In a message dated 1/28/2003 2:30:07 PM Eastern Standard Time,
allynyonge0000@netscape.net writes:
Chapter: 28
Mei ren ji
(Use a woman to ensnare a man)
As Lazarus Long once said: "He came, he saw, *she* conquered."
"Hi Kodachi." Akane called cheerfully. "Kasumi is
trying on a dress, but she'll be out in a minute."
"There is no hurry." The young Templar was
conservatively dressed in gold-washed mail, over which she
wore a silk tabard emblazoned with the Templar Cross and,
stitched in silver thread around a scarlet naginata, was her
motto:
Need to lose the "was" in that last line -- you're already talking
abut stuff emblazoned on the tabard. Or end the sentence at "Cross" and make
the motto description a new sentence.
For Honor, Justice and God
Strike hard and fear nothing.
Formatted a bit oddly, but maybe it's just my email client.
"Nabiki-san asked me to stop by with some papers she
had asked for. She told me you were shopping and I thought
to offer you a ride home."
Akane blinked. She hadn't heard Kodachi speak so
clearly since . . .she thought a moment. She'd never heard her
be so direct. It was disconcerting.
Heck, the whole idea of a sane... well, okay, insane-in-a-good-way
Kodachi is boggling. But I like it.
"Thank you, but we're going to be a while."
Kodachi turned to face Kasumi as she left the dressing
room and bowed slightly. "Nevertheless, I shall instruct
Sasuki to remain with the car and I shall proceed by," she
swallowed hard and Akane had to stifle a laugh at the look on
her face. "by . . .public conveyance."
Hah. Still has some canon-Kodachi hangups, though.
"It's not so bad," Kasumi hid a smile by pretending to
cough. "I travel on the train all the time."
Awww, Kasumi's being gentle with Kodachi's feelings. That's sweet.
"Walking across hot coals," Kodachi said grandly,
"Could not but be enlivened by the knowledge that you were
near. However I misdoubt that I may avoid the indignity of
congress with the hoi-polloi - - -saving yourself," she hastily
added bowing in Akane's direction, "and avail myself of
a . . .a . . ."
Okay, I'm stealing that first line. Dunno where I'll use it, but...
"Taxi?" Akane offered, when Kodachi seemed unable
to bring herself to utter the word.
Heh.
"Thank you." Kodachi paused a moment, abnormally
subdued. "My lady . . .no, Kasumi-san," Kasumi's eyes went
wide. Kodachi hadn't called her Kasumi-san since the day of
Kodachi's mother's funeral. "Kasumi-san . . . trust only your
sisters, avoid the touch of strangers. Go no place alone, not
even the . . .facilities," she added delicately, flushing slightly.
Damn. 'Dachi seems to have gone un-crazy, or at least less-crazy.
"Kodachi-chan," Kasumi was touched by the other
girls serious tone. "I know you are worried about that
monk - - "
"He is a worry, but not my greatest. I can not say
more," she added hastily. "Not without proof. I would slander
no man, and to speak without proof might make me less in
your eyes and lead you to folly . . ." she broke off, realizing
that she was saying too much and not enough. "Please,
Kasumi-san," she took a deep breath and looked the older girl
in the eye. "Please do this and . . .and I will trouble you no
more after this crisis is past."
Okay, something seriously bad is going on. Kodachi must be truly
afraid for Kasumi, to make that offer.
(after reading on) Ah. She's referring to Ranma, isn't she? Nabiki
must have given her the condensed version.
Kasumi's left eyebrow tried to crawl off her face and
Akane gave a small gasp of surprise. "I appreciate your
offer," Kasumi said sincerely, "but, after all this time I'm not
sure if I could get to sleep without someone singing archaic
French ballads outside my window. And who else would
protect me from rogue cappuccino machines?"
I VOLUNTEER!!!!!
Kodachi hung her head, recalling the Starbucks
debacle.
