DUCK AND PEACHES AT THE FOOT OF FLOWER MOUNTAIN
 By Hans Holm

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan inc.
and, depending on where you are, a variety of others (several of whom
I am uncertain of, regarding things like area and name).
Additional music and/or lyrics by Ron Miller & Michael Masser, 
Leonard Cohen, Richard O'Brien, Tim Rice and Stephen 
Sondheim. 
Chapters 8 and 9 also include several characters and situations 
created by other people. If I tried to list them all, I'd surely forget 
some...and it would kind of spoil the whole thing. But the important thing is: 
They don't belong to me and, like the characters of Ranma �, are used 
without permission. 
I know virtually nothing about babies, and I'm too embarrassed to ask 
those who do know.

C & C is appreciated, since it's the only indication anybody reads this.

CHAPTER SIX

Mentally cursing her husband and his best friend's inability to understand
sarcasm Nodoka picked up the receiver, while simultaneously trying to 
bottle-feed Hairspray.
"Mrrs. Saotome? Whateverr you do, don't llook behind you", a voice said.
Turning to face it she had enough time to catch a glimpse of a gas-mask and 
hear a deep, heartfelt sigh.

"Nodoka? Who was it?...Nodoka?...NODOKA!"

Next to the phone somebody had left a note.

"This isn't Nodoka's hand-writing, is it, Genma?"
"No. What does it say?"
"I think the first line says 'To Mu Si of the Joketsuzoku', but the rest is too
blurry to read."

* * * * * *

"Calm down, Ryoga! Getting angry won't help..."
"Easy for you to say! _Your_ girlfriend didn't just vanish...No, wait! I 
forgot - Akari is _your_ girlfriend, it's your enemies who kidnapped her..."
"We not know yet. Wait until we seen farm, maybe clues there. And Akari
_NOT_ Mousse's girlfriend! Either."
"_We_ know that, but _they_ obviously don't...this is all your fault, 
Mousse!"
"But beating me up won't bring her back!"
"Why not? If Mousse's enemies, they be happy if Mousse beaten up."
"Thanks a lot, Shampoo..."
"Mousse no want Shampoo help? Want Shampoo to _drink_ this glass of 
water, instead? Glass of _cold_ water..."
"Shampoo..."
"Mo...Meeooww!"
Whatever Shampoo was going to say next was cut short as Katsunishiki
accidentally knocked her glass over as he positioned himself to give the
boys his angriest 'the mistress has been kidnapped and you're fighting
_each other_' glare.

"He's trying to tell us something, isn't he, Ryoga?"
"I guess so...But we're nowhere near Akari's...Maybe he wants us to stop
fighting and concentrate on what's important, like finding Akariioouch...
and some hot water for Shampoo."
"First some lunatic blows up Akari's farm and kidnaps her and now we just 
got lectured on how to behave by a pig. This day couldn't possibly get any 
better."
Mousse found out just how wrong he was when they finally arrived at their 
destination and he called the Tendos to make sure everything was alright.

* * * * * *

When Akari came to, she found herself lying on a bed in a small, 
windowless but well-furnished room. True, most of the furniture looked like 
it had been thrown away by several previous owners, but it was far better
than she expected the average kidnapper to bother with. The door was 
locked, though. OK, what would Ryoga do?...No, that was wrong...What
would _Akane_ do? Good question. She had meant to ask her that for
months. Surely Akane did more than just sit around waiting for Ranma to
rescue her...And if _she_ just sat around, she'd be here for a very long
time, considering Ryoga...On the other hand, Mousse seemed to have had 
his head screwed on properly ever since Hairspray turned up and Shampoo
_could_ be very sensible when necessary. At least sometimes. Probably.

Akari started as the door opened. A creature (man? woman?) completely 
covered in robes and veils shambled in carrying a tray of food in its mitten-
covered hands.
"Ssoo, yoou arre finallly awake", it said, its unseen eyes scrutinizing her. It 
was definitively female by the sound of it but the voice, like the rest of it 
somehow seemed wrong. 
"Yoou willl meet Ssimon afterr yoou have eaten and rressted. He willl 
expllain everrything", it continued as it put the tray on the table and
bowed. Then it left just as Akari was about to start asking.

* * * * * *

As soon as Mousse, Shampoo and Ryoga returned to the Tendo home,
Soun switched from his cry-baby persona to his 'serious and supposedly
threatening' one.
"Mousse. What does this note say?", he demanded.
"Uuh...It says that they'll return Hairspray, Akari and Mrs Saotome once
I return the stone to them..."
"What stone?", Shampoo asked.
"Hmm...Tao Tao had this magic stone that she and Wu Jing had stolen and 
she said she'd get rid of it once she found a safe place for it."
"So she gave it to you...", Shampoo began.
"No!...At least I don't think so. She would have told me. I think."
"A magic stone?", Soun said. "Any idea what it does? Or where she might 
have hid it?"
"She said something about it changing shape or something."
"Changing shape? Does it turn into a different stone when splashed with 
cold water or under the full moon or something?", Nabiki asked.
"I don't know. We didn't talk about it that much."
"She didn't tell you where she hid it?"
"I'm trying to remember if she did! Stop crowding me!"
With that, Mousse left to find somewhere quiet to think.

* * * * * *

When the door was opened again it was by a somewhat familiar-looking,
thin girl with long greyish-purple hair.
"Doctor Blumberg will see you now", Kemuri said. "Follow me."
"Didn't you work in the baby-clothes store yesterday?", Akari asked.
"I was undercover", Kemuri replied. 
"But it paid better", she continued quietly. "And your boyfriend _is_
very handsome."
"Uh...You know, Mousse isn't my boyfriend", Akari tried.
"Figures. I guess you're one of Saotome's then."
"No. At times it seems I'm the only one who isn't."
"The Hibiki kid?"
"Yes."
"Still very handsome...Soo, Mousse's still available?"
"I think that depends on Shampoo's mood."
"Oh well. Anyway, it's time for you to meet the gang."

Akari resolved to never again think of the Nerima gang as odd. Even if
what's-his-name...Garter?...Lingerie?...and those bird people decided to
become permanent residents.

The handsome young man on the antique armchair looked normal enough. 
Strange clothes, but not worse than what, say, Mousse or Kuno wore on a 
daily basis.

The tall young man to his right looked a lot like Mousse with the colours 
reversed - similar clothes and hair but black robe and white hair. It had to 
be that Wu Jing-character.

The...person in robes and veils was standing by itself further towards the
back wall.

The African from the train was standing to Akari's right, talking with 
someone wearing a gas-mask and a dark blue trenchcoat which seemed to 
have a mind of its own, and a very pale girl dressed in black.

To Akari's left a midget, who, judging by her clothes, was a practioner of
full-contact ballet, was sleeping on a sofa, while someone dressed in a
black robe, fencing mask and a liberal amount of barbed wire was sitting
in the lotus position next to it.

Moments later, they were joined by Nodoka and Hairspray, escorted by a
huge Indian.

"Mrs. Saotome? What are..."
"Akari? What are..."
"Well, now that the three of you are here, I guess you're wondering why...",
the man on the armchair began.
"I'm not _Mousse's_ girlfriend, you know", Akari interrupted.
"The old woman is here because Lumpen and Ananzi thought it would be
fun to misinterpret your orders", the midget, not as asleep as she had appeared, added.
The man leaned back, holding his head and obviously feeling a headache
approaching. "Anyway, you're here because your friend, long lost brother,
secret lover, clone, grandfather twice removed and reattached to a different
branch of the family tree, whatever, Mu Si has something that rightfully 
belongs to me and which, since it only works at certain times, I don't have
the patience to wait for him to die of old age to get back. OK?"
"And the fact that my son, Mousse and all their friends will soon arrive to
rescue us, doesn't bother you at all?", Nodoka asked.
"Not the slightest. For two reasons: One, they don't have the slightest idea
where to find us..."
He made a pause, to give the rescuers a chance to make a dramatic entrance.
"And two...", he said with a cat's cradle of lightning playing between his 
fingers. "Ranma Saotome is a sputtering candle. _I_ am the sun."

* * * * * *

On a reasonably secluded roof-top, Mousse tried to gather his thoughts.
Wu Jing and his friends thought he had that figurine Tao Tao had shown
him and would exchange Hairspray, Akari and Nodoka for it. But _he_ 
didn't have it, or if he did Tao Tao hadn't told him...and he didn't know 
where she had hid it, did he?
-FLASHBACK-
"So, you're leaving", Tao Tao said with a hint of disappointment.
"Well...I DID only sign on for this far."
"And now you're going to stay here and try to catch Shampoo despite
the mess you made tonight. If she had any sense she'd beat you up and 
throw you out, before you do something like that again. Do you know how 
hard it is to get tigers?"
"Easier than getting tigers that turn into ducks. How did it get loose, 
anyway? I doubt Shampoo simply decided she needed a tiger..."
"I...uh...I mean...I was hoping it would distract her."
"Aw, man. Why did you do that?"
"I...I thought you needed help, well, less opposition, anyway."
Somewhere outside Ao-Ning was playing his saxophone again, as if on cue.
He recognised the melody - a love song, if he remembered correctly, but he
couldn't remember the title or the lyrics. Then Shenbao's voice, eventually
joined by Hao's, seeped in, adding the words.

%...can say goodbye in the cold morning light
But I can't watch love die in the warmth of the night
If I've got to be strong
Don't you know I need to have tonight when you're gone?
'Till you go I need to lie here and think about
The last time that you'll touch me in the morning
Then just close the door
Leave me as you found me, empty like before

Hey!
Wasn't it yesterday
We used to laugh at the wind behind us?
Didn't we run away and hope
That time wouldn't try to find us (Didn't we run)
Didn't we take each other
To a place where no one's ever been?
Yeah, I really need you near me tonight
'Cause you'll never take me there again
Let me watch you go
With the sun in my eyes
We've seen how love can grow
Now we'll see how it dies

If I've got to be strong
Don't you know I need to have tonight when you're gone?
'Till you go I need to hold you until the time
Your hands reach out and touch me in the morning
(Mornings where blue and gold and we could feel one another living)
Then just walk away
(We walked with a dream to hold and we could take what the world 
was giving)
We don't have tomorrow,
(There's no tomorrow here, there's only love and the time to chase it)
But we had yesterday
(But yesterday's gone my love, there's only now and it's time to face it)
Touch me in the morning...%

Tao Tao's sobbing brought him back to reality. To be more exact Tao Tao
breaking down and crying into his shirt did.
"Wait a minute! Who are you and what did you do to the tough and
confident Tao Tao I knew?"
"I-I'm just worried. What if Wu Jing comes back now that you've left or
somebody working for that creepy European guy..."
"I think Shenbao or Hao should be able to handle it."
"Do you really believe he would have stayed around if they could have
handled him?"
"Point taken. OK, if he ever troubles you again or you need help just send 
for me and I'll come help you out. How does that sound?"
"Th-there is no way I can persuade you to stay, is there?"
"No..."
"I just want you to do me one more favour before you leave us. Please?"
"Uh...sure."
"There's this shrine just outside Tokyo that I've heard a lot about and 
there's something I want to do there. Will you come with me?"
-END FLASHBACK-

Of course! He had wondered why she had been so interested in a Shinto
shrine, but he had gone there with her...that must be where she hid the 
figurine. Come to think about it, didn't she say something about the shrine
being impossible to enter for wizards or supernatural creatures or 
something? Not cursed people apparently, but if that creepy European she
talked about was a wizard like she said, the mere rumour might make him 
wary of the place...

