
was on a quest to find someone...someone inside.  Someone whose name
starts with the letter R....Someone who just fell off the wall on his butt
because he doesn't climb very well.

********************

	Setsuna consulted her ancient AAA road atlas again.  "Hmm.  This
street isn't on here either."   The others sighed.

	"I'm starting to feel like Ryouga is leading us."  Ranma said.

	"Do not criticize Setsuna Sedai, young one.  Without her guidance,
you would have no hope of leaving here alive."  Soun said, leaning against
a wall and polishing his sword for about the 100000th time today.  He was
quite certain it gave him that certain air of danger.  Fortunately, his
blade was Power-wrought and mostly indestructible, or he would have slowly
worn it down to a knife with all the polishing it got.

	"Without her guidance, we wouldn't be in here risking our lives!
Not to mention half the street signs are gone anyway..."

	Setsuna put away her AAA road atlas of the Covenant of the Ten
Nations and said, "We keep going that way until we hit Mercury Avenue,
then turn right at AridExtraDry University.  That should point us towards
the gate."

	Basara looked up at the sky.  "Hmm.  The sun has set.  I think now
is when all the really horrible evil things come out to play with us."

	Hinako rolled her eyes.  "Like the killer mashed potatoes?"

	Setsuna grunted.  "We'll see what you think when it flips up your
skirt..."

	"What?"  Hinako instinctively crossed her legs.

	A low mournful wail came from nearby.  They turned and looked and
saw a low lying groundmist, faintly off-white in color closing in.  Hinako
frowned.  "There shouldn't be any fog with these weather conditions."

	There was...something floating in the mist.  It looked
like...underwear.

	"GO!  GO!"  Setsuna shouted, spurring her horse.  "Follow me!
It's mashedpotatoes."

	"It doesn't look much like mashed potatoes,"  Kurz said.

	"Baka!  Come on!"  Setsuna shouted back.  The mist closed in as
they fled down the street.  As they raced past a street sign that read
Ses..e Street, a horde of Fanboys erupted out in front of them.

	"More Urusei Yatsura!  Priss is a babe!  So why did Kyousuke's
shoes vanish for five cels in episode 9 of..."  The Fanboys chanted their
inane phrases and closed in.

	Soun wheeled his horse down the street of the damaged sign.
Setsuna wheeled her horse and followed.  Ukyou galloped after them,
leading Ryouga, whose horse was tied to her saddle today.  Ranma, Basara,
Nanami, and Kurz followed after them, only to have a tendril shoot out
from between two buildings, cutting them off from the others.

	As Ranma prepared to spur Lugosi through the tendril, Setsuna
shouted, "Don't touch it!  You might die...or worse!"

	Kurz blanched.  "Worse than death?"

	"Meet us outside!  Head North east!"

	"Uh...right."  Behind them, they heard Fanboys screaming.  "MY
UNDERWEAR!  IT TOOK MY UNDERWEAR!"

	Basara sighed and pointed down an alleyway.  "That way!  I don't
see any Fanboys or underwear stealing, possibly fatal clouds that way."

	Ranma nodded.  "Right."  They turned and galloped off...into the
dead end.

*********

	Meanwhile, Setsuna tried to read her old, decaying AAA Road Atlas
as the group fled through the streets.

	"HOW could you leave them behind like that?"  Hinako shouted at
Setsuna.

	"I don't see you going back to their aid!"  Setsuna replied.  "Oh
great...this road isn't on this stupid map either!"

	Hinako groaned.  "Are there any roads in that stupid map book?"

	"Just the major ones.  Which are currently swarming with Fanboys."
Setsuna said.  "Hmm.  Mulberry street.  Ahh!  Left!  Go left!"

	They barrelled around the corner, only to have Ryouga's horse bolt
right.  Ukyou turned her horse to follow him, unwilling to have the two
horses play tug of war.  "Ryouga!  Turn your horse around!"

	Ryouga strained at the reins.  "I can't!"  It was too late.  A
tendril shot out into the intersection, cutting them off from Hinako,
Setsuna, and Soun.

	Setsuna yelled, "Make for the gate!  We'll have to meet you
outside the city."

	Ukyou shouted back, "We'll do our best", then muttered.  "If we
can find it..."

*********************

	Basara, Ranma, Nanami, and Kurz ducked through a side door into a
building as the Fanboys charged down the alleyway.  Soon, they fled deep
into its interior, until finally, they came to a door with a sign that
said, "Mai Treazur Vault".

	Basara hummed faintly.  "Looks like someone who couldn't spell
lived here."

	Kurz said, "Treasure?  Cool!  Let's grab some!"

	"Yeah!" Nanami said, her eyes lightning up.  "When are we going to
find another big score like this?"

	Ranma frowned.  "Didn't Setsuna say not to take anything?"

	"We don't have time to play treasure hunter,"  Basara said.  They
heard the war cry of onrushing Fanboys.  "On the other hand, we don't have
time to sit and chat about it either..."

	They ducked through the door.  The room was full of...underwear.
Every shape and size imaginable.    And a man, standing by the wall.
"Isn't it beautiful?"

	"It's...underwear."  Ranma said, staring at the non-descript man
in black.

	The man in Black said, "And there's so much of it!"  He went back
to sweeping it all into piles with a huge black broom.

	"I was hoping for some nice jewels or even just money, not a big
pile of old underwear," Kurz said,  disappointed.

	Nanami looked around the room thoughtfully.

	Kurz spent some time poking around as Basara tried to hustle him
out of the room.  "Come on.  I can hear the Fanboys getting closer," he
said.

	Kurz finally gave up.  "Alright, let's go, then."

	"Can't you spare the time to help me move my collection out of the
city?" the old man asked hopefully.  "I'm willing to share if you do."

	"No thank you, we're running for our lives now, and I'd rather
have Setsuna's underwear if I did get some and I can't believe I said
that," Basara said, hustling the boys towards the door.  "Nanami, stop
digging for buried treasure and come on!"

	Nanami straightened up.  "I'm coming!"

	The Fanboys now burst through the door.  "It's clobbering time!
Giant Cheeseburger Power, Make  up!"

	Our heroes and heroine bravely ran for their lives.

	I should find some use for this lingerie I picked up, Nanami
thought as she ran.  I just hope it fits...


*********************

	Ukyou and Ryouga rode out the north gate, not looking back...

*********************

	Soun, Hinako, and Setsuna rode out the east gate, not looking
back...

*********************

	The shadowy figure fell off the wall again, this time from the
inside of the city, as underwear rained down around him...

*********************

	Basara, Kurz, Nanami, and Ranma fled through the South gate, not
looking back....

End Chapter 3





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