In a message dated 1/30/2003 1:02:06 AM Eastern Standard Time, 
allynyonge0000@netscape.net writes:

@_@
<eeeeeeeee> {Comments! I love comments}

       <wince>  Y'know, it's a damned good thing that I'm doing this on a 
laptop -- otherwise, that "eeeee" would have shattered my big CRT...

   Awww, Kasumi's being gentle with Kodachi's feelings.  That's sweet.

@@ hey, my middle name is Sweet. 
Of course my last name is Mutual Assured Destruction. Sort of takes the 
warm
and fuzzies out of things. 
@@@@

       Allyn "MAD-Sweet" Yonge?  I can see that...

 Kasumi's left eyebrow tried to crawl off her face and
Akane gave a small gasp of surprise. "I appreciate your
offer," Kasumi said sincerely, "but, after all this time I'm not
sure if I could get to sleep without someone singing archaic
French ballads outside my window. And who else would
protect me from rogue cappuccino machines?"

   I VOLUNTEER!!!!!

@@Errrr . . .perhaps Kodachi will lend you some of her meds?
@@@@

       Aww, c'mon -- it's easy work, after all, and it's an excuse to spend 
time with the most beautiful of the Tendo Trio.  

  Kodachi hung her head, recalling the Starbucks
debacle.

  "Besides," Kasumi put a finger under Kodachi's chin
and tilted her face up, "we still have some unresolved issues."
Kasumi's face was tinged a delicate pink and Kodachi felt her
own face heat.

   Call me a sucker, but I was hoping that this would happen.  I just 
want to see canine loyalty and devotion rewarded, I guess.  
   Besides, I think Kasumi's been *good* for Kodachi -- our favorite 
Templar is now at least somewhat saner than an emu on acid.

@@
TYPICAL AUSIE: "Bloody oath, Yank. I knew a banana bender that
come a guster about twenty klicks beyond the black stump 'cause some 
greenie
with  Kangaroos loose in the top paddock spit the dummy over a bloke who 
had
an emu station. Silly clacker opened the gate and the whole bloody flock 
took off
like a lizard drinking. Rooted birds got full as a boot on ergot. Went mad 
as a cut
snake and racked off into the bush until they ran across my cobber. He was 
using
the dunny and these blood birds nipped off his wedding tackle neat as 
jack's your
uncle. Nothing worse than a plonked emu.
@@@@

       ...
       ..........
       ...............(!)
       You know, the most scary part is, I actually *understood* most of that 
-- not that I speak DownUndah, but just from context.  Just what part of the 
planet are you *From*, Allyn?
       (I *was* going to ask, what *planet* are you from, but then I decided 
I didn't want to know...)
       ObTrivia:  I have recently discovered Yonge Street in Toronto, which 
has the distinction of being one of the longest city streets on the planet, 
as well as being a major part of Toronto's equivalent of "The Strip."  Sobhan 
would probably find it too nonviolent for her, but *I* like it.

 "I have to go . . .now. I have to," Kodachi backed
hastily away, getting tangled in her sword. "Ummm . . .yes. I
have to go. Now. I . . .I'll see you later. See you." Realizing
she was babbling, Kodachi's mouth snapped shut. She
sketched a jerky bow, then turned and fled from the store.

   Yep.  She's in love.  Having her idealized goddess turn out to have 
the libido of a Navy task force after an 18-month deployment (even if it 
*was* drug-induced) must have been a shock to her system

@@ Every thing was very tasteful and understated. ^_*
They COULD have spent the time playing scrabble for all
the reader knows.
@@@@

       Yeah.  Right.  Whatever you say.  

   Gads.  A "Goldmember" reference?  Or is this just some kind of cosmic 
coincidence?