"Mousse?...Hey, Mousse!" WHAP!
"What did you do that for...Ranma?"
"You didn't respond when I called. It was the best way to get your attention
I could think of."
"Why?"
"We've been looking all over for you. Found the were-stone yet?"
"No, but I have an idea where it is. I'll tell you back at the dojo."

* * * * * *

"Mrs. Saotome?"
"Yes, Akari."
"You wouldn't happen to know what Akane does in situations like this?"
"No...But in my experience it is generally best to wait for the rescue,
unless you know exactly where you are. Could you hand me the diaper-
bag?"
"This used to happen to you a lot when you were my age, didn't it? Back
when you met Genma..."
"No, not really. Once or twice, maybe, but there were others who were more
kidnapable. And that was years before I met Genma."
They were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Can I coome in?", a voice, easily identified as belong to the person in robes
and veils, asked.
"The key is somewhere on your side of the door, I believe", Nodoka replied.
"Step right in."
"What do you want?", she continued.
"Tallk with peooplle whoo can at lleast passs foorr ssane...And ssince 
Ssimoon wassn't verry hellpfull in expllaining why yoou'rre herre I 
thoought I shooulld trry even if he hassn't rreally toolld me eitherr."
"Uhm...Sure", Akari said.
"Go ahead", Nodoka added.
"Noow, wherre too sstarrt? Ah! Ssimoon hirred Taoo Taoo...the mootherr 
oof thiss llittlle ssweetie...and Wu Jing...that'ss the Chinesse gentlleman in 
the rroobe...too, ass he callled it, rretrrieve a magic sstoone frroom a 
grrooup oof missguided chilldrren in Frrankfurrt. If yoou want the trruth,
it neverr belloonged too him, thoough a frriend oof hiss had it in hiss
poosssesssioon foor a while. Anyway, then Ssimoon trried too trrick them
insstead oof paying what he prroomissed soo they absscoonded with
the rreall sstoone, lleaving him with a normal stone."
"So how come Wu Jing is still working for him?", Akari asked.
"I think Taoo Taoo finallly had enoough and thrrew him oout. He sshoowed
up a few moonthss llaterr, voollunteerring too hellp trrack herr doown and
rretrrieve the stone."
"What is about that stone? What is it that it does that makes it so valuable?
Why does...Simon...want it?", Nodoka asked.
"It'ss ssuppoossed too be ablle too llift currssess and curre defoorrmitiess,
turrn thingss human...Ssimoon wantss it foorr me. I didn't alwayss loook
this way."
Then she removed her veil.

"Wh-what h-happened to you?", Akari managed once she'd recovered from
the shock.
"Y-you said something about a curse", Nodoka added.
"Yess. I'lll give yoou the sshoorrt verrssioon. When we werre yooung
Ssimoon sstumblled upoon a way too becoome immoorrtall and
decided too usse it oon uss. It woorrked oon him, but turrned me intoo 
thiss..."
"When you were young? Simon can't be more than, what, twenty-five...",
Nodoka began.
"He wass boorrn in 1823. We'rre immoorrtallss. He'ss been trrying too 
turrn me back everr ssince, but alll it dooess iss making it woorsse. I cooulld
sstilll passs foor human in the beginning."

* * * * * *

"Are you sure that's where do stone is?", Ranma asked.
"Well...no. But it's the only place I can think of that we can get to easily, 
so I might as well go there first", Mousse answered.
"So you're assuming she left it there just because it's easiest for you to get 
to?", Akane said.
"I think Tao Tao said something about it being protected from wizards and
she was worried about the guy she took the stone from. And I can't really
think of any other reason for her wanting to go to a Shinto shrine."
"Then what? We go to the shrine...", Ranma began.
"We?"
"They kidnap Ranma's mother and Akari too", Shampoo explained. "What 
make you think we let you do this on own?"
"As I said, we go to the shrine, beat up the inevitable guard, find the stone 
and then what? We go back here and wait for the bad guys to give the
hostages back?"
"I suppose so. I...I hadn't thought that far. What do you suggest we do?"
"The first thing to do is find out where they keep their hostages", Soun
interrupted before Ranma could answer.
"What about the stone?", Akane interjected.
"Well, Mousse thinks he knows where it is and it shouldn't be going 
anywhere", Soun said.
"And how do you suggest we find where they are hiding their 
prisoners?", Mousse asked.
"Hmm...Well, back when I was your age the kidnappers were either very
obvious in their hiding-places, or there was someone around who knew who
they were or where they could be found."
"I think we go to shrine and look for stone now", Shampoo sighed after
they had picked themselves up off the floor. "Leave Mr. Tendo here to find 
where kidnappers hide hostages." 

* * * * * *

"What will you do if Mu Si can't find the stone?", Wu Jing asked after
the others had left.
Blumberg leaned back and smiled. "Well...The Unryuu girl is quite
attractive for an Asiatic, and there's untapped potential in her...In a few
months the...circumstances...will be right for simply transferring Zelda
to her body. Unless something better comes up."
"Can you specify what 'something better' entails?", Wu Jing asked,
ignoring the slur. "If there's still time, we could try to find someone more...
congenial to your standards."
"Wu, Wu, Wu, if I didn't know you're incapable of feeling for anybody but
yourself, I'd say you're actually attracted to the girl."
"A pretty girl is a pretty girl, and I have some pay-back to do for what her
boyfriend did..."
"Never mind that you didn't care for that girl either..."
"It's the principle of the thing, what's mine is mine..."
"And the fact that she denies being Mu Si's girlfriend doesn't matter?"
"I'd say that, if anything, it proves it. And, anyway, if you were in her 
position, you'd deny Zelda..."
"No, never. We'll see if the stone turns up first, if it doesn't before the time 
is up you can start looking for that other girl. Until we've found her or the
stone you are not to touch _any_ of our hostages...Or you'll find yourself
reunited with Tao Tao. Now leave."

Graveyard Sammi entered as Wu Jing left.
"Master? It appears that Mu Si and his companions are moving. Since
they're not coming this way, I assume they are going to get the stone."
"Excellent, keep an eye on them and tell the others to get ready."
"Master?"
"I have no intention of giving them any clues as to where we are, so you'll
have to retrieve it from them once they have it. Besides, the last time it
was a fake and I'm keeping the hostages until I get the real one."
"Very well...And Master? A sputtering candle can light a fuse."
With that Sammi left, leaving Blumberg to grumble about the cheeky and 
insubordinate henchmen of today.

* * * * * *

CHAPTER SEVEN

"I don't see why all of you had to come", Mousse muttered.
"Mousse not able to tell difference between tree and human. Never find 
right stone by self."
"Hey, they kidnapped _my_ mother! There's no way I'll leave rescuing her
to you."
"I think Ryoga's thinking along similar lines, and we don't want him to 
wander off on his own."
"Speaking of Ryoga, where did he go?"
"AAAGH! I thought you were supposed to keep an eye on him, Ukyo!"
"Me? I thought _you_ were supposed to keep an eye on him!"
"What's all this racket...Oh! It's you!" A girl with nearly waist-length black 
hair - a miko, judging by her clothes - suddenly appeared behind them.
"I think you need to keep a better eye on Mousse, Shampoo", Ukyo 
whispered. "He's starting to look as bad as Ranma."
"Grrmble. And Ukyo know what Ninja-girl Boy is up to?", Shampoo hissed
back.
"Calm down, you two. At least she hasn't attacked or thrown herself over 
him on sight", Akane whispered. "Like certain unnamed people did with
Ranma."
"I DID NOT!!", Shampoo and Ukyo screamed.
"Oh my! They...", the miko began.
"We're all kind of stressed out at the moment", Mousse explained. "It's a
long story."
"Why don't you come inside."

* * * * * *

Shampoo didn't know how to react to that the miko had to remind Mousse 
of her name. Michiko. Eventually she decided to give him the benefit of the
doubt and decided it was because she never introduced herself the last
time he was at the shrine, not because he had so many other girls that he 
couldn't keep track of them. Michiko seemed nice, but Shampoo really 
didn't like the way she looked at Mousse. It wasn't that she was jealous or
anything. It was the principle of the thing. Shouldn't priestesses be more
priestess-like? Not making moon-eyes at other girls' boys. Or any boys at
all. Especially not Mousse, even if he was...unattached. It was nice of her to 
offer tea and snacks, though. And Michiko wasn't really Mousse's type 
either. Hopefully. And why was Ukyo tagging along? She had happily 
ignored every other big questish thing like the Musk and the Phoenix
tribe. It must be because of Hairspray, not because she'd suddenly decided 
she wanted Mousse as well as Ranma...Or maybe Mrs. Saotome...Or 
Akari. She had wondered about Ukyo. Everybody who came looking for 
Ukyo was either a pervert, usually a cross-dresser, or just plain weird. And 
Ninja Girl-Boy...Kotetsu?...hadn't been around since Wu Jing and that 
other ninja girl showed up. She would have to keep a close eye on Ukyo. 
Not too close, though. She might get the wrong idea. 

* * * * * *

Michiko wanted to hear the _whole_ story, from the beginning (after some
discussion it was decided that Ranma's first appearance at Jyusenkyo was
the best starting point), stopping them only occasionally to try to figure out
who was who and who was doing what to whom.

"So, they kidnapped _his_ mother and _that other guy's_ girlfriend to get 
_you_ to give them the stone you and your gi..."
"HAIRSPRAY'S MOTHER NOT MOUSSE'S GIRLFRIEND!"
"Sensitive issue?"
"She's been sensitive to him and the word 'girlfriend' appearing in the same
sentence ever since she discovered that other girls might be interested in 
him", Ukyo whispered to Michiko. "Even if _she_ loudly and frequently 
states her lack of int..."
The last sentence, which had been spoken aloud, was interrupted by a well-
aimed tray of snacks.
"Ukyo not speak of things Ukyo not know."
"See?"
"Calm down, both of you! What did Mousse and Tao Tao do here?", Akane
asked.
"You want _all_ the details?"
"Uh...No, just what happened to the stone", Akane said, glancing at 
Mousse, who was turning an interesting shade of red, and Shampoo, who 
was almost visibly fuming.
"Well...Not much, really. Tao Tao told me there were people looking for it
who probably shouldn't get hold of it and asked us to keep it safe..."
"How do you know we're not those people?", Ranma interrupted.
"You don't look anything like them."
"How...?", Ranma began.
"Is priestess thing, yes?", Shampoo suggested.
"Yes...And some of them was here before. White-haired guy in a Chinese 
robe and purple-haired girl...Don't worry, I've still got the stone here 
somewhere."
"But you'll give it to us?", Mousse asked.
"Yes."
"Even though we're going to trade it to _them_ for the hostages?"
"You'll think of something...I mean you do this kind of thing a lot don't 
you?"
Michiko struck a dramatic pose before continuing.
"A martial artist's road is fraught with peril!"
"But...But it's not something we actively look for", Ranma said.
"Not that we back away from it when we encounter it", Mousse added,
noticing Michiko's deflated expression.
"Shampoo? Will you come with me and help me get the stone."
"Why me?"
"So I can tell you what Mousse and Tao Tao did here", Michiko 
whispered. "Without the others hearing."

Michiko led Shampoo down to some tunnels under the shrine.
"Shampoo think we not be heard here. Now, what Hairspray's mother and 
Mousse do here?"
"Calm down. Your boy-friend and..."
"Mousse _not_ Shampoo's boyfriend", Shampoo muttered. "And they 
already done too much."
"Well, while they were _here_, they just talked."
"About what?"
"I don't know...I wasn't listening that closely. What he was going to do 
now, where she was going to, things like that, I guess...I think there was
some looking into each other's eyes deeply and holding back tears, at least 
on her part...Now, where did I put that stone?"
"That all?"
"Yes."
"So why Mousse turn red when Akane ask?"
"Maybe he thought I'd make something up...Or maybe he did something I 
didn't see...Third door to the right, I think...Ask him."

