--- "Django Wexler" <dwexler@andrew.cmu.edu> wrote:

	Here we get to the funny parody part.  Woo.
	My goal was to do a semi-serious parody.  Not sure if I blended
the two well enough.  We'll see.  The end of this wants a rewrite, too,
though not as badly as End of Days -- I'm hoping for some feedback from
all of you.

I don't know.  I finally finished reading End of Days, and it seemed okay to me.

	Again, if you need the whole story in whatever format, just
e-mail me.  khaine@mindless.com, AIM khaine1310, ICQ 53426421.

Will you be releasing future chapters to the FFML?  If not, I'd like to see anything you may have, in rich text or plain text.
	

	Also, anyone who likes new anime: Watch Wolf's Rain.  It's cool.
=)

May have to check that out sometime.  Still busy with Inu Yasha, though.

Django Wexler (khaine)
khaine@mindless.com

Proof Method #12: Proof by catch phrase repetition.

Chapter Five

Snappage throughout.

       [It's not that I'm bitter.  But it would nice if someone,
someday, said "Good job, Mary," or "Nice one, Mary", or even "Thanks for
not letting the demons consume my immortal soul.  I owe you one, Mary."
It's kind of a thankless job.  And it's not even like I signed up for
it.]

Well, if she'd actually tell people that she /had/ prevented the demons from consuming their immortal soul . . . .

       "How should I know?  You're the one who yanked me out of a
perfectly good non-existence just because you needed someone to talk
to."

A perfectly good non-existence . . . I like that.  I'm going to have to find some way to use that phrase somewhere.

       "Sooner or later we're all going to die."  Aku sniffed.  "At
least, *you* people all seem to.  I don't plan on it."

And just when he was getting nostalgic about "a perfectly good non-exisence"

       Aku leaned closer.  "This isn't really about Sumiko, is it?
This is about Richard."

       "*That* was my fault."

       "There was nothing you could have done."

Ooh . . . an angsty backstory.  You've brought it up; now you're going to have to fill in the details sometime.

       "The supernatural defenders are at least two in number, with at
least one Category-Six individual."

       "Cat-6?"  Rin raised an eyebrow.  "Are you sure?"

       "Certain."

       "No wonder he can handle gangs of demons."

So Mary's managed to impress these people, whoever they are.  You are planning on telling us who they are sometime, right?

       "Okay.  I think I get it."  Robyn paced back and forth on the
edge of the cliff.  "This is a test, right?  You're the magician, and
you have to see if I'm 'worthy' for whatever you're going to show me."
She shrugged.  "Fine.  I can play along.  It's not even vaguely
original, though."

Originality is over-rated . . . especially if you're an extra-dimensional being without the wherewithal to come up with any.

       [It's because this is the sort of thing I was *expecting*, when
I first got into all of this.  One minute I'm walking along a highway,
the next minute climbing down a mountain.  A little disorienting, but
far more appropriate than just going on with my normal life.  At least
*this* is more interesting.]  A rock slipped under her hand, bouncing
down the cliff to shatter on the boulders below.  Robyn swallowed.
[Dangerous, but interesting.] 

Someone needs to take her aside and give her a quick lesson in ancient Chinese curses.

       In theory, of course, she knew how to use a sword.  It wasn't
difficult -- you held on to one end and tried to jam the other into
whatever you wanted to die.  But she'd always thought there would be a
long way between theory and practice.  Presumably the enemy would try to
avoid it, and if he managed to do so, what then?  Repeat?

"You stick them with the pointy end" worked for Arya.  And I seem to recall some mention of Robyn being familiar with that particular source.

       But this sword seemed to give that the lie.  She swung it,
tentatively, and it split the air with a hum.  On a hunch, she stalked
to the edge of the clearing and swung the blade at a sapling; the wood
parted before it as though it were air, and the top of the tree crashed
to the ground.

Nice!  I /want/ one of those.  Picking it up out of a clearing, though, might not be the best method of acquiring one.

       [Okay.  So it's a *magic* sword.  I can accept that, I guess.]
She remembered, suddenly, the magic sword in Mary's attic.
[za'Tsara'vor.]  [Though why I remember that...]  This made her glance
at the weapon in her own hand, and shiver.  [It could be cursed.  Though
if this is in fact a test, I don't know why that would be.  It's too
late now in any case.]

Um . . . maybe it's a test of your ability to recognize and circumvent curses?  Or of avoiding obvious traps?

       "Do they have schools for this sort of thing in Japan?  Magical
Girl Academy, Posing 101, stuff like that?"

Yes.  It's called anime.

       "I was contacted."

       "By whom?"

       "The forces of Light."  Sumiko gave a mischievous grin.
"Weren't you?"

Or, at least, those representing themselves as the forces of Light.

