@)@
  

<SNIP>

   "Actually, he's our problem as well." Everyone turned
in shock at the sudden intrusion, to see a tiny form, shrouded
in some dark, heavy material.

      Everyone:  "COLOGNE!"
      Cologne:  "What is this, Cheers?"

@@ AHHHH! Yuppies! Quick, get the repellant!
@@@@

<SNIP>

   "S . . .sorry," Akane stuttered as Ranma shook her.

      Were her teeth rattling?  (:)

@@Yep.
@@@@
<SNIP>

   "Crap!"

   "Succinctly put," the stranger agreed with a sigh.

      "Hey, I don't suck nothin`!"

@@ <Groan>
@@@@

   "Who th' hell are you!"

   "Another of your friends?" Nabiki asked Ranma
tiredly, not able to cope with any more strangeness. Ukyou
stepped beside her and covered Nabiki's hand with one of his,
giving a silent squeeze of comfort.

      Nabiki:  My wierd-shit-o-meter has topped out for the day.  At this 
point, nothing phases me anymore.

@@LOL

      I must say, the Nabiki/Ukyou dynamic is proceeding nicely.  

@@Thank you. I was trying to keep several major characterizations/sub-plots
going simultaneously in this story. So far it seems to have worked. (Though
some readers have suggested that I spend rather too much time with
Ukyou/Nabiki and not enough with Ranma/Akane. 
@@@@

   "I've never seen you in my life." Ranma stated
positively.

      Mmmmmaybe "definitely" instead of "positively"?

@@ RANMA: "I'm definitely positive I've never seen you in my life."
@@@@

   "Shan P'u sends her love," the stranger chuckled.

   "Amazons!" Ranma spat, taking an offensive stance.
"Bring it on!"

   "Prepare to die!" the garden doors crashed open under

      Monk:  "Hey, that's MY line!"
      Mu Si:  "Not in THIS fic -- I get the line, and *you're* the blind 
one."

@@ IMO (and ONLY IMO) too many fanfiction author's give a word-for-
word/characteristic-for-characteristic replay of the original. Or _worse_ a w-f-w/c-f-c replay of other fanfiction. Readers have seen 'mallet-sama' sending Ranma 'air-express' and Ryouga wandering around Xanadu or Dune. My feeling is that readers want to read something different. (Although, with a great deal of effort by an expert writer Ryouga on Dune or Ranma air express, etc CAN still be done. However I'd rather take an easier route.) Give poor Kasumi something OTHER than "Oh My" to say (or have someone ELSE say it) Instead of Akane being a bad cook, make her a graduate of 'Le Cordon Bleu' or have her cook 'unusual' foods very well.  It doesn't have to be a big change . . . 
Nabiki is still mercenary, but she's bad at math? 

Bigger change -> Kasumi is still calm and placid, but she's psychic and keeps seeing into tomorrow, instead of today.  

Really big change -> Akane is a Jain Nun (passivist vegetarian a simple white robe & face mask to keep from inhaling flying insects and sweeps the path ahead of her as she walks to keep from stepping on small creatures. They hold ALL life equally sacred. They really strict some won't eat honey, because they've sworn never to steal from insects. And some only eat fruit which falls, so they don't have to harm plants by eating them. ^_*)
An interesting web-comic "The Janis Death"
http://www.e-sheep.com/jain/
gives a quickie lesson on the Janis.

@@@@



<SNIP>

   "What!" Shaking feeling back into his arms Mu Si
looked at Akane in outrage. "You're going to believe that
lying dog! He seduced my sweet innocent Shan P'u - - "

   "Innocent!" Ranma snorted. "Shan P'u taught me stuff
that would embarrass a Shanghai whore . . .uhhhhh . . ."
Ranma winced as he realized what he'd just said. "Uhhhh . . .I
can explain."

      Amazing.  The Anything-Goes School of Both-Feet-In-Mouth?

@@That's what happens when you lose control. ^_*
@@@@

   "Explain how you seduced and abandoned Shan P'u!"
Mu Si cried, his face twisted in rage. "Explain how you used
your evil power to distract her from her duty so your father
could steal our sacred treasures!"