"Besides," Kasumi put a finger under Kodachi's chin
and tilted her face up, "we still have some unresolved issues."
Kasumi's face was tinged a delicate pink and Kodachi felt her
own face heat.
Call me a sucker, but I was hoping that this would happen. I just
want to see canine loyalty and devotion rewarded, I guess.
Besides, I think Kasumi's been *good* for Kodachi -- our favorite
Templar is now at least somewhat saner than an emu on acid.
"I have to go . . .now. I have to," Kodachi backed
hastily away, getting tangled in her sword. "Ummm . . .yes. I
have to go. Now. I . . .I'll see you later. See you." Realizing
she was babbling, Kodachi's mouth snapped shut. She
sketched a jerky bow, then turned and fled from the store.
Yep. She's in love. Having her idealized goddess turn out to have
the libido of a Navy task force after an 18-month deployment (even if it
*was* drug-induced) must have been a shock to her system
"That was fun," Kasumi remarked to the air. "What
do you think of this dress?" Kasumi asked Akane, holding up
a wisp of scarlet that appeared to have been spun by an
especially anemic silkworm, composed as it was of mostly
empty space and a healthy imagination.
Kasumi, you wicked little minx! You're enjoying this FAR too much.
And, Allyn? I'm stealing that dress description, too. How do you DO
that?
*****
*****
On the other side of the room, Saotome Genma stood,
completely invisible by virtue of the enormous hairy mole he
had affixed to the corner of his mouth. People either turned
away, or stared fixedly at the blemish. In either case, no one
saw _him_.
Gads. A "Goldmember" reference? Or is this just some kind of cosmic
coincidence?
He never looked in their direction, but he knew every
move the Tendou sisters made, having long ago perfected the
ability to count every pearl in a dowagers necklace and
Dowager's. Don't forget the posessive apostrophe.
appraise the diamonds being worn by the ladies on either side
while kissing her hand. As Kasumi and Akane paid for their
purchases, he moved casually away, not bothering to watch
them anymore. He already knew where they had to go next.
Mmm? Where? I'm missing something...
It had taken him a while, but he had finally figured it
out. Souun! His old friend had his package. That explained
why he had left so suddenly, without a word to anyone.
Moderately clever, Genma thought savagely, for a
weak fool like Tendou Souun.
Yeah, where the hell HAS Soun been the last few chapters? Something
has him wound up enough to stay off the sauce and yet still avoid going home.
From his right hand pocket Genma pulled a bottle of
pure grain alcohol, clearly marked for industrial use only. His
hand shook slightly from anticipation. He always did his
planning dry - - a little sake wasn't really drinking - - but the
execution . . . ahhhh. . . that needed a bit of real lubrication.
I'll admit that sometimes your descriptions of Genma's alchoholism
seem a little over the top, but this works pretty well. Addicts always have
*some* kind of rationalization.
From another pocket he pulled a small tube filled with
an oily green liquid and poured a small amount into the first
bottle which took on a delicate green tinge. Frowning Genma
added a bit more of the oily liquid and the contents of the
larger bottle turned a cool mint colour, which only seemed to
anger the old con-man. Savagely Genma emptied the entire
Sug: comma after "Savagely", although I don't think it's a
grammatical requirement.
contents of the tube into the bottle - - the heavy green liquid
roiled and flowed like mad worms eating through flesh, until
the contents of the bottle turned the dark furry green of moss
growing beneath a tumbled gravestone.
I'd suggest losing the "mad worms" stuff -- it just seems gratuitously
graphic, for something that doesn't really add anything to the story.
Taking a pull from the bottle, Genma shuddered as
liquid fire burned down his throat and exploded like a bomb in
his belly. The mix of nearly two hundred proof denatured
alcohol and absinthe would have killed any three normal men
in a matter of minutes and was killing Genma, though in his
case it was a process of years, rather than minutes. Decades
of drinking everything from thousand dollar bottles of
Thousand-dollar.
