Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Thu, 20 Feb 2003 20:47:59 -0500 Django Wexler <dwexler@andrew.cmu.edu>
wrote:
And this is the part where the story becomes darker, filled with
backstory and even more references.
As if it wasn't dark enough already.
I'm unsatisfied with the ASCII device for za'Tsara'vor. It's
speech is bold in the Word version, and I've tried both ALL CAPS and
_sort_of_underlined_ and wasn't happy with either. Any ideas, lets me
know. I left it as underlined here -- try to imagine it in bold, or
something.
In this chapter, that is not much of a problem since za'Tsara'vor
doesn't say much. Simple quotes with more description of what the
voice sounds like should be enough. If za'Tsara'vor is going to speak
much in following chapters then some other indicator might be useful
but not essential; doubled brackets [[]] perhaps.
Sumiko shook her head again, in either admiration or pity. "Gods,
Mary."
"What?"
"I don't think anything gets to you."
It's already been proved that bullets do.
"Prepare yourself." She'd expected his voice to be a hiss, or a deep
James Earl Jones rumble, but it came out in pleasant tones that would
have done credit to a pop singer. The demon drew his sword with a long,
silken hiss, bringing the unwieldy blade up with impossible ease.
There can be only zero?
She jumped again, and landed back on the platform. The demon had
recovered, and had clearly had enough -- Mary could feel the power
crystallizing out of the air around him as he started to hover, a
crackling {vermillion : vermilion} aura snapping into existence and lashing out at
everything around it.
"SIN HARVEST!"
I can see why you don't want to use all caps for za'Tsara'vor since
you are already using it for shouting.
"Ladies?" The man behind the counter, who by universal pizza-shop
law was required to be a heavily-built Italian, shouted in their general
direction. "Your pies are ready."
Hmmm. I missed that part of the code.
"Later," mouthed Richard, as he slid out of the booth to hit the
vending machines. Mary raised one eyebrow but didn't comment.
That certainly must be depressing for Richard. Something interrupts
every time he trys to get a word with Mary, usually Robyn. And then
to get turned down.
"The End of Days is coming, Sumiko. My freedom is close at hand, and
I will be the salvation of Mankind."
I still think she has _How to Serve Man_ in her library.
But she was already diving away from the face, laughing high-pitched
and care-free. The Queen descended, grumbling, into darkness, and the
rest of her dreams that night were far more normal.
That may have been the smart way to deal with the situation.
Emi was a short, {mousey : mousy} woman almost ten years older then her younger
sister. Her hair was bound up in a braid, and her glasses hung around
her neck on a chain. At her side was Hiroshi, her fianc�e, a powerfully
built young man who was quite cheerful despite a perpetually bored
expression.