Gary Kleppe wrote:

Remember, all comments herein are the opinions of one lone weirdo who
doesn't like much anyway. :)  Please let me know if you find it useful,
and please return the favor by posting comments on other authors' fics.
Thankyew.

Roja Cyd <roja_cyd@yahoo.ca> wrote:

�Well, tomboy, I guess this is it,� said Ranma,
grinning down at his fianc�e. Akane was flushed with
happiness and excitement. He wondered if she knew how
adorable she looked. He glanced up at the ceiling.
�Yup, can�t run anymore, here comes the ol� ball and
chain�.�

Slight problem with your formatting -- you've got a whole bunch of
non-standard characters throughout, which will in general appear as
something completely different for users on different platforms. To be
sure that everyone is able to read your story, please be sure to use:

1) Straight quote marks ("), the ones that look the same at the
beginning of a quote as at the end of it, and don't slant to one side or
the other.

2) Three plain old periods (...) for ellipses rather than a single
character that looks like three compressed periods.

3) An ordinary "e" in words like "fiance" or "fiancee", not an accented
one.

�Hey, Ranma, you sly dog!� Ryouga slung his arm around
Ranma�s shoulders as the party returned to its normal
swing. �Ready for your bachelor party?�

This really needs to be Hiroshi and/or Daisuke here; it's completely out
of character for Ryoga.

Your criticism is off-target.  The author clearly wanted a sort of
mirror universe where everyone is pretty much the reverse of their
standard personality (but still endowed with the same abilities).  
There's no point in criticising a story entitled "It Would Never 
Happen in the Ranma Universe" for being OOC.

The real question here is what the point of the story is.  
It's just not very funny (or dramatic) as is.  So everyone's
reversed...so what?  The truth is a friendly happy relaxed Ryoga
isn't as interesting as the usual one, nor is an altruistic
helpful Nabiki.  One traditional, but effective approach
is to cross over the two universes so that, for example
unchaste but charming Ranma suddenly finds himself in 
chaste but boorish Ranma's universe talking to a malicious
greedy Nabiki under the impression that she's his good friend
and future sister-in-law who he can always rely on to help
him with good advice.  Complications ensue.  It worked for
Star Trek and it might work here.   

One of the girls suddenly stumbled against Ranma in a
mass of golden hair and falling flower petals.

�Whoops! Careful,� Ranma gently caught the girl�s
shoulder and helped her up. �Are you okay?�

The girl straightened her flower tiara and peered up
at Ranma. �Yeah, thanks! I�m so sorry. This is my
first time. I�m such a klutz!� She grinned perkily up
at him, her large cornflower-blue eys twinkling.

eyes

Is she supposed to be Japanese? Very few Japanese have golden hair and
cornflower-blue eyes, you know.

But she does.  Even in the manga she has pale hair and eyes and
looks pretty much like a shojo heroine.


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