Napoleon Brandy to shoe-polish filtered through cheese cloth,
Need to lose that last comma. And shoe polish doesnt' need a dash.
had built up his tolerance, while shear bulk and the remnants
of a once magnificent physique gave him a truly astounding
capacity for drink.
In this instance, you want "sheer," not "shear." One refers to
magnitude, the other to mechanical seperation of materials.
Coroner: "Great Ghu! Somebody call the HazMat team!"
Another slug from the bottle burned it's way down his
No apostrophe on "its" when it is being used in a posessive manner.
throat and Genma relished the feeling of god-like savagery
and power that flooded his brain. Smiling in anticipation he
fingered the icepick in his pocket. A few minutes with a pair
of pliers had assured that the wooden handle would slip free
of the steel pick, leaving no fingerprints behind. The slender
needle sharp shaft would slide easily between vertebra and
into the base of the brain. There wouldn't even be any blood,
as the skin closed around the tiny entry wound almost
instantly. They wouldn't figure out what had happened until
after the autopsy. Sometimes not even then, he knew from
experience, if the coroner was inexperienced or in a hurry.
And Ranma thinks his Pops is just a con man. Just how much does Ranma
*not* know about Genma's crimes, I wonder?
Settling into the spot he'd picked out earlier, Genma
vanished into the shadows, patient as stone. Akane would
learn what martial arts was _really_ about. It would be a
short lesson, but she would get the point, he thought, pleased
with his grim pun. And Souun, his old,_dear_ friend Souun.
He would learn not to fuck with Saotome Genma. He might
even let Souun have Kasumi back, if he paid up quick enough.
You've made Ranma look pretty bad in this fic (though he's started to
redeem himself, piecemeal), but by comparison to Genma, here, he's a freakin'
saint. I suspect this is going to be important, later...
He took another pull from his bottle.
Enough of her for a funeral, at least.
"I say we nuke the fat bastard from orbit. It's the only way to be
sure."
"Nodoka-san?"
The door opened to show a much younger looking
woman than the aging, sick creature who had been brought to
the embassy over nine weeks earlier "Yes?" Nodoka smiled
and it transformed her, even more than the good food and
new clothes. "Is it time?" she asked eagerly, seeing the look
on her benefactress's face.
Hmm. Cologne was looking 17 last chapter, IIRC -- J-water? Did she
use some on Nodoka, too, or is it just food, care, and hope that is making
her look young again?
"Why don't we go see your son."
Need a "?" there.
*****
*****
"You wanted to see me?" Ranma asked casually,
leaning against the door frame.
What door frame? I ask because I got a bit lost when everybody
started showing up, further down. I was thinking this was Nabiki's room,
which is on the 2nd floor, but then people start coming in through the
ground-floor doors. You *might* want to mention, in passing, what part of
the house they're in. It's not a big problem, just a minor nit.
"Why don't you sit down," Nabiki made an effort to
be polite.
Need a "?" here, too, just like Ranma's line.
"Nah, I'm fine."
"I was wondering if I could ask you a couple of
questions about this?" Nabiki held up a bundle of papers, with
bank letter-heads.
Letterhead(s) doesn't have a dash.
"Nope," Ranma replied easily. "Anything else?"
"Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"
"Yes."
Nabiki blinked, unable to comprehend at first. "What
do you mean, nope?"
"Can't help you." He turned to go and there was a
flash of steel as a giant spatula blocked his way.
Uh...oh. I think Ukyou's about to put her Genma-hunt on hold for
Nabiki. Which is a *good* thing, actually -- it shows that s/he *can* get
past his/her obsessions.
Now we just have to do something about that gender confusion....
"I think Nabiki asked you a question." Ukyou's voice
was hard and the look in his eyes suggested that Ranma was a
nail and Ukyou had a hammer.
Sug a comma after "hard." Niice bit of description there, BTW (and
yes, I'm stealing that, too).