Michiko opened a door covered in wards and they entered a room filled with
shelves of boxed and unboxed artefacts.
"If I remember correctly, we put it in one of Gramps's old cigar-boxes",
Michiko said as she began to rummage through the shelves.
"This one?"
"No, it was thicker and there was an Egyptian cavalry soldier on the label...
Or maybe it was a little Cuban boy coughing his lungs out... _That_ box 
contains either some flint arrowheads or a sleeping small Spirit Centipede."
"How Shampoo tell?"
"Shake it. If it rattles, it's the arrowheads. If it complains, it's the
centipede."
"How about this one? Look like Egyptian on label."
"No...That's a zouave. I don't think it's that one...Let me check..."
There was an audible growl when Michiko briefly opened the lid.
"No...No idea what it is, though...Ah, here it is."
Michiko pulled out a cigar-box, opened it and handed the thing inside to
Shampoo.
"This it?", Shampoo asked, looking at the figurine in her hands.
It was vaguely humanoid in shape, hunchbacked with differently sized 
limbs and appeared to be made of flint.
"Well, that's what Tao Tao gave to me for safe-keeping."

* * * * * *

"Ah, she's finally asleep. I was getting worried...She's always been so well-
behaved before", Nodoka said as she put Hairspray in the makeshift crib.
"I think she misses her ducky", Akari said.
"Ducky?"
"Ukyo gave her a plush ducky almost as soon as she met her. She's become 
very attached to it."
"Oh...For a moment I was afraid it was something like 'Ranko Tendo' and 
her pet panda."
"Huh?"
"Ranma and Genma in disguise. It never happened to you? Do you want the 
whole story?"
"Ah. Well, Ranma, but not Genma. Right now, I think I'd prefer one of 
those kidnapping stories."
"We won't get much help from those, I'm afraid. I needed rescuing."

There was a knock on the door.
"Can I coome in?", Zelda asked.
"Be my guest", Nodoka replied.
"I have managed too find the nootess Ssimoon hass oon the sstoone. I
thoought yoou might be interressted...", Zelda said as she entered, carrying
a large and old-looking book.
"Well, it can't hurt."
"Noow, llet uss ssee", Zelda said as she opened the book. "Too begin with 
the sstoone oonlly woorrkss at cerrtain timess - it'lll woorrk rright noow, 
but in thrree weekss it'lll be tooo llate and it'lll be at lleasst fifty yearrss
untill next time..."
"No wonder Simon's stressed out."
"...And it can oonlly be ussed oonce durring that perriood."
"Only once?"
"Prracticallity rrarrelly pllayss a parrt in the llimitationss of magic itemss.
If it cooulld be ussed rrepeatedlly I have noo dooubtss Ssimoon woould
jusst wait forr oourr turrn."
"Our turn? What does it do?"
"It rremoovess currssess cooncerning sshapechanging or defoorrmity. It's
also supp..."
"Removes shapechanging-curses?"
"Yess, that'ss why Mooussse hass it, issn't it?"
"He doesn't even _know_ what it does! He thought _it_ changed shape or
something."
"If he knew what it did it'd either be used or broken to pieces by now...
There's no hidden drawback is there? As far as I can tell there always is."
"Issn't the rresstrrictioonss oon when it woorrkss enough? And it dooess
change shape, it ssuppoossedlly rrefllectss the llatesst currse it rremooved."
"So, how does it work?"
"I wass cooming too that..."

* * * * * *

Soun, Genma and Cologne sat around the table, looking at each other.
"No, even if he is the leader, which I doubt, Raggedy Man or his successor
isn't the kind to have a permanent base", Cologne said. "And as I told the 
kids, I wouldn't know where to find it anyway."
"They don't sound like they're related to any of Nodoka's enemies that 
she's told me about", Genma said. "Granted, there is the ninja, but those are 
a dime a dozen."
"They could be someone she didn't tell you about", Soun said. "After all, if
you had asked me who would come back to haunt us twenty years ago, I
wouldn't have guessed Chardin..."
"No...Inji, perhaps or maybe..."
"I think we can safely say that it's Mousse who's the main target", Cologne
said. "I don't know why they kidnapped Nodoka, but I assume that to an 
uninformed observer Ms. Unryuu has seemed a more natural hostage than
any of the other girls lately."
"But it doesn't really bring us any closer to finding out where they are",
Soun said.
He was interrupted by the phone ringing. 
"They arre at Ssuperr Fun Crrazy Happylland", the voice at the other end 
said before hanging up.  

* * * * * *

As they walked back Mousse found his thoughts wandering. 
Wu Jing had been there...at the shrine. He and whoever he was working for, 
possibly the same person who had originally hired him and Tao Tao, had 
_known_ where the stone was all the time but had needed someone to get it 
from Michiko. They had kidnapped Hairspray to get him to do it. Maybe 
they had been behind it all the time?...They had left Hairspray at the 
Nekohanten to give them a hostage to use...Maybe Tao Tao was still 
alive...What if she was involved in this too?...No, she couldn't be or they 
wouldn't need him to get the stone...But maybe she was out there looking 
for her daughter...Or maybe they had just stolen a baby and written the 
note...But Cologne could tell things like that, couldn't she?...And if they 
had planted Hairspray to use as a hostage they wouldn't have needed 
Akari...Or Mrs. Saotome...In any case he _had_ to rescue her...She was his 
responsibility...Akari had been more helpful than...Than anybody could 
ask for...She didn't even seem to mind when people thought she was his 
girlfriend or Hairspray's mother...Well, not until she was kidnapped 
because of it, anyway...She had practically been an anti-Shampoo...And 
she'd lost almost everything because of it...Her farm, her 
house...Everything...But if they had known all along, why had they 
destroyed the farm?...It didn't make sense...Nothing did 
anymore...Shampoo seemed almost as upset that he didn't do anything as 
when he used to...harass her...Gods! That sounded like it was something he 
stopped doing years ago...It was barely two weeks since Hairspray 
appeared...Had the village learned of it yet?...What would the Elders do 
when they learned?...Why had they kidnapped Mrs. Saotome as well?...If 
they could snatch Akari from a train, they should have been able to get 
Hairspray on her own...On the other hand, Mrs. Saotome seemed quite 
attached to Hairspray too...Like a surrogate grand-child...Or...She wasn't 
_that_ old...At least there was someone to take care of Hairspray instead of 
the kidnappers...Hadn't Ranma said something about Soun saying 
something about Hairspray acting like a Tendo?...Whatever that meant...He 
didn't know anything about Tao Tao's family...Hell, he didn't know much 
about his own parents...Shampoo's mother had said that his father left as 
soon as they untied him and his mother some nine months later...No...
Cologne would have mentioned it by now...

"Mousse? Hey, Mousse! That wasn't so hard, was it?", Ranma said,
scattering his thoughts.
"Shouldn't we try to find Ryoga?", Akane asked.
"He could be anywhere by now", Mousse said.
"Besides, he does have a knack for turning up unexpected at the right time",
Ranma added. "He'll turn up eventually."
"Any idea where we'll trade the stone for the hostages?", Ukyo asked.
"I have no idea when you'll get them back", a voice said behind them. "But
we'll take the stone now, thank you."
"WU JING!"

The black-robed man stepped out of the shadows followed by a midget, an
Indian who dwarfed even the Dojo Destroyer and a robed man wearing a 
barbed wire mesh mask.
"I'm flattered you remember me, Mousse. You know, this couldn't have 
worked better if I planned it. Except for Kemuri, the clowns I have to work
with refuse to get any closer to the shrine and that little priestess can do 
things that seriously contradicts the legends of the shrine. But she..."
"She beat you up."
She did _not_. Now, the stone."
"The hostages first."
"Oh dear, I seem to have left them in my other robe."
Mousse barely dodged the sudden punch.

Wu Jing followed up with a roundhouse kick as his companions charged.
Mousse dodged again and counter-attacked with a series of punches. 
Wu Jing was barely able to block them. Mousse followed up with a kick that
drew his opponent back. Wu Jing came back, lunging with a claw hand and 
tearing Mousse's sleeve. Mousse replied with a elbow to the back of his
head, driving him to the ground. Wu Jing rolled out of the way of a stamp
kick and back up on his feet.

"You've gotten stronger, Mousse...", Wu Jing said with a smile. "And 
you're not even using your weapons. Farm Girl must have really affected 
you."
"If you've done anything to..."
"Mousse, Mousse, Mousse. What do you take me for? I haven't touched her 
- the Doctor has special plans for her. Still...If he didn't..."
Mousse interrupted him with a kick to the chest. Before Wu Jing could
recover, Mousse continued with several punches to the face and finished 
with a kick that sent Wu Jing flying.
How was everybody else doing?

Shampoo was busy with the midget, who didn't seem to do much actual 
fighting, but was frustrating her by constant dodging and tumbling. 
And fondling, judging by Shampoo's invectives.

Akane and Ukyo had their hands full with the giant. They had little trouble
dodging his attacks, but seemed unable to affect him with their.

Ranma didn't seem to have any real trouble with _his_ opponent, who was 
clearly outmatched but stubbornly refused to stay down.

"I got the sto-one!", the midget suddenly called out.
Wu Jing got back up and wiped the blood off with his sleeve.
"It seems I've underestimated you, Mousse. I'd say 'next time', but there 
won't be any. We got what we wanted and you'll never see any of us again.
Well...maybe I'll have your daughter hunt you down once she's old 
enough."
Smoke enveloped Wu Jing and his companions. When it cleared, they were 
gone.

* * * * * *

"How did it go?", Kasumi asked as they dejectedly returned to the Tendo 
home.
"We got the stone, but Wu Jing and his friends showed up and stole it once 
we'd left the shrine", Mousse said. "And Ryoga has wandered off again."
"Fortunately, we know where they are now", Genma said. "I figu..."
He was interrupted by Cologne's stick and an elbow from Soun.
"Actually, somebody called and claimed they are at Super Fun Crazy 
Happyland", Soun said.
"What?"
"That's an abandoned theme park", Nabiki added. "It's not that hard to find
once you know it exists."

* * * * * *

CHAPTER EIGHT

"So, this is Super Fun Crazy Happyland", Genma said. "I think I can safely
say that this is one of the least scary places I've seen somebody hide out in."
"It's pretty depressing, though", Ukyo said, looking at the pad-locked gate.
"All boarded up and covered in tarpaulins."
"I'm still surprised you came with us, Mr. Saotome", Mousse said.
"My wife is in there somewhere, Boy. How could I stay away?"
"Don't say a word, Ranma", Akane hissed.
"I was just going to say that it would have been better if Ryoga had been
here too", Ranma muttered.

As if on cue, the call of the wild Hibiki echoed down the road.
"Speak of Devil", Shampoo said. "Shampoo go get him here."

* * * * * *

A quick explanation and a torn off padlock later, they entered the theme
park.

"Where to we go now?", Ukyo said. "This place is huge...It'll take _days_
to search through every building."
"We don't have to", Genma said. "Most of them are too small. They're 
going to be in one of the bigger ones."
"There's still a lot of them...", Akane said.
"We'll find them faster if we split up", Ranma said.
"Is that really smart, Ranma?", Mousse asked. "They could pick us off one
by one..."
"Come on! You've beaten that Wu Jing guy at least twice and we had no 
problem with them at the shrine", Ranma said. "And this place isn't so big
that we won't hear if anybody needs help."
"Small groups better", Shampoo said. "Come, Mousse."
Shampoo started dragging Mousse towards the closest of the larger 
buildings.
"Do you think she noticed that she's going to the Tunnel of Love?", Ukyo
asked.
"Hard to tell these days", Ranma said. "Ucchan, you and Pops keep an eye
on Ryoga and go that way. I'll go this way with Akane."

