Since my prereader (who, unfortunately, has a real life)
finally got around to the epilogue and I got around to do
all the corrections anybody pointed out, I decided to
repost the whole thing (in two part - the next will be in 
a few days).
In the hope that some of those who were put off by
the messed-up posting the first time will give it a chance.

DUCK AND PEACHES AT THE FOOT OF FLOWER MOUNTAIN
 By Hans Holm

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and co., and
there's nothing I can do about it. I don't make any money on this and 
if anybody does, don't. Unless you actually have the rights to Ranma 
1/2, in which case there's not much I can do to prevent it.
Additional by Lewis Carrol. 

I know virtually nothing about babies, and I'm too embarrassed to ask 
those who do know.

C & C is appreciated, since it's the only indication anybody reads this.

This takes place after the end of the manga, and about ten months after 
Mousse's return (after training at Jusenkyo).

CHAPTER ONE

At first, Shampoo didn't consciously notice anything unusual as she 
returned to the Nekohanten. However, once inside she realised 
something and went back outside, doing the kind of double take that is 
hilarious in movies but doesn't work at all in text.

Next to the door was a basket with a sleeping baby. Now, Shampoo 
wouldn't be the first to admit that her knowledge of the specifics of 
human reproduction was a little shaky. She would, in fact, have denied 
it until the point when it couldn't be denied any longer. She knew, 
however, that this was NOT the way babies normally show up. This 
called for expert help.

"Great-grandmother!"
"What is the matter, Shampoo?", Cologne asked as she came out of 
the kitchen.
"What's this"
"A baby."
"I mean, what is it doing here!?"
"Sleeping."
"Did you memorise the whole movie or..."
WHAP!! Shampoo's question was interrupted by Cologne's staff.
" We will continue this inside."

Back inside, a quick search concluded that the basket contained a 
month-old baby girl, some clothes, a blanket and a letter. Addressed 
to Mousse. Since he was away doing whatever he does when he's not 
working at Nekohanten and couldn't have stopped her even if he was 
there, Cologne opened and read it. Before Shampoo had the chance to 
ask what it said, Mousse returned.

"SHAMPOO, MY LO..."
"QUIET, YOU'LL WAKE THE BABY. And let go of the hat-rack."
The first part of this utterance not only stopped Mousse in his tracks, 
but also woke the baby.
"Shampoo. The baby. And Mousse: who is Tao Tao?", Cologne demanded.
As Shampoo tried to calm the baby, Mousse turned a very bright 
shade of red. 
"Uh...S-she was one of the girls at the circus."
"You got along pretty good, I suppose?"
"W-well...we...what do you mean?"
"You can see...well, hear the baby can't you? Who do you think she 
is?"
"What...it couldn't...I mean...we did...she said...she said she 
wouldn't get pregnant..."
"Oh, well. I suppose there's not much we can do about that now..."
"But what's the baby doing here, what about Tao Tao?"
"According to this letter there was some kind of accident shortly after 
the birth, and since Tao Tao didn't have any family, the circus decided 
to send the baby to you. By the way, it seems she doesn't even have a 
name yet."
"Uh...I was planning to name my first daughter Hairspray", Mousse 
said, starting to turn red again "...after her grandmother..."
"But that's MY mother's name", Shampoo interrupted, having  
managed to calm the baby and still somewhat confused about what 
was going on.
"Now that that's resolved, Mousse you take Hairspray up to your 
room and stay there until I call for you. Shampoo, take of your blouse. 
GO UPSTAIRS, MOUSSE. NOW."
"Why do you want me to undress, great-grandmother."
"Because I am to old to breastfeed a baby, and, unless somebody 
volunteers, you're the only alternative. Now hold still so I can find the 
rights pressure points..."
ZOOOM!!!
"...or maybe, we should stick to baby formula, until we find a 
volunteer", Cologne said to herself, looking at the swinging door.

* * * * * 

Shampoo definitively needed to talk to someone. It wasn't until 
Nabiki answered the door, that she remembered that Kasumi was on 
a trip with some old friends from school and thus unavailable. Nabiki 
was certainly not the right person to talk to, so she made up a story 
about taking their orders in advance, since she knew that Akane would 
be cooking. On second thought, Kasumi was probably not the right 
person either, she needed to talk to somebody who would agree on 
what jerks men are. Since Mrs. Saotome was unavailable as well, she 
only had one real choice.

Ukyo stared in surprise and disbelief as the obviously upset Amazon 
stormed into her restaurant.
"Ukyo serve alcohol? Give Shampoo", Shampoo demanded.
"Sorry", Ukyo answered, barely noticing that Shampoo had addressed 
her by name, "there appears to be a rule against people to young to 
drink it selling it".
Konatsu whispered something in her ear.
"But Konatsu says we have a gallon or so of high quality ice cream, if 
that will do. He says it does wonders for him."
"Whatever", Shampoo muttered, slumped over the table and burst into 
tears.
Ukyo sat down next to her and put her arm over Shampoo's shoulders.
"OK, tell me what's wrong."
"WhenMoussewaswiththecircushesleptwithoneofthegirlsandshegot
pregnantandnowshe'sdeadandtheysentthebabyhereand
greatgrandmother'sgonecrazyandwantsmetotakecareofit.", Shampoo 
explained, in Chinese.
"Whoa...slow down...Let me see if I got this right. You're upset 
because Mousse did something?"
"Mumble mumble mumble"
"What?"
"Mousse sleep with other girl!!"
"So why are you upset. You don't even like Mousse!"
"That not point!! Mousse always say he love Shampoo. Why Mousse 
sleep with other girl?" 
Ukyo, wisely, didn't answer that, possibly because Ranma and Akane 
entered the restaurant.

Ranma and Akane froze at the unexpected sight of Ukyo trying to 
comfort Shampoo, who was trying to out-Soun Soun. It could only
mean one thing - Ranma had managed to upset his other fiancees 
again.  No, that wasn't it - if he had they would have been tearing 
Nerima (and possibly Ranma) apart by now. This needed an 
investigation. Since Shampoo seemed incapable of speech at the 
moment, they turned to Ukyo.

"Hey, Ucchan, what's with Shampoo?"
"I think she walked in on Mousse with another girl."
"I thought she would've been celebrating if he did something like 
that", said Ranma, "I mean, she doesn't even like him".
At this point, Shampoo's crying gained new strength.
"I can't believe he'd do something like that", Akane said,
"especially since he's always telling her he loves her."
"Maybe she wore a purple wig", Ukyo interjected, "it is pretty easy to 
trick him when he's not wearing his glasses".
"What! Spatula Girl sleep with Mousse too!?"
"Let go of her, Shampoo. She only meant that anybody could 
convince Mousse that they're you if they tried", Akane said before 
realising that this outburst had not included the requisite attack.
"Mousse know girl not Shampoo! Shampoo nowhere near place!"
"Didn't you just say she walked in on him."
"I thought he did. I didn't think she'd be quite that upset otherwise."
"Mousse with girl ten months ago. Now Shampoo stuck with baby."
After this outburst they finally got Shampoo to explain the situation 
(from her point of view, withholding the volunteers and pressure 
points bits for strategic reasons).

* * * * *

Mousse sat on his bed and tried to gather his thoughts. He hadn't 
planned on being a father at seventeen. Well, sometimes he had, but 
not a single father and not without Shampoo being the mother. Tao 
Tao had been a good friend even if they hadn't known each other very 
long. She had in fact been sort of a non-violent Shampoo, except she 
wasn't _Shampoo_ and Shampoo was nowhere as forward, at least not 
with him. At least Hairspray was quiet...maybe too quiet? No, she 
was still breathing so she must be OK. And now Tao Tao was dead.
The letter had said it was an accident, but hadn't given any clues to 
what kind of accident, which made him suspicious. It wasn't as if 
the  circus hadn't included or antagonised people who, well, wouldn't 
have seemed out of place if they had showed up to kidnap Akane 
(Mousse himself being one example). He really didn't feel ready for 
this kind of responsibility. Was babies really supposed to be this 
quiet? Maybe she was sick? He really needed someone who knew 
about these things to talk with. Cologne wasn't really an option, she 
knew about a lot of things, but fatherhood was unlikely to be one of 
them. Besides, she tried to have as little as possible to do with babies 
and small children - partly because she didn't want to traumatise 
them and partly because they're hard to handle when you're not much 
bigger yourself. On the other hand, she wouldn't refrain from giving 
advice on the Amazon traditions of child-raising, several of which 
Mousse, having experienced or witnessed, wasn't too keen to consider 
inflicting on his own daughter (or any other child). For fatherhood, he 
could only think of three possible advisers in the area - neither of 
whom struck him as any shining ideals of fatherhood, and they were 
unlikely to have any practical experience in taking care of babies. Not 
that he would let them anywhere near Hairspray if he could prevent it. 
When it came to any practical, experienced advice or help, he realised, 
he only had Mrs. Saotome to turn to, with Kasumi as a possible 
inexperienced alternative. Of course, if Mrs. Saotome got involved, 
chances were that her prospective daughters-in-law would try to help 
out, showing how good they were at taking care of babies.

Mousse's  thoughts were broken by Cologne calling him downstairs
and handing him a list. 
"What's this, and where did Shampoo go?"
"It's a shopping list for everything you need to take care of a baby.
Shampoo isn't quite ready for children yet, but with any luck she'll
find someone who is."
Mousse took a quick look at the list.
"This is too much! I don't have this much money!"
"Here. Consider it an advance on your pay."
"You realise I'm not going to work here long enough to pay all of that 
back."
"Then it's a loan. Now go."
"But, what about Hairspray?"
"If she wakes up before you or Shampoo come back, I'll handle her."