"Can't help, or won't?" Nabiki asked, moving closer
with a whir of her electric wheel-chair.
Wheelchair. One word, no dash.
Ranma didn't bother to answer, but turned away from
Ukyou to leave. A slender figure in blackened mail, bastard
sword at her hip and morning-star swinging lightly in her left
hand, stepped in his way.
Yep, Nabs called in everybody she had on tap. But somehow I doubt
they're enough to take Ranma, especially a Ranma who doesn't give a darn
about maiming attacks and using potentially lethal force.
"It is impolite to turn your back on a lady." Kodachi raised the
spiked mace warningly.
Ranma looked over his shoulder at Nabiki, the lazy
smile on his lips belied by the hard look in his eyes. "Are you
sure you want to do this?"
This is gonna get ug-leeee....
"I want to know why you've mortgaged the doujou.
The house. Everything!" She shook the papers at Ranma.
"What in the hell do you think you're doing with my home?"
"But it's not your home, is it?" Ranma replied softly.
"It's mine now. The house, the doujou, it's all mine since I
married your sister."
Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap.
Nabiki went white, swaying slightly in her chair and
Ukyou leapt to support her.
"Dammit, what are you up to!" Nabiki was horrified at
the tears that clogged her throat. She had to be strong. "What
are you doing? Akane would never let you - - "
Oddly enough, I don't find this OOC for Nabs at all, after everything
she's been through lately. Good work -- you got her (and us) to this point
so smoothly we didn't feel the knife going in (so to speak).
"Akane trusts me completely. And, not that it's any of
your business," Ranma replied cooly, "but if we're going to
compete against all the . . . McDoujou's" he grinned at little
Need a comma after "McDojo's," just like you ended his last sentence
after "business"
at Nabiki's expression hearing Akane's derisive term on his
lips, "we're going to need money for modern equipment,
expanded facilities, advertising." he shrugged, "it takes money
Need to cap "he" and "it" -- each one is starting a new sentence.
to make money. Don't you think I got a good rate?"
Ranma lecturing Nabiki on getting good interest. The mind boggles...
"That's not the point," Nabiki raged, "you have no
right - - "
"I have every right," Ranma squatted beside her chair,
putting himself at her eye level, " _you_ have no right. You
have the clothes on your back. Everything else is mine."
I *think* your grammatical construction is legit, here, but I'd
suggest ending his first line with a period, and making his second line a new
sentence. Helps punctuate (ahem!) his action.
And... Damn, Allyn, that's fskcing *cold,* man. Just when we thought
maybe Ranma was growing something resembling a consience...
"You don't own me!" Nabiki's voice shook, "you
don't own Kasumi. You don't own Ak - - "
Ranma stopped her with a finger against her lips.
"Every - Thing - Is - Mine. Especially Akane."
I'd suggest using periods rather than dashes, here.
"You need a little attitude adjustment," Ukyou said
coldly. "I've been waiting ten years for this."
I think Ukyou needs an action here, maybe tightening his grip on the
battle-spat, or something. The plain dialogue is just too... well, plain.
"I think," Kodachi slid her sword from it's scabbard,
advancing with both sword and morning-star. "that this cur
needs lessoning in manners."
Ranma blinked sleepily, like a lion slightly irritated by
Extra space.
the buzzing of flies. "Let's take this outside. I don't want you
bustin' up my furniture."
Geeeeez, he just can't pass up any chance to rub it in, can he?
*Crap* Nabiki didn't like Ranma's calm attitude, like
Need a period after "crap." No biological puns intended.
he didn't care if there were two or twenty of them. She knew
something about martial arts, and no one was that good. No
one _could_ be that good. Could they?
Ukyou and Kodachi are probably better than in canon... but Ranma's a
lot nastier. I wouldn't give Team Nabiki good odds.
"HI!" Akane's voice rang cheerfully from the front of
the house. "I'm back. And look at the dress I found on sale."