       Mary leaned closer, and dropped her voice to a whisper.  "I like
blowing things up."

As good a reason as any.

       "Sometimes.  Occasionally I wonder if one day I'll wake up and
not care if the people I fry are human or not.  So far it hasn't
happened."

She's considering the implications; good.

       Robyn felt her heart pick up its pace, and tightened her grip on
the hilt of the sword.  [Calm down.  It's just a test.  Some stupid game
that Ayre cooked up -- it has to be.  Otherwise none of this makes any
sense.]

Well, Ayre /could/ have miscalculated the 'port, and accidently dumped her somewhere, and even now be trying to track her down and swearing at her for not just staying put where he could find her.

       "Here goes."  The troll took a deep breath and recited quickly
and with remarkable locution.  "Given a Turing Machine A, provide an
algorithm that determines whether A halts on all inputs."

ROTFLMAO!!!  Of course, using jokes that require having a bachelor's degree in CS and a little graduate work in that same field to get might not endure you to the majority of your readers, but still . . . ROTFLMAO!

       Then the solution came to her.  Robyn smiled.  

       "I've got it!"

       This time, the troll blinked.  "You do?"

       "I do!"  She beamed brightly and took a step forward.

       "Tell me."  The thing's confidence was returning.  "If you're
wrong, I'll eat you."

       Robyn shrugged.  "See, I thought about running Turing Machines
in parallel on all possible inputs, but I assume an algorithm that never
halts is no good.  So then I thought -- screw this."  At this point she
brought the sword around in a lazy horizontal sweep that removed the
troll's head from its shoulders; it landed a few feet away and rolled
into the bushes.  There was no blood, and the monster's body wobbled a
moment before collapsing.

       Her smiled widening, Robyn stepped over the body and continued
down the trail.

       [It's just a test.  Just a game.  And the best thing to do in a
game is not to play by the rules.]

Hey, the troll cheated first!  There's got to be something in the rules that states the question has to /have/ an answer.

       The three boys were burned, horribly, over almost their entire
skin area.  What was left was hardly recognizable.  Deus pulled a pencil

>from his pocket and poked one of them, flaking off fragments of ash.  He

nodded, slowly.

Ooh . . . wonder what Robyn will do when she realizes exactly how badly they were hurt?

       [Great.]  She knew what he'd look like even before she got close
enough to make him out clearly.  Black platemail, closed visor, and a
voice like something from the shadowy pits of hell -- the archtypical
Black Knight.  Robyn hefted her sword and stalked towards him, muttering
something about dungeon masters who lacked originality.

"There's this, ring, see, and you have to go drop it in a volcano.  These nine nasty dudes are trying to take it from you . . . what?  No, I made it up myself last night!"

       The knight tried to turn around, and found himself in some
difficulty because, as she passed, Robyn had chopped off his left leg at
the kneecap.  Hopping on one foot in platemail is not really a viable
form of movement, and she smiled at the tremendous splash as he toppled
into the moat.  The gates of the castle opened before her.

"It's only a flesh wound!"

       "You're remarkably perceptive.  Also refreshingly direct."  He
cocked his head.  "The Black Knight had a lot of backstory, you know,
and some interesting lines."

Robyn:  I've seen Monty Python; thanks all the same.

       "No.  We are contiguous but not causally linked.  I created this
place by putting energy into a raw chaos, and therefore I can reshape it
as I like.  So it's 'real' in the sense that you can see it, taste it,
smell it, touch it, but not in the sense of 'naturally existing.'
Nothing exists naturally, here."  He smiled brightly.  "Would you care
for a drink?"

Which makes the astute reader wonder where the inhabitants come from.

       "As I said, my name is Ayre.  *What* I am is hard to describe in
terms that you're familiar with, but the most accurate would probably be
'God'.  In the Greek rather than Biblical sense."

       "Ah."  She suddenly realized that her clothing consisted of a
ripped pair of pants and a backwards jacket with nothing underneath.
"Greek gods have a bit of a bad reputation.  Should I be worried?"

If you have to ask . . . you should be worried.

       [So...this is definitely the weirdest day in my life to date.  I
almost got raped; then I met a *God* who seems to want my help.]  Robyn
smiled.  [This time, when I tell Mary, she *is* going to freak out.]

Correction: you met something who claims to be god.  Is it just me, or does Robyn need to be heck of a lot more cynical if she wants to survive for long in this world?

       "God."  Mary rolled her eyes.  "If you stopped me just so you
can give the 'I'm impressed, it's a pity I have to kill you,' talk, can
we stop it here and go to the part where I chop off your head?"

I /like/ her attitude.

       "You're a demon.  You came here to kill people and steal energy.
I'm here to stop you.  Clear enough?"