* * * * * *

"I still can't believe Mousse would do something like that", Akane 
said as they walked towards Nekohanten, "he's always telling..."
"Yes, yes, yes", Ukyo interrupted her, "you've said that already. 
We get the point."
"Aren't we supposed to bring some presents, when we come to look at 
the baby", Ranma said, "You know, Frankenstein and murk and
stuff."
"I don't think we have to be that fancy, unless Mousse had the baby 
all by himself", Akane said.
"I think it can be forgiven since we didn't get any warning 
beforehand", Ukyo added, "right, Shampoo?".
"Uh...what?...sure.", Shampoo said, lost in thought.

"I'm back", Shampoo called as they entered Nekohanten.
"Changed your mind", Cologne asked, "or did you find a volunteer?".
"I, uh...", Shampoo began.
"What are you talking about?", Akane asked.
Cologne sighed, "I'm too old to breastfeed a baby, Shampoo is
desperately unwilling and Mousse physically incapable."
"How about trying to get some nyannichuan-water", Ranma suggested.
"All babies aren't breastfed", said Ukyo, "I wasn't and I turned out fine.
Besides some are allergic and stuff."
"I thought they were supposed to get anti-bodies and things through the
milk", Akane said, "so they don't get sick.".
"Then your answer is no", Cologne interrupted them, "Well, I guess we'll
have to try find a satisfactory substitute instead.".
"So, where is the baby?", Ranma asked.
"She's upstairs, in Mousse's room", Cologne said, "Shampoo, could you
get Hairspray?".
"She's named after Shampoo's mother", she continued seeing the other
three's reaction.
"He's really going in for upsetting Shampoo, isn't he?", Akane said.
"He had promised himself to name his first daughter Hairspray after her
grandmother, it just turned out that the mother wasn't the one he planned.",
Cologne explained.
"Here she is.", Shampoo announced, coming down the stairs with the now
awake Hairspray in her arms.
"Ooh, she's so cute!", Akane said, "Can I hold her?".
Shampoo seemed a little reluctant at first, but handed her over. Nothing 
good could come from this, Ranma reflected. The girls were clustered 
around the mite, cooing and telling her how cute she was. If pop found out 
how Akane acted around babies... 
"Ran-chan, do you want to hold her?", Ukyo asked, bringing Ranma out of 
his reverie.
"NO!", Ranma screamed, frightening Hairspray, "uh...I mean, guys don't 
do that. Guys holding babies look like geeks...uh...I mean...I don't know
how to hold a baby.".
That really was asking for it. A glass of cold water later, Ranma was left
holding a crying baby in her arms. "No...don't cry...please...pretty 
please?...uhm, help...she won't stop..." She was getting close to crying
herself.
"You're the one who got her started", Ukyo said, "you comfort her."
"Maybe she's hungry?", Akane said, "Where's Mousse anyway?".
"I sent him out to buy the things Hairspray's caretakers didn't bring along.",
Cologne answered, "I expect he'll be gone for a while."
Ranma finally managed to calm Hairspray down and gave a triumphant 
smile as if he'd just beaten Tarou, Herb and Saffron together all on his own.

At this point Kuno came into Nekohanten and saw, well, the pig-tailed girl
with a baby in her arms. His reaction was quite predictable:
"OH NO! PIG-TAILED GIRL, HAS THAT FOUL SORCE..." 
WHAM
Ranma's punch was accompanied by "It's Mousse's".
The reaction to this was quite predictable as well - a tirade directed towards
the vile miscreant, a promise to avenge the pig-tailed girls honour, a short
assisted flight out of the restaurant and running off to find Mousse.
"Heh, I should've thought of that months ago.", Ranma said with a smirk
before noticing the looks she got from the girls and Cologne, "What?".
"Don't you think Mousse have trouble enough without adding an angry
Kuno?". Akane growled.
"Hairspray already lost mother. Ranma trying to get father killed too?",
Shampoo added.
"OK. OK, I'll go look for him, satisfied?", Ranma muttered and left.

* * * * * *

CHAPTER TWO

Mousse wished Cologne had been foresighted enough to add the names and
addresses of the shops to the list. It wasn't as if he usually frequented shops 
for baby clothes or any of the other things he needed to buy. For a while he
considered going to the Tendos for help, but then he remembered that both
Kasumi and Mrs. Saotome were away at the moment. He doubted that
Kasumi actually knew where they could find those shops anyway.
Somebody came up behind him. "Mousse-san?"
He turned around and found himself staring at a giant pig which returned
the stare, while it's rider climbed of.
"Akari Unryuu, is it? Ryoga's girlfriend?"
"Yes. Have you seen him?"
"No...but he's bound to turn up sooner or later."
He thought for a few moments.
"Uh... Akari Unryuu, do you think you could help me with something?"
"Well, maybe...and could you please call me just Akari? What is it you
need help with?"
"Just Akari, I..."
"You did that on purpose, didn't you?"
"What..."
"The Just Akari-thing...Don't do that, OK?"
"OK, Akari, I need help to find out where I can buy all these things."
He handed her the list.
"Is somebody going to have a baby", she asked after skimming through it.
"Somebody already has...uh, I don't think you've heard of her...anyway
I need to get all these baby things, because all she have is one set of
clothes."
"Who? Why do you have to do everything?"
"Hairspray, she's my daughter."
"DAUGHTER?!...but what about Shampoo?!"
"I'd rather not talk about it. So, do you know where I can find these things."
"No, but I'm not to proud to ask people."

A short while later, Mousse were laden with boxes and packages, while
Akari went through the list again.
"I think we've got everything but the clothes now."
"They have to wait until tomorrow. I can't carry any more and I don't know
here size."
"You don't know your daughter's size?"
"Until four hours ago I didn't even now I had a daughter. I've spent
most of those four hours shopping and she spent the rest of them sleeping.
We haven't really had time to get to know each other."
The clerk, who hadn't heard this exchange, looked from Akari to Mousse
laden with packages and back again.
"Miss, I think you may be getting a little ahead of yourself. You don't
look pregnant.", she told Akari.
"Actually, we're about a month too late.", Mousse said, starting to turn red.
"and she's only here as moral support", he continued indicating the now 
equally red Akari. 

As they left the shop, they failed to spot the lost boy across the street. 
Ryoga, on the other hand, saw Akari and Mousse laden with packaged
baby stuff leaving a shop together. A quick survey of the situation produced
these facts:
1. Akari have just bought a lot of baby stuff;
2. People usually buy baby stuff when someone is about to
have a baby.
3. Everybody else have someone other than Akari to send
out to buy baby stuff.
4. I haven't done anything.
5. She's with Mousse.
Conclusion: Akari's having Mousse's baby!!!
This left two possibly courses of action (three if you include trying to find
out what is actually going on):
1. Have wild and passionate sex with the equally jilted Shampoo to try to 
ease the pain; or,
2. Attacking the (expletive, expletive racial slur) and go out in if not a 
blaze of glory, a ki-blast of depression.
It's an obvious choice, really.

Mousse heard the battle-cry "Prepare to die, Mousse!" and felt someone
approaching from above. He pushed Akari out of the way as Ryoga 
impacted on the sidewalk, leaving a crater. Ryoga growled at them.
"Akari, get out of here! Now!", Mousse shouted while dodging, "Go get
Ranma or Cologne..."
"But...Ryoga..."
"Is not really himself at the moment. Get help! I'll try to keep hi..." 
One of Ryoga's punches connected with Mousse, sending him flying into
Akari and both into a nearby car. At least Mousse managed to twist around
to keep Akari from the worst of the impact. Ryoga was almost on top of
them again.
"Ryoga...please...stop...", Akari pleaded.
He ignored her and continued against Mousse who met him with a knee to
the mid-section. She needed some way to calm him down quickly...
cold water! Spotting a soda vending machine down the street she quickly
made her way towards it.

A sudden and very local downpour stopped Ryoga in his tracks as his shape
became unsuited to punching. As he tried to work out how to kill Mousse
while in pig form someone lifted him by the scruff of his neck.
"Hey, P-chan, Mousse have enough trouble without you expanding your
vendettas.", Ranma said.
"Bwee, bwee bwee", Ryoga explained angrily.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever", Ranma replied, "Listen, he just found out he has a
kid and if you kill him Shampoo will kill you for leaving her with the kid, OK"
"Bwee."
"I was just helping him finding things.", Akari interjected.
"Bwee." Ryoga had decency to look ashamed.
"Oh, and Mousse? Kuno's looking for you to avenge the...hey, he's 
unconscious."
"Then you'll have to carry him too.", Akari said.
"Me? What do you mean carry him too?"
"I can't carry him, Ryoga and all these packages all by myself. And
what if Kuno shows up?"

* * * * * *

A short time later they were back at the Nekohanten.
"Hey, where did everybody go?!", Ranma called out.
"Spatul...Ukyo is on milk run", Shampoo said coming down the stairs,
" and, uh, Akane is...aiyah! What happen to Mousse?"
"He was ground zero for one of Ryoga's jumps to conclusion. Lucky
for you that Akane isn't here, P-chan."
"Bwee?"
*Sigh* "Let's turn him back to human first, and maybe get the old ghoul to
take a look at Mousse."

"I'm back!", Ukyo called as she nudged the door open with her foot (until
Akari opened it for her) with her arms full of plastic bags, "Uh, why's 
Ryoga half-naked?"
"Because Pig-loving Girl, uh, Akari no want to wait?"
"What's with all the bags, Ucchan? I thought you were only going to get
milk."
"Yeah, but then I realised she didn't have a bottle either or diapers or..."
"So you went and bought the same things Mousse and I bought."
"I got a little carried away."
"You, young lady", Cologne said suddenly appearing behind Ukyo, "are
acting like a very stereotypical girl in a romantic comedy aimed at boys.
Next you'll attempt to impress Ranma with your diaper-changing skills."
"I bought her a plush ducky.", Ukyo said apologetically.
Only her sense of dignity prevented Cologne from banging her head against
the wall.
"Shampoo thinks Ukyo needs pet.", Shampoo muttered.