* * * * * *

Ukyo was beginning to doubt the wisdom in splitting up. She had looked 
away for a moment and both Ryoga and Genma had disappeared...
The place was huge and a maze, at one point, she had _knowingly_ walked 
in a circle without ending up where she started. A sound caught her 
attention - someone was beating out an odd rhythm on something metallic.

As she turned a corner she saw the person - the gas-mask wearer Cologne 
had referred to as 'Raggedy Man or his successor', leaning back in a folding
chair in front of one of the larger buildings and absentmindedly striking two 
metal sticks against each other. He looked up.

"Ah, Ms. Kuonji.", he said, standing up. "I've been waiting forr you. I
bellieve this is what you'rre llooking for."
He indicated an almost invisible door on the wall behind him.
"You're not going to fight?"
"No. Therre's no rreason forr me to fight you. Alll you have to do is go
thrrough this doorr."
"And then?"
"Eventuallly, you'lll get to wherre the hostages arre."
"Why are you doing this?"
"As I said, therre's no rreason forr me to fight you. I don't parrticullarrlly 
llike the boss anyway."
He stepped aside as Ukyo hesitantly peered into the gloom behind the door
and stepped in. The door slammed shut behind her.

A muffled *poff* told Lumpen Ukyo had set off the first of the traps.

* * * * * *

Ranma and Akane soon found themselves in front of a large building whose
fading sign named it as the House of Fun.
The door opened on its own as they came closer.

"Shall we?", Akane asked.
"They're expecting us. It would be impolite to let them wait", Ranma said.
A short pause.
"When did you start caring about being polite?", Akane said.
"Ah, let's get going!", Ranma replied, going on ahead.
"RANMA!"
He turned around just in time to see Akane disappear down a trap door.
Before he could reach it, barbed wire masked man he'd fought at the shrine
dropped down from the ceiling, grabbed him by the throat and threw him 
onto the vibrating floor.
The King of Pain wasn't just playing with him this time.

* * * * * *

Ryoga managed to lose his guides almost immediately and found himself
looking down on an hexagonal arena. The PA system crackled to life.
"L...die... ...n... gent...emen an... chil...n ...f all age... Toni...ht we
ha...e a ...ecial tre...t ...or y...!"
The announcement was followed by badly recorded cheers from a crowd.
The voice became clearer as a spotlight switched on and blinded him..
"...n thi... corner, the Hero - Rryyooga Hibiki!"
The recorded cheers grew more enthusiastic.
"And sneaking up behind him, with a stealth and speed that belies his 
incredible bulk - JAGANNATH!"
Something very large crashed into Ryoga from behind and they tumbled to 
the ground.
The recorded crowd went wild.

* * * * * *

As he fell behind Ryoga and Ukyo, Genma suddenly noticed the smell of 
food. Food meant people, and in this case people had to be those who had 
kidnapped Nodoka! The kids had already disappeared from view, so he had
no choice but to investigate on his own.

A few twists and turns later, he found himself face to face with an, 
apparently only recently, abandoned fast food stand. It had to be a trap...
And he shouldn't be thinking about food at a time like this...But he hadn't
eaten for _hours_...

A sound caused Genma to look up from his third helping. Two arms were
reaching through the wall behind him. As he turned around one of them
formed a fist and punched him, sending him flying through another wall.

As he got back up his opponent faded into view - a youngish African man
with a white eyepatch, spotless white suit and a white top hat. 
Ananzi smiled, tipped his hat, turned around and entered a building 
proclaiming an exhibition of exotic arthropods, beckoning Genma to follow
him.

* * * * * *

Akane landed relatively softly on a pile of cushions, rags and mattresses in a 
dimly lit tunnel. As she clawed her way out, she saw someone approaching.
A pale girl dressed like the goth assistant of a stage magician obsessed with
skeletons was slowly walking down the tunnel. As she saw Akane she 
stopped and went into a clawhanded stance.

Once Akane had finished disentangling herself, Graveyard Sammi howled 
and charged.

* * * * * *

"Something's wrong", Shampoo said, sniffing. "All this smoke..."
"It doesn't _smell_ like smoke", Mousse said. "But I'm sure someone's
here..." He trailed off as he glimpsed a female silhouette down a corridor,
it seemed familiar somehow...
"Mousse! Wait! Where are you going?", Shampoo called, as Mousse 
charged down that corridor. "Wait for me!"
When Mousse reached the door at the end Shampoo was nowhere in sight.
But the girl who opened the door for him was familiar...

* * * * * *

Shampoo could only watch as Mousse disappeared down the smoky 
corridor. It was as if the smoke was holding her back.
"Tsk...I'm really disappointed in him", a disembodied voice said. "A 
female silhouette in the distance and he runs off after her."
The smoke coalesced into the thin girl with greyish-purple hair.
"I think I'm starting to understand why you keep denyi..."
"MOUSSE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND!"
The other girl blinked.
"Ah, well...Anyway...I'm supposed to keep you busy, so you don't 
interfere, 'kay?" A long knife appeared in her hand.

* * * * * *

The hostages were facing a crisis of their own, as Hairspray reacted to the 
situation not only by crying but also by going through the limited supply of
diapers with alarming speed.

"Hairspray? Please stop crying", Akari tried. "Daddy'll be here soon...I
promise...And we'll all get to go b-back h-home..."
"Ssooonerr than yoou think", Zelda said, appearing in the doorway. Yoourr
frriendss arre herre too ssave yoou."
"They're here?!", Akari said.
"How did they find us? I thought...", Nodoka began.
"I guesss they had hellp", Zelda replied. "Ssince everryboody iss bussy
fighting them, yoou shooulld take the ooppoorrtunity too esscape. Herre, 
Akarri."
She handed Akari a small, vaguely humanoid figurine made of flint.
"Wait! This is that stone you were talking about, isn't it?", Akari said.
"Yess", Zelda said.
"Y-you're giving it to us?", Akari said. "B-but I thought _you_ needed it."
"I think yoou knoow ssoomeoone whoo needss it moorre...I can wait", 
Zelda said. "_And_ I ooverrhearrd what Ssimoon iss pllanning if it 
dooessn't woorrk...Yoou doon't want too knoow."

* * * * * *

Coughing and cursing, with smoking and torn clothes, Ukyo burst through
the final door and landed, sprawling face down on the muddy ground.

"Ah, Ms. Kuonji", Lumpen said. "You made it thrrough...I bllame the 
materrialls and llack of time to prreparre things prroperlly..."
"It takes more than a few firecrackers to stop me", Ukyo hissed as she 
reached for her giant spatula. "Now it's my turn..."
The sound of an explosion distracted her.
"Tsk, tsk", Lumpen said, looming over her. 
Then the trenchcoat flew open revealing the yawning void inside. Ukyo's 
scream was cut off before it even began.

* * * * * *

Ranma stood up gingerly. This vibrating floor was shaking way too much...
No wonder this place was abandoned. The King of Pain waited at the edge,
knowing better than to venture out on that floor.
Ranma tried to charge, only to fall on his face at the first step. After a few
moments thought, he carefully made his way to the opposite edge.
The King of Pain shrugged and lumbered across the vibrating floor without
effort. Ranma met him with kick, staggering him. He quickly recovered and
tackled Ranma through the nearest wall.

The room behind it was filled with machines and contraptions decidedly 
inappropriate for a House of Fun pounding and crushing. The King of Pain
stood up, grabbed Ranma by the hair and pulled him along towards the 
nearest machine. He paused for a moment to show Ranma what the machine 
would do and made what sounded like a low, rasping chuckle. As he 
changed his grip, Ranma twisted loose and aimed several punches at his
opponents face, staggering him again. The King of Pain's right hand was
caught in the machine as the crushing weight came down...

The *squelch* was followed by an audible ripping sound as the King of 
Pain tore loose and connected with a wild swing with the stump. Ranma
dodged the follow-up and barely connected with a half-hearted kick to the 
stomach, unnerved as much by his opponents lack of reaction to his injuries 
as the curious lack of blood. They continued trading blows for several 
minutes, the King of Pain returning to his behaviour in the earlier fight of
refusing to stay down. Then, suddenly, he dove for Ranma. Ranma dodged
and the King of Pain landed in one of the machines. Before Ranma could
react, there was another *squelch* .

Ranma spent the next several minutes being violently sick before 
staggering to his feet to look for the others. As he did, an explosion was
heard in the not to far distance.
 
* * * * * *

Ryoga found himself face to face with the disturbingly serene face of the
Indian giant, caught in a bear hug and cursing himself for getting caught. 
The girl on the PA system chattered incessantly - a barely intelligible
stream of consciousness ramble with occasional imaginative insults and
colour commentary interjected.

With little choice, Ryoga head-butted his opponent. Jagannath's expression 
didn't change, but his grip loosened for a moment. Encouraged, Ryoga head 
butted him again and managed to wriggle one arm loose. A third head butt 
and the second arm followed. He clapped his hands over Jagannath's ears. 
Jagannath, his expression unchanged, dropped Ryoga but immediately 
reached for him again.

The sound of an explosion interrupted the fight. There was cursing over the 
PA system. A midget popped out of her hiding place and leaped onto the
giant's shoulder. Then Jagannath turned and ran towards the nearest exit.

Ryoga warily followed.

* * * * * *

The building was full of terrariums with spiders, scorpions, centipedes and 
other arthropods. No trace of Ananzi.
"Coward!", Genma called. "Show yourself!"
"Why?", Ananzi's voice replied. "I'm no martial artist. A fight between us
wouldn't be fair and would make neither of us any happier. Besides all I 
have to do is keep you busy so you don't interfere..."
As if on cue, the closest terrariums shattered and their inhabitants advanced
on Genma. Not really much of a problem, except the impracticality of 
crushing scorpions underfoot without shoes. Genma turned around only to
find that the door had disappeared.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk, Mr Saotome", Ananzi's voice said. "It wouldn't be much
point in this if I didn't remove the door, would it?"
A few more terrariums shattered for added emphasis. Genma brushed away
the closest spiders and scorpions with his feet. Most of them vanished into
thin air.
"Illusions?!", Genma gasped.
"Even if a single one is deadly enough, one has to consider the visual
element", Ananzi's voice said. "An army looks better than a single
spider...And is harder to keep track of." 
The final terrariums shattered. Then came the sound of a not too distant
explosion.
"Now, _that_ did not sound like a part of the plan", Ananzi's voice said
with weary cheer. "I guess you're free to go."
The exit re-appeared as the illusionary arthropods faded and the others
scurried off.

* * * * * *

Akane barely dodged Sammi's first attack, more because of surprise than
any skill or speed on Sammi's part. The second attack tore open Akane's
gi jacket as she stepped aside and then caught Sammi's arm. Akane 
followed up with a couple of knees to the chest and stomach and then
threw Sammi to the ground. She stayed down. After watching her for a 
minute or so, Akane decided the fight was over and turned to leave.

She had only taken a few steps when she heard Sammi getting back up.Her 
battle-cry was abruptly cut off as Akane spun around and met her with a 
foot to the face. For a moment Sammi stood up with the smug smile of
someone who has just outsmarted her opponent. The smile faded as 
realisation set in and she toppled over.

Her lack of reaction to being tied up with rags seemed to indicate her being
truly unconscious this time. Still, Akane kept expecting her to reappear
while she continued to look for an exit. Just as she found it a slightly
muffled explosion could be heard somewhere above.

