This story begins after the end of the Utena series, so there will be
random spoilers scattered throughout.

I'm about half-way done with chapter 3.

Laurie
milo@winternet.com
http://www.winternet.com/~milo

-------------
Familiar Strangers
By Laurie Gerholz

Disclaimer:  "Shoujo Kakumei Utena" is owned by Be-Papas, Chiho 
Saitou and various corporate entities.  The characters and 
storylines from that work are used here without permission.  This 
work has been created by a fan, for fans, for no monetary 
compensation.


Chapter 2 -- Unfinished Stories

      The first few days of classes passed relatively smoothly. Utena 
felt only slightly in shock at the amount of expected work, and only 
slightly frazzled from juggling all the tasks she had to manage on 
her own.  Given that most of her professors expected the bulk of the 
work later in the semester, Utena figured the real panic would 
settle in then.  Perhaps some of the older students in the dorm 
could advise her on how to deal with it.  She and her aunt had 
worked hard to prepare her for college; Utena was determined to 
succeed for both their sakes.

      "What's on your docket for tonight?" asked Yuki on Wednesday.

      "Chemistry," said Utena, as she poured their first cups of tea.  
Yuki had come to Utena's room to share the study time, even though 
the two had no common classes yet.  They sat at the low table with 
books piled on the floor around them.  The table itself was reserved 
for what had been deemed proper study snacks.

      Yuki nodded.  "Yeah, that wasn't my best subject in high school.  
But the labs were fun."

      "Not my best either," said Utena, "but not my worst.  From 
skimming the book, the first third of the term will be review.  
You?"

      "Advanced calculus.  I'm okay on math, but I think I'll hit my 
limit soon."

      "Yeah, me too."

      "You didn't catch it," said Yuki.

      "Huh?"

      "'Limit'.  In calculus.  It was a joke."

      "Oh.  Funny, I'm sure," said Utena with a sigh.  "I haven't had 
calculus yet.  But I'll probably have to figure it out before I 
graduate."  Yuki giggled, and returned her attention to her text 
book.

      The two young women read quietly for a while, the only sounds 
being the scratching of pencils in notebooks and the crunching of 
crackers.

      Almost an hour had passed when Utena slapped her text book shut 
and fell back prone on the floor.  She draped her arms over her eyes 
and sighed loudly.

      "Problems?" asked Yuki, not pausing in scribbling down an 
equation.

      "This ... isn't working," Utena said haltingly from under cover 
of her arms.

      "You said the first third of the book was review," Yuki reminded 
her, eyes still moving only between textbook and notebook.

      "I said I only *skimmed* the text."  Utena still didn't move, 
and Yuki finally looked up from her books.

      "Are you worried?" asked Yuki.  "Seriously?"

      Utena felt a chill of nervousness, and willed it into 
suppression.  "It doesn't matter!" she declared.  "I will make it in 
college.  I'm not allowing myself any other option."

      "Ah!  Such resolve.  That's so admirable."

      Utena sat up and fixed Yuki with an intense stare.  "Aren't 
*you* concerned?"

      "Nah ..."

      "Why not?"

      Yuki shrugged, pouring herself more tea.  "Haven't thought about 
it, I guess," Yuki said.

      "Maybe you have easier classes to start with," suggested Utena.

      Yuki quickly pulled pages from folders and tossed them at Utena.  
"These are my class syllabi for the term.  Think it's easier than 
what you've got?"

      Utena scanned the papers.  She covered her eyes with a hand and 
when she removed it, she looked even more grim.  "This is worse!  
Well, the history course doesn't look too bad, but the rest of it--
sheesh!"

      "You're kidding!  That history class is gonna be horrible."

      "No it won't. Look, it's mostly pre-Edo period ..."

      "So?"

      Utena finally looked up to see the smirk that Yuki wore, and 
realized she was being led.  She blushed slightly.  "Well, *I* like 
history.  I love reading historical fiction."

      Yuki leaned across the low table, tapping Utena's forehead with 
a finger before the long-haired woman could react.  "My point!" 
declared Yuki.  "We are a whole *three days* into our first term.  
Where's this sudden doom and gloom coming from?"