* * * * * *

"Would you mind telling me what's going on?", Nabiki asked, while Akane
was tearing through the closet.
"They have to be here somewhere. I know they're here.", Akane mumbled.
"Our baby clothes.", she explained.
"Did Ranma enter P-chan in another contest or..."
"Mousse'sdaughtershowedupandshe'sonlygotonesetofclothes...Aha! There
they are!", Akane announced, pulling a large box from the closet.
"Wait a minute! Mousse's daughter?"
"Yes."
"Mousse? As in male Chinese Amazon, long black hair, blind as a bat, turns 
into a duck, worth 7500 yen per picture if you catch him outside his robe?"
"Uh...yes."
"Mousse? As in completely devoted to Shampoo? Has a kid? As in has had 
sex with a girl? A girl who's not Shampoo? You're joking."
"No...gotta go!"
Nabiki pondered this for a few seconds before coming to a realisation:
"Hey! That's MY baby clothes!"

"Saotome? Did you catch where my daughters said they were going?"
"No...I think it was something about a contest, baby clothes and yen per
picture."
"Ah...just another of Nabiki's schemes then. Your move."

* * * * * *

When Mousse finally came to and was handed his glasses, he found himself
back in his room.
"How did I get back here...and why is Ryoga wearing one of my robes."
"Hairspray, uhm, had, uh, an accident on...", Ranma began.
"IS SHE ALRIGHT!?!"
"Geez, it's not really that kind of accident."
"The only casualty was my shirt", Ryoga added, "Even if it ever gets clean 
I'll never wear it again."
"And now we'd like some answers.", Ranma continued.
"How did this happen? How come you've got a kid all of a sudden?", Ryoga 
demanded.
"How?...didn't your parents tell you about the birds and the bees?",
Mousse answered with a weak smile (before realising that bringing up
Ryoga's parents might not be a good idea).
"Pops did", Ranma interjected, "but I didn't believe him. I mean, what if
the bird got stung halfway...and then there's the size difference...I mean
an ostrich is really big, but..."
"It just sort of happened", Mousse interrupted, "she was a good friend and
she was upset because her boyfriend had done something and they'd 
broken up, I tried to console her and before I knew it she...I...we...", he
trailed off. Hairspray crying and sounds of mounting panic downstairs
brought him back to reality. And downstairs in record time.

Hairspray was crying and turning red in Shampoo's arms. The girls looked
close to panic and it seemed like only instinct prevented them from tossing
Hairspray between them like a unexploded grenade. Possibly they actually
had - Ukyo was holding the bottle. Cologne was nowhere to be seen.
"Give her to me!", Mousse demanded, and without waiting for a reply 
grabbed Hairspray from Shampoo.

He should have known something like this would happen. He knew the girls
tried their best, but they didn't really know what to do. Well, neither did he,
but at least he was not trying to impress Ranma with his baby care-skills.
Why was she crying? Was there something wrong with the formula? Maybe
she was allergic to it. Maybe she was sick!
"There...there...everything'll be alright", he whispered, stroking her back 
while trying to calm both Hairspray and himself.
Finally, before Mousse had worked himself into cardiac arrest, she burped.
Loudly.

"Whoa, I didn't know something that small could be that loud.", Ranma
commented, mainly to restart the conversation, "Where did Cologne go?"
"She had to go and lie down. I think the unamazon-like atmosphere got to 
her.", Nabiki said, "I think we'd better leave before you lot traumatise
Hairspray for life."
"But...but...", Akane began.
"I think Mousse will be able to pick some clothes for his daughter without
your help. Let's go. I'll send Ranma around to get the orders later."
"Orders?...What orders?...", Shampoo said, having forgotten her earlier
white lie. "Oh, _those_ orders."

* * * * * *

"OK, Mousse. I want some answers. Now!", Shampoo demanded as soon as 
they were alone.
"I like the red one with kittens on it, but the green and white one fits her
better...", Mousse began still going through Nabiki's hand-me-downs.
"No, no, no! About this Tao Tao woman."
"Huh?"
"HAIRSPRAY'S MOTHER! Who was she? Where did you meet her?
What did she look like? Why did the circus send Hairspray to you?"
"OK, OK. Let me just put Hairspray to bed first."
With that Mousse went upstairs only to return moments later.
"Uh...Where did you put the crib?"
"Oh, we were so busy we forgot to put it together. It's in the big box next to 
the door...no, the other side, that's the pram..."
"Did I really buy this much?"
"No, Ukyo bought some of it. She got a little carried away. Why don't you
just put Hairspray in her basket again. Then you can answer my questions
while you put the crib together."

"As I told you before, Tao Tao was one of the girls at the circus. She helped
taking care of the animals...wait, I think I have a picture here somewhere."
"WHY ARE YOU CARRYING A PICTURE OF HER?"
"Because people keep sneaking into my room and going through my things
on a weekly basis. I didn't wa..."
"That wouldn't happen if you told great-grandmother when you get
the new issue of...uh."
"Anyway, here's the picture."

The photo was of two people in front of a tiger in a cage. One was Mousse
unrobed and sweaty, but smiling. Unless Mousse had made more female
friends a the circus, the equally smiling girl with her arms around him had to 
be Tao Tao. She had long, almost waist-length, wavy dark brown hair and, 
from what was visible from behind Mousse dressed in cut-offs and t-shirt. If 
she didn't know better she'd have assumed that they were a couple. A 
happy one. It just wasn't fair - she had managed to get a few photos of her 
and Ranma in a similar situation, but he always looked very uncomfortable 
or just plain terrified.

Mousse brought her out of her reverie.
"Shampoo? My hands are kind of full. Could you look in the assembly 
instructions and  tell me where this thing goes?"
He was trying to hold what appeared to be a model of Tokyo Tower 
together with his hands while balancing what looked like a four-way wheel 
wrench on his right foot.
"Where is it?"
"In the box ove...uh-oh." As Shampoo looked for the assembly instructions, 
gravity brought Mousse back to square one.

By the time she had tracked them down he had constructed the frame-work
for a scale-model of the Yamato. He was definitely going to need her help.
"Aiyah! These are in Japanese!"
"What did you expect, we're in...damn!" The Yamato went  the way of the 
Tokyo Tower model.
"Stupid Mousse! Why don't you read the instructions before you start 
putting things together?"
"I should be able to put together a DIY crib without reading the 
instructions...I mean, how hard can...NOT AGAIN!!" The Spruce Goose
never really got off the ground.

"Are you ready to listen to the instructions now? OK, begin first insert
bars 1 to 3 in slots A to C..."
In less than three minutes Mousse had, under Shampoo's supervision,
produced a very nice scale-model of a model T ford.
"Sigh...can't you even follow simple instructions? OK, I'll do it myself!"
On her own and with mounting frustration, Shampoo managed to turn the 
supposed crib into a pedal-driven Harley-Davidson Chopper, the Notre 
Dame and the Creature from the Black Lagoon.
"Arrgh! Why'd you buy this useless crap, Mousse!...Uh-oh, I have
to get _Ranma's_ dinner ready!" With that Shampoo stomped off towards 
the kitchen. As she demonstratively slammed the door to the kitchen
the Creature collapsed on top of Mousse.

By the time Shampoo was leaving to deliver the food Mousse was
working on the Parthenon.

* * * * * *

When she returned it was obvious that Cologne had taken pity on Mousse, 
as he was in the process of getting the crib upstairs. Cologne herself was
catching up on her soaps.
"Great-grandmother? Have you decided on Mousse's punishment yet?"
"Punishment? What are you talking about?"
"I mean...uh...don't we have rules against this sort of thing?"
"What sort of thing?"
"You know, boys cheating on girls they love."
"Not when the girl has repeatedly and expressly spurned the boy for
fifteen years."
"So you're just going to let him get away with it!"
"He only did what you have been telling him to do since you were kids...
you're not jealous are you?"
"I AM NOT JEALOUS! MOUSSE CAN SLEEP WITH EVERY GIRL IN 
JAPAN FOR ALL I CARE!"
"If you say so. Besides, don't you think being a single parent at seventeen is
enough punishment?"

That night was the first since Ranma's and Akane's failed wedding that 
Shampoo was so upset that she couldn't sleep. That Hairspray was clearly 
awake didn't help either.

Eventually, Shampoo tired of Hairspray's crying and went into Mousse's
room to get him to do something about it. Mousse was slumped in his
chair, deeply asleep and totally exhausted. She briefly considered waking 
him up before focusing on the main problem. "There, there, Hairspray, don't
cry...please? Are you hungry? Let's go down to the kitchen and Shampoo'll
make you some of that scrumptious formula. OK? I'll just put this blanket
on your idiot father first. So. Now, let's go get that formula."
Morning found Shampoo sleeping on a chair in the kitchen with Hairspray
sleeping in her arms. It took Cologne several minutes to decide not to take
this opportunity to hit her pressure points.

* * * * * *

CHAPTER THREE

Mousse was awakened by someone placing a weight on his chest. It wasn't
very heavy, but somehow it got a grip on his hair...and it drooled. At least,
he hoped it was drool. But he had to open his eyes and put on his glasses 
before being sure. Then he heard someone speaking softly next to him.
"No, no, Hairspray. If you want to wake daddy up by pulling his hair you
have to pull harder...LIKE THIS!!"
"Waitwaitwait, I'm awake now, OK?"
"Good, then you can go and make breakfast."

"So, Mousse, have you decided on what you're going to do?", Cologne 
asked during breakfast.
"Huh?", he answered intelligently.
"Now that you're a father you must learn to be more responsible", Cologne
continued solemnly.
"Well...first I'll have to work out which of my jobs I can afford to quit.
Then I guess I'll have to find a place to live..."
"WHY!?", Shampoo exclaimed.
"So you're not going back to China, I assume?", Cologne asked.
"Not yet anyway. I guess I'm not quite ready to give up on running hot
water just yet. Is there a reason I should get back to China right this 
moment?", Mousse answered, ignoring Shampoo's outburst.
"Well, not at this very moment. Not that I know of.", Cologne said,
before adding quietly "After all, Saffron's not much older than Hairspray
at the moment."
"What was that?"
"Never mind."