She skipped around the corner, swinging her shopping bag,
then stopped, the smile sliding from her face.
"Is something wrong?"
"You got a spare week?"
Nabiki felt an instants gladness at seeing her sister,
Instant's. Posessive.
then her heart went cold as Akane automatically went to
Ranma's side. Not her sister, but her husband. Nabiki felt
sick inside, but she had to try.
Okay, I had to stop reading here, for a moment. Ghod, but I could
*feel* that icy-knife-in-the-gut that Nabiki is feeling, here.
"It's this," she held out the papers, "Ranma has
mortgaged everything. He's - - "
I'd suggest ending her first line with a period, making "She held..."
a new sentence.
"OH, is that all?" Akane's body relaxed.
"Is that . . .you _knew_!" Nabiki gaped at her baby
sister.
<blink> Okay, I'm honestly not sure if this is good or bad...
"Well of course," Akane looked surprised. "I had to
Need a comma after "Well"
sign the papers, too. Everything is in both our names."
And whose idea was THAT, I wonder? The answer could reveal a great
deal.
Nabiki felt a sense of unreality. She'd assumed that
Ranma had forged her sisters signature. But now - -
Sister's. Posessive.
"Baka!"
Nabiki jerked at the shout, and looked up in time to
see Akane smack Ranma across the head.
Okaaaay, I can see who wears the pants in *this* family.
"Just _what_ have you been saying to Nabiki?" Akane
glared around at Ukyou and Kodachi, who were sheepishly
lowering their weapons. Akane looked at her sister, who
Good grief. Akane as the voice of calm and reason. Oy.
remained silent. Partially because Nabiki didn't want to carry
tales, and partially she was afraid to test Akane's loyalties.
Nabiki's hesitation seemed answer enough for Akane, who
rounded on Ranma and boxed his ears.
"Owwww!" Ranma rubbed his head glaring at Akane.
"What did you do - - Owwww!" Stepping back he rubbed the
other side of his head. "Would you quit - - OW! Now cut that
out!" Ranma grabbed both her hands and dragged Akane
close. Nabiki gasped at the angry glint in his eye, while
Kodachi and Ukyou both took a step toward him.
Interesting. Ranma is really angry, and yet... Akane doesn't seem to
care. Is she just not noticing, or can she see him better than he sees
himself?
"Don't hit me like that again!" Ranma growled.
"Then don't be an ass!" Akane snapped, not in the
least intimidated. "Don't tease Nabiki."
I used to think she was oblivious. Now I wonder if perhaps she
doesn't see (Ranma, at least) better than anyone...
"What makes you think - - Owww!" He twisted her
arm roughly, genuine anger in his eyes. "Don't kick me on the
shins!"
"That little love tap?" Akane said scornfully. "What
are you, a sissy?"
She won't give up, she won't back down, she won't give him a
millimeter...
That's it, isn't it? Ranma's finally met someone whose limits exceed
his.
"Don't call me a sissy!" Ranma's voice was almost a
scream and Nabiki began to be really frightened.
She's just going to keep pushing him...
"Are you going to apologize to Nabiki?"
"What? Why should I?" He added petulantly. "She
started it."
"Because," Akane leaned forward, deliberately
increasing the strain on her arm, so that Ranma was forced to
either let go, or risk really hurting her arm. He let go. "_You_
.... until he has to choose between letting her win, or hurting her for real.
are a martial artist. That means you have to be more
responsible. You can't go around teasing people and picking
fights. That makes you a bully." The way Akane said the
word, it was clear that there was nothing lower. "It's like me
with my temper. You're helping me with that, and it's my
duty to help you with this."
My...ghod. Not too many chapters back, I didn't think there was any
way you'd be able to redeem Ranma out of the hole you'd written him into.
Dammit, Allyn, how do you DO these things?
"Because it's a martial artists duty?" Ranma sneered.
"Because it's a wife's duty." Akane replied gently,
stroking the tense line of his jaw.