      Nabiki:  "What 'evil power'?"
      Akane <dreamy>:  "Oh, Sis, don't you *wish* you knew..."
      Nabiki:  <turns green>

@@NABIKI: "What does he do?"
AKANE: "It's wonderful. He always puts the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. He doesn't drop wet towels on the floor. AND - -
ALL: "AND???"
AKANE: "He NEVER leaves the toilet seat up!"
KE LUN: "I MUST have this male for the Amazons!"
@@@@
<SNIP>

   "You seem awfully complacent about your father's
deeds," the tiny figure broke it's silence at last. "You feel no
remorse for what you did?"

   "I . . .nuthin' bad happened to Shan P'u, did it?"
Ranma muttered.

      After all, answering that question honestly would reveal he has the 
rudiments of a consience, and only rubes and suckers have those.
      Speaking of which... just where *did* that money in Ukyou's shoe, way 
back when, come from?  I've got a prime suspect right here...

@@Oh good. I was afraid I was too subtle with that one. OTOH, It had to be a little subtle to work. Yes, it was Ranma.'
@@@@

   "A few scars on her back from running the gauntlet,
which will heal. Some scars on her heart," Ranma flinched
from the look on Akane's face as the Amazon spoke, "which
may keep her from such foolishness in the future. But, what
of your father?"

      This is an awfully complacent attitude for Cologne to take.  OTOH, 
after seeing how she handled the Russian Invasion (Immigration?) last 
chapter, it makes sense.

@@In the manga/anime the Amazon's were a lot rougher. Shampoo got turned
into a cat in canon. I'm basing this on several cultures. By running the gauntlet Shan P'u expiates her own guilt, the villagers purge their own anger. AND, it WAS Shan P'u's fault to an extent. She let her baser urges distract her from her duty.
@@@@
<SNIP>

   "There is still the matter of Genma." the Amazon
continued.

      Fatman, OTOH, is *toast.*

@@Chapter 29 posting in a few minutes. After 29 & 30 I'll let you
tell me what you think about Genma's final fate. 
@@@@

<SNIP>

   "Would you trust your mother?" The figure asked
softly.

   "My . . .That lying, thieving whore!" Ranma's face
twisted with such rage and hatred that Akane stumbled back,
frightened of Ranma for the very first time. "I'm glad she's
dead! She said she loved my Pop, but that was just a lie,"
Ranma raged. "She just wanted stuff, an' when he ran out of
money, she made him steal. An' when he got caught, she left
him."

      Damn, he actually managed to frighten Akane?  That means we've never 
seen him this angry before now...
      And... ouch.  Is Nodoka hearing this?  

@@ Yep. Although it's been pointed out to me that I didn't build up to this partvery well. 
Yes, Nodoka is hearing it as well. But Nodoka is a simple soul. Anger isn't in her vocabulary.
@@@@

<SNIP>

   A sense of dread closed around him as this gentle
featured woman took another step into the room. Soft
feathery curls framed her pleasantly plain features and her
eyes reflected a friendly trusting nature.

      No mention of how (or if) she resembles his girl form?

@@For those who've missed this in my other Ranma stories, IMO, to 'get
around' the problem of 'conservation of mass/energy' the only way to get a large boy -> small girl or even smaller piglet/duck (or girl ->cat or boy -> GIANT Minotaur) is to _swap_ bodies. The 'cursed' form exists in a different space or dimension. When splashed with cold water the original form 'rotates' out of existence and the 'cursed form' rotates into this reality. It's like changing into a new suite of clothes or changing the car you drive. The mind/soul or driver is the
same, just a new vehicle. Much tidier than actually morphing Ryouga into a pig with such a large difference in mass. SO . . .IMO it's a different body, no resemblance (except accidental) to his original male body. After all, no one ever asks if neko-Shan P'u resembles girl-Shan P'u or P-chan looks like Ryouga. 

There are problems no matter what you choose, but I think my assumption has
_fewer_ problems than most.
@@@@

<SNIP.>

   "You were such a good baby," Nodoka couldn't take
her eyes from his face, "such a healthy appetite, you never got
tired of eating. And so vigorous. You could cry for hours and
hours," she remembered proudly. "I remember how often you
drove poor Genma away for days at the time. It kept him
from getting a job, but I didn't mind working. They let me
keep you with me while I sewed, and that gave me more time
with my precious."