"What was that about figuring out which work to quit and finding 
somewhere to live?", Shampoo asked as they were washing up.
"Well, I don't think I can have three part-time jobs and take care of
Hairspray at the same time. This is the worst-paying and if I quit this I
doubt I'll get free bed and board here, so I might as well see if I can find
somewhere else."
"So you're just going to leave me and great-grandmother to run the
Nekohanten by ourselves!"
"You've managed fine without my constant presence so far. Besides, I 
haven't quit yet. So don't start celebrating yet."
"I wasn't...I mean...what other jobs?"
Well...there's this bar/nightclub that has use for both a bartender and an
occasional stage magician..."
"Where?"
"I'm not telling. And in theory they don't let anybody under 21 in.
Besides, I also make more money entertaining kids at _one_ birthday party 
than I make in a month here."
"Oh...I'll go talk to great-grandmother...and I think Hairspray needs
a diaper change."

* * * * * *

"Akari? You're our guest. You don't need to make breakfast. I'll handle it."
"It's no trouble, Akane. Besides, I have to repay your generosity somehow."
Ranma was trying to look as if he had nothing to do with the sudden change
of breakfast-cook. He didn't, but who'd believe him?

"So, Akari, what brings you to Tokyo this time?", Nabiki asked while they
were eating. "It's not just a sudden urge to go looking for Ryoga, is it?"
"My school...uh, sort of blew up and..."
"Your school too? It must be something going around", Soun noted
absently from behind his newspaper.
"...they had to close for... what do you mean 'your school too'?"
"Furinkan sort of blew up last week.", Akane explained.
"At night, and Ranma wasn't even near the place", Nabiki added.
"And what are you kids planning for today?", Genma-panda asked via sign.
"Ryoga promised he would show this new technique he discovered!",
Ranma answered as he grabbed Ryoga's hand and made his escape before 
his father suggested something that could be interpreted as a double date.
"Unless the novelty's already worn off, I assume Akane and Akari will be
over at the Nekohanten helping traumatise Mousse's daughter", Nabiki 
said.
"Her name is Hairspray", Akane muttered.

"Mousse has a daughter? Mousse, as in Shampoo's not-boyfriend?!"
Soun actually looked up from the newspaper.
"The baby's mother obviously thought so", Akari said.
Soun and Genma-panda looked at each other, then they grinned.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Tendo?", Genma asked Soun via sign
before both hurriedly left the room.
"What was that about?", Akari asked.
"Off-hand, I'd say that unless there's a Saotome or Tendo son we don't 
know of, we've just witnessed the birth of a plan based on the concepts of
'peer pressure' and 'grandchildren'", Nabiki answered.

* * * * * *

About halfway to the Nekohanten they met Mousse with a sleeping 
Hairspray in a pram.
"Got thrown out already?", Nabiki asked.
"No, but Cologne and Shampoo was getting too loud so I decided to take 
Hairspray for a walk until they've stopped fighting", Mousse answered.
"Cologne and Shampoo are fighting? Why?", Akane asked.
"It seems Shampoo doesn't like the idea of me moving", Mousse explained 
happily.
"What?! You're moving?"
"Are you going back to China?"
"No. Not yet anyway, but since I'm probably going to quit working at the 
Nekohanten I don't think Cologne'll let me stay."
"Quit? Why?"
"It's the worst-paying job I have and I need more free time to take care of 
Hairspray."
" _More_ free time? I thought you worke..."
"So, have you found somewhere to live yet?", Nabiki interrupted.
"I haven't really had time to start looking yet. Besides it's still unclear 
whether I actually have to move.", Mousse answered.
"Will it be an immediate eviction or will Cologne wait until you actually 
have somewhere else?", Nabiki said.
"If it comes to it, I guess we can squeeze in some more houseguests... 
or maybe Ukyo has some spare room", Akane said.
"It certainly seems she wouldn't mind taking Hairspray off your hands", 
Akari added.
"Which would explain why Shampoo is so keen on them not moving", 
Nabiki remarked.
"Actually, I think I'll move anyway, eventually. I've experienced 
Amazon child-raising techniques first-hand and as long as I live under 
Cologne's roof I risk Hairspray experiencing them. At least those that can be 
done in the privacy of the Nekohanten", Mousse said.
"That bad?", Akane asked.
"The more I learn about Ranma's childhood, the more I start suspecting that 
there's a little Amazon in Genma", Mousse replied.
"Several, if they're Cologne's size", Nabiki added. "Anyway, do you have 
anything planned for today?"
"Not really...well, maybe try to explain to Kuno that the pig-tailed girl has 
nothing to do with Hairspray...", Mousse said.
"Good! Then we're going apartment hunting!", Nabiki exclaimed. 

* * * * * *

A few hours later, the group entered Ucchan's.

"I think that, maybe, four teenagers and a baby are a less than ideal group
composition for apartment hunting", Mousse remarked.
"Come on, it wasn't that bad", Akari said.
"It's not as if we got thrown out of anywhere", Akane noted.
"I'm sure that those shocked expressions won't affect your chances of
getting an apartment, once they realise it's only for you and Hairspray",
Nabiki said. "And there's still a lot of apartments left."
"Sooner or later we'll find someone who hasn't heard of Ranma", Akane 
added.

"What are you talking about?", Ukyo asked, interrupting them.
"Mousse is moving, so we've been helping him find an apartment", Akari
answered.
"Moving? Why? And what was that about finding someone who hasn't 
heard of Ranma?"
"It seems that people are a little reluctant to rent apartments to people who 
appear to be martial artists and show up in the company of several girls", 
Mousse answered. "You see, they've heard about this guy called Ranma 
who is a martial artists, has lots of girlfriends and has rivals who tend to
cause extensive property damage."
"Maybe we should get you a new wardrobe as well", Akari told him. "If you
dress a little less like someone from a Kung Fu-movie, maybe you'll be less 
conspicuous."
"You know, everybody knows that 'this Ranma-guy' always wear Chinese
clothing", Nabiki added.
"He's moving because he's getting worried about raising Hairspray under
Cologne's supervision", Akane said. "It seems she wrote Genma's book on
parenting."
"I can't say I'm surprised..."
Ukyo was interrupted by the phone ringing.

Konatsu answered it.
"Ucchan's Okyo...No, Ma'am...yes, Ma'am...no...no...yes...yes, I'll ask
them...OK, bye. That was Cologne, she asked if anybody's seen Shampoo.
It seems she and Shampoo had an argument and Shampoo ran off...oh, and
Kuno came by looking for Mousse."
"I suppose she wasn't obliging enough to tell him he's here?", Ukyo asked.
"How would she now? It's not as if I planned on going here when I left",
Mousse said.
"He should be able to work it out himself", Nabiki said. "Or at least 
remember where foul sorcerers generally hang out around here."
"What's that supposed to mean?"; Akane asked.
"The foul sorcerer Saotome is generally found at the Tendo's, Furinkan,
Nekohanten or Ucchan's", Nabiki said. "Furinkan's out of the question at
the moment and he's already been at Nekohanten. He should get here sooner 
or later."

* * * * * *

Shampoo was perched on the roof of the highest building she could find,
and pondered the injustice of it all. It was all Mousse's fault. As always. He
was always messing things up, even when they were kids. And now he'd...
done this. There really should be an Amazon rule against it. Really. But
great-grandmother just laughed at her when she'd brought it up. And
then again when she suggested to give him a raise or something so he 
wouldn't move to where they couldn't keep an eye on him and 
prevent...this kind of thing from happening again. Once she became 
Matriarch she would make sure there would be a rule about that. One that 
was reproact...retroact...one that also covered things that had been done in 
the past. Then _she_ would get the last laugh. And everybody was getting 
all gooey over Hairspray, and were falling over themselves to help poor 
Mousse. As if he was just an innocent victim. Even great-grandmother! 
Especially Ukyo! She'd even bought stuff for them. If it had been Ranma 
they'd be tearing him apart. At least she would. Maybe. But if she tore
Mousse apart, _she_ would be stuck with _his_ baby. And everybody would 
blame her. Maybe she could get Ukyo to chase Mousse instead? She seemed 
to simply adore Hairspray. Or maybe Akane would realise that she really 
loved Mousse? They were always teaming up against her anyway. _And_ 
they got along great. Well, apart from the kidnapping but Akane had
forgiven Mousse faster than she had ever forgiven Ranma. And Akane had 
given Hairspray _a lot_ of clothes. So Akane liked Hairspray, at least. That 
was a start. _Everybody_ liked Hairspray. She was cute, but not _that_ cute. 
It probably had something to do with them sleeping out of earshot. And not 
being expected to help all of the time. Hairspray was _much_ cuter when 
she wasn't doing anything or sleeping. Which wasn't often. At least 
Hairspray would keep Mousse from pestering her all the time. Probably. She 
had only been around for a day or so. But Mousse _hadn't_ tried _anything_ 
since she showed up. And _everybody_ was changing their schedules to fit 
around Hairspray. It wasn't fair. Everybody fussed over Hairspray as if she 
was the only thing that mattered. Nobody cared about Shampoo. Nobody 
loved Shampoo. Mousse had hardly looked at her since Hairspray appeared. 
Maybe Shampoo should have an accident? Then they'd all come to visit 
_her_. If she died they'd all be sorry! Hopefully. But what if they wasn't? 
Maybe she should just move out of  Nekohanten herself? If Mousse could 
get two other jobs, she should be able to get some too. And everything 
would be much easier if she had an  apartment of her own. Where she 
could...do things without great-grandmother noticing. And when had any of 
great-grandmother's plans or magic stuff ever worked out as they should? 
She would have done much better without her "help", or Mousse's.

At this point her train of thought was derailed by her stomach, which 
pointed out that it was way past lunch-time. As she wasn't to keen on going
back to Nekohanten at the moment, she decided to o to Ucchan's. If nothing
else, she could tease Ukyo about how she acted around Hairspray.