"Oh," Ranma seemed to deflate slightly. "Uhhhh . . .
Okay. Nabiki . . .Nabiki-san," Ranma tried to be a little more
formal. "I'm uhhhh . . .sorry."
He CAN be taught! Still a major fixer-upper, but still....
That was probably the best she was going to get and
Nabiki gave a grudging nod of acceptance.
Sug breaking that up into two seperate sentences.
"Where is Kasumi-san?" Kodachi asked suddenly, a
note of strain in her voice. "She promised she wouldn't go off
alone."
Sug: "alarm," rather than "strain." Or maybe "apprehension"
"Relax," Akane assured her, "I put Neesama into your
car with Sasuki and he drove her to the University while I
went to talk with Uncle Genma."
Oh, oka-- SAY WHAT!?!?!?!?!!?!!?!?!!?!?!?!
"What!"
Suddenly united the four turned on her with identical
expressions of horror and disbelief.
"Where is the bastard . . .Th' Ol' Man! . . . What th'
hell . . .That was a dangerous . . .are you stupid!"
You're trying to portray a simultaneous eruption of voices, here, but
I don't think the elipses are working for that -- to me, at least, elipses
are connected to pauses. Maybe /s or something. Or maybe just *describe*
it, rather than try to fit all the words in -- this is a problem that text
always has, converying scenes like this.
"QUIET!" Akane burst away from the press of bodies
and bent over gasping. "What in the world is the matter with
you all?"
Ranma took the lead.
"What th' hell do you mean you went to' talk ta'
'Uncle Genma'?"
You have an apostrophe after "to" that really doesn't belong there. I
suspect you meant something like "..went t'talk ta..."
"Ummmm . . ." slightly flustered by the intense stares
"Slightly" should be capped.
she was getting Akane took a moment to marshal her
thoughts. "Well . . . I noticed Uncle Genma in the store while
we were shopping . . .is he craz. . .uhhh . . .he was wearing
the most _disgusting_ mole thingy on his face," she gave
I'm not sure the mid-sentence interjection really works here, or is
needed.
Ranma a puzzled look. "Anyway," Akane forced herself back
Extra space.
to the subject at hand. "I thought it strange he wouldn't stop
to say hello, and I wanted to talk to him anyway. So I told
Kasumi to . . ."
If she's being interrupted by Ranma, that needs to be a double-dash,
not an elipse.
"Wait, wait," Ranma stopped her. "You _saw_ the ol
Need apostrophe after "ol"
man? That rubber mole is one of his best gags. _No one_ ever
sees him." Ranma was flabbergasted, as if the sun suddenly
rose in the west. "How did _you_ see th' old man?"
"Because I'm not really Akane, I'm a Self-Insert Character!"
.....
...........
Nah. Forget I wrote that.
"Situational Awareness Training from my wonderful
sensei," Akane leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek,
smiling at Ranma's flush. There were soft sniggers from the
rest and Ranma flushed brighter, darting an angry look at the
room, which produced more laughter.
Heh heh heh. She has him wrapped around her finger at least as much
as she's wrapped around his.
Which is probably the only way this relationship is going to work.
They're both so combative, their only peace is mutual stalemate. If either
one had a real advantage over the other, there'd be hell to pay...
"I noticed that there was a part of the store that I
wasn't really seeing," Akane continued, deciding to give
Ranma a break, "and I got this tingly feeling that I get when
you're about to pull something sneaky," she looked at Ranma
and they both grinned at a shared memory. "So I started
looking for you, figuring you were about to get all creative on
me. But it was Uncle Genma."
"And you confronted him!" Kodachi was outraged.
"How dare you put my lady in danger."
Need a "?"
"Of course not." Akane said, a little impatiently. "First
I took Neesama out and put her in the car . . ."
"Without the old man seein' you?" Ranma asked
skeptically.