      Ouch.  Are you sure you want Nodoka to echo Gollum, here?

@@I never even thought of LotR when I was doing this. ^_*
Thanks for the reminder. Nodoka as Gollum and Ranma as the One Ring?
Now there's a pretty picture.
@@@@

<SNIP>

   "You crazy bitch!" Ranma gasped. "My mom is dead.
She ruined Pop, drove him to drink. She whored around, an'
she died. He told me. He - - " his voice broke and whirling he
dashed out into the garden and flowed over the wall like a
running panther.

      I wonder if Cologne knew, or suspected, that Ranma was even more 
Genma's victim than anyone else?  I'll bet yes -- that would help explain her 
restraint in dealing with him.

@@That's part of it. The other is that Ke Lun HAS to be pragmatic. The
Amazon's are a marginal culture, out numbered a few tens-of-millions to one.
She can't afford to get emotional about things.  She's got to do what's best for her people as a whole.
@@@@

   "Ukyou?" Naibiki rubbed the bridge of her nose,
feeling another headache coming on.

   "Yeah?" Seeing Nabiki's grimace Ukyou began
working on a knotted muscle in Nabiki's back and was
rewarded with a sigh of pleasure.

      She's got him well-trained, doesn't she?
      Nabiki:  "Hey, for devotion like this, going lesbo is no big deal."
      Ukyou:  "What do you mean?  I'm a guy, dammit!"
      Nabiki:  .......

@@Hmmm . . .OK, now I know what to title chapter two of "I'm a guy" ^_*

Also, I keep the entire Ukyou/Nabiki relationship rather ambiguous. ANY
thoughts about their 'relationship' are entirely in the readers imagination. ^_+
@@@@

   "I was wrong." Nabiki said wearily. "I think singing
okonomoyaki is an idea whose time has come." God, after the
soap opera her life had become, electric okonomoyaki and
cross dressing  Enka singers would be a breath of normalcy.

      It probably wouldn't fit here, but at some point I hope you address 
what Ukyou saw during this argument -- did he begin to see that Ranma was a 
victim as well, or is he still blinded by his own obsession?

@@Again, I'll let you tell me after 29 & 30
@@@@

<SNIP>

   "Sasuki!" Kodahci gasped, running to take the limp
body from his arms. "What villainy is this?"

   "I am sorry, mistress," the small man croaked, "I
fought him. But he was too strong."

      Fought who?  The Yamabushi?  But he's *here*... 
      Oh, crap.  It actually took me a second to make the connection.  

@@Oh good. That one worked too. I wanted the reader to have a brief mental
bobble at this point.
@@@@

<SNIP>

   "What . . .?"  White faced Kodachi removed the
monks concealing hat, to reveal a bloody ruin where his face
had been. With a strangled groan Nabiki lurched to her feet
and made a stumbling run for the bathroom, accompanied by
Ukyou.

      I... don't think you need to be any more graphic.  In fact, I'd 
appreciate it if you weren't.

@@Boy, I'm good. I was hoping this bit would work by leaving it to the reader imagination.
@@@@

<SNIP>

   "I called the hospital again," Akane said quietly, "The
ambulance will be here in a few minutes."

      So who was Kodachi talking to?  
      Interesting comment on their lives lately, that she says "again."

@@Kodachi was calling an ambulance for Sasuki. Akane called back to tell them they had another injured. They really need two teams, one for Sasuki, one for Ryouga.  But at least the ambulance crew will know what to expect and can be planning ahead. When i worked as an EMT, one would drive, the other would be in the back getting out drugs, fluids, etc. if we KNEW pretty much what kind of a call it was.
@@@@

<SNIP>

      And Ranma just took off for the hills.  Gah.  When he finally 
confronts Genma and can't lie to himself any more, things are going to get 
ugly.  

@@Chapter 29 coming next. Let me know how ugly you think it is.
@@@@

      Well, Allyn, as usual, you've lived up to your ability to whipsaw the 
audience between laughter, tears, affection, and terror, usually multiple 
times in a single page.  Looking forward to the penultimate chapter...       

@@Thank you for the kind words. Hope chap.29 lives up to your expectations.
@@@@

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