      Utena considered her answer, recalling her gaffe from the train 
trip when she'd let slip how odd Ohtori Academy had been. But it 
hadn't been the oddness that was the real problem.  "Have you ever 
failed at something, something important?" she finally asked.

      "You mean like blowing your college entrance exams multiple 
times?  Which, I'll point out, you obviously didn't do."

      Utena shook her head.  "No, no.  I mean attempting something big 
and vital, important to somebody else, not just you.  And that other 
person ends up paying for it because you just ... weren't ... *good* 
enough to get the job done."

      Yuki's eyes were wide, staring, and she swallowed audibly before 
responding.  "No, can't say that I have."  Her words were flip but 
her serious eyes assured Utena that Yuki was not making light of 
her.

      "It was difficult, when I realized what had happened at Ohtori.  
The physical recovery was surprisingly quick.  The classic 'it's not 
as bad as it looks', I guess.  And even back then I kept myself in 
*real* good shape.

      "But mentally, I couldn't accept at first what I'd done.  Or 
hadn't done."

      Both girls munched on rice crackers for some moments.  After 
careful consideration, Yuki asked in a quiet voice, "Was there any 
hope that things could be fixed?"

      Utena shook her head.  "No, that door was closed to me.  I 
wouldn't get a chance to try to correct things.

      "At first, I did want to go back.  But the trauma of my injuries 
had caused some temporary amnesia.  When everything finally came 
back to me, I realized *why* that door was closed.  My help wasn't 
wanted, *I* wasn't wanted, especially by the person I had been 
trying to help.  Everyone--Aunt Yurika, the doctors--told me it 
wasn't my fault, but I wasn't in a state that I could accept that."

      "Oh."

      "Things got real bad for my aunt, then.  I'd fly through these 
incredible mood swings, wild, raging.  Then I'd be absolutely 
despondent for days at a time."

      "Kind of manic-depressive?"

      "Yeah, but not permanent.  The therapy really did work, at least 
it got me out of the worst of it.  But there's still been something 
missing.  A ... will to act, I guess.  I can kind of remember what 
it was like, before.  If I saw a problem I'd just dive in and try to 
fix it.  Now, I don't.  I've lost my nerve."

      Yuki had pulled her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms 
around them, just nodding to acknowledge Utena's story.  A frown 
formed at the last statement about nerve.  "Or maybe you've just 
grown up a bit," she asserted.

      Utena bit down on the flare of outrage that suggestion 
generated, and forced herself to inquire calmly, "Mind explaining 
that?"

      "Okay, here's my completely uneducated, uninformed psychological 
diagnosis.  You don't fail to act.  You still practice your sports, 
even took up some new ones in high school, you said.  Heck, you 
studied hard and passed your college entrance exams on the first 
try.  Ever since I met you, you've been busy getting ready, hardly 
resting a moment."

      "There's been so much to do," said Utena, a little plaintively.

      "And you haven't hesitated to jump in and get it done.  That's 
not the approach of someone who's lost her nerve."

      "But, with other people ..." Utena began to protest.

      "Let's look at that," continued Yuki.  "Back when you'd just 
'dive in', as you put it ... did you solve the problems?"

      "Um, not always."

      "How often, then?  Most of the time?  Half the time?"

      "Once in a while, I guess."  Utena felt the now-familiar sadness 
welling up in her, like a chilling fog around her heart, but Yuki 
didn't stop to let her dwell on it.

      "Why do you think that was?  That you had such a poor success 
rate?"

      "I don't know ... I never stopped to think about it."

      "Exactly!"

      "What?"

      "Utena, why is it up to you to solve everybody's problems?"

      "Because I want to help!  I can't stand to see people in pain.  
Someone has to fix it!"

      Yuki smiled.  "I think people sense that.  You project this sort 
of expansive kindness, a strength, a trustworthiness."  Utena 
blushed at the description.  Yuki continued, "But how did you know 
*how* to solve the problems?"

      "I'd make my best guess," replied Utena.

      "Which wasn't always very good, was it?"

      "No."

      "Why?"