* * * * * *

Kemuri dived forward, slashing towards Shampoo.
"Hey! Watch it!", Shampoo said as she dodged. "If you just to keep me 
busy why need knife?"
Kemuri rolled to her feet and paused.
"Hmm...Because since Mousse's availability seems to depend on you 
getting around to decide if you want him or not?...If you're not around 
anymore...", she said.
"That...That is silliest thing ever heard! What make you think he then 
choose you?"
"Well...Why not? Can you think of anyone better?"
"Hmm...Well...He always teaming up with Akane...And since Hairspray
show up he spend lot of time with Akari...Ukyo is interested now...I guess
...Nabiki..."
"Hey! Wait a minute! I need to write this thing down!"
*Blink*Blink* Well, at least the ninja-girl was distracted...
When Kemuri looked up after locating a pen and a piece of paper, she was 
met by Shampoo's fist.

It sounded as if someone else was approaching. Mousse? No...Too many...
As she readied herself a robed figure came around a corner followed by
Nodoka, Akari and Hairspray. She ran up to them.
"She's OK", Akari said, as Shampoo almost tore Hairspray from her arms.
"Just running a little low on diapers."
"Y-you didn't happen to see Mousse...or any of the others?", Shampoo 
said.
"I'm ssurre Ssimoon willl wait foorr him in the Halll oof Mirrroorrs", Zelda
said. She was beginning to say something else when the sound of an 
explosion interrupted her.

* * * * * *

All Mousse could do was stare and stutter at the girl standing before him.
"Moussie! You're finally here!, Tao Tao cried throwing herself around his 
neck.
"I...I thought you were dead", Mousse said. "The letter..."
"You know how Shenbao is, Moussie", Tao Tao said. "She's always
misinterpreting things and exaggerating."
"B-but how? What are you doing here? What about Hairspray? Akari?
Mrs. Sao..."
"Don't worry, Moussie. You're here, that's all that matters to me. You'll
get to see them soon...Follow me."
"Where?"
Tao Tao didn't answer.

Something wasn't right...What was Tao Tao doing here?...She didn't look 
as if she'd been held prisoner...And if she had they wouldn't have needed 
him to get the stone...And if she hadn't, why did she know where the others
were?...She wasn't acting quite like herself...Shouldn't she be more 
worried about her daughter...And...Moussie?...Tao Tao used to call him
Mu Mu...Yes! That was it!

"You're not Tao Tao!"
"Very clever, Mousse", "Tao Tao" said as she morphed into Wu Jing.
"I guess I'll have to use another approach", he said as he morphed into
Shampoo and attacked.
"Very impressive", Mousse said as he dodged the clumsy attack. "But I
know you're not Shampoo either...And it's clear your masquerade don't
extend as far as actual skill." 
"Shut up! I don't need _her_ skill to kill you!", "Shampoo" screamed,
as she retreated towards the Hall of Mirrors. When "she" came to the steps,
"she" bent down and reached for something hidden inside.

As Mousse caught up, "she" morphed back into Wu Jing and pulled out two
smallish crossbows from their hidden compartment. The first bolt hit
Mousse in the thigh and caused him to fall over. Wu Jing was there in a 
flash, putting one foot on Mousse's chest and aiming the crossbow at his
face.

"Now, look what you've made me do!" Wu Jing said. "You're about to die
and I've hardly done anything of what I was going to tell you I had done
before I kill you."
"I'm sure it grieves you deeply", Mousse muttered.
"On the other hand, I _can't_ do that to your girlfriend, at least not yet,
because Doctor Blumberg needs her in case the stone doesn't work", Wu
Jing continued. "But I could give you all the details of Tao Tao's death..."
He laughed, and stopped paying attention for a moment. That was all 
Mousse needed.

Somebody was applauding. 
As Mousse looked up, vaguely noticing that Wu Jing, if nothing else, was 
still breathing, he saw a young European in old-fashioned clothes standing 
on the steps.
"Very impressive", he said. "A most spectacular display of excessive
violence and righteous anger. Allow me to introduce myself...I am
Doctor Simon Magnus Blumberg. And you are Mu Si, also known as
Mousse."
"Follow me", he continued as he turned and entered the Hall of Mirrors.
Mousse lurched to his feet and, after absent-mindedly pulling the bolt out of
his thigh, limped after him.

* * * * * *

Slowed down by his injury, Mousse soon lost sight of Blumberg, stalking 
him by the sound of his voice and expecting an ambush any moment.
Suddenly, he found himself in an octagonal room with no idea how he
got there. No doors, each wall being a large mirror.
"Let's play a game", the unseen Blumberg said. "Each mirror shows the life 
of a different Mu Si. There are exits behind every mirror, but only one leads 
back to where you came from."
"Different Mu Si? What do you mean? How do I choose? What happens if I 
choose the wrong one."
"That's your problem."
As Mousse looked on, pictures slowly started to form in the mirrors.

* * * * * *

A well-dressed Mousse sitting opposite an equally well-dressed Nabiki
at a table, together with a boy and a girl, around eight or nine years old, 
calmly having breakfast. A junior high school aged Hairspray, stopped by 
long enough to snatch up some random food before running off.

Another Mousse was wearing dungarees, working side by side with a
similarly attired Akari, feeding the pigs. They paused to kiss. In the 
background Hairspray, no more than four years old, tried her hand at
wrestling a sumo piglet twice her size.

The next one was wearing his best robe, and dancing with a dress-wearing
Akane in an otherwise abandoned ballroom. The moon and the lights of 
Tokyo at night shone in through the large hole in the wall.

The one after that wore all black and no glasses. His eyes glowed red.
A girl with long black-purplish hair and a revealing outfit in red and black 
appeared next to him. Behind them, an army slowly gathered - Pantyhose, 
the Musk warriors, Wu Jing and the others they had fought at the shrine and 
many more whom he didn't recognise.

The next Mousse was sneaking up on an obviously pregnant Ukyo, who 
was standing at the grill, with Hairspray in a baby-chair next to it. The 
Mousse embraced the Ukyo from behind. She seemed to berate him at first,
but then they kissed until Hairspray threw her ducky at them.

A bleeding Mousse in a torn robe lying in the ruins of a house made of now 
mostly broken glass. A less injured but still battered looking Shampoo with 
Hairspray in her arms was kneeling crying by his side.

Mousse and Shampoo again - he in a tuxedo, she in a wedding dress. The
rest of the Nerima gang appeared next to them, all of them dressed to the
nines and lined up as if for a wedding photo.

Mousse and Tao Tao, this time. In front of a large and probably expensive
house. He, in his robe with his arm around her, she in jeans and the large 
sweat-shirt she usually wore when not working, her dark brown hair now
tied in a simple pony-tail. Hairspray, maybe four or five years old and
wearing robes similar to his, was standing in front of him.

He took a deep breath and made his choice.
The mirror shattered. So did the world...
 
* * * * * *

CHAPTER NINE

"Er...Shampoo...here...here's Mousse", Soun said. "Here's Shampoo, 
Mousse."
They looked at each other, not knowing what to say. A very old woman,
one of the Tendos' neighbours, walked up to them, gazing at them with
myopic eyes.
"Isn't that your daughter, Mr Tendo?", she asked the lamp-post.
"Er...That's Shampoo...", Soun said, somewhat confused.
The old woman turned to Mousse.
"How-do? I remember when you were just a child, running around in the
dojo...and...That's your husband, isn't it? How-do, Sir?"
"How do you do", Shampoo replied with a smile.
"I thought I recognised you both...Guess I ought to...I was here at the dojo
the day you were married. My, my, how excited we all were! That was a 
real love match! Well, glad to see it turned out well and you're still happy 
together...Good night."
"Good night", Shampoo replied, as the old woman left. "Mr Tendo...This is 
a...a nice surprise..."
She walked over and took Mousse's hand.
"Mousse...come...come over to the dojo...we can talk there...will you?"
"Shampoo...", he began, as he slowly took her in his arms.
She kissed him.
"If you go out back", Soun said with a chuckle. "You'll find a koi pond...
It's not much different from the old one."
A group of schoolgirls entered the yard as they broke off.
"Look, Mousse. There's Hairspray..."

"This is a song by Leonard Cohen", he told the audience, "the reason I play 
it is...well, Mr Cohen wrote this about the song: 'This song arises from an 
over-used bed in the Penn Terminal Hotel in 1966. The room is too hot.,
I can't open the windows. I am in the midst of a bitter quarrel with a blond
woman. The song is half-written in pencil but it protects us as we 
manoeuvre, each of us for unconditional victory. I am in the wrong room. I 
am with the wrong woman.', and it sounds so familiar it's scary. Apart from 
the name of the hotel and the year. Anyway the song is Hey, That's No Way 
To Say Goodbye. And Minako, wherever you are, I'm sorry."
%I loved you in the morning
Our kisses deep and warm
Your hair upon the pillow
Like a sleepy golden storm
Yes, many loved before us
I know that we are not new
In city and in forest
They smiled like me and you
But now it's come to distances
And both of us must try
Your eyes are soft with sorrow
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye...%

Usagi was dressed in ragged bits and pieces of various uniforms (most of 
which he couldn't quite identify) and looked, maybe not older, but more 
mature and much more weary. She gave him a weak smile.
"So, did you find Mamoru?", he asked.
"Yes...it took two years of dimension-hopping, before I managed to find 
_my_ Mamoru, it took another five to get back here. Mamoru...didn't make 
it. He died on Earth-1853, two years ago."
"I'm sorry..." Almost unconsciously, they embraced.
"Is your offer still standing?", she whispered.
"Eh...uh...uhm..."
"Don't worry", she said, sticking her tongue out at him. "There's no hurry. 
It's hundreds of years until the Crystal Tokyo Setsuna wanted exists, if it 
ever will in this timeline, so he still has time to get reincarnated. If he 
doesn't...let's see what we think about it then. After all, we have all the 
time in the world."
"Yes..."
"And I think there's someone else who'd like to have a say in the matter...
isn't there?", Usagi said, looking over his shoulder...

"Mu Si." 
As he opened his eyes he found his view filled by a familiar girl wearing 
very little.
"U-ukyo !?!"
"You're still here! I dreamt you went back to Shampoo so I had to 
check...I'm so happy!", she said pressing herself against him.
Blushing, he tried to simultaneously turn around and gently push her away.
"I-I wouldn't do that!! W-we're leaving together, remember!?...Right 
now, we wait and hope Shampoo finds the rest of the celestial warriors 
soon."
She was clearly disappointed, but before she could reply a servant 
interrupted:
"Your Highness, Pantyhose requests an audience."
"Oh, I have to go. I'll have them prepare breakfast for you."
She was gone before he could reply.
Breakfast...Shampoo would be digging her way through an Imperial Palace
breakfast right now...

"It's great to see you again, Mousse", Akane said, as she sat down in the
opposite seat. "How's life treating you?"
"I'm doing okay. We've got a new movie in the works...It seems someone
heard of my misspent youth in Nerima and thought it would be a great story 
for a movie. Focussing on Ranma, of course...Well, I suppose they'll 
change the names and transfer it to Hong Kong or somewhere."
"So...Are you playing Ranma or yourself?"
"Tofu, I guess  - I'm getting too old to play a teenager."
"Never stopped anybody else. Have you ordered yet?"
"No, I decided to wait for you. I thought you'd have herd of little Ranmas
with you. Is everything okay between you and Ranma?"
Akane hesitated before answering. 
"No. He's even more useless than his father used to be. Genma at least tried
to work, occasionally - Ranma only cares about _his own_ training and 
fighting...He's hardly ever here...I'm lucky I have Natsume and Kurumi 
to help with teaching the students...And children...Well, we think it might 
have something to do with his curse..." 

