--- David Johnston <rgorman@telusplanet.net> からのメッ
セージ：

tabyk@attbi.com wrote:

     P.S.: Might end up rewriting this one, since

I think I fell

into the "give Akane a serious anger issue"

trap...

I agree.  Why is Akane so angry?  Or perhaps I
should be asking,
why is Akane so crazy?  Ordinarily you'd expect her
to welcome the
arrival of another student as an opportunity to test
her skills and
improve them.  What is so frustrating about the
situation for her?  
Why is she even angrier than her counterpart in the
main time line?  

Indeed.  There was some kind of an attempt at an
explanation for her aggravation over the issue... Soun
intending to teach another student when he hasn't taught
her much of anything in awhile.   However it just isn't
enough here.  I think we need more to explain this
behavior or it needs to be toned down a little.

This the mandatory alternate universe "Ranma proves
he's better than
Akane, again" scene but what else does it say?  It
doesn't say much
about Ranma except that he follows his mother's
orders without hesitation
or compunction.  He's the Boy With No Personality. 
It says that that
Akane is mental, of course.  It says that Soun and
Akane are slobs
because they don't put her weightlifting equipment
away after use.  
It says that Soun wants Akane to give up martial
arts entirely, because
after slacking off on her training, he just sat
there and let her be 
beaten into unconsciousness instead of doing what a
sensei would normally
do when a student was about to be really hurt, and
say "stop".  Since
Soun wasn't surprised by what happened and
deliberately set up Akane
for a beating, I can only assume that he wants
Akane's confidence to 
be destroyed so he can forget about her as a
student.

YOur view of Ranma in this C&C is bad.  Simply because
Ranma has hardly made an appearance at all, so it's hard
to judge what kind of personality he has other than he is
obedient to this mother... as are a great number of
Japanese males.

"Ranma beat Akane again... so what does it say" you ask? 
How the hell are we suppposed to know?!  This chapter
smells a whole like exposition to me still.  Give the
person a chance to get the everything underway before you
start dropping criticisms like that.  This chapter is
neither long nor is it like Chapter 5 or 10... so we are
clearly still in the beginning... I vote cut some slack
here.  *BUT* in the next and following chapter we need to
start to have much light shined upon what is going on.  
Keeping the reader waiting too long or just leaving things
as is isn't enough...

If Akane lost her confidence like that, she shouldn't have
bothered to start with (learning martial arts or any sport
for that matter).  That's just life... sometimes you bite
off more than you can chew and you take a licking for it. 
And so you gotta get up dust yourself off and work harder
to improve.

Taking this back to Soun.  That is a good question.  It
seems obvious to me by the end that we aren't meant to
know what Soun's intentions are, but that there is some
kind of plan in mind to be told in the next chatper or
two.  As such... I think your C&C jumps the gun again a
bit.  Although as I was reading I did wonder at Soun not
stopping or at least saying something about the weights
being thrown.

So at this point it seems to me Akane has two
choices.  She can 
forget about athletics and decide to become a
girly-girl.  Or 
she can find a new sensei who is actually interested
in teaching
her and try to narrow the gap between herself and
Ranma.

Hmm.  Depends on what Soun's intentions are here.  He DID
agree to train her along side Ranma.  My view on it all
is... as I said... the weight throwing should have been a
foul... even if Ranma is that good AND it seems excessive
for Akane.  As far as her getting her ass kicked.  Well. 
Ever watch K-1 fights or even Kyokushin Karate
tournaments?  If you have... you'd understand.  Looks fair
to me.  Full contact, minmal pads (hands and feet for
Kuokushin, just hands for K-1)... usualy blood drawn,
often times injured or broken fingers.  If the author
intends this to be a Musabetsu Kakuto Ryu is the serious
shit -type fic... then that's fine.  If it's intended to
be a wimpy-ass "self-defense" -type with a lot of babying
by the sensei... then it is too much.  Think I'm
over-board... come take Kyokushin-karate classes in Japan
and then go spar with someone wearing their full pads with
head gear in Tae Kwon Do in the States and you'll see what
I'm talking about. 

Serious martial arts are serious.  They are violent and
people can get injured.

J

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