Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Sun, 02 Mar 2003 20:42:41 -0800 Steve Thesken <sthesken@earthlink.net>
wrote:
It's been a while, huh? Work has been draining my creative energies for
many months now, so my writing productivity has been all but dead. I'll
post the 2nd half in a few days.
I'm just glad to see you are continuing. Thank you for the URL too.
However, nearly two days past, the Seer had been caught {offguard : off guard} for
the first time in the performance of his duties. The future had gone
through a sudden disjunction, its path forcefully wrenched into new
potential courses previously unknown and unseen. He had never before
experienced such an occurrence, and trepidation had trickled through
him. The future had gone into a sudden turmoil, roiling across his
Sight in a disturbed muddle of possible outcomes.
"You look like hell, Kisaragi," observed the Director with his usual
{ascerbic : acerbic} bluntness. "I assume you delivered the packages?"
"Yes, sir," answered Ayaka with a broad yawn. She forced herself to
sit up straighter in the chair. "The Class Four preternatural entity
identifying herself as Belldandy, as well as Lieutenant Yusaku Godai,
were left at Director Tendo's home without any signs of trouble, per
your instructions." She paused for a moment. It had been eerie to be
in the same room with Belldandy and Director Tendo's eldest daughter.
The two spoke with identical voices, right down to the same timbres and
intonations. It was an extremely odd coincidence, one she felt {needful
of : needed} further investigation on her part in the near future.
Interesting that she didn't report that observation to the Director.
"Perhaps you'd like to take a moment and reconsider your position?" He
steepled his fingers together and put a bland look on his face.
"This is blackmail," growled Ayaka. Her headache had suddenly returned
with full force.
"Yes, it is," agreed Director Kasuga mildly.
I think 'extortion' sounds more friendly. :}b
Martial-Ranma, who had been {focussed : focused} on his fierce match with Ranko,
briefly caught sight of his doppelganger standing at the gate first,
and he was distracted, for a moment at most. But his somewhat smaller
opponent took quick advantage of that, driving a solid punch across his
jaw, swiftly following it up with a spin kick that {impacted against : smashed into} his
shoulder, leaving him off-balance and reeling. And then the fierce
combination attack was finished off as the {girl�s : girl's} other leg delivered a
powerful ax kick that dropped down across his shoulder with sufficient
force to slam him to the dojo floor, where he lay still for several
moments, stunned.
Ranma was surprised when Ranko suddenly lifted up on to her toes and
kissed him. It was a tender feeling, just a gentle touching together
of lips-
Nabiki wouldn't like that.
Ranma sat down at his desk and {{powered his Navi on}}, idly watching as
the screen lit up and began running through its internal diagnostics.
In a few moments, the system's desktop was up and running. He swiftly
tapped a few keys with his left hand, his right moving the mouse, as he
hooked up to the Imperial datagrid, cloaking his trace signal with some
rather special software of his own creation.
I think 'turned on' or 'powered up' flows better.
"Argh!" he finally growled. "I gotta know what's on here!" Tapping
some more keys, he called up one more {codebreaking : code breaking} tool, one based on
chaos theory that he had tested but had never actually needed to use
before. The algorithms were extremely complex, and he had used some of
them to hack into and set up his private data caches in a number of
secured systems around the world. It had been a game, ghosting in and
out of supposedly 'impenetrable' computer systems. With a sigh, he
unknowingly set it off against the Empire's most secure encryption
method, an Imperial Edict Code, possibly the most secure cipher on the
planet.
"Damn you, Pop," he whispered hollowly. "Why didn't you ever tell me
about any of this?"
Is he the first Mark II to find out about the project?
What a way for Nodoka to tell her family about the expected addition.
The last I recall, it appeared very likely, but no on had come out to
say she was pregnant yet.
{Eyeing : Eying} the girl's trim figure, Hitomi commented dryly, "You've lost a
bit of weight it seems, Minami-chan. Finally keeping to one of your
diets?"
Meoow!
Hitomi smiled more genuinely as she imagined her beloved son's reaction
to receiving his own personal Lilith. She pocketed the pamphlet again
as she busied herself finishing up breakfast. The day was looking much
brighter.
I wonder how Frost will like that.
Both girls rushed for Gosunkugi, even as he blew some lingering vapors
from his fingertips. This was how it should be, he mused, feeling both
Akane and Minami hugging him, pressing their nubile bodies against his
own slender frame. But in the back of his mind, he wondered why Minami
was there. His true love was his warrior goddess, Akane Tendo. And to
prove it, he drew Akane in for a deep kiss-
Talk about a rude awakening. Frost might have something to say as
well. It looks like she should have taken the time to wake him before
she left. I wonder what his mother will make of her.
"I love you, Akane Tendo," Gosunkugi murmured when his lips finally
released hers.
Wrong thing to say.
Minami's awareness snapped back into sudden focus. Akane Tendo? Who
the hell was Akane Tendo? A jealous fury surged up within her, and her
arcane powers swelled to immense proportions within her, fed by the
sudden rush of emotions, unleashing an explosive blast of raw magic.
Fortunately for Gosunkugi's continuing health, the energy was released
in an {unfocussed : unfocused} surge throughout his room, most of it blowing out his
windows in a multihued blast of power. Even so, he was still lifted up
and hurled away from his bed and into the wall, landing with a hard
thump and sliding down to the floor.
I don't recall the exact timeline, but it sounds like Akane was
already gone before Minami started at the Academy. As is confirmed
later.
"Pervert!" roared Minami. Although she had been trained to calmly deal
with all kinds of demons (and could admit to herself that she had an
odd fascination for those of the naughty tentacle variety), this was
another matter entirely. This was her Hikaru-kun, the boy she had
known since they were both eight years old. She unleashed another bolt
of raw magical force at him and fled from the room, tears flooding from
her eyes.
That went about as well as could be expected.
Regaining his feet after Minami's parting shot, Hikaru surveyed the
blasted wreckage of his room. The day had only begun, and it was
already looking bad. Somehow, he was sure this was all Ranma Saotome's
fault.
It sounds an awful lot like Ranma's life even if it's not his fault.
Anger began building up inside her again, and Minami's tears began to
stop. She was not going to give up. She had worked too hard to give
up now. Hikaru Gosunkugi was hers! Whoever this little tramp Akane
Tendo was, she was not going to have her Hikaru-kun!
Interesting love irregular solid. No one but Frost knows about her
and I don't think Akane knows about Hikaru's interest in her.
An evil smile lit Minami's face. It was all so very clear to her now.
Her initial notion of frying this Akane Tendo bimbo down to bone and
gristle, while a pleasant one, was set aside. Instead, she was going
to become Akane's good friend, and she would help the little thug win
Ranma. That should eliminate her rival for Hikaru's heart, and be a
very wonderful form of revenge on that creep, Saotome.
That is evil. It also ties this tangle in with Ranma and Nabiki's.
I definitely will need a program to tell which players are connected
to each other in what ways.
Please send more soon. I hope I wasn't the only one commenting on
Chapter 17.