"So, is Shampoo speaking to you again yet?", Ranma asked.
"No. She threw me out of my apartment and changed the locks. Then she
packed her bags, took Hairspray with her and went to live with _your_ 
mother."
"Well, she did walk in on you and Nabiki", Ukyo remarked.
"She didn't _walk_ in", Ranma pointed out. "She was carried in by Kuno,
looking for a secluded place. And _who_ spiked the punch with a love 
potion?"
"Hey, the Gangster of Love's here!", Ukyo said, eager to change the subject 
and finding the newly arrived Tarou ideal for the job.
"I heard that. If I wasn't stuck in this wheelchair...", Tarou growled.
"Cool it, Space Cowboy", Ranma replied. "Besides you don't turn into a
monster anymore."
"I can still kick your butt", Tarou muttered. "Just wait until I'm healed..."
"How are things going with Azusa?" Anything to get the discussion away 
from the subject of Nabiki and Shampoo...

He sighed in relief as the girl reluctantly followed Kasumi into the kitchen.
"As I said", Cologne continued, "when  the youth elixir affected Mrs 
Saotome it changed her memory as well - she's forgotten a lot of things that
she, as a fourteen year old, couldn't know and adapted other memories to fit
the present. She knows she's related to Ranma but not Genma, so she 'must'
be Ranma's half-sister..."
"But why is she clinging all over Mousse?", Ranma asked.
"Easy", Nabiki said. "Her memories adapted to the present, remember? So 
Mousse must be the one who looks the most like Genma did back then..."
"Sorry", Soun interrupted them. "Nodoka didn't even meet Genma until she 
was seventeen and they couldn't stand each other for years. When I heard 
they got married I was as surprised as you would have been if, say, Ryoga
and Ukyo got married..."
"So mom used to be 'your' Ukyo?"
"Oh no. I wish. More like Shampoo, with some of whatshername...Azusa
mixed in..."

Somebody came running into the room.
"Masaki-san?"
"Mousse-san", Sasami almost screamed at him. "I want the story, the whole
story. Now!"
"OK, OK. Now this is the story of a lil' old country boy, who came to the
city and met one of the sweetest little girls in the world, kinda got jealous,
didn't know what to do. But now the feeling, the feeling's growing, growing
so strong. I've gotta get back. I've..."
"Hey! Cut it out! Some girls just showed up at the shrine looking for you!
Martial artists. This has something to do with that guy that was beating you 
up when Ryoko found you, right?"
"Some girls? What did they look like? What hair colour?"
"One was a pig-tailed redhead and the other had long purple hair..."
Damn. Ryoga had already found his way back to Nerima, and now
everybody would be looking for him and the stone... 

He looked at Tarou, who looked back at him and shrugged. Then they 
looked back at Cologne again.
"Forget it!", Tarou said. "Five grand's no problem. We'll have it for you in
the morning. Let's go, Mousse!"
Cologne froze them both with a stare.
"No, no! I will not take your filthy stolen money!", she screamed.
"Well, then", Tarou said. "I guess you're really up shit creek."
Cologne hit Tarou with her stick.
"I offered to help you."
"M-hm."
"You refused to take our money."
"M-hm."
"Then I said ' I guess you're really up shit creek'."
Cologne hit Tarou again. Then she started hitting both of them as they
retreated out of the room and tumbled down the stairs...

They stared at each other in disbelief for a few moments.
"I...", they both said at the same time.
"You first", Ukyo said.
"No, you first", he said.
The embarrassed silence returned.
"I can't believe dad did this!", Ukyo said.
"He engaged you to Ranma, didn't he? _I_ can't believe the Elders did
this..."
"I can't believe dad used to be a martial artist...A warlord!...The kind of 
person who...who..."
"Would kidnap Akane in order to marry her if he was thirty years younger?"
"No, no...well, yes, I guess that's an accurate description."
"I overheard him telling Mr Tendo that."
There was yet another embarrassed silence.
"That _could_ explain why Nodoka doesn't like him..."

He heard the door open as Ran Ran stopped reading to him. After a 
moment's silence, she spoke.
"Aren't you two a little young to be nurses?"
"Actually, were both far older than you", another girl's voice answered. 
"But never mind that. We're here to make Mr Mousse an offer he can't..."
"He's already taken."
There was another moment of silence.
"You're an Amazon just like him, aren't you?", the other girl said. "OK, 
we'll talk to you later. Now, Mr Mousse, my name is Washuu. How would 
you like to leave all these machines and the body cast behind, and be as
powerful as you were before, if not more?"
"Miss, if you could make me able to move on my own again, I'd happily
storm the Celestial Court for you."
"I'll hold you to that promise..."

Setsuna was sitting in a corner, clutching her knees and rocking back and 
forth. She looked and smelled as if she'd been there for a long time.
"Those moments...when...the blackness hit me...and the void would be
calling...", she whispered, staring blankly ahead.
"Setsuna?", Michiru tried. "What's happened?"
"Nothing can be altered...there is nothing to decide...", Setsuna whispered, 
apparently unaware of their presence. " No escape,...no change of heart... 
no anyplace to hide."
"So this is the great guardian of time", Yui muttered. "I expected
someone more...regal..."
"She wasn't like this, the last time we passed by", he said.
"Told a little lie...Stole a little gold...Broke a little vow, did you?",
Setsuna whispered. "Had to get your Prince...Had to get your cow...Have
to get your wish...Doesn't matter how..."

He stared at the familiar-looking redhead.
"Ranma? Is that you?...I thought you were dead!"
"Uh...it's kind of complicated...Well, you seem to have done good."
"Show business can do that to you. If you're lucky. So what are you doing
in Honolulu, Ranma? Oh, and do you want some hot water?"
"It won't help, I'm stuck this way. And I have no idea how I ended up here
...So, how's everybody? How's Shampoo?"
"Shampoo? Haven't seen her in years. Living happily ever after back in the
village, I suppose. Raising a family. With her husband."
"What? I thought you...she..."
"It's the same old story. Once she had recovered from your 'death' and
returned to the village, she decided that the guy she really had loved all the 
time was one of the timid village boys with no interest in martial arts and
who never cared enough to protest against her engagement to you..."

"Could you please repeat that", he said. "I thought you just asked me to save
the Joketsuzoku."
"Eh...uh...I did", the girl said in a small voice, obviously shocked.
"Why should I?"
"B-but w-we're _your_ people. You're Joketsuzoku too. Moth...Shampoo
said you..."
"I'm not. They spent my first eighteen years pointing out that I wasn't a 
_proper_ Joketsuzoku. Then they exiled me. I don't see why I should help
them after they put me through hell."
"Your brother doesn't see it that way."
"Well, if you've got him what do you need me for?"
"Because he's an overweight idiot who only cares about food and marrying 
off his sons..."

"So you've already got him all figured out, everything planned, right down
 to what grades your kids will get in school", he remarked.
"Yes...", Ami said. It sounded as if she was going to add something, but 
changed her mind.
"Well...", he said. "If I ever fall in love..." He almost said 'again', as
Shampoo was still lurking in the corners of his mind and heart. "It won't be 
planned." _I've_ learned that lesson. "I'll leave it to chance 
and...chemistry."
"Chemistry?", Ami asked.
"Yeah, chemistry. I know an old woman who can whip up a love potion for
every occasion...but jokes aside, maybe one day I'll bump into someone or
see someone in the street or something and realise that she's the girl I've
been looking for all my life. _That's_ the way it works."

"Listen, Mousse", Akane said, grabbing him by the collar. "I had plans for
tonight. And now, just because you decided to be an idiot, Ranma has 
decided to help Shampoo spy on you to find out what you're up to."
"Uh..." he managed.
"I've got reservations for two at a good restaurant and tickets to a show, 
and I'm not going to waste them because you decided to play a trick on 
Shampoo."
"I didn't try to..."
"So, _you're_ taking me out to that restaurant, your treat, and to that show. 
Understand?"
"Why me?"
"Because it's either you or Konatsu and if I ask Konatsu, Ukyo gets mixed 
up in this too. Besides, this is all your fault..."

The crystal shard on Shampoo's forehead shone like a third eye, as she
landed in front of him.
"My, what a big sword you have, Duck-boy. You're not going to use it on
poor little Shampoo, are you?", she said with a smirk. "You couldn't kill
me even if you wanted too. I heal too fast."
"I don't have to kill you, just incapacitate you until Cologne or Kagome 
gets here. Cutting of your head and keeping it away from your body should 
do that..."
Shampoo's face distorted with rage and disbelief. "You wouldn't!!"
"After what you did to Mrs Higurashi and Kasumi, there's nothing I 
wouldn't do to stop you."
With a growl Shampoo let her fingers extend into claws and lunged at 
him...

The sailor-suited girl wasn't doing very good. She was obviously no martial
artist and whoever was behind her powers had misunderstood 'offensive'.
Well, if _he_ had been sent to fight evil by blowing bubbles at them, he'd be
pretty offended. He had to get involved...discretely...Maybe the girl could
re-group if he distracted the monster...If he'd only had been wearing his 
robes instead of this tuxedo...Fumbling through his limited arsenal he found
one of those novelty darts Ranma had given him. The monster yelped in 
pain and surprise as a tulip embedded itself in its arm. Both combatants
froze and turned toward him.
"Well?", the girl demanded.
"Uh...Well what?", he said.
"Don't you have speech to give or something?"
"Uh...No...Just finish it off while it's distracted, OK...?"

He leaned on Nabiki for support as they walked out of the fortress. The
mass of Amazon and Musk warriors who had besieged it parted like the
Red Sea before them. As they passed someone started singing and slowly
more joined in.
"What are they singing, Mousse? And why?"
"I can't remember if it's a folk song or from an opera, anyway it's based on
an old folk tale...I'm sure there's a similar one in Japan...There's this 
couple and the guy is kidnapped or something and the girl goes through
a lot of trouble to free him...The song is called The Couple Go Back Home
Together..."
"How symbolic. They're not very subtle are they?"
"At least they're not making gestures and smacking sounds..."
"Well, that's _our_ job." And then she kissed him...

"Eeek! Pervert!", the girl screamed and started pummelling him, and their
(rather compromising) position prevented him from doing anything about it.
Fortunately, after a few good solid hits she stopped as if she suddenly
remembered something. She stood up and looked _very_ embarrassed.
 "I'm sorry, I think I overreacted", she said as she helped him up. "Allow
me to introduce myself. I am the goddess Alecto. I'm here to grant you
a wish."
"A-a w-wish?", he stuttered. "But how? Why? Why me?"
"You called us, you nitwit. What do you think the Goddess Technical Help 
Line is for? On second thought, don't tell me! Anyway, you get _one_ 
wish."
"A wish? For anything..."

He looked across the table at his three daughters. Their faces masks of
disbelief and anger.
"What do you mean, you don't know!?", Kyoko demanded.
"I've never met him myself, but your mother and I knew his parents very
well. You'll get to meet him soon, he and his father are on their way here
from Japan.", he explained.
"Great, yet another martial arts freak, just what we need.", Kagome 
muttered, expertly ignoring Shinobu's glare.
He wondered if this had been any easier for his late father-in-law, and
whether this attempt to join the school would be more successful than his
had been. He wished Akane was still alive. Well, at least Ukyo wouldn't 
have let Ranma get away with the kind of things Genma had done...

He tried to open his eyes. He was lying on a bed and, from the feel of it, 
covered in bandages and hooked up to various things.
"Oh, Mousse! You're awake!" 
Plum.
"Where am I? Where's Shampoo?...Is she OK?"
"I-I'm s-sorry", Plum said, the words sticking in her throat,  "she...they're 
all g-gone...Ranma, Shampoo, Father...they didn't make it."
"And...her?"
"If she wasn't destroyed, she's too weakened to do anything." 
So Tarou was there too. 
"After the evacuation, the government nuked the valley. If it's any
relief, her draining of the springs' energy means the curses are gone..."