      "Usually because there was something about the situation I 
didn't know.  So I'd say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing, or 
encourage someone else to do the wrong thing.  I mean 'wrong' as in 
'massively stupid'."

      "See?  You haven't lost your nerve," concluded Yuki with a 
sagely nod.  "You've just figured out that it's better to learn  
what the situation is first, before you dive in."

      "...And hit the sandbar.  Or iceberg, or whatever it is that's 
lurking under the surface," said Utena.  Then she snickered and 
added, "Or the great sea serpent that was taking a snooze." 

      Yuki laughed and rolled away from the table, arms wrapped tight 
about herself.  "The ones with big snaky bodies that'll *squeeeeze* 
the life out of you.  Then snap you up in their jaws in one gulp."

      "I think they're big enough to swallow you whole without having 
to squeeze first."

      "Details!" cried Yuki.

      "But why did I change after Ohtori?" asked Utena, serious again.

      Yuki shrugged.  "A traumatic event kick-started a process you 
would've grown into gradually anyway?  *I* don't know.  But does it 
make a little more sense now?"

      Utena nodded.  "Thanks.  Hopefully you won't have to do that too 
often."  She flipped open her chemistry book to find the page she'd 
left off at, then paused.  "You said your brother did pretty well in 
college.  How did he manage it?"

      "He told me, 'don't put things off'.  Specifically, the day-to-
day studying and the research papers.  His first semester was a real 
bear because he'd let things slide to the weekend.  I decided I'd 
learn from his experience."

      "Good idea.  I think I'll follow suit."

      Utena found herself feeling calmer as she got up to start a 
fresh pot of tea.  Yuki had already buried her attention in 
derivatives and integrals again.  As she set a timer for the tea to 
steep, Utena considered that she herself had not unwarily awakened 
the sea serpent.  Rather, the serpent of Ohtori had drawn her in 
with a haunting siren call.  What she still couldn't put a finger 
on, after all the years, was exactly who the serpent had truly been.
      
      *****
      
      The next day was continual running around for Utena.  Once she 
rolled out of bed, she swore that her classes were the only time she 
actually got to sit down.  It was Thursday, when all four of her 
classes met, and she had to make a midday trip back to her dorm room 
to exchange books.

      Backpack slung over her shoulders, Utena set out for her last 
class of the day at a jog.  She breathed a sigh of relief as she 
reached the building well before the start of class.  She wouldn't 
need to rush next time.

      As she neared her classroom, a nagging thought pushed to the 
surface of Utena's mind.  In her haste, she actually *had* put the 
correct literature text in her pack, hadn't she?  Utena crouched 
next to the corridor wall, out of the way, and unzipped her 
backpack.  She wouldn't have time to return to the dorm before class 
began; she'd have to ask someone if she could share a book for the 
period.  But her worry was for nothing as she spied the bright blue 
cover of the needed text.

      As Utena stood up, she saw him.  Saionji was standing a little 
ways away, watching her.

      "What are *you* doing here?" burst out Utena.  Even as his eyes 
widened in surprise, she realized how foolish that sounded.

      His face transformed into the scowl she remembered so well, and 
she felt the heat of her own embarrassed blush.  "I *was* intending 
to go to class," he said, indicating the books he carried.  As he 
moved past her, his voice dropped so only she could hear, "Surely 
you didn't think I've been skipping all my classes here, like when I 
was on the Student Council."

      "Of course not," she muttered.

      Saionji didn't bother to respond or even look at her again.  
Near the door to his classroom, he greeted another man and the two 
were solidly engaged in some discussion by the time they disappeared 
into the room.

      Utena glumly turned back to her own classroom, thoroughly 
unsettled.  For once, she was quite happy for the distraction of the 
challenging debate that her literature professor demanded.
      
      *****
      
      "I finished proofing your last chapter," Kyosuke Matsui said to 
Saionji as the two found seats.  He fished a floppy disk out of his 
satchel and gave it to Saionji.

      "I really appreciate it," Saionji said.  "I know I was kind of 
late getting it to you, but that last scene just did *not* want to 
come together."