Akane's face split with an urchin-like grin. "We snuck
out through ladies wash-room window. I boosted her up and
Neesama wriggled through and I followed."
Kasumi: "Akane! Watch your hands!"
Akane: "Sorry, Neesama. But I have to say, your butt isn't nearly as
firm and hard as Ran--"
Kasumi: "LA LA LA I CAN'T HEEEEAR YOU!!!"
"You . . .wash-room . . .MY LADY!" Kodachi was
horrified. Her lady, 'wriggling' through a window? A _wash
room_ window! Kodachi had never even _been_ in a public
wash-room, but was firmly convinced they were swirling
pools of germs, filth and perversion. What else could you
expect from something that was open to . . .to the _public_.
Had to stop reading to ROFTL.
"Neesama said she was going to stop by the
University to talk to her calculus professor, then come home."
Akane decided it might be better to ignore Kodachi and
Wise.
continue her story. "Then I went back to look for Uncle
Genma - - "
"For God's sake, WHY!" Nabiki pounded the arm of
her chair, making it jerk back and forth with an electric whine
of protest. "Why didn't you just come home?"
"I have a few things I want to discuss with Uncle
Genma. Concerning training." She shot a look at her husband,
noting the gathering fire in his eyes. "It's martial arts stuff,"
she put a hand on his arm, sighing as she felt the iron-hard
tension. "Not very interesting," she dismissed.
Okay, she's talking to Nabiki there, with a "we'll discuss this later"
subtext to Ranma, right? She *knows* what Ranma's going to say, and she
doesn't want him to say it in front of Nabiki, who'll get worried.
"It's a good thing you couldn't find him." Ranma
spoke through a tightly clenched jaw and Akane winced.
"Ummm . . .actually I did find him," she decided to
make a clean breast of things, while there were witnesses
around.
OTOH, Ranma might not tie her up and punish her in front of other
people...
The temperature of the room seemed to drop. "And?"
The single word dropped from Ranma's lips like the voice of
doom.
I'd suggest "like a block of ice." Not that it's *better,* I just
like the temperature connection.
"And . . .heh . . .well . . . I tried to think like you do,"
She gave her husband a winsome smile that would have
melted the heart of a bronze Buddha, but had no noticeable
effect on Ranma. "and . . .uhhhh . . .he's _really_ good at
hiding, I guess that's why you're so . . .good," she trailed off
He's a proffessional con man. Even from Akane, flattery is only going
to go so far...
miserably under Ranma's hard stare. "So I found him, hiding
in a corner of the elevator lobby. It was amazing that he could
hide in such a public . . ." Heaving a deep sigh, Akane decided
to give up trying to placate her husband. Men were so
unreasonable sometimes.
Having our nearest&dearest come a whisker's breadth from annihilation
tends to do that to us.
"What did you do?" Ranma grated, biting off each
word as if his teeth hurt.
"Nothing. I got scared," she burst out. "I started to go
up to him, but I just couldn't. Something . . .it just felt funny
and I couldn't do it!" Miserably she waited for his teasing.
"Thank god you ain't as stupid as ya look," Ranma
enfolded her in a crushing embrace. He held her against him
for a moment, then pushed her away. "Don't you _ever_ do
that again." She winced as his grip on her shoulders tightened.
"You don't see the old man, you don't talk to him, you don't
talk to people he's talked to, you don't even _think_ about
him." Ranma took a shuddering breath, trying to control
himself.
Geee... was that real fear in his eyes?
"But . . ." Akane started to protest.
"But nuthin'!" Ranma stormed, "The old man's my
problem."
C&C to be continued (Stupid AOL mail size limits....)
--
David McMillan, Imagineer at Large.
Chief Systems Analyst and Integration Engineer, Exotic Technologies Division,
<Censored> GmBh. Mecha and Weapons Design Specialist.
"Agent Mulder? My name is Neo. I believe I may be able to show you part of
the truth you've been searching for. I should warn you, however -- it's not
what you think."
--
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