* * * * * *

Kuno stopped to think for a moment. The vile miscreant Mousse had had
his way with the pig-tailed girl. Now he was at Ucchan's with _five_
other girls, not counting the baby. And one of them was _Akane_! But
something didn't match up - why would they all leave Saotome all of a
sudden. And for Mousse? OF COURSE!! Saotome had only been a 
temporary vessel for the foul sorcerer and now it was used up so he had
switched to a fresh body. Come to think of it, he hadn't seen Saotome for
days. Since after Furinkan blew up. Yes, it all made sense now. Saotome's
body had been killed in the explosion, so the sorcerer had taken a new one.
It didn't matter. It was his sworn duty to destroy the sorcerer, regardless of
which body he inhabited.

* * * * * *

"Kuno's outside", Konatsu remarked. "You want me to..."
"No, I'll do it myself", Mousse said.

"Foul sorcerer, your reign of..."
"Will you shut up and listen, Kuno? Hairspray is _my_ daughter. HEY! 
LISTEN TO ME!! The pig-tailed girl has nothing to do with her. She is
_not_ her mother or her wet-nurse or her god-mother or her future mother-
in-law, get it? She is not involved in any way! LISTEN TO ME!"
"...for good will always triumph over evil. I am the mighty warrior of..."
"(expletive) The hard way it is, then."
"...and I will punish you! In the name of..."
"GET ON WITH IT!"

Kuno drew his bokken and charged.
Mousse jumped out of the way, waiting for the right moment to 
counterattack.
He threw a couple off egg-bombs in Kuno's general direction, followed by a 
bowling ball in Kuno's more exact direction. Kuno cut it in half.
"Do you have any idea how expensive that was?!"
"Silence, varlet!"
Kuno charged again.
"MOUSSE!", someone screamed.
The almost panicked scream distracted Mousse, who misjudged his dodge.
As Kuno prepared himself for a more solid and final blow, he was hit
over the head from behind and collapsed.
"I can't turn my back without you getting yourself in trouble, can I?", 
Shampoo said.
"I was doing fine until you showed up", Mousse said.
"Sure."

"Anybody want to bet on how long it takes them to get to uncute tomboy
or the Amazon equivalent?", Nabiki asked, as the argument rapidly 
escalated.
The only answer she got was Hairspray drooling on her shoulder and
the nagging thought that it was probably time for another diaper change.

* * * * * *

Somewhere else...
Imagine a throne room set up in an abandoned amusement park by the kind
of people who gets most of their furniture from what 'the surface-dwellers',
'the up-siders' or whatever term they choose for them throw away...

Since this is a good moment to break the fourth wall and introduce the 
people present, we will:

� � � � � �

The bored-looking man lounging on what was obviously once an expensive
armchair is Blumberg the Sorcerer. They say that if you never change style 
you'll be fashionable at least twice during your lifetime and he's obviously
waiting for the 1840's to make a comeback. 

The Chinese man to his right, with almost waist-length white hair and 
wearing a voluminous black Chinese robe is his current right-hand man, 
Wu Jing - mercenary martial artist, thief for hire and general trouble.

The pale girl, dressed like a necromantic stage magician's assistant, who is
sprawling on a sofa is Graveyard Sammi. Since she doesn't need to breathe
any longer the snoring must be coming from someone who is awake.

The bald African in an impeccable white suit and matching eye-patch,
lounging on another sofa, is generally known as Ananzi. Further 
introductions should be unnecessary.

The man wearing a gas-mask and a midnight blue trenchcoat over a
ragged uniform (the military historically inclined will point out that it is, 
in fact, pieces from several different WW I uniforms) calls himself
Lumpen. The trenchcoat flaps in a wind nobody else can feel and
occasionally seems to reach towards nearby objects.

The Indian giant is named Jagannath. Remember: Don't call him a thug,
_those_ are worshippers of Kali, so he might take offence. Not that the
modern and general definition of the word doesn't accurately describe him.

This tableaux is interrupted by the entrance by a female midget dressed in
a style best described as Road Warrior meets A Midsummer Night's 
Dream...

� � � � � �

The midget kneeled before Blumberg and tried to catch her breath.
"I think I've found it. Just a few days after the girl's. uh...accident, another 
member of the circus left for Japan."
Blumberg stalked up to her and lifted her by her collar:
"You call THAT finding it, Mab? Finding out that someone went to Japan?"
"He brought something with him", Mab gasped. "It has to be the object 
we're looking for..."
"With alll due rrespect, sirr", Lumpen interrupted, "based on what we 
allrready know, this in alll prrobabillities lleads us strraight to it's currrent 
keeperr."
"Elementary, sir", Ananzi said, "We know that only one former member
of the circus currently resides in Japan. We also know his relationship to
the young lady, where and when he left the circus and where he's staying."
"Obviouslly", Lumpen continued, "she entrrusted it to the one perrson she 
knew who coulld keep it frrom Wu Jing. Herr intimate frriend Mu Si of 
the Joketsuzoku, currrently rresiding in Nerrima."
"Find him, and we find everything", Ananzi finished. "As the French say
'Cherchez le canarde.'"

* * * * * *

CHAPTER FOUR

It seemed to Shampoo that Mousse took much too long to find an apartment.
Well, maybe not _too long_ quite yet, but he'd been looking for almost a 
week now. Even _with_ help from Nabiki! It couldn't be that hard, could it? 
In a city the size of Tokyo there had to be _thousands_ of empty apartments. 
Both great-grandmother and Ukyo had found entire buildings within days 
when they first came to Nerima. Maybe Mousse was just picky. He sure 
seemed to worry a lot more now that he had Hairspray to take care of.

"Anybody here?", a voice called from the restaurant. Customers!
There were two of them. One was a tall young man with almost waist-length 
white hair and small round sunglasses, wearing a voluminous black Chinese 
robe. She could glimpse an unnaturally shiny breastplate under the robe.
The other was a rather thin and nervous-looking girl her own age, with
long greyish-purple hair and dressed in a purple ninja uniform.

"Ah, Miss Shan Pu, I presume", the man said in Chinese, smiling. "Just the 
person we were looking for."
"Wh-what do you want?", Shampoo asked.
"Oh, I think you already know the answer to that question."
The man, still smiling, sat down at one of the tables and put his feet on it.
The girl was looking out the window, while fidgeting with some potted 
plants.
"I can't say I do."
The man didn't move an inch.
The girl dropped the potted plant she'd been holding.
"Now, see what you made her do! Who'll have to clean up that? Anyway
are you sure you have no idea?"
"Very sure." Stall. Great-grandmother or Mousse will be back any minute
now, or maybe Ranma will drop by for some ramen.
The man's smile shrunk a little, but he still didn't move. The girl dropped
another potted plant.
"WILL YOU STOP THAT!"
The girl started at Shampoo's shout...and knocked over yet another potted 
plant.
"Oh dear. It won't help shouting at her. Anyway, according to...a very
reliable source...something was delivered to your boyfriend just a few
days ago."
"MOUSSE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND!!"
"Ok, ok. So he dumped you. That's not important. What's important is 
that...something that was delivered to him. By some circus people, I'm lead 
to believe."
Hairspray! These people were looking for Hairspray!
"N-no, still no idea what your talking about."
The girl turned her attention, or lack thereof, towards a lamp.
"Don't play games, Shan Pu. This is a small house and you spend more time
here than he does. Of course you know what I'm talking about."
"M-mousse is a master of hidden weapons. If he doesn't want you to find 
something, you won't..."
Suddenly, he was holding her around the throat and lifting her off the floor,
one-handed.
"You're beginning to make me angry, Shan Pu. You wouldn't like me when 
I'm angry."
"I won't let you take her", Shampoo growled.
"Her? Her?! Do you really think we're here for Tao Tao's damn brat?! No, 
the _other_ thing that was delivered."
"What other thing? The blanket? The basket?"
"What's going on here?", Cologne demanded, suddenly appearing from the 
kitchen.

The strangers and Cologne stared at one another for a moment. Then the girl 
made a sound like an angered rodent and vanished into thick smoke. 
Coughing and temporarily blinded, the Amazons could hear the other
stranger making a hasty retreat. The smoke quickly billowed out after him.

Cologne was out of the restaurant moments after their strangers, but they
were nowhere to be seen. A figure on a nearby roof caught her attention.
There was something familiar over that silhouette... It couldn't be a
co-incidence. The closer she came, the more familiar the figure seemed. A 
few quick leaps and she caught up with him. 

The figure stopped as it heard her catch up with it and turned to face her.
"A little far from your usual habitat, isn't it?...Raggedy Man", Cologne 
said. 
The figure looked at her quizzically, cocking its gas-masked head to the
side like a bird. Then it shrugged and turned around to leap. It seemed
to hesitate for a moment, before turning back again.
"You'rre mistaking me forr someone ellse", it told her, before diving of the 
building and faded into the crowd.

* * * * * *

"Why do I have to come along?", Ranma muttered.
"Because we need might need a third opinion", Akane said. "And Ryoga
managed to get away."
"It probably wouldn't hurt if we got you some new clothes too", Nabiki 
added.
"Nothing wrong with my clothes."
"Except that they make you easy to recognise, same as Mousse", Akane
said. "And a little variation in your male wardrobe wouldn't hurt."
"Unless there's a reason you have more girls' clothes", Nabiki added. "I
mean, you've got lots of cute girls' clothes, but as a guy you hardly ever
wear anything other than a red shirt and black pants..."
"Mousse always wear that robe...", Ranma muttered.
"Which is why we're helping him by new clothes."
"...And Ryoga...", Ranma continued.
"Got away", Akari said. "Or he would be getting a new wardrobe too."
"This is all your fault, Mousse", Ranma muttered under his breath. No...
that didn't sound quite right...He really had to work out a battle-cry of his 
own for situations like this. Preferably one that would sound good 
regardless of who you blamed.