@@Actually I first ran across the idea in "Double Star" by R. A. Heinlein. 
But it's
actually quite a common magicians trick . . . misdirection. (My wife used 
to be a
professional ventriloquist and magician)
@@@@

       Huh!  Been too long since I read DS.  It was the timing, really -- one 
of the more-played ads for "Goldmemer" recently had a major, er, mole, with 
all the attached gags.  So it was closer to the top of my memory stack.

   Yeah, where the hell HAS Soun been the last few chapters?  Something 
has him wound up enough to stay off the sauce and yet still avoid going 

home.

@@You'll have to wait on the answer to that one.
@@@@

       Tease.

contents of the tube into the bottle - - the heavy green liquid
roiled and flowed like mad worms eating through flesh, until
the contents of the bottle turned the dark furry green of moss
growing beneath a tumbled gravestone.

   I'd suggest losing the "mad worms" stuff -- it just seems gratuitously 

graphic, for something that doesn't really add anything to the story.

@@Hmmm . . . sometimes I'm too subtle for my own good. Absinth is a
derivative of wormwood and was outlawed in many places because it was 
believed
to drive people insane.  Oh well, I'll work on that one. It is a bit 
florid.
@@@@

       Ah.  Now that you point it out, the connection is obvious.  But for 
the scene in question, I think it's more distracting that adding.  But hey, 
I'm just the C&Cer.  (:)

   "I say we nuke the fat bastard from orbit.  It's the only way to be 
sure."

@@ ummmm. . . nahh, too subtle.
@@@@

       But Dinosaur Killers do so *much* collateral damage...

 "Why don't we go see your son."

   Need a "?" there.

@@ It's more of a statement that a question.
@@@@

       Mmm... then you might need to exposit it, a tad.  As is, it just hits 
my eye as a typo -- kind of like a sharp stick (ow!).

   Uh...oh.  I think Ukyou's about to put her Genma-hunt on hold for 
Nabiki.  Which is a *good* thing, actually -- it shows that s/he *can* get 

past his/her obsessions. 
   Now we just have to do something about that gender confusion....

@@We do?

       Well, if we wait until Ukyou starts thinking about becoming a father, 
it'll probably be too late...

And Ukyou isn't so much past 'his' obsessions as he is directing them into
more constructive channels. ^)*
[besides, you've got a better chance of getting Genma in ambush than by a 
stalk)
@@@@

       True.  But Ukyou is still demonstrating a capacity for more than pure 
single-minded monmania, which is a good thing.

 "I think Nabiki asked you a question." Ukyou's voice
was hard and the look in his eyes suggested that Ranma was a
nail and Ukyou had a hammer.

   Sug a comma after "hard."  Niice bit of description there, BTW (and 
yes, I'm stealing that, too).

@@ Glad I could help. BTW, what's the name of the story 'you' are writing.
<VBG>

       "Steal, Cut, and Paste."

   Yep, Nabs called in everybody she had on tap.  But somehow I doubt 
they're enough to take Ranma, especially a Ranma who doesn't give a darn 
about maiming attacks and using potentially lethal force.

@@ I based Ranma's ideas about martial arts on the 'old masters'. Miyamoto
Musashi, for example, always looked for a psychological advantage.  One 
time he
waited in crowd, disguised, until he judged his opponent in a duel was off 
guard,
then rushed from the crowed and split the man's skull open with his wooden
sword. One reason he his suspected to have so often used a wooden rather 
than a
steel sword, is that his opponents steel blade would catch in his wooden 
one,
rather than sliding off as steel on steel, and he could take an opportunity 
to disarm
or at least throw off their timing. Ranma's big advantage at this point is 
that he
knows more about Ukyou and Kodachi's styles than they do about his. Plus, 
they
aren't trained to fight together, so are likely to get in each other way. 
AND they
have to worry about hitting each other, while Ranma doesn't have to worry 
about
'friendly fire'.
@@@@

       Yeah... for a man so revered in Japan, Musashi has never really struck 
me as much of a role model.  Clever, but he always broke the unspoken rules 
governing dueling.  I guess everyobdy loves a winner.
       Now, that raises an interesting point -- just how good *is* Ranma 
here, compared to canon?  Thinking back, I recall he *didn't* go into the 
Neko-ken and wipe the deck with Cologne&co when forced into close quarters 
with a cat -- he just went <ahem!> catatonic.  Did Akane just show up too 
soon, or did Ranma not attain the "power" (and I use the term advisedly) of 
the NK in this fic?

