There were some control characters in this post that made it almost unreadable, (all of the quotation marks, commas, etc came through as small squares) so just a few quick comments.

1)looks like the core of a good action yarn, BUT, the narrative is bland. *(of course, some of that is probably due to the control characters.)
2)You're TELLING the story to the reader, rather than showing it. Give more sights, sounds SMELLS of what's going on, how characters are reacting to a situation.
3)Don't name the poor Amazons after beauty aids. :( Especially not in
a drama/action story. perhaps it's just me, but "Mascara" just takes me right out of a willing suspension of disbelief. ^_*

I can (and have) spend 10 hours or more researching _just_ the right name for a character. 
A few URL's I've found useful:
http://hobgoblin.net/resources/createlink1.asp
http://writing.richmond.edu/writing/wweb/clarity.html
http://freereads.topcities.com/narrativedialogue.html





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