"Sorry we're late", Mousse said, as he arrived with Hairspray. "Hairspray
didn't want to eat."
"She's not sick, is she?", Akari asked.
"I hope not. I think she's just picky with her food", Mousse answered.
"Just like her mother...", he added quietly.
"How can she be picky?", Ranma asked. "All she gets is milk, it's not like 
it comes in different flavours."
"Maybe it's the packaging. She has to drink from a _bottle_ while 
Shampoo's bouncing arou..."
"NABIKI!!"
"Sorry. I couldn't resist. Anyway, now that we're all here, let's get going."

* * * * * *

In an abandoned building, not far away...

"Well, that was pointless", Wu Jing muttered. "I thought you were supposed 
to keep an eye out for the old ghoul."
"I did", Lumpen replied.
"You were supposed to _warn us_!"
"No, I was instrructed to keep an eye out forr her and, if necessarry, keep
herr frrom interrferring with yourr getaway. She wasn't, so I didn't."
"I gather you were unsuccessful in your attempt to retrieve the item."
"Ananzi! What are you doing here?"
"A little spider whispered in my ear that Kemuri will return in a moment
with new information and that my skills might be required."

As if on cue, a tendril of smoke entered through one of the broken windows
and coalesced into the thin ninja girl.
"Sirs? I think you should see this."

* * * * * *

"You know, it's much easier if you help a little."
"Even if you're here against your will."
"I'll just get some shirts, pants and a jacket or two, OK? There's no need to 
make a big production out of it."
"But...when are we going to get a chance to see you in a tuxedo again."
"Just prod Akane or Akari a little in the right direction. And then I'll _rent_ 
one."
"That may be so, but neither of you are getting out of here until we've found
you some new clothes and made sure that they look good on you."
Mousse and Ranma groaned in unison.
"Don't roll your eyes at me, young man", Nabiki commanded. "On to the
fitting room!"

"See, Mousse? You look _much_ better dressed like this."
"Too bad you can't make a second impression on Shampoo."
"Well...a haircut and new glasses and she would never recognise him. Or
maybe contacts..."
"You're _not_ touching my hair, or my glasses. And I'm not buying these 
pants, it feels like they'll burst if I move."
"Oh, you're no fun anymore."
"And I can hardly hide _anything_ in these sleeves."
"On the other hand, it isn't really Mousse, is it? And the idea was to get him 
clothes that made him look less like someone whose rivals will show up to
wreck the neighbourhood."
"I guess you're right - nice, boring and durable is more appropriate."
"Let's see how they look on Ranma!"
"Wait! I just remembered something!"
"Anything to get out of shopping for clothes, eh, Ranma?"
"Aren't we supposed to meet Mom and Kasumi at the airport...in, like,
just two hours?"
"Damn, I can't believe I forgot about that!"
"It's alright. I think I can handle Mousse on my own. I've helped him shop
before, remember?"
"Ok, see you later!"

* * * * * *

Considerably later...
"That wasn't so terrible was it? You look much better when you're not 
wearing a tent", Akari said, while they were having a rather late lunch.
"Let me put it this way: as soon as I find a reason, we're spending the 
weekend at a D.I.Y. or hardware store, and maybe a baseball match.", 
Mousse muttered, still rather uncomfortable in his new, nice, boring and 
durable clothes..
"Ok, let's change the subject. What was Hairspray's mother like?"
"Her name was Tao Tao...I have her photo here somewhere..."
"Oh...She's beautiful. How did you meet her?"
"After I went to Jyusenkyo, I joined a circus which was going on tour to
Japan. Well, actually some of the performers saw me practising as a duck
and caught me. Tao Tao helped take care of the animals...She accidentally 
found out about my curse..."
"Accidentally?"
"She walked in the moment I managed to get hold of hot water."
"Not a good way to make a first impression."
"It could have been worse...she didn't attack me or start screaming...or
laughing."
"Does that happen to you a lot? I mean..."
There was as awkward silence, thankfully broken by Hairspray who 
discovered that her plush ducky had disappeared.

* * * * * *

"Mousse, isn't this just the cutest romper suit, you've ever seen? Aren't
the piglets just adorable?"
"More pigs? Don't you think we should have some variation?"
"Hmpf. You could at least see how Hairspray looks in it before rejecting it."
So they did. It was almost perfect...just one thing...
"...Do you think they have it in green?"

"Didn't you just demand more variation?"
"Huh?"
"You told me to not simply grab anything with pigs on, and now _you're_
picking up everything with ducks on."
"I do? Must be subconscious or something. I'll put them back..."
"Wait! You don't have to put everything back. Let's see how Hairspray 
looks in that overall first. They don't seem to have any more with pigs on,
anyway..."

"How about this snow suit? Isn't it just the cutest thing ever?"
"Wasn't that romper suit the cutest thing ever just a few minutes ago?"
"That was a romper suit. _This_ is a snow suit. See it's got pig ears and
everything."
"But...it's the wrong season. She'll grow out of it before she needs it."
"...I guess you're right. But it _is_ very cute, isn't it."

"Ooh, look at this! A romper suit with _both_ Pippo _and_ Pekkle!"
"Imagine that...Uh, who are they?"
"They're Sanrio characters, silly! See? Pippo is the pig with a green shirt
and Pekkle is the duck with a red shirt."
"I guess there's no way I can avoid buying it then, is there?"

The shop assistant was a rather thin and nervous-looking girl their own age, 
with long greyish-purple hair.
"Your daughter's very cute. How old is she?"
"Just over a month...uh...She isn't _my_ daughter, I'm just helping her 
father", Akari said, blushing.
"Ooh, just like in the comics or a movie!...He's very handsome. You're
so lucky to have a guy like that!"
"I-it's not like that! We're just friends!"

* * * * * *

"That's him isn't it?", Kemuri asked.
"Yes. He's changed style, but it's definitely him", Wu Jing said. "And Tao
Tao's brat too. The girl must be his current girlfriend. No wonder he 
changed style if he was chasing her instead of the bimbo."
"Harrrumph. Doesn't llook llike much of a fighterr", Lumpen noted.
"No. More of a lover, maybe. Or just some easily charmed girl who just 
adores babies...or young, handsome single fathers", Wu Jing replied.
"Then again, appearances can be deceiving. I believe we should find out 
more about her before doing anything", Ananzi commented.
"Exactlly. No need to rrepeat the Dakarr mess."
"I thought that little spider already told you everything, Ananzi."
"Uh...What Dakar mess?"
"How much sense do you think one can make out of a small spider? And 
you don't want to know about Dakar, child."
"Anyway it seems our information was out-dated. Kemuri, you stay 
here and keep an eye on him, while we go back to see what Mr. B thinks."

* * * * * *

"We're back!"
"You're safe! I was worried they'd find you!"
"Safe? They'd find me? What are you talking about, Shampoo?"
"We had some visitors. They..."
At this point Shampoo suddenly realised that she had glomped onto Mousse
the moment he stepped inside and, after briefly considering beating him up
for getting fresh, settled on simply letting him go.
"They were looking for something they said the circus people had sent you",
she continued. "They were starting to wreck the place when great-
grandmother chased them off."
"What did they look like? Did you get any names?"
"The one doing the talking had long white hair, a black robe like yours and
a metal breastplate, I think. He seemed to know about you and...Hairspray's
mother. Then there was a nin..."
"Wu Jing!"
"Huh?"
"He's Tao Tao's ex-boyfriend. He worked at the circus too for a while..."
"There was a third", Cologne interrupted. "I didn't get a good look at him,
but he looked a lot like an old...acquaintance of mine. But tell me more 
about this Wu Jing."
"As I said he worked at the circus too for a while, but he kept...let's call it
misbehaving so we threw him out..."
"We, as in?", Cologne asked.
"Me, Tao Tao and some other martial artists who worked there. Anyway, he
and Tao Tao had worked together for some time before joining the circus. 
I'm not exactly sure of what they did but I know it included being hired to 
steal things."
"How powerful is he? How many were you?"
"Uh...There were four of us, but he's not that powerful. After all, he's a 
mercenary, not a mystical prince or an Inner Asia warlord."
"Could you be a little more specific?"
"_I_ could beat him without help, OK? If he has any special powers or 
techniques he didn't use them when we fought."

"But why would he show up here? Now?", Cologne wondered. "It clearly
wasn't for a re-match."
"Maybe...Hairspray's mother stole something from him", Shampoo said. 
"Or kept something that they had been paid to steal for someone else? And
maybe he thinks she gave it to Mousse."
"That's one possibility", Cologne said. "And considering that they were 
here looking for something, I'd say it's the most likely one. Any ideas, 
Mousse?"
"...No, I hadn't even heard from the circus before Hairspray arrived."
"Then there's his companions - the ninja girl and...the other one. Do you 
know if he worked with someone other than Tao Tao?"
"No, nobody I know of. But I suppose he'd work with others if he had to...
or if he would gain something from it."

"Great-grandmother, what about the one you recognised?"
"Ah yes, Raggedy Man, or possibly a student of his. I'm afraid I can't help
much - I never really saw him in action, other than the occasional firefight.
Plunger said he'd made an armoured train completely disappear when she 
first met him, but never told us how..."
"No wonder your grandfather was forced to study Hidden Weapons, 
Mousse."
"Anyway, I always got the impression that Raggedy Man was just another 
of all the Western mystery men running around Asia during the civil war. 
Martial arts training, a few tricks, some firearms and a mask. Well, the 
masks usually appeared once they returned to the West."

* * * * * *

Meanwhile, in the throne-room, a group of people was clustered around a 
beach ball-sized crystal ball. Attached to a printer. 
"She's a farmer", Mab noted. "And her farm is pretty far from Tokyo."
"Sounds almost too good to be true", Graveyard Sammi said.
"Welll...therre's the matterr of herr Sumo pigs", Lumpen pointed out. 
"They'rre not exactlly push-overrs."
"I think we should send King...", Mab said.
"King? Come on, King couldn't find his own backside with two hands", 
Graveyard Sammi laughed.
"That's because he doesn't have a sense of touch", Blumberg remarked. "So
you're going with him, Sammi. Now."

