Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Thu, 6 Mar 2003 16:11:38 -0500 Django Wexler <dwexler@andrew.cmu.edu>
wrote:
And this is the part where the story becomes dark and
disturbing. (I warned you.)
I think you said that last time too.
"If I don't, someone else is going to die." She opened her eyes
again, having realized the problem. [It's not sunset. It's *noon*.]
Mary raised her head, painfully, and saw the {vermillion : vermilion} tower of pure
energy that reached to the heavens. Her mouth opened, soundlessly, and
for a moment she could only stare.
A familiar figure in black jumped over the car, moving so fast she
blurred and making a beeline for the school grounds. Rin hesitated only
a moment before gunning the motor and going after her. [Fuck this. I
can't just watch, this time.]
Sometimes it sucks to have a conscience.
[I don't have to do this. I can still go back there, and fight.]
She felt Lia's hand jerk, the memory somehow embedded in the raw nerves
of her skin. [I can go back there, and die. I might be better off.]
Deus certainly thinks so. I don't think he is aware of za'Tsara'vor.
If he was, he would be less ready to push Mary over the edge.
It was just as good as she remembered. Better than magic, better
than sex -- the flow of sheer power that hammered up her arms and
blasted out {threw : through} the top of her skull. It was like being a god. It
[was] being a god. The sword didn't need to offer temptation, because
it knew this was enough. Leaving it, even after a only a few seconds,
had been endless agony.
Mary jumped out of the center of the column, one hand on the hilt of
the black sword. She drew it, lightning-fast, in mid-air; there was
only time for a single slash with a sound like the angry hum of a
million bees. There was a brief feeling of discontinuity, as though
reality itself had {hiccupped : hiccuped}, and then Mary landed in a crouch. The
demon didn't land at all, bisected by a bright white line -- it's
expression held nothing but blank, dumb surprise. Then it faded out of
existence, as though it had never been, and the column of light snapped
off.
Sumiko jumped to the top of a large boulder, uprooted from the
bedrock and hurled to the surface, and caught {site : sight} of the still figure a
few hundred feet away. She bounded down and raced to Mary's side,
ignoring the heat.
"_Not_fast_enough._"
Her hands closed around Mary's, still clasped around the sword
driven to the hilt in Sumiko's stomach. Her mouth opened, slowly, and
Sumiko tasted blood.
Mary blinked, and a hint of green eyes peeped past the black. She
gasped, and tears glistened.
"I'm sorry..."
Then the power of the sword slammed back into place. Mary gave
za'Tsara'vor a vicious twist, and Sumiko died without another sound.
Sumiko never seemed to give enough thought to self-preservation.
[Revenge.]
Reality distorted as the black sword warped time and space around
itself. A moment later, the pressure relaxed -- Mary was gone, headed
for the Outer Realms.
za'Tsara'vor at least seems willing to give some value for being
released. Since 11 is the last chapters, perhaps we'll see what the
Outer Realms really are.