Hi,
What I respect most about FFML is the clarity of
feedback.
First of all, the formatting- Sorry about that,
I'll reformat and send it again.
Secondly, I realize my title wasn't very clear. I
should explain the premise for this story. I watched
the trailer to 'A Guy Thing' and my boyfriend told me
that if he were in Jason Lee's place, I'd have been
the first person he called. Now, obviously I can't and
WON'T verify this!! ^__^ However, the idea of it
struck me as interesting. Would a guy really call his
girlfriend if he found himself in bed with another
girl for reasons he couldn't remember? I really felt
it had possibilites in the Ranma universe.
In hindsight, I see that I didn't explain things
very clearly or even mention how the characters were
going to be OOC. I did appreciate the ideas on how to
rewrite this. Based on Gary's and David's comments, I
realize I'll have to think on how to achieve the
premise of the story in a more believable way.
Anyway, thank you for taking the time to offer
feedback. I do try to return the favour to FFMLites.
Any furthur comments will only help me see my story
more clearly.
Roja.
--- Gary Kleppe <gary@garykleppe.org> wrote:
I pulled this off the web archive; my incoming email
isn't working right
now.
David Johnston <rgorman@telusplanet.net> wrote:
Gary Kleppe wrote:
This really needs to be Hiroshi and/or Daisuke
here; it's completely out
of character for Ryoga.
Your criticism is off-target. The author clearly
wanted a sort of
mirror universe where everyone is pretty much the
reverse of their
standard personality (but still endowed with the
same abilities).
If that was the intent, then yeah, but it's not at
all clear to me that
it was. A lot of the characters aren't changed much
if at all. Pretty
much everybody except for Ryoga, Kuno, and Pantyhose
is pretty close to
canon or at least a reasonable (future)
extrapolation of it. What's
more, the ones who are changed don't seem so much
reversed as just
blandified.
There's no point in criticising a story entitled
"It Would Never
Happen in the Ranma Universe" for being OOC.
Well, the author didn't tell us how to interpret
that title. I took it
to mean that he was showing us an event that would
never have happened
in the manga, for obvious genre reasons. Now if what
you're describing
*was* his intent, that's fine, but in that case I
think he has to make
it a lot clearer by having everybody behave in
radically different ways.
The real question here is what the point of the
story is.
It's just not very funny (or dramatic) as is. So
everyone's
reversed...so what? The truth is a friendly happy
relaxed Ryoga
isn't as interesting as the usual one, nor is an
altruistic
helpful Nabiki. One traditional, but effective
approach
is to cross over the two universes so that, for
example
unchaste but charming Ranma suddenly finds himself
in
chaste but boorish Ranma's universe talking to a
malicious
greedy Nabiki under the impression that she's his
good friend
and future sister-in-law who he can always rely on
to help
him with good advice. Complications ensue. It
worked for
Star Trek and it might work here.
That's got possibilities, yeah.
One of the girls suddenly stumbled against Ranma
in a
mass of golden hair and falling flower petals.
�Whoops! Careful,� Ranma gently caught the
girl�s
shoulder and helped her up. �Are you okay?�
The girl straightened her flower tiara and
peered up
at Ranma. �Yeah, thanks! I�m so sorry. This is
my
first time. I�m such a klutz!� She grinned
perkily up
at him, her large cornflower-blue eys twinkling.
eyes
Is she supposed to be Japanese? Very few Japanese
have golden hair and
cornflower-blue eyes, you know.
But she does. Even in the manga she has pale hair
and eyes and
looks pretty much like a shojo heroine.
If this is Azusa *Shiratori,* yes. I assumed it was
just someone else
with the same given name, particularly since I'd
expect Ranma to
recognize Azusa S.
Gary Kleppe
http://www.garykleppe.org/comics.html
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