The redhead with the odd hairstyle crumpled the paper in obvious 
frustration and,  muttering, tossed it over her shoulder. It hit him in the face.
"Thanks a lot, ubangi-head! Right in my face", he said. "Try a
wastebasket next time." There was something familiar about that girl...
"These are called odango", the girl screamed at him. "Not ubangi! Odango,
Stupid!"
He uncrumpled the paper. It was a test, a pretty simple one by the look of it 
- the girl had scored 30...out of 100.
"30? Who are you calling stupid, Odango-head?", he said, tossing the test
back to her. She muttered something under her breath and stomped off.
Back to the task at hand - this was a pretty big jewellery store. Maybe
the Silver Imperium Crystal was there? Still, that girl was pretty cute...

They stared at each other as the implications sank in. Presumably it was 
being used to having Nabiki around to exploit situations like this that kept
them from screaming. Or maybe it was just the shock.
"This did _not_ happen. OK?", Ranma-chan said.
"No argument from me there. Nothing happened. Definitely."
The mutual staring continued for a few more seconds.
"Uh..._How_ did this not happen?"
"I dunno. I've been getting blackouts while in girl-form recently", Ranma-
chan muttered as she stumbled across the floor gathering her clothes. "And
Cologne said I stole her Book of Contrived Potions a couple of days ago..."

As he tried to shake off the effects of the chi-blast, he found himself looking 
at a familiar looking orang-utan face flanked by an equally familiar slightly
feline one.
"Mei Xing...? Lucien...? Why...? What does the Free Company want with 
me NOW...?"
"Not Lucien, Mushou. You're thinking of some one else", the ape told him.
"...and Mei Xing? She's _our_ friend now. There's no Free Company, not 
yet...The Revolutionary won't be whelped for another hundred years. And 
Hinoto is...elsewhere. We are a far superior hunting pack..." As he spoke 
other shapes started to form around them...

Akari smiled at him weakly.
"Isn't she beautiful?", she said turning her attention back to their newborn 
baby. "What do you think, Hairspray?"
"She's so tiny...and red...", Hairspray muttered, sounding both 
disappointed and fascinated.
At least she didn't restate her opinion that she would rather have a pony,
he thought. And Ranma or Ryoga had yet to show up with any offers 
regarding their sons. Hopefully, Akane and Ukyo would already have
beaten any ideas in that direction out of them...

He smiled at the audience and the cameras again.
"And now...a letter...a hotel registration and a series of photographs...
which could add up to divorce, premature retirement, and possible criminal
proceedings for a doctor in Juuban. He's a former super-hero and a
LDP candidate for the Diet...that's Dr. C of Juuban...250 000 Yen...to 
stop us revealing your name, the names of the three other people involved, 
the youth organisation to which they belong and the shop where you bought
the equipment." How did Nabiki drag me into this...

"I was thinking about you", Shampoo said at the other end. "And I 
remembered this unbelievably insane night we spent in Shanghai, like a
thousand years ago?...I mean, there's no way you could possibly
remember the..."
"Are you kidding?", he interrupted. "I think about that night all the time...
But that's not why I called. I called because I've met someone."
"Well, that's great. You haven't really had anybody since Asuka the..."
"You don't understand. I've never felt this way about anybody!"
There was a thud at the other end...

Acting without thinking he tackled Natsume out of the way.
"I like you too, Mousse, but could you stop groping me and tell me what's
so dangerous about that water?", she said, while trying not to start laughing.
_Then_ he realised what position they had landed in, and exactly where his 
hands where. And his nose felt like it was going to start bleeding soon. He
stood up rapidly and tried to hide his nosebleed by turning the rest of his 
face red too.
"Ooh, you're so cute when you're embarrassed", Natsume teased him 
as she got back up...

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!", Asuza screamed at him.
"MY FAULT?!", he screamed back. "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO 
WANTED HER TO BE A MASTER THIEF!"
"BUT IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR STUPID TRICKS SHE WOULDN'T
BE IN THIS MUCH TROUBLE!"
"Uuh...Mom? Dad?", Meimi tried. "HEY! LISTEN TO ME! He isn't
_really_ here to arrest me. We're going to a masquerade."
"NOT DRESSED LIKE THAT, YOUNG LADY...."

Suddenly, Nabiki slapped him.
"I've had just about enough of you!", she screamed. "Go on! Sit here in 
your room until you rot. I'm sure that's what Shampoo would have wanted.
Just sit here and be tragic and bereaved and suffering like some shojo manga 
stereotype. It's not as if there's other people in the world who are suffering 
too! It's not as if f you have any responsibilities to anybody else! I'm sure 
Hairspray will understand that you only have time for your own 
suffering..."

Mousse wished the girl would shut up, or at least switch to a language she
was fluent in. It had almost been OK the first few minutes, but after
three days it was starting to get on his nerves.
"Shampoo not leave until Mousse pay for bike!"
Considering how she reacted to the caterpie, maybe if he found a big enough 
bug pokemon, she'd get grossed out and leave...
"Psy-ai-ai", his companion agreed, as if it had read his thoughts...

"I don't usually impose on people like this", the dark-skinned, white-haired
woman said, putting her hand on his thigh, "please don't misunderstand 
me. I just don't like to see people suffer." She smiled at him again and 
moved a little closer still.
"I-I a-appreciate that", he said trying to ignore how close they were sitting,
"Could you please explain those...ways of leaving?"
"I'll tell you tomorrow", she said and kissed him...

He stared at the redhead. It wasn't Ranma, but she looked a lot like his girl 
form. And her friend had looked so much like Shampoo from a distance. 
She stared back at him. He should say _something_, after all, he couldn't 
make the situation any more embarrassing.
"I-I'm sorry, Miss. I thought you were someone else." He turned to leave.
The girl stopped him before he could take a single step.
"N-no...Wait...Please..."

He looked at the purple-haired girl again as Ryoga's explanation sank in.
"Live together?! With you?!", he said to the girl. "Did I promise that? Who
the hell are you?"
"Hmpf...Defeat me and I'll tell you!", the girl said as she went into a stance.
"Really? Good... I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with some I didn't
know the name of!"
"Hah! You think you've already won? Your mistake..."

"Heh. It _is_ you, Mousse, no doubts about it", the purple-haired woman 
said. "You look just like your father..."
"What?" This woman seemed to know him, or believe him to be this
Mousse character.
"Can you explain what is wrong here, Mousse?", the woman continued. 
"You were to destroy humanity, but they are still crawling all over the 
planet."

He looked from Shampoo to Ukyo to Akane to Akari, trying desperately to
concentrate on their _faces_.
"Uh...this is not what it looks like...", Ukyo began.
"Ah...eh...uh...well...anyway, we're trying to watch the game so could
you try to do whatever you're actually doing a little quieter?"
Then he made a quick and rather embarrassed exit...

As soon as he opened the door, Rei stormed in, visibly upset, and threw
herself on the couch.
"Rei-chan? What's the matter?", he asked, sitting down next to her.
Rei struggled for words for a few moments.
"I...I just had a fight...with Usagi...about you...us...Apparently, _you_ 
don't fit into Usagi's...No, Setsuna's plans for the future..."

He woke up staring at an unfamiliar ceiling. WAIT A MINUTE! He could 
actually see the ceiling without his glasses!...And this wasn't his room.
He rolled over and saw a panda sleeping on a futon next to him. With
mounting worry he made his way to the bathroom, confirming his 
suspicions about where he was on the way. When he looked in the mirror,
Ranma's face looked back at him, as surprised as he was...

"Xian Po...", Shampoo whispered, stroking the sleeping child's cheek. 
"Almost the same. You never knew to let go of the past did you ;Mousse?"
"Get away from her", he whispered. "Please..."
Shampoo grinned, showing her fangs.
"I could make her mine. Remind you how helpless you are...How you
failed _me_..."

He was looking at the face of a giant robot, shoulder-deep in an unidentified
liquid.
"Th-this is my father's work?"
"That is correct.", a voice above him said.
He stared at the silhouette on a balcony above him.
"It's been a while.", his father said...

Was this how Genma used to feel, he wondered to himself. A vague but not
unexpected disappointment that his son was unwilling to do what he had to
do. Well, nothing else to do, then. He switched on a monitor next to him.
"Tofu...wake Shan."
"Can you use her?", the older man asked.
"She's not dead yet", he answered...

"You're imagining things", Ranko said, blushing slightly.
"Am I? Then why are you following me? Afraid I was going to leave 
without giving you a good-bye kiss?
Ranko fumed for a moment.
"I'd just as soon kiss a bull-headed yeti..."

"Oh no", Ranma protested, "Nonono. I'm not going to dress up as a girl, 
princess or not. Not me. Not anymore. Do you hear me? Ne..."
The princess interrupted him, still looking at Mousse.
"I'm not talking about you, not when you're friend here looks so much like 
my poor sister..."

"Hey! Wake up, sleepy-head", a familiar voice called.
"I'm dead, Shampoo. Just drop off the flowers and leave", he muttered, 
turning over and pulling the cover closer around himself.
Her response was to pull the cover away, sending him spinning to the floor.
"We're getting late for school..."

"Shampoo! Shampoo! Get up!", he quacked. "You've got to transform into
Pretty Shampoo and save Ms. Tendo!"
"I...I can't believe it...", the girl whispered. "A-akari...my best friend...
is Pigsy Misa..."

"Mousse! If you go, where shall I go? What shall I do?"
"Frankly, Shampoo, I don't give a damn..."

"Who are you?"
"Assassin! Lone Duck and Duckling..."

"Ukyo Kuonji! I challenge you to a duel for the Rose Bride..." 

"Alas, Poor Tofu! I knew him, Mousse..."

"I'm sorry, Mu Si. I cannot do that..."

"I'm Mu Si. Sorry 'bout this..."

He was standing in the ruins of a house made mostly of now broken glass,
by the feel and sound of it. It was in the middle of what appeared to be an 
amusement park. Then everything went black as he faded into 
unconsciousness...

* * * * * *

Shampoo, still carrying Hairspray, reached the ruins of the Hall of Mirrors 
just in time to see Mousse topple over.

NO!...Damn!... Let's see...check if he's breathing first, then 
bleed...DAMN!...OK, no-one's looking...*puff, puff* YOU ARE *puff, 
puff* NOT GOING *puff. puff* TO LEAVE *puff, puff* ME ALONE 
*puff, puff* WITH HAIRSPRAY! *puff, puff*...DO YOU *puff, puff* 
HEAR ME? *puff, puff*
"YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LEAVE ME!"
*puff, puff* Did I just call that out loud? *puff, puff* They'll never let
me forget that... *puff, puff* Is he breathing yet?...YES!...Well, just once
more...Just to be safe...*puff, puff*..."Mmmph!?"
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, MOUSSE!?"
WHAPWHAPWHAP

"What did you do that for?", Mousse complained as the slaps brought him
back to reality. "Shampoo!?"
"I-I...I...Iwasjustgivingyoumouthtomouthresusciationtherewasnoreasonfor
youtostartdoingthingswithyourtonguelikethatandit'sbestforyouthatnobody
sawit", Shampoo said, blushing furiously. "I...I...It's good that you're 
OK...Hairspray's here too...Akari, Mrs. Saotome...and a friend of theirs
should be here any minute." Tears started to trickle down her cheeks.
Hairspray loudly joined in moments later.
Mousse decided it was worth the risk to put his arms around them.