       "Okay.  Okay!"  The demon raised her hands.  "I get it.  Can we
talk about this?"

       Mary opened her hand and let the bolt of energy fade away.
"Talk about it?"

Wow.  Progress.

       "Tsuiren is in charge around here, as much as anyone can be,"
Ayre cut in.  "My colleagues are a somewhat garrulous lot."

Garrulous?  Doesn't that mean talkative?  Somehow, I don't think that's the word you want.

       He smiled wider, and Robyn shivered.  She couldn't help looking
into his eyes and finding something vaguely disquieting -- they were
perfect, of course, limpid and blue, but there was the faintest hint of
an unpleasant expression.  Not hate, exactly, or contempt, but something
of the attitude of a hunter towards his dogs, or a scientist towards his
experimental germ cultures.

There may be hope for her yet!

  Then he put his head to one side, his dark

hair framed his already brilliant face, and her breath caught in her
throat.

Or maybe not.

       "So you'll do what we need?"

       "Sure."  If Robyn's grin had been any wider, the top of her head
would have fallen off.  "I may need to stop at home to pick up a few
things first."

*sighs*  They just confessed to sending creatures specifically designed to frighten humans to Earth to collect energy.  And she agrees to help them make /better/ creatures specifically designed to frighten humans.  What's wrong with this picture?

Does she not think to ask where this energy comes from or why the creatures need to be able to frighten humans?  Wouldn't it be better to use innocuous creatures, so that no one knows they're there?

       "She's a *demon*.  How can you trust her?  Demons are *evil*."

       "You're a demon, too."

       "Exactly!  So I should know!"

Heh.  Makes me wonder what exactly he's doing working for Mary, though.  You've implied that she created him somehow, but haven't given much in the way of details.

       "I realized it comes down to what my purpose here is, Aku."
Mary took up a cross-legged position and looked at him seriously.  "Am I
defending the world from invaders?  Or killing a group of apparently
intelligent beings just because they don't happen to be carbon-cycle
life like I am?"

       "Uh...both?  The difference has never mattered before."

       "Exactly.  It's never mattered before.  Now it does."

Aren't moral dillemnas fun?  Okay, so they're not very much fun for the people having them . . . .

       "I still don't think you can trust her."

       "We'll find out."  Mary stretched.

       "That's a pretty blasé attitude.  We're playing with people's
lives here.  You have a responsibility."

       "Do I?"  She smiled -- it wasn't pretty, more like the grin of a
carnivore.  "Why?  Who said I have to use this power for the good of
mankind -- aren't you the one who's always saying I should rule them as
a god?"

Um . . . make up your mind, Mary.  If you're using it for the good of mankind, then you have a responsability to protect mankind from demonic threats.  This just might require you to go take out that demon.  If you're not . . . then the whole "morals" issue is a moot point, and you may as well take her out for the fun of it.

       Aku nodded slowly.  "So what are you going to do?"

       "Invite her over after dinner."

That's actually not a bad idea.  Get to know her in a more neutral setting.

       "To your house?"

       "Sure."

Okay, so bringing her into your own home might not be the smartest thing you've ever done.  Meeting somewhere else might be better.

       "My Queen."

       Sumiko bowed low, and the Queen glared at her with mismatched
eyes.

       "Eternity."  Her voice rumbled.

       "Are you displeased, my Queen?"

       "No.  Only worried."

       "Worried?"

       "The time of my resurrection is nearly at hand, Eternity.  Only
a few more challenges stand in our way, but they are the most formidable
of all."

       "We will defeat them, my Queen."

       "I'm sure you will."  The Queen nodded slowly.  "I'm sure you
will..."

One of those challenges wouldn't happen to be named Mary, would it?  Or maybe Tsurien?

       Robyn tried to look calm as she walked out of Software Etc. and
down the stairs, making a sharp right turn into the bathroom.  She felt,
somehow, as though she were doing something wrong -- like the police
were about to stop her, though what possible reason they could have she
had no idea.  [It's just exciting.  If a bit ridiculous.]  She checked
that the box was still in the bag, for the dozenth time, and reached
into one pocket for the tiny purple amulet Ayre had created for her.

So her instincts aren't entirely asleep.  Too bad she overrules them.

       A pair of blue lights came on, somewhere deep inside the cloud.
They were curiously penetrating, and cast odd shadows.  A moment later,
something spoke, its voice rumbling and synthesized.

       "WITNESS MY PERFECTION."

Uh oh.  That can't be good.  Btw, if that's a reference to something, I missed it completely.

I liked this one.  In fact, I've liked everything you've put out.  Looking forward to more.

Defender of the Light
Elite Mage
junior member of the Inner Circle of the Mages Council

Contrary to popular opinion, magic and science do mix.

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