Here's some input I've received.
Opinions?
Also, does Harold Ancell have any fanfiction? If so, where may I find it? Thanks!
Note: forwarded message attached.
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Date: Mon, 03 Mar 2003 20:36:52 -0500
To: Andrea Hill <email_andreas_art@yahoo.com>
From: Harold Ancell <hga@ancell-ent.com>
Subject: Re: [FFML] The Search for Manhood Chapters 1 and 2
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Sorry, this is going to be fairly brutal, but (I hope) you
implicitly asked for such if warranted.
At 02:09 PM 3/2/2003 -0800, you wrote:
Does anyone out there like this?
Sorry, I don't:
Basic plot of chapter one has been done to death, right down to the
grossly insensitive otoko Ranma, except for making Genma sensitive (!),
plus onna Ranma deciding not to rejoin is uncommon.
You don't give us any reason to read the story; you don't even tell
us the basic setup until the end of the first chapter or even later,
and I don't see a "hook" anywhere to engage your audience, let along
one at the beginning. No plot to speak of.
Characters are often grossly out of character; since when has U-chan
been that interested in onna Ranma? Cologne is not incredibly
stupid, and to even try for such a "bargain" *when she is
significantly culpable* is beyond stupid. Neither Ranma will
ever forget it, neither will forget that her first overture to
his plight was coercion ... such stupidity could extinguish her
tribe, she should know how bloody powerful Ranma is by now....
The timing of Ranma's *emotional* revelation to U-chan is perhaps
understandable, but is sorely misstimed after U-chan has taken all
these actions. Or rather, U-chan is grossly insensitive to have
not noticed that onna Ranma is in shock and that while "clearing
the area" is a good idea, she shouldn't make any long term plans
just yet. She's quite ruthless about getting Ranma, but I don't
think she's *that* blind.
Also, there's a serious lack of felt emotion in this: where do
you make us feel in our gut and/or heart what these people are
going through (OK, there are some places, but you need a LOT
more for this type of story).
I could go on, but I think you get the idea. I read all of
chapter one, and skimmed but (I think) mostly read chapter two.
Should I give up and drop this for all time?
OK, I'm going to only for the third time commit what I consider
to be the worst sin in C&C: discouraging an author. But I will
try to end it on a note of hope:
I don't think your skill level at telling a story, let along an
highly emotional story, is up to the task. I don't think your
understanding of people and how they would react to things is
quite good enough, or at least you aren't thinking it through
and/or expressing it well enough. I don't think you have a
good handle on the characters of Ranma 1/2 much beyond the
cliches. All this suggests that now is not the time to write
*this* sort of story.
(Insert music from the Violinist of Hamlen): At the bottom of
Pandora's box was hope: you *do* have mechanics down, and that's
good. You have descriptive prose down, that good too. You
have some idea of what a story is. There's hope, if you want
and are able to put serious effort into it.
I think that if you work at it, try for more appropriate
stories (especially shorter, or maybe work on fragments) for
the moment, and practice, practice, with someone to give you
feedback (I can, for short passages, but if I were you
wouldn't send anything to the FFML for a while), and of course
read the appropriate references (start with allyn younge's
postings) ... well, I think you might be able to learn how to
be a good writer. With your foundation, it mostly requires
learning some basics of storytelling, paying attention to
detail, and having the self-dicipline to stick to it and to
what works in writing.
I sincerely hope you find this useful.
- Harold
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