* * * * * *

CHAPTER FIVE

Graveyard Sammi was not a very patient person. Logically, being classified 
as one of the restless dead would disqualify anybody from having that trait. 
It didn't help that she was teamed up with the King of Pain, who, in addition 
to being useless in any non-violent situation, somehow always managed to 
unnerve her (although she'd never admit _that_). Even under the best of 
circumstances this would be frustrating. And now...

She had broken down every piece of furniture into its component parts. She
had torn down every non-bearing wall in the house. She had thoroughly
searched everywhere in the house for secret compartments. Nothing. It 
_would_ have helped if she had been sure what she was looking for, but she 
hadn't found anything that it could possibly be. And the King of Pain hadn't
even moved a finger to help. As usual.

On the other hand, maybe the girl didn't hide it in the main building...
So the King of Pain would be useful after all.

"The pigs are restless, King. Be a dear and wipe them out, will you? _All_ 
of them."
She imagined seeing a smile under its barbed wire mesh mask as it turned
and left. If nothing else that would keep it busy and get rid of those noisy 
animals.

* * * * * *

Meanwhile, in Nerima...

"Akari?"
"Zzzzz...mmbble...Kasumi! Is something wrong?"
"There's a Mr. Yamada on the phone. It sounded important."
"Mr. Yamada! Where's the phone?"

"Hello, Mr. Yamad...What?...uh-huh...no...no...They  what?!...no...of 
course, I'll pay for any repairs...yes...no...no idea...well maybe, but it 
doesn't make sense...yes, it's better if you don't know...keep me posted, 
ok...ok, bye!"
"What was that about?", Kasumi asked.
"Oh, that was Mr. Yamada, one of my neighbours. Something's happening 
at the farm. Mr. Yamada thinks somebody broke in or tried to set it on fire 
or something. The pigs just commandeered his tractor."
"The pigs commandeered his tractor?", the newly-awakened Ranma said as  
he entered the room, followed by Ryoga.
"Yes and they would only do that if it was really serious", Akari explained.
"They...would...only...do...that...if...it...was...really...serious?"
"Yes. For example, if somebody barricaded themselves in the house."
"And what do we do now?", Ryoga asked. "There's no chance we'll get to
the farm on time."
"We'll just have to wait. Mr. Yamada will tell us if something big happens, 
or call when things have calmed down and he's had a chance to check what
has happened. Go back to bed."

Who could be behind this? The Sakurabas or Woolworth would know 
better...Well, maybe Chieko didn't, but Taka would never let her run off on 
her own...and she wouldn't bother to do anything if she or Katsunishiki
wasn't there. The Medbyenovs had more important things to do...Maybe it
wasn't one of _her_ rivals...may be someone was trying to get to Ryoga, by
attacking her farm... 

* * * * * *

"This is very bad, Hayashi", Yamada said, surveying the carnage.
"Yup."
"And to think I used to love the smell of bacon in the morning."
"Yup."
"Did _you_ find any survivors?"
"Nope."
"How about you, Maeda?"
"Well...Most of the piglets and the pregnant sows, showed up at my place, 
shortly before the explosion."
"GAAARGH! Why didn't you say so in the first place! We've just spent
three hours looking for them and they were at your place all the time!"
"YUP!"
"Uuh...I think I have to go now...I just remembered I have an important
meeting. In New Zealand." 
ZOOM!!

"Get back here, you... Ah, well. I guess we'll have to go and tell Ms. 
Unryuu now."
"Yup."

* * * * * *

In an attempt to avoid diaper-changing duty, Shampoo decided to give the
Tendos and their guests a free breakfast. Maybe she could find out what
Mousse and Akari had been doing yesterday too. She knew they hadn't been 
with Ranma and Akane all day - she had met them on their way to the 
airport while doing deliveries - and _Mousse_ couldn't possibly take that 
long time to buy clothes for. After all, she had seen his new clothes and they
wasn't the kind you spent hours in front of a mirror in, trying to decide.

Making her entrance with her usual flair, she found the household trying to
console Akari, or at least snap her out of her near-catatonic state.
"What wrong with Pi...Akari?"
Nabiki dragged her out of the room before explaining.
"Someone attacked farm?! Why anybody do that?"
Wait a minute...

Shampoo added two and two and, for once, ended up with four. (After all,
this didn't include Ranma with another girl.) Strangers had shown up at the
Nekohanten, looking for Mousse...and they had known who Shampoo and
Great-grandmother were...True, they hadn't got all the details right, but in
general...They got the impression that Mousse had dumped Shampoo...and 
Akari had spent the day with Mousse...
"Shampoo have idea who attack farm!"
That drew the attention of the part of the household who felt awkward trying
to console a crying girl and was more comfortable with planning revenge.
"Is long-shot, but..." She told them of her encounter with Wu Jing and his
companions.

The next problem was convincing Ryoga to save his revenge for the actual
attackers, rather than taking out his anger on Mousse.

* * * * * *

Meanwhile, Mousse was also occupied in thought:
What could Wu Jing have been looking for since it wasn't Hairspray...

-FLASHBACK-
"DON'T TOUCH THOSE!", Mousse screamed at Tao Tao, when he
realised what she was currently juggling.
"Gee, Mu Mu, it's just some of those water bottles you'd hid at the bottom
of your trunk", Tao Tao answered without stopping.
"No, you don't understand", Mousse said while trying to snatch them away,
"it's magic water - it's very dangerous."
Tao Tao froze, apparently forgetting the bottle flying over her head.
"What?"
Mousse, vaguely sensing the missing bottle,  took this opportunity to tackle
Tao Tao away from the bottle. The bottle landed on the small of his back,
but luckily didn't break.
"I like you too, Mu Mu, but could you stop groping me and tell me about
the water?", Tao Tao said, while trying not to start laughing.
Mousse, realising where his hands were (next to his face but, ahem, a little
further above ground level), stood up rapidly and tried to hide his nosebleed
by turning the rest of his face bright red too. 
"Ooh, you're so cute when you're embarrassed", Tao Tao teased him. 
pinching his cheek, "but what about the water?".
"You know about my curse, it's water from the same spring I fell in."
"So anybody hit by this water will turn into a duck? Cool. What are you
planning to do with it?"
"Isn't that obvious? I'm going to turn someone into a duck."
"Anyone special in mind? That girl you're always going on about...
Chomper?...Champagne?"
"No, but there's this guy who takes advantage of her and lots of other
girls..."
"So, you're going to turn him into a duck, and then?"
"Uh, I hadn't really planned that far ahead...kick the crap out of him and
go back to China with Shampoo, I guess."
"OK. Hey, now that you've shown your secret stuff..."
"I didn't show it, you just went through all my stuff, without asking."
"Details. How about I show you mine?"
"Sure."
They went over to Tao Tao's caravan, Tao Tao dragged out one of her
trunks and then opened a secret compartment in the bottom.
The compartment held a small figurine made of flint. It was vaguely 
humanoid in shape, hunchbacked with differently sized limbs.
"What the hell is that?", Mousse asked.
"I'm not sure.", Tao Tao said, "This creepy European guy hired me and 
Wu Jing to steal from a whole group of other creepy European guys,
but then he didn't want to compensate us for all the trouble we went
through, so I sort of made a copy and kept the original. I think it must be 
magic or something."
"I doubt anybody would want this for its aesthetic value,", Mousse agreed,
"but how did you make a copy?"
"He wasn't really sure what it was supposed to look like, I think he said
something about it changing shape."
"So it's a small piece of stone that changes shape. Do you really feel safe
with such a powerful magical artefact hidden in your caravan? You'll be
swarmed by evil sorcerers and creatures of the night if this ever gets out."
"I know, as soon as I figure out a safe place to hide it, I'll get rid of it."
-END FLASHBACK-

Yes! That was it! Wu Jing and his companions had been looking for that
stone and now they thought he had it. Or maybe Wu Jing was just planning 
revenge and was trying to mislead him into thinking he wasn't. Besides, he 
didn't have the stone. Or if he did, Tao Tao had never told him she left it 
with him.

* * * * * *

"But why would someone who's after Mousse attack the Unryuu farm?",
Akane asked.
"They're looking for something they think...that other girl left with 
Mousse", Ranma explained. "And because Shampoo denied being Mousse's
gir..."
"SHAMPOO NOT MOUSSE'S GIRLFRIEND!"
"...Because Shampoo _explained that she's not Mousse's girlfriend_, and
he spent the day with Akari, they must have assumed she was his 
girlfriend."
"But why did they attack the farm?", Akane asked again.
"Maybe they thought Mousse hid whatever they're looking for there", 
Ranma said. "Or maybe they just wanted to make a point by targeting 
people close to him."
"So why didn't they wreck Nekohanten instead?", Ryoga muttered.
"Because they frightened by Great-grandmother", Shampoo said. 
"Anyway...let's see if Mousse has anything to say."

* * * * * *

"Yes, that sounds reasonable, I guess", Mousse agreed. "And I wouldn't put
it below Wu Jing to do something like that..."
"On the other hand, Akari thought it was possible that some of _her_ rivals
was behind it", Akane said.
"Maybe you should go there and see if they left some clues", Ranma added.
"Ask the neighbours what they saw, and stuff."
"'You'? So you're not going to do anything, Ranma?"

"Ah...uh...I mean...There's no point in all of us going there, is there?"
"Ranma..."
"Uh...If they targeted Akari because they thought she's Mousse's girlfriend,
who says they won't attack Ucchan's or the Tendos too..."
"He's got a point there", Ukyo noted.
"I think that Ryoga and myself should be able to handle this without 
Ranma", Mousse remarked. "We'll go with Akari to the farm, and you stay 
here and protect all the other girlfriends I didn't know I have."
"Shampoo go too", Shampoo said. "You two need help to even find farm. 
Besides, they beat pigs. Maybe too strong for just you...And Akari no in 
shape to look after Hairspray right now."
"Uh...right", Mousse muttered.

"I don't think it would be a good idea to bring Hairspray", Ryoga said. "I
mean, what if they are still there?"
"I guess you're right", Mousse said. "But we can't just leave her here."
"Great-grandmother no handle babies unless big emergency", Shampoo
explained.
"So get a baby-sitter", Ryoga groaned. "It can't be that hard. After all, the
girls have been all over her since she showed up."
"Jealous, P-chan?", Ranma stage-whispered.

"Uh...What are you doing, Ukyo?", Akane asked.
"Uh...ah...Just exercising my arm. See?" To emphasise her point she 
put a little more energy into her waving.
"Of course!", Mousse exclaimed. "The answer's right in front of us!"
"You'll put her in the fridge?!", Shampoo asked, following the direction 
Mousse pointed.
"NO! Ranma!"
"What? Me? But I...", Ranma protested, backing towards the wall.
"Ranma, do you think your mother could look after Hairspray while we're
away?"

* * * * * *

"They've spllit up", Lumpen noted. "The supposed girrllfrriend is going to 
herr farrm togetherr with the not-girrllfrriend, Mousse and what llooks 
suspiciouslly llike one of the Hibiki boys. The baby willl be staying with the 
rredhead's motherr."
"Why are they doing this to us!", Ananzi screamed. "We're supposed to 
kidnap the supposed girlfriend and the baby. Would it kill them to be a little
more co-operative?"
"Now, now. How was it the boss-man phrrased it?"
"I thought it was your turn to pay attention."
"Neverrmind. It was something allong the llines of get the girrll, the baby 
and/orr whoeverr they'rre with at the time."
"In other words: anybody we think we can get away with kidnapping."
"One coulld easilly prrovoke the wrrong people whille folllowing orrderrs
llike that."
"Oh yes. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

* * * * * *

"Do you think Hairspray'll be okay?", Mousse asked to break the silence.
"Off-hand, I'd say that Mrs. Saotome has more experience handling babies
than any of us", Ryoga answered.
"But...but look how Ranma turned out!"
"That not Ranma's mother's fault", Shampoo said reassuringly. "Besides,
is just for while. We back before you know...Where Ryoga going?"
"A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do", Ryoga replied.
"Huh?"
"I'm going to the bathroom, OK?"
"It's _that_ way. Mousse, help him get there. And back again", Akari 
ordered.
"I think I can ge...", Ryoga protested, but was interrupted by Akari.
"Last time, you ended up on the bullet train between Fukuoka and Osaka.
And we began on the subway in Tokyo."

Seems like she's recovered from the shock, Shampoo thought as the boys 
left. Besides she probably needs something to take her mind of the farm and
I need the truth, so...
"What Mousse and Akari do all yesterday? Shampoo know you alone most 
of day, so tell truth! Even if think Shampoo can't handle truth!"
"Calm down, Shampoo. We just went shopping, and we talked..."
"About who? Shampoo want to know!"
"You know, for someone who insists she doesn't care, you sure seem..."
"SHAMPOO NOT JEALOUS!"
"OK, OK. If you really want to know we talked about Hairspray's mother.
It sounded like she was really nice."
"That all? Nob...nothing else?"
"Ah, so _that's_ what's been eating you! Have you considered actually 
talking with Mousse himself? Not that you really care, of course..."
"That right, Shampoo no care. And Mousse been too busy lately."
"But right now you've got a few hours of train travel ahead of you. How
about going for it once Ryoga and Mousse gets back?"
"Shampoo not sure. We supposed to guard Akari..."
"If you and Katsunishiki can do it, then I'm sure Ryoga and Katsunishiki 
can do it too. Don't worry. Besides, who's going to attack while we're 
inside a moving train?"

* * * * * *

Back in Nerima...
"Hold still, you little brat!"
"A manly man, Ranma, is secure enough in his masculinity to do women's 
jobs without complaining", Nodoka said sternly.
"Akane is more masculine than most guys I know, and she complained."
"If Mousse's daughter does the same to your shirt that she did to Akane's,
you'll get to complain too...and she _still_ did her job."
"Besides, you said you could do it better", Nabiki added. "And that you'd 
better get some practice, anyway..."
"I don't see _you_ risking shirt and dignity practising", Ranma muttered.
"What was that, Ranma? Did you say that you wanted me to repeat your
comment that you 'are going to need the practise since Akane's so bad at
this' so Dad can hear it?"
"I don't think you can get out of this, Nabiki", Akane interjected. "I think I 
saw Auntie Saotome and Kasumi working on a schedule..."
"Sorry, but I have a important meeting starting soon. Have fun playing with 
the spore!"
"Oh no, you don't! Get back here, Nabiki!"
The opportunity for babycare-practise was quickly forgotten in favour of a
game of catch-Nabiki-and-carry-her-back-home-to-join-the-fun. 

"They left before I could give them the shopping list", Nodoka noted.
"Then we'll have to go shopping ourselves instead", Kasumi replied.
"But...we can't take Mousse's daughter with us. What will the neighbours 
say?..."
"Oh, those wacky Saotomes. I wonder what Ranma's done this time", 
Genma-panda interjected via sign, as he lumbered past.
"...And we can't leave her with Genma and Soun", Nodoka continued.
Before Kasumi could answer, she was interrupted by a surprised yelp, 
followed by a thud, from the living-room.

"Kasumi?...Help?", Soun called. "This little girl has a really incredible 
grip..."
"I know, Daddy. But..."
"If I didn't know better I'd say it's the infamous Tendo deathgrip."
"If it's a Tendo technique, don't you know a counter?", Nodoka asked. "Or
is it too..."
"It's not exactly a technique...and the counter is hard to do without the
mother or a good substitute..."
"I'll go get her bottle. That worked before."
"OK...and Kasumi?"
"Yes, Daddy?"
"Please hurry."
"But what about the groceries?"
"You go get Hairspray's bottle, Auntie, and I'll do the shopping."

Kasumi could move pretty fast when the occasion required it.

* * * * * *

"You sure took your time", Akari remarked.
"I couldn't follow him all the way into the can, could I? Then he had trouble
finding the door again when he was finished."
"We lucky Ryoga not leave through window. Or flush himself."
"Anyway, I think Shampoo wants to ask you something, Mousse. In
private."
"I-i-in p-p-private?", Mousse stuttered as Shampoo dragged him away 
looking for a suitable secluded place. And debating with herself whether she 
should take revenge on Akari for this or not.

OK. Now we're alone, in an as private place one can find on this train.
What do I do now? He's just inches away. What should I say? Why did I let 
Akari talk me into this? Why don't I _ever_ think before doing something? 
What do I want? I must say something...soon, or he'll get the wrong idea...

"Shampoo..."
"Mousse..." It's just Mousse. The same old stupid Mousse that you've
known since you were babies. The same old stupid Mousse that would do
anything you told him to. _Almost_ anything. The same old stupid...
"Shampoo, wasn't there something you wanted to talk about?"
"No!...I mean...Yes! I-I...uh...you know...I mean...I just want to know...
uh...whyareyouignoringmeallofasuddenyoureactinglikeyoudontcareabout
meanymoreeversincehairsprayshowedupyouvebeenactingdifferentandyou
neverevenmentionedtaotaoorthatyousleptwithheristhereanythingelseyou
forgottotellmeaboutanyothergirlsboysfianceesrivalscurseslonglostrelatives
marriagecontractsforourkids?" So there, that wasn't so hard was it?
"Uh...My hovercraft is full of eels?"
*Blink*Blink*
WHAP!
"D-don't you dare make fun of me, Mu Si!" Jerk.
"I was trying to lighten the mood."
"You _ruined_ it! You always do! Whenever I start to...Whenever I think 
you...You always mess up! Now I ask a simple question and you won't 
even give me a straight answer!" Insensitive jerk. Jerkjerkjerk. Idiot.

"Whoa! Calm down! Please? Let's try this again: Wasn't there something
that you wanted to say?"
"No. I have nothing to say to you, Mu Si. Go away!"
"How can I give you a straight answer if I don't know the question?"
"Are you still here? Go away!"
"Uh...You're blocking the exit."
"I DON'T CARE!"
"But I can't..."
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" 
Whapwhapwhap!

There was a not inconsiderable and somewhat uncomfortable silence.
"Have you calmed down yet?"
"I'm not speaking to you."
"Can't you at least tell me what you're mad about? I mean...I haven't done
_anything_ for at least a week...ever since Hairspray arrived..."
"EXACTLY! A baby shows up with a note saying it's yours and suddenly
it's Hairspray this and Tao Tao that and you're running around all over 
Tokyo with Akari and Nabiki!...AND I'M NOT JEALOUS!!"
"Uh...I...Well, Cologne said I had to learn to be more responsible."
"If you had been more responsible earlier we wouldn't have been in this 
mess! Ever heard of counterper...contraspec...those rubber thingies that 
keep you from having babies!? And what is so responsible about running 
around with Nabiki?"
"Shampoo, I'm..."
Suddenly, the door broke and they tumbled out into the aisle.
Landing in front of a pair of familiar looking feet.
"Uh...It l-looks l-like someone has made progress", Ryoga said. blushing.
"It...It's not what it looks like!", Mousse and Shampoo protested as they
untangled into an uncompromising position - several feet apart.
"I thought you were taking a long time...", Ryoga continued.
"What Ryoga doing here? Is supposed to watch Akari!"

* * * * * *

Akari was awakened from her reveries by someone singing.

%...waiting on the shingle - will you come and join the dance?
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?%

She looked up. Nobody else seemed to notice anything. Katsunishiki had
fallen asleep on the seats across the aisle. And where had Ryoga gone off 
to?

% Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!%

It was coming from outside the window! Looking out, she found herself 
face to upside-down face with an African man in an impeccable white suit. 
He smiled and tipped his hat.
"Made you look!"
Nobody seemed to notice the shattered window-pane or Akari's abruptly 
cut off scream.

* * * * * *

To be continued...


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