      "Don't worry about it.  For what it's worth, I think it works."  
Kyosuke pulled another folder from his satchel, which he also passed 
to Saionji.  Saionji opened it to find pages of figure and costume 
sketches.  "Akiko made those copies for you.  She's started the 
color work, but you'll have to swing by her studio if you want to 
see them right away."

      Saionji smiled appreciatively as he flipped through the 
drawings.  "These are just right.  Well, this one's a little off.  
Too wild for the character, I think.  Her note scribbled here says 
she wasn't sure about it either.  Hey, would Akiko be around after 
class?"

      Kyosuke nodded.  "She figured you'd want to discuss that one.  
Said she could meet us at The Corner," he said, citing a favored 
coffee and tea house.

      Talk was put off then as the professor arrived, and called for 
volunteers to begin the reading aloud of the pages he'd assigned 
them to write.
      
      *****
      
      As Saionji and Kyosuke strolled towards The Corner coffee house, 
Saionji said, "I don't remember the scene you read in class from 
when we were working out character backgrounds."

      "It was a bit that came to me later," said Kyosuke.  "The 
assignment just gave me an excuse to get it written down.  I don't 
know that we actually have to include it in the story.  Can you 
believe we've been working on this thing for almost a whole 
semester?"

      "We'd probably be done by now if we didn't keep adding in 
subplots," mused Saionji.

      "We've taken out just as much," Kyosuke reminded him.

      "Is it just because we're collaborating?  I've only written solo 
before, and this doesn't happen."

      "No, I don't think it's the collaboration per se," said Kyosuke.  
"It's more likely specifically you and me, and then add Akiko's 
illustrations into the mix.  Didn't you say that you've been writing 
since high school?"

      "Started with just correspondence and poetry," confirmed 
Saionji.  "Then I tried prose, but didn't tell people about that.  
Didn't feel, I don't know, at liberty to do so back at Ohtori."

      "Strict expectations?"

      "Very.  It would have looked ... silly.  Then again, the 
correspondence and the fiction ended up looking a lot alike."

      "I can relate.  I've been writing since junior high."

      "I did tell one teacher, late in my second year, only because 
she swore secrecy," said Saionji.  "She encouraged me, and helped a 
lot with the technical aspects."

      "So who was the cute girl you were talking to?" asked Kyosuke.

      It took Saionji almost half a minute to realize that Kyosuke had 
delivered another one of his right-angle conversational swerves.  
"Excuse me," he finally said.  "Who are you talking about?"

      "That girl with the braid, before class."

      "Oh, her."  Saionji pondered that for a moment.  "I suppose you 
could say she's pretty."

      Kyosuke stared at him.  "Do you need a new prescription already?  
You just got those contacts a few months ago."

      Saionji sniffed in disdain.  "Very well, I'll be clearer.  *If* 
I didn't know the girl, I'd likely consider her quite pretty."

      The two men were very close to The Corner.  A woman in a long 
skirt, carrying a portfolio, was approaching from the other 
direction. She waved when she spied them. 

      As the two men neared her, Saionji said, very clearly, "I 
*could* mention to Akiko that you're making inquiries about pretty 
women."

      Akiko's eyebrows slid up under her bangs.  "Are you, indeed? 
*Dear*?"

      Kyosuke laughed nervously and quickly interposed Saionji between 
himself and his glaring girlfriend.  Ducking, he peered around 
Saionji's shoulder.  "Didn't we agree that observational abilities 
were just as important for the writer as for the artist?"

      "As long as it's limited to observation," Akiko said frostily.

      Reassured, Kyosuke emerged from behind Saionji and took Akiko's 
free arm.  "Not to worry, love of my life," he said as he turned 
Akiko towards the door of the coffee shop, "we were talking about 
Saionji's girl."

      Saionji tried to cry out a protest at that, but realized he was 
just there standing with his mouth open.  Kyosuke and Akiko 
disappeared as the door closed behind them.  Feeling his own blood 
pressure resembling the state of the brewing coffee, Saionji 
followed his two friends inside.
      


Author's Notes:  Honest C&C is very welcome, flames will be 
laughed at and cheerfully ignored. 

Laurie Gerholz
milo@winternet.com
http://www.winternet.com/~milo


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