 "But it's not your home, is it?" Ranma replied softly.
"It's mine now. The house, the doujou, it's all mine since I
married your sister."

   Oh, crap.  Oh, crap.  Oh, crap.

@@Pretty much the reaction I was looking for. ^)+
@@@@

       You got it, all right...

   And... Damn, Allyn, that's fskcing *cold,* man.  Just when we thought 
maybe Ranma was growing something resembling a consience...

@@Perhaps. OTOH it IS his dojou.  And he's a married man. Not too many
people would appreciate a sister-in-law and outsiders butting into their 
home life.
So, you _could_ look at this as Ranma being absolutely aboveboard and 
playing it
straight.
@@@@

       I could... I could even credit that, in his mind, maybe he's just 
establishing the pecking order with Nabs in a cold but non-malicious fashion, 
in order to save himself the trouble of any arguments later on.
       But I *really* think that he's doing so in a deliberately cruel 
manner.  As Master Sun once said, you should always allow your enemy to save 
as much face as possible.  Ranma isn't just ripping Nabiki's off here, he's 
rubbing salt into the wounds.
       I don't think he's got anything personal against Nabiki -- heck, she 
saved his bacon, once.  But maybe he's indulging a bit of natural resentment 
that a child of hardship and brutality will often have against someone who 
(by comparison) grew up safe, loved, and adequately well-off.

 "You need a little attitude adjustment," Ukyou said
coldly. "I've been waiting ten years for this."

   I think Ukyou needs an action here, maybe tightening his grip on the 
battle-spat, or something.  The plain dialogue is just too... well, plain.

@@Perhaps But (for once) I thought an understated approach worked best.
You've got a good point. I'll mull it over and see what I come up with.
@@@@

       It's just that, in the middle of all the other voice-related actions 
going on, Ukyou's line looks out of place without *something.*  It stands out 
in its stark simiplicity, like a dandelion in a bed of roses.  (So to speak.  
And who's getting baroque now?  (:)  )

   And whose idea was THAT, I wonder?  The answer could reveal a great 
deal.

@@Actually, from my _microscopic_ knowledge of Japanese inheritance law, I
think in this case it would be an automatic part of the process. It IS 
essentially a
'safety' device, but not peculiar to Ranma &Akane, but rather standard (I 
think)
because of the ruinous inheritance taxes. 
@@@@

       Huh.  And here I thought that Akane was being clever...

she was getting Akane took a moment to marshal her
thoughts. "Well . . . I noticed Uncle Genma in the store while
we were shopping . . .is he craz. . .uhhh . . .he was wearing
the most _disgusting_ mole thingy on his face," she gave

   I'm not sure the mid-sentence interjection really works here, or is 
needed.

@@ ^_* all I can say in my defense is 'that's the way it happened',
but I'll see if I can come up with a less kludged way of doing it.
@@@@

       Don't you just HATE it when your characters do things that don't 
translate cleanly into prose?  I swear, it's enough to make an honest writer 
take up animation...

   Heh heh heh.  She has him wrapped around her finger at least as much 
as she's wrapped around his.
   Which is probably the only way this relationship is going to work.  
They're both so combative, their only peace is mutual stalemate.  If 

either 

one had a real advantage over the other, there'd be hell to pay...

@@Well, a marriage of equals. Dynamic equilibrium, rather than
stalemate, IMO. 
@@@@

       Yes!  That's the phrase that wouldn't come to me. 




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