"My, my, my", Blumberg chuckled as he faded into view. "How touching...
Do you have any idea how much work I put into those mirrors?"
"You only have yourself to blame", Mousse muttered. "If you didn't want
them broken you shouldn't have surrounded me with them and told me to 
find the way out."
"You, young man, have proven yourself a true nuisance and given time you
could possibly develop into an amusing but frustrating foil", Blumberg said.
"HOWEVER...That is an amusement I can do without. Farewell, Children."
Blumberg's hands began to glow and crackle.

Just as the energy bolt left Blumberg's hands a robed shape interposed itself
between him and his targets, taking the blast squarely in the chest.
A look of horror flickered over Blumberg's features and his mouth moved
as if trying to curse or just ask why. Then the rejected years washed over 
him, followed by the scars and deformities suffered by Zelda before he 
shrivelled up and turned into dust. The same changes in reverse flowed over  
Zelda, smiling peacefully as she turned back into the beautiful young 
woman she had once been before she too disintegrated.
(Author: These two paragraphs are a little anticlimactic. But I can't really 
work up the will to let Blumberg spend several paragraphs powering up.)

Moments later, Akari and Nodoka caught up with them. As the shock died 
down, Shampoo realised what she was doing and quickly stepped away.
"Mousse! You're hurt!", Akari cried.
"I-it's mostly flesh wounds...Nothing serious", Mousse said.
"I think best bind them anyway", Shampoo said. "You bleeding on my 
clothes...Anyone have bandages?"
"I guess the best we have are the bits of Mousse's robe that he hasn't bled
on yet", Nodoka said. "I'll take care of Hairspray."

"Pants too, Mousse", Shampoo said as Mousse handed over Hairspray
and disrobed.
"B-but...", Mousse began.
"Can't bind injuries on legs with them on", Shampoo explained. "Besides,
nothing I not seen before. Drop them."
"B-but...", Mousse began again, fending her off.
"If it makes you feel any better, I've got the stone", Akari said. "_And_ I
know how it works. Here."
"Th-thank you, Akari", Mousse said, still trying to keep an eye on 
Shampoo. "Uh...How does it work?"
Shampoo used the opportunity to remove the now unprotected pants.

This, of course, jogged Mousse and some blood splattered on the stone.
It started to glow.
So did Mousse, with his hair standing on end.
His scream of pain was abruptly cut off and he collapsed again.
The figurine, now in the shape of a familiar-looking duck, fell from
his hand.

Ranma and Akane arrived as he was getting back up.
"Uh...What happened?", Ranma asked. "There was an explosion or 
something and..."
"It's over", Mousse said. "He...the guy who was behind this...Wu Jing's
boss...is dead. We got the stone back...Where is it?"
"Is this right stone?", Shampoo said, picking up the figurine. "Was human-
like before."
"It has absorbed Mousse's curse, so now it looks like Mousse did as a 
duck", Akari said. "Zelda explained it to us."
"Zelda?", Mousse said.
"The one who blocked...", Nodoka began.
"WAIT!", Ranma interrupted. "You mean that thing got rid of Duckboy's 
curse? How does it work?"
"Don't bother", Akari said. "Zelda said it only works something like once
every...SHAMPOO! Put that shard of glass down! It won't work again for a 
long time!"

"_What_ won't work again for a long time?", Ryoga asked as he and Genma
caught up with them.
"That thing we got at the shrine", Akane said. "The thing that caused all of 
this."
"Someone on the other side gave it to Akari, who gave it back to Mousse",
Ranma continued. "It removed Mousse's curse..."
"I can't believe you let Mo...", Ryoga began.
"I like you just the way you are", Akari interrupted him with a smile. "You 
know that."
"Yes...But..."
"Shush..."

"Now, let's go home", Genma said. "Wait...Where's Ukyo?"
"Oh, I wouldn't worry about her", someone said. "She's perfectly safe...for 
now."
Ananzi and Lumpen appeared behind them. Once they had everyone's
attention Lumpen released the unconscious Ukyo from within the 
trenchcoat.
"How about we trade?", Ananzi said. "The talented ms. Kuonji for a certain
stone currently in your possession. What do you say, Mu Si?"
"What have you done to her?", Ranma demanded.
"Nothing, really", Ananzi said, shutting Lumpen up with a gesture. "She's 
no use as a hostage if she's dead."
"What makes you think we'll let you get away with this?", Ryoga growled.
"There's mo..."
Mousse gestured to him to be quiet.
"You can have the stone, no problem", Mousse said. "I mean, it doesn't
work anymore...It'll be as useless for you as for us."
"Oh, _we_ have no need of it", Ananzi said. 
"We arre to brring it back to the forrmerr ownerr", Lumpen added. "It's the 
prrinciplle of the thing."
"So you work for the people Tao Tao and Wu Jing stole it from?"
"He is sllightlly furrtherr back in the chain of acquisition than the whining 
poseurrs they stolle it frrom", Lumpen continued.
"So, do we have a deal?", Ananzi said, poking at the slowly stirring Ukyo
with his foot.
"Sigh...Let us check on Ukyo first", Mousse said.
Ananzi and Lumpen moved back slightly as Ranma and Akane checked that
Ukyo was OK.
"Is she...", Shampoo began.
"She's seems alright", Akane said.
"OK...Here's the stone." Mousse tossed it to Ananzi.
"I'm still waiting for the explanation of what that thing is", Ranma said.
"The olld felllow cllaimed it was just some trrinket thrrown togetherr 
by some Neanderrthall sorrcerrerr who rreallised it is saferr forr immorrtalls 
not to stand out in a crrowd", Lumpen explained. "But, then again, he is an 
inveterrate lliarr."
"Now then", Ananzi said. "As I am an honest Puck and all that jazz - 
farewell."
Lumpen wrapped his trenchcoat around him and he vanished. 
"WAIT A MINUTE!", Shampoo shouted. "That all explanation we get?"
"Yes."
With that, Lumpen folded himself into his trenchcoat, which then 
continued to fold into itself, disappearing from view.

* * * * * *

EPILOGUE

"Have you figured out how to explain that you lost the stone to what's-her-
name yet?", Ukyo asked.
"What?...Uhm...No", Mousse said, looking up from bottle-feeding 
Hairspray. "Any ideas? And her name's Michiko."
"How about 'We were just about to bring it back when these two guys 
showed up and stole it'?"
"Well, that _was_ what happened, more or less. Have _you_ figured out
where what's-his-name went?"
"Konatsu? He got an anonymous note asking for a date or something. I 
guess it turned out better than he expected."
"You're not worried?"
"Konatsu can take care of hi...Well, he's a good martial artist and a ninja,
he can defend himself."
"We're back!", Shampoo called from the hall. "So stop _now_!"
"Stop what now?", Ukyo asked, but was ignored as Shampoo relieved 
Mousse of his daughter.
"You were a good girl while Mo...Shampoo was away, weren't you?", 
Shampoo said to Hairspray. "Kept an eye on Daddy and Auntie Ukyo so 
they behaved themselves, didn't you? You're so clever!"
"Whatever she thinks you two malingerers has been up to while she had her
back turned", Ranma said.
"She's been worrying about it all day", Akane added. "And certain people
who shall remain nameless didn't exactly help."
"But we couldn't...Hairspray's here...", Ukyo said. "And Kasumi...and 
your mother...and Mousse's wounds would have re-opene...I'm not 
helping either, am I?"
"Was there anything left of the farm?", Mousse interrupted.
"Well...Most of pigs survived", Akari said. "Some clothes will be alright
after they're cleaned, some books and one of the pigs had actually managed 
to rescue most of the important papers."
"I...I'm sorry..."
"It wasn't your fault."

* * * * * *

Michiko was a little disappointed that they didn't come back, but she was
sure they had a good reason. Besides, the stone _was_ Mousse's, sort of.
More Mousse's than hers, anyway. And they lived such busy and exciting
lives too. Not just living in _real_ Tokyo, rather than what was at best an
insignificant, isolated, nameless suburb, but they were martial artists too,
travelling to lost worlds and mysterious islands to defeat sinister 
masterminds and evil warlords. Just like on TV, or in the comics. Not just
sitting around guarding a vault full of magical artefacts, keeping them out of
the wrong hands. On the other hand, they kind of owed her a favour or two 
now, which would be useful if there was an emergency or something. At 
least it was better than trying to contact Sailor Moon. Of course, she was 
only nine at the time. And she'd been really desperate for help. 

Anyway, all she really needed was an emergency.

* * * * * *

The Elders looked at each other, some conspiratorially, some speechless, but
none entirely unsurprised.

"A baby!? How?"
"Now you're just being naive, Basin. You know very well how."
"But Shampoo hasn't managed to snare her supposed husband..."
"I think they've pretty much given up on that. I know Cologne has."
"It says here that Mousse is the father."
"So, _someone_ got lucky at least."
"Pay up, Sponge-bag."
"Not until they're married."
"Come on, they're practically married already. They've..."
"You said the same thing when they were three."
"Besides, the letter also says that Shampoo isn't the mother."
"Hah! Pay up, Plunger."
"QUIET! The mother is missing, presumed dead, and apparently there are
plenty of local girls volunteering to help out..."
"Cologne even added profiles and assessment on what they could add to
the line."
"And you said she didn't take these things seriously."
"She still doesn't. _This_ profile, for example, lists, as a minor drawback,
'Subject is a male crossdresser.' Which is a shame, since it's apparently a
genius ninja."
"But that's just one..."
"Two. Three, if we count Shampoo's supposed husband and retroactively
change _that_ rule to count for males defeated by outsider women too."
"She also mentions that Shampoo doesn't seem entirely happy with the 
idea. She's warming up to little Hairspray...at least."
"This sounds like a perfect opportunity to make things more interesting...
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"At your age? SHAME!"
"I don't think we have any of _those_ agreements at the moment...None
that we could apply to either of those two."
"I have an idea that could be fun...Bath has had visions of his brother
acting strangely..."
"Bath's brother always acted strangely, that's why he's in exile."
"I know, but listen...His brother lives far away from both us and Japan, but
he's still, technically, our responsibility, so here's what we do..."

* * * * * *

At first, the woman was surprised at the lack of security, but then she 
remembered that to these people the young man was just a John Doe who
wouldn't be going anywhere in the immediate future.

"Wu Jing?"
Wu Jing opened his non-bandaged-over eye and looked at the woman. She
was beautiful, with waist-length hair, not exactly black but a very dark 
nuance of a more unusual colour, and slightly darker skin than usual, 
although she was probably almost old enough to be his mother. She wore
a cheongsam in white and almost-black blue, and carried a staff, or maybe
it was a very long-hafted mace or an anorectic polearm. It had an strange-
looking metal shape at the top.
"Yes", Wu Jing rasped. "What do you want?"
"I heard you got yourself in trouble with some of the Joketsuzoku", the 
woman said in Mandarin.
"Duck-boy just got lucky."
"But he has been lucky before, hasn't he?...No, don't say anything, just
listen. You're not the only one with a score to settle. I represent a group
of people who have also been wronged by the Joketsuzoku and we could
use someone with your skills..."
"What's in it for me?"
"Revenge. Money. Not having to spend the next few months in a hospital
worrying that someone identifies you and send you where you belong. The 
skills to finally defeat your rival in combat. Do we have a deal?"
Wu Jing thought for a few moments.
"Yes."

The room was empty less than fifteen minutes later.

THE END (of this story arc)

Final notes:
If the anti-climactic ending disappointed you, you have my apologies.
(I resist the impulse to quote or paraphrase about offending shadows
and slumbering.)
None of the suggestions given regarding the first part, in particular those
that could be applied to this part as well, has been acted on...yet (as I'm
sure those involved has noticed).
Some will be. Others are still under consideration.



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