Brian Welch wrote:
Wonder of wonders, I actually liked this chapter! That may be
due to my figuring out my main beef with the setup, but is more
likely due to Motoko's characterization.
My main problem with Motoko in this fic has been that her
emotional development is so stunted. Ranma must be showing up
before Episode 12 in the Love Hina anime, and before Volume 5 in
the manga. This puts the setting at less than halfway through
the Love Hina TV show and less than 1/3 of the way through the
manga. Motoko's character development hasn't even started at
this point, not to mention her martial arts skills. This
wouldn't be much of a problem with the rest of the Love Hina
cast, but Motoko is Akamatsu's favorite charecter from the
series and received the lion's share of character development.
This means that in this setting she isn't really the Motoko who
finished the series. This might not be such a problem except
that Ranma has completed his canonical development in both
personality and ability. So, you're matching a Ranma at the peak
of his development with a Motoko who hasn't yet started hers,
and therein lies the rub. The confrontational nature of his
appearance made Ranma seem all the more like the dreaded
Annoying New Character, at least from the Love Hina perspective.
One of the things I really liked about this chapter was the fact
that Motoko finally started down the path to being Motoko.
That's... good?
"Something wrong?" Motoko asked, breaking the morning
silence, the anger fading from her expression, giving way to
curiosity.
Won't comment on the Ranma side of things, but this is exactly
how Motoko reacted the first time she was beaten in both the
manga and anime. First with anger, then with acceptance and
character growth.
I had hoped it fit.
All she knew was that she wanted her sword back. The blade was
not just a weapon, or a tool -- it was her honor, her
pride.... And she could replace it, but not even able to lose
it in an honorable fight, that made her ache, and she shook
her head. She couldn't accept not having the blade.
And at this point she doesn't know the Zan Maken Ninotachi, so
she can't yet control the black, demon-possessed sword she uses
after her original sword is broken by Tsuruko. Will that blade
be showing up in this fic?
Quite likely.
Motoko was carrying Ranma -- in his cursed form, of course --
on her back, Motoko seeming more herself, and Ranma.... Ranma
looked fit to die from her fever, her face flushed, and eyes
distant.
This was, as has been said before, a clever reversal of
expectations. Didn't see this coming.
Oh, well, I think Ranma got off too easily thoughout the begining of
the fic, so.... He needs a step down every once in a while.
As I said before, it's nice to see Motoko finally getting some
character development. It's especially welcome considering that
in this fic Naru and Keitarou have *already* progressed as far
as they ever did in the anime and to about Volume 12 in the
manga! Motoko was waaaay overdue. ^_-
Well, originally I wasn't going to bother, but this chapter was written
specifically to adress your concerns. Coming out of writing it, I feel
I've learned Motoko's character a little better... but we'll see. :p
The Naru/Keitaro progression was pushed, but this gets explained
(somewhat) in the next chapter.
Thank you very much for the comments, and I'm glad that this chapter
worked better than the last. ^_^;;
Now, to reply to Mr. Sommer's C